ThreadBare said:

... do women get any easier to understand ever???

Wives, do you spread out your crazy in small doeses over a designated period of days, or do you usually just unload at a moment's notice?

Husbands, if you knew then what you know now, would you still have gone down this road?

No, I'm not married or even close to it. But, I've seen some craziness in the lives of some couples lately that makes me wonder whether ...

... the dweam within a dweam is better left undwempt.

My thing is, every action has a reaction. She wouldn't be crazy unless there was something done by her husband(intentionally or unintentionally) to bring the "crazy" out of her.

I'm not crazy, but a friend told me once that I'm an example of the "still waters run deep" saying which scared me, I wanna say that my laid back demeanor gave him that impression,,,,but I'll let you know that the communication line has always been open from my end, my husband is the one person in the world I don't bottle things up in front of,,,,,,which doesn't make me crazy or does it?

I haven’t unleashed crazy on a boyfriend since I was quite young. And over the years it’s gotten so I almost never unleash the crazy on anyone, close friends or family or what have you. If I’m going crazy, I make sure to be alone. And as soon as someone’s around, I’m either over it or I leave so I can grumble and/or cry by myself. I’ve also lived alone for the last 8-9 years, so I have plenty of alone time to get over my crazy in.

The older I’ve gotten the more I am able to recognize my hormonal emotions for what they are – just that – a hormonal reaction that doesn’t always make a lot of logical sense. I’m a very logic-driven person for all other aspects of my life - my job, my approach to problem-solving, always did well in math and sciences, etc., so this is different. I’ve also taken after my mother in the leaky eye department – positively everything makes me cry - anger, frustration, happiness, heck, if a song I like comes on my iPod shuffle I might tear up. I can usually tame it down in most company (like at work for example) but I can’t help it for the most part. And I don’t want to. I need to be able to express my emotions, fiercely if needed.

I’ve been wondering how this will go in my new relationship. I’ve only lost my temper with him once while he was present and all things considered, I managed to express myself fairly well. The other times I’ve been pissed I raged alone and then calmly explained to him how I was feeling and what specifically upset me. He apologized and took note of what I said. And that’s been the end of it.

But if we are going to live together at some point, I don’t know how that might change things. If I don’t have as much alone time to go over my own stuff by myself we’re gonna need a big house so I can go off and be crazy on my end while he watches old episodes of Carl Sagan’s Cosmos or plays video games or something on his end.

I go crazy once in a while. I can be completely irrational and start flipping the fuck out over something that isn't even the real reason why I'm flipping out and then BF is left so confused, and I'm still goin on mad as a hatter, even more so because he's not getting it.

We had a talk about it a couple of weeks ago. He told me things would be a lot easier if I would just TELL HIM what I want him to do, or what I'm upset about instead of making him play guessing game, because he said he honestly doesn't know sometimes cuz he just thinks differently than me.

I was like, yeah, but I just want you to KNOW on your own, and I feel stupid dictating to you what to do. And he was like, No TRUST ME I want you too, cuz I really don't know, and if I really don't wanna do it, I won't and THEN we can fight about it if need be.

So I'm gonna start taking that approach n see how it goes.

Oh yeah, but it has nothing to do with being married. There are three secret words that make any relationship with a woman much more enjoyable. These three words are not easy for a man to say, but must be said. You probably know what the three words are, but just in case you don't, here they are:

I. am. sorry.

There are three other words that go a long way, too. These words are even harder for a man to say; nay, near impossible. I'd venture that there are a great many men who've never said them, and never will. Regardless, these three words are also key to any fulfilling relationship. You've probably already guessed what they are, but if you haven't, then here you go:

It's. my. fault.

Just say these six words any time your woman is mad at you, and PRESTO! Argument over! Fun begins! It doesn't even matter if you mean them. Heck, I know that it's pretty much guaranteed that you WON'T mean them. But that doesn't matter. Just say them, and prepare for your world to become much more livable!

RodeoSchro said:

Oh yeah, but it has nothing to do with being married. There are three secret words that make any relationship with a woman much more enjoyable. These three words are not easy for a man to say, but must be said. You probably know what the three words are, but just in case you don't, here they are:

I. am. sorry.

There are three other words that go a long way, too. These words are even harder for a man to say; nay, near impossible. I'd venture that there are a great many men who've never said them, and never will. Regardless, these three words are also key to any fulfilling relationship. You've probably already guessed what they are, but if you haven't, then here you go:

It's. my. fault.

Just say these six words any time your woman is mad at you, and PRESTO! Argument over! Fun begins! It doesn't even matter if you mean them. Heck, I know that it's pretty much guaranteed that you WON'T mean them. But that doesn't matter. Just say them, and prepare for your world to become much more livable!

3 words: Shutup.................already, damn!

[Edited 10/26/10 7:50am]

RodeoSchro said:

Oh yeah, but it has nothing to do with being married. There are three secret words that make any relationship with a woman much more enjoyable. These three words are not easy for a man to say, but must be said. You probably know what the three words are, but just in case you don't, here they are:

I. am. sorry.

There are three other words that go a long way, too. These words are even harder for a man to say; nay, near impossible. I'd venture that there are a great many men who've never said them, and never will. Regardless, these three words are also key to any fulfilling relationship. You've probably already guessed what they are, but if you haven't, then here you go:

It's. my. fault.

Just say these six words any time your woman is mad at you, and PRESTO! Argument over! Fun begins! It doesn't even matter if you mean them. Heck, I know that it's pretty much guaranteed that you WON'T mean them. But that doesn't matter. Just say them, and prepare for your world to become much more livable!

Excellent advice. And, in that vein, some phrases women need to learn - and repeat as necessary to themselves (in addition to "I'm sorry" - which should be said to him as appropriate):

You're reading too much into that.

He didn't mean it that way.

You're being unreasonable.

He's not a mind reader.

ugh! I think it's reversed in my relationship. it seems my husband is the one who thinks I'm a mind reader. If he's looking for something, Instead of just saying "honey, where's the ______"

he'll loudly look for it and I'll know it because all of a sudden I hear the banging and crashing of the drawers or doors...that's his way of letting me know he's looking for something that "should be there" and can't find it. Then I get a little lecture about how if I always put things back where they belong he wouldn't have to search for things. heaven forbid he moves something aside to reveal what's behind it.

oh and I know when somethings bothering him too...cause he will whistle or hum instead of saying out loud that this whatever it is is bugging him.

me...I come right out and say what ever it is that's bothering me. ...well, sometimes.

ZombieKitten said:

I have gone crazy this morning I admit.

Last night I made a date with the SO(B) to drive down and have lunch with him, we were having a nice time, I wanted it to carry over to the next day.

This morning I was presented with whole bunch of BS that I had to wade through before I could get started on what I HAVE to do, and I was pretty pissed off by it all. The odds at my house are constantly stacked against my favour and sometimes it comes to a head and I crack.

Then he said "So, are you still coming down to have lunch today?" and the tone in his voice made me say "No"

and he made some sandwiches, making him take our kid to running club late etc etc etc

and now I feel like shit

Sometimes days, weeks, months worth of vitriol can spew forth without warning.

Just don't let the sink (BOTH SINKS ffs!!!) fill up with dishes rendering them unusable just because the dishwasher is in use. Stack them neatly to the side of the sink (I was away after dinner last night for ONE HOUR)

DON'T put your dirty socks on the kitchen bench where I am making the kids lunches.

shit like that, that makes me feel like I am just here to clean up after you, makes me NOT want to have lunch with you!!!!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD CREATE A THREAD LIKE THIS JUST SLAMMING WOMEN AND MAKING FUN OF US AND IT'S NOT FAIR YOU BIG MEANIE AND NO WE NEVER, EVER GO OFF ON PEOPLE FOR NO REASON AT ALL NOR DO WE BECOME SHRILL AT THE DROP OF A HAT NOR EVEN MAKE SPITEFUL REMARKS ABOUT DIRTY SOCKS LYING AROUND PLACES WHERE THEY OUGHT NOT BE!!!!!!C SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *

*

Hershe said:

What is it that you don't understand?

Shorty said:

ugh! I think it's reversed in my relationship. it seems my husband is the one who thinks I'm a mind reader. If he's looking for something, Instead of just saying "honey, where's the ______"

he'll loudly look for it and I'll know it because all of a sudden I hear the banging and crashing of the drawers or doors...that's his way of letting me know he's looking for something that "should be there" and can't find it. Then I get a little lecture about how if I always put things back where they belong he wouldn't have to search for things. heaven forbid he moves something aside to reveal what's behind it.

oh and I know when somethings bothering him too...cause he will whistle or hum instead of saying out loud that this whatever it is is bugging him.

me...I come right out and say what ever it is that's bothering me. ...well, sometimes.

Oh Ya. They do slam shit around when looking for something.

the key is to stay cool

one crazy person in the room is bad enough

if something real is going on try and help her deal with it... or just listen and let her vent

if it's just crazy don't get caught up in it... and don't be a groveling pussy... be a man

you can always do something spontaneous to snap her out of it... like pick her up and jump in the pool together... this works best if you have a pool... when you come to the surface and she starts babbling grab her and make sweet underwater love... she'll forget her silly imaginary problems

another thing you can try is give her something real to deal with so that her crazy shit becomes unimportant... eg. while she's yelling at you... pee on the rug... head back ...eyes closed... an occasional 'fuck yeah'... it'll help her gain some perspective

happy to help

Genesia said:

Revolution said:

I am happily married for 20 yrs this Dec....

Listen good.

Do NOT marry a girly girl...wives should be self sufficient and capable of doing even some of the more manly chores around the house. Not saying that she does, but she should be capable.

Do NOT be afraid of doing housework...that ain't just for them anymore, guys gotta pitch in. Laundry ain't that bad.

Laugh, Laugh, Laugh together....key.

Make her happiness your top priority....if she is happy, you are happy. Understand that, at times, it may feel like you are giving more than you get....deal with it.

Keep her liquored up.........a shared bottle of wine ALWAYS leads to a good night

Excuse me? I am probably the girliest girl you'll ever meet - and I carried three 40-lb bags of salt up a flight of stairs and put them in the water softener yesterday.

Girly got nothin' to do with any of that.

You are not the definition of a girly girl then....A true GG would have gotten someone else to do it. But, congrats, sounds like you are marriage material

TD3 said:

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

I have gone crazy this morning I admit.

Last night I made a date with the SO(B) to drive down and have lunch with him, we were having a nice time, I wanted it to carry over to the next day.

This morning I was presented with whole bunch of BS that I had to wade through before I could get started on what I HAVE to do, and I was pretty pissed off by it all. The odds at my house are constantly stacked against my favour and sometimes it comes to a head and I crack.

Then he said "So, are you still coming down to have lunch today?" and the tone in his voice made me say "No"

and he made some sandwiches, making him take our kid to running club late etc etc etc

and now I feel like shit

Sometimes days, weeks, months worth of vitriol can spew forth without warning.

Just don't let the sink (BOTH SINKS ffs!!!) fill up with dishes rendering them unusable just because the dishwasher is in use. Stack them neatly to the side of the sink (I was away after dinner last night for ONE HOUR)

DON'T put your dirty socks on the kitchen bench where I am making the kids lunches.

shit like that, that makes me feel like I am just here to clean up after you, makes me NOT want to have lunch with you!!!!!!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WOULD CREATE A THREAD LIKE THIS JUST SLAMMING WOMEN AND MAKING FUN OF US AND IT'S NOT FAIR YOU BIG MEANIE AND NO WE NEVER, EVER GO OFF ON PEOPLE FOR NO REASON AT ALL NOR DO WE BECOME SHRILL AT THE DROP OF A HAT NOR EVEN MAKE SPITEFUL REMARKS ABOUT DIRTY SOCKS LYING AROUND PLACES WHERE THEY OUGHT NOT BE!!!!!!C SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *

*

YEAH SO FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFF MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shorty said:

I like this thread too.

Zombie...I feel for you...we are similar in some ways.

as much as I like Kewlskool's one issue at a time idea, that would take me MONTHS and the family would feel like they were at school

ZombieKitten said:

Shorty said:

I like this thread too.

Zombie...I feel for you...we are similar in some ways.

as much as I like Kewlskool's one issue at a time idea, that would take me MONTHS and the family would feel like they were at school

One thing that has helped us not feel so overwhelmed in our house is having clearly defined chores and jobs for everyone, especially the kids. There's absolutely no reason for mom to be cleaning up after everyone. Kids as young as 5 can wash their own dish, utensil and cup after each meal - and should!

We have a big board with each child's responsibilities (dishes, mopping, homework, etc.) and they get a check for doing it properly, and an X for not done or done shittily. There are rewards and punishments at the end of each week according to how they've done.

This has made our lives immeasurably easier with much less screaming, yelling and crying.

PunkMistress said:

One who tries to outline for you clearly what she wants

Cinnie said:

PunkMistress said:

One who tries to outline for you clearly what she wants

Women are crazy at times, but isn't that part of their charm?

Plus, I don't like the alternatives.

PunkMistress said:

Cinnie said:

"and you better do it" ahah

orger said:

ThreadBare said:

... do women get any easier to understand ever???

Understanding is a broad

and life's a bitch.

NDRU said:

Shorty said:

ugh! I think it's reversed in my relationship. it seems my husband is the one who thinks I'm a mind reader. If he's looking for something, Instead of just saying "honey, where's the ______"

he'll loudly look for it and I'll know it because all of a sudden I hear the banging and crashing of the drawers or doors...that's his way of letting me know he's looking for something that "should be there" and can't find it. Then I get a little lecture about how if I always put things back where they belong he wouldn't have to search for things. heaven forbid he moves something aside to reveal what's behind it.

oh and I know when somethings bothering him too...cause he will whistle or hum instead of saying out loud that this whatever it is is bugging him.

omg this is just as irritating!

Hershe said:

NDRU said:

Women are crazy at times

Dial 911.

hey, don't take it personally. men are far worse!

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

Shorty said:

I like this thread too. ou

Zombie...I feel for you...we are similar in some ways.

as much as I like Kewlskool's one issue at a time idea, that would take me MONTHS and the family would feel like they were at school

The key is one at a time-but it's not schooling them-it's presented as you need their help to help you. (Let them come up with the solutions-Guide them if need be) This will change their thinking patterns overtime-thus the one issue at a time doesn't become a schooling experience. And eventually that may even stop an issue that you have not addressed because they will think, oh what is this going to do ZK? I have seen this work and everybody gets happier-the person who feels frustrated and stuck is no longer, the others feel like they helped you out. And you would be surprised how all parties feel better when they help each other out.

(more rambling )

Hershe said:

NDRU said:

Hershe said:

NDRU said:

Women are crazy at times

Dial 911.

hey, don't take it personally. men are far worse!

I'm not. I'm just not sure what you guys are talking about.

kewlschool said:

ZombieKitten said:

as much as I like Kewlskool's one issue at a time idea, that would take me MONTHS and the family would feel like they were at school

The key is one at a time-but it's not schooling them-it's presented as you need their help to help you. (Let them come up with the solutions-Guide them if need be) This will change their thinking patterns overtime-thus the one issue at a time doesn't become a schooling experience. And eventually that may even stop an issue that you have not addressed because they will think, oh what is this going to do ZK? I have seen this work and everybody gets happier-the person who feels frustrated and stuck is no longer, the others feel like they helped you out. And you would be surprised how all parties feel better when they help each other out.

(more rambling )

I like this idea

This morning, I overheard the master quizzing my eldest

"What do WE need to do to stop mummy from shouting at us?"

"say 'yes mummy?'"

"good!"

Genesia said:

RodeoSchro said:

Oh yeah, but it has nothing to do with being married. There are three secret words that make any relationship with a woman much more enjoyable. These three words are not easy for a man to say, but must be said. You probably know what the three words are, but just in case you don't, here they are:

I. am. sorry.

There are three other words that go a long way, too. These words are even harder for a man to say; nay, near impossible. I'd venture that there are a great many men who've never said them, and never will. Regardless, these three words are also key to any fulfilling relationship. You've probably already guessed what they are, but if you haven't, then here you go:

It's. my. fault.

Just say these six words any time your woman is mad at you, and PRESTO! Argument over! Fun begins! It doesn't even matter if you mean them. Heck, I know that it's pretty much guaranteed that you WON'T mean them. But that doesn't matter. Just say them, and prepare for your world to become much more livable!

Excellent advice. And, in that vein, some phrases women need to learn - and repeat as necessary to themselves (in addition to "I'm sorry" - which should be said to him as appropriate):

You're reading too much into that.

He didn't mean it that way.

You're being unreasonable.

He's not a mind reader.

Fucking thank you.