Tremolina said:

JustErin said:

Aggressively desperate?

I guess it gets desperate when the target is anyone that is willing.

willing or not willing? I am not following you lol

she means it would only be desperate if you weren't HOT

PicklesMcMillan said:

what do you think ? me personally, i think it depends on how attractive you are, sad but true

Well, of course. And why is it sad? Why date someone you're not attracted to?

uPtoWnNY said:

PicklesMcMillan said:

what do you think ? me personally, i think it depends on how attractive you are, sad but true

Well, of course. And why is it sad? Why date someone you're not attracted to?

exactly!

whistle said:

JustErin said:

I know some older single women that are aggressive because they want a man so badly so they can be married and have babies and they feel they are running out of time.

That's when it goes from aggressive to desperate.

I've also seen really aggressive young women going to town on guys in bars....but the guys they were going after were just as gross and into it. It all kinda reeked of desperation to me.

some might say that an older single woman in a bar is desperate no matter how they act once they are inside...

now thats just mess up but i can see people thinking that ...lmao it is what it is

[Edited 10/24/10 19:13pm]

PicklesMcMillan said:

whistle said:

some might say that an older single woman in a bar is desperate no matter how they act once they are inside...

now thats just mess up but i can see people thinking that ...lmao it is what is

it's sad that it's thought of as desperate, but the common assumption is that if they are single they must be trying to find someone to grow old(er) with, because nobody would believe that old girls just wanna have fun. Potentially if younger guys just want a hassle free hook-up, the older ladies might be the way to go, less clingy and more together. But that's a huge generalisation, based on dubious sex statistics

ZombieKitten said:

uPtoWnNY said:

Well, of course. And why is it sad? Why date someone you're not attracted to?

exactly!

yes, but i feel people get penalized for their looks

even if they are decent looking

i feel people my age are more superfical these days ...

but hey it is what it is

ZombieKitten said:

PicklesMcMillan said:

now thats just mess up but i can see people thinking that ...lmao it is what is

it's sad that it's thought of as desperate, but the common assumption is that if they are single they must be trying to find someone to grow old(er) with, because nobody would believe that old girls just wanna have fun. Potentially if younger guys just want a hassle free hook-up, the older ladies might be the way to go, less clingy and more together. But that's a huge generalisation, based on dubious sex statistics

Oh well...

JustErin said:

whistle said:

some might say that an older single woman in a bar is desperate no matter how they act once they are inside...

That "some" would be stupid because they obviously think that because they are at the bar to pick up, everyone else is too...which of course, isn't true.

Or are older single women not supposed to go out and socialize with friends or go to shows?

[Edited 10/24/10 18:48pm]

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

PicklesMcMillan said:

ZombieKitten said:

exactly!

yes, but i feel people get penalized for their looks

even if they are decent looking

i feel people my age are more superfical these days ...

but hey it is what it is

if everyone had the same ideal of beauty there would be no procreation.

different strokes for different folks thankfully

whistle said:

JustErin said:

That "some" would be stupid because they obviously think that because they are at the bar to pick up, everyone else is too...which of course, isn't true.

Or are older single women not supposed to go out and socialize with friends or go to shows?

[Edited 10/24/10 18:48pm]

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

not all bars are for kids

with all the grups around who refuse to stay home, there are a multitude of venues catering to them too, it would be financially unsound not to!

but yes, a 50 year old man in a club filled with 18 year olds dancing until daybreak is probably not cool

whistle said:

JustErin said:

That "some" would be stupid because they obviously think that because they are at the bar to pick up, everyone else is too...which of course, isn't true.

Or are older single women not supposed to go out and socialize with friends or go to shows?

[Edited 10/24/10 18:48pm]

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

Bullshit. Utter bullshit, man.

Plenty of people over 35 go to shows or go out to socialize with their friends. Maybe the only ones that think it's embarrassing are boring married couples.

But I know married people who also go out with friends from time to time...so I know it's not all married people who think this way...just the boring ones, I guess. And they're probably also the unhappy ones too.

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

not all bars are for kids

with all the grups around who refuse to stay home, there are a multitude of venues catering to them too, it would be financially unsound not to!

[/b]but yes, a 50 year old man in a club filled with 18 year olds dancing until daybreak is probably not cool[/b]

But if he's there to enjoy the music and is not there trying to pick up or harassing people I think it's awesome.

I remember one time in Montreal I went to this club and there was an old man, and I mean old man (picture Grampa style) dancing up a storm. Turns out he was a regular. Just came to dance and didn't bother anyone. It was very cool.

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

not all bars are for kids

with all the grups around who refuse to stay home, there are a multitude of venues catering to them too, it would be financially unsound not to!

[/b]but yes, a 50 year old man in a club filled with 18 year olds dancing until daybreak is probably not cool[/b]

But if he's there to enjoy the music and is not there trying to pick up or harassing people I think it's awesome.

I remember one time in Montreal I went to this club and there was an old man, and I mean old man (picture Grampa style) dancing up a storm. Turns out he was a regular. Just came to dance and didn't bother anyone. It was very cool.

true

I remember though, when I was 18 and not liking the old guys who tried to dance with me and my friends

whistle said:

JustErin said:

That "some" would be stupid because they obviously think that because they are at the bar to pick up, everyone else is too...which of course, isn't true.

Or are older single women not supposed to go out and socialize with friends or go to shows?

[Edited 10/24/10 18:48pm]

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

That's your perception, I agree with Erin.

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

But if he's there to enjoy the music and is not there trying to pick up or harassing people I think it's awesome.

I remember one time in Montreal I went to this club and there was an old man, and I mean old man (picture Grampa style) dancing up a storm. Turns out he was a regular. Just came to dance and didn't bother anyone. It was very cool.

true

I remember though, when I was 18 and not liking the old guys who tried to dance with me and my friends

Of course those type of men are more common. But I'll judge them on their actions in there, not by the fact that they are simply there.

JustErin said:

SherryJackson said:

But that's how it seems to people if you openly chase a man. You look desperate. Either that or the aggressiveness makes you look like a player. "Doing it because you can" and that sorta thing. At least, that's what I heard.

I can't be aggressive. It's just not in me. But if it works for some women, go for it. I ain't judging and it makes no difference to me.

[Edited 10/24/10 16:55pm]

I think it looks desperate to people who are not the brightest, to be honest.

And yes, I am judging and I'm ok with that.

I'm not openly aggressive myself...I'll fully admit that I'm much more sly and manipulative when it comes to men...but in no way do I think just going for what you want makes a woman have less dignity. I think that's ridiculous.

And speaking from direct experience, men want to feel wanted and not have to always go out on a limb and risk rejection....or at least the smart men feel this way.

Ok then...I learn something new everyday.

SherryJackson said:

JustErin said:

I think it looks desperate to people who are not the brightest, to be honest.

And yes, I am judging and I'm ok with that.

I'm not openly aggressive myself...I'll fully admit that I'm much more sly and manipulative when it comes to men...but in no way do I think just going for what you want makes a woman have less dignity. I think that's ridiculous.

And speaking from direct experience, men want to feel wanted and not have to always go out on a limb and risk rejection....or at least the smart men feel this way.

Ok then...I learn something new everyday.

As long as you realize that I'm not trying to teach you anything...simply stating my opinion.

JustErin said:

SherryJackson said:

Ok then...I learn something new everyday.

As long as you realize that I'm not trying to teach you anything...simply stating my opinion.

I understand. Just saying I learnt something new. Opinion noted and respected.

I don't have a problem with women approaching a man first. I just have a problem if they approach some other guy instead of me.

JustErin said:

whistle said:

gimme a break. for someone who is supposedly such a straight-shooter, that isn't half a load of old rubbish.

bars, like sports, are a young person's game. you can go on after 35 if you want to, but it's going to be a bit embarrassing for all involved.

Bullshit. Utter bullshit, man.

Plenty of people over 35 go to shows or go out to socialize with their friends. Maybe the only ones that think it's embarrassing are boring married couples.

But I know married people who also go out with friends from time to time...so I know it's not all married people who think this way...just the boring ones, I guess. And they're probably also the unhappy ones too.

no, unhappy married people go to bars with their friends....to pick up. just like everyone else in a bar, no matter what they say.

Well, some do indeed go to bars / clubs with their friends so that they could spend time and have fun with them. I often see big groups of really good-looking young women and they seem to turn down all guys that approach them. So I suppose it's been generally agreed that they aren't there to pick up or getting picked up by anyone.

There's a little bit of a difference between men and women in this case as well. Many 35+ women still want to dance and they aren't as interested in simply staying home and getting drunk with buddies. However, I think the married women that do it are still motivated by having men approaching them and trying to pick them up. Just being able to say "no" is quite an ego boost, I'd figure. Then there are also those that might go as far as making out with the guys even in public, but they aren't interested in going all the way.

Just from a personal experience.

PicklesMcMillan said:

this isnt my personal opinon , this is just what ive heard around town

keep in mind.. im young and my peers are young as well

so im pretty sure its different with people over 30

ive heard lots of young men say they dont mind when females approach them first and they say they wish more females would come up to them..

however i witness these same men complain about aggressive women and they say....

A. the aggressive females are always ugly and or fat

B. the aggressive females are Groupies

C .the aggressive females are labeled as "thristy"

ive also heard girls my age say "If he doesnt come up to me its obvious hes doesnt like me"

yet still silently pursue this guy

maybe i just dont get how these young kids are dating , its to many damn rules and tricks

what do you think ? me personally, i think it depends on how attractive you are, sad but true

[Edited 10/24/10 14:35pm]

I think that you should stop hanging about with idiots, that should solve the problem.

novabrkr said:

Well, some do indeed go to bars / clubs with their friends so that they could spend time and have fun with them. I often see big groups of really good-looking young women and they seem to turn down all guys that approach them. So I suppose it's been generally agreed that they aren't there to pick up or getting picked up by anyone.

There's a little bit of a difference between men and women in this case as well. Many 35+ women still want to dance and they aren't as interested in simply staying home and getting drunk with buddies. However, I think the married women that do it are still motivated by having men approaching them and trying to pick them up. Just being able to say "no" is quite an ego boost, I'd figure. Then there are also those that might go as far as making out with the guys even in public, but they aren't interested in going all the way.

Just from a personal experience.

same difference. they are in the bar to have their beauty and youth affirmed.

whistle said:

novabrkr said:

Well, some do indeed go to bars / clubs with their friends so that they could spend time and have fun with them. I often see big groups of really good-looking young women and they seem to turn down all guys that approach them. So I suppose it's been generally agreed that they aren't there to pick up or getting picked up by anyone.

There's a little bit of a difference between men and women in this case as well. Many 35+ women still want to dance and they aren't as interested in simply staying home and getting drunk with buddies. However, I think the married women that do it are still motivated by having men approaching them and trying to pick them up. Just being able to say "no" is quite an ego boost, I'd figure. Then there are also those that might go as far as making out with the guys even in public, but they aren't interested in going all the way.

Just from a personal experience.

same difference. they are in the bar to have their beauty and youth affirmed.

I don't go out much these days, but when I do it's to dance and have a drink or two and have a good time with my friends. Or specifically to see a band or DJ I want to see. Most of my life I've been more annoyed by men trying to pick me up than flattered and the older I get, the more that rings true. I can assure you, I can't be the only person 35 or older who feels that way.

CarrieMpls said:

whistle said:

same difference. they are in the bar to have their beauty and youth affirmed.

I don't go out much these days, but when I do it's to dance and have a drink or two and have a good time with my friends. Or specifically to see a band or DJ I want to see. Most of my life I've been more annoyed by men trying to pick me up than flattered and the older I get, the more that rings true. I can assure you, I can't be the only person 35 or older who feels that way.

meh. you're winding down, though. you and Mr Perfect will be settling down soon.

I love girls/women who, with a subtle but intense look, are asking you to ... well...have a drink and later, who knows?

I really appreciate such looks because they help you know where the real opportunities are...

CarrieMpls said:

whistle said:

same difference. they are in the bar to have their beauty and youth affirmed.

I don't go out much these days, but when I do it's to dance and have a drink or two and have a good time with my friends. Or specifically to see a band or DJ I want to see. Most of my life I've been more annoyed by men trying to pick me up than flattered and the older I get, the more that rings true. I can assure you, I can't be the only person 35 or older who feels that way.

You're there to pick up Carrie. Everyone is.

Even in my 20s I never went to a bar with the intention to pick up. I'm not about to start now.

I think its fine for a girl to approach a guy.

I mean I know that a lot of times men don't approach certain women cuz they thing the woman is unapproachable or that she is out of his league, when she may very well be interested in him.

I approached the guy I'm with now first.

Well, he bought me a shot and introduced himself, and then that was it, we didn't talk and I left the bar shortly after. But my friend got his number after I left and I started texting him like a week later, and if it wouldn't of been for me showing him I was obviously interested, we'd probably never seen eachother again.

novabrkr said:

Well, some do indeed go to bars / clubs with their friends so that they could spend time and have fun with them. I often see big groups of really good-looking young women and they seem to turn down all guys that approach them. So I suppose it's been generally agreed that they aren't there to pick up or getting picked up by anyone.

There's a little bit of a difference between men and women in this case as well. Many 35+ women still want to dance and they aren't as interested in simply staying home and getting drunk with buddies. However, I think the married women that do it are still motivated by having men approaching them and trying to pick them up. Just being able to say "no" is quite an ego boost, I'd figure. Then there are also those that might go as far as making out with the guys even in public, but they aren't interested in going all the way.

Just from a personal experience.

of course, it's flattering, to know you still "got it"