I've had two over the past month. I hadn't been to a dentist in about ten years but recently the left hand side of my face swole up like Popeye chewing a cabbage. I'm a bit of a vain bastard so when kids were pointing at me on the bus and crying I realised it was time to make the call.
The dentist was like a mechanic who sucks in his breath when he looks at your engine. Said although my teeth 'looked' fine, they were, infact, fucked. Abcesses, impactions, decay, all sorts of American nightmares.
So. Having discussed the financial aspect of treatment with the doctor ('How fucking much?!) I realised the pliers were my only real option.
However, because my lower left molar was so infected, the wee jag wouldn't do me any good. I was going to have to take it without anasthetic - unless I wanted antibiotics to take some of the swelling down, which might take a week. I couldn't walk around like John Merrick for another day, I told him, and he just nodded gravely and asked the dental nurse in to hold my head down - all while he put a pair of huge plastic scientist visors on, and also on me.
Now, I was shitting myself. Seriously. Everyone in the room seemed to be decked out like crash test dummies and holding me down like a preacher vanquishing Satan from some poor bastard.
Then followed the most outrageous, shocking, painful and farcical 30 minutes of my life thus far. And that's saying something. He first warned me that it was, like, going to, like, really, really, really hurt. That I would probably pass out - indeed that would probably be for the best, considerig the nature of e extraction (roots bent like bananas, massive tooth, massice infectiom, double abcess etc etc etc'.
Apparently, half an hour past. My most vivid memory - apart from a new dimention of physical suffering akin to Satan's razor claws slowly, slowly slicing through my testicles - was of the doctor with his fucking KNEE up on the operating chair so he could get a stronger pull at it. He was sweating like a fat rapist too.
Anyway..I won't go on about the four days of bleeding, the crazy flu-like madness afterwards or the fact that after a final disgusting, deafening crack he announced that only one root had come out and he was going to have to perform a 'small surgery' to slice open my gums to get to the other one.
Memories fade fast, so like the zombie vessel for gene survival I am, I went back for my follow up treatment (another extraction, top left back molar) yesterday at 5pm after work.
This time, 45 minutes. Gums scalpeled to fuck. Three dental nurses holding me down. Me laughing hysterically then crying with mad eurphoric agony - it was as close as I'll ever come to a religious experience. So much suffering, blood, bone, sacrafice, death then purity and cleanliness. Reborn. With a get set of gnashers. I've digressed.
I'm currently lying here in agony, unable to speak without slurring, terrified I'm going to get dry socket ( aka 'the suicide pain') becuase the blood clot has formed weirdly.
Anyway, sory about this lengthy rant. As you were.

Blame Steve Jobs for the shit spelling. Me for everything else.

Number23 said:

However, because my lower left molar was so infected, the wee jag wouldn't do me any good. I was going to have to take it without anasthetic - unless I wanted antibiotics to take some of the swelling down, which might take a week.

Sorry, I don't quite get this part. "Wee jag", what's that? I understand that it would have been helpful to allow the swelling to go down first, but surely a shot of anasthetic would have been better than nothing?

I am beginnning to think that once you have a cavity you should just get the tooth pulled.

Inevitibly fillings go bad and require larger replacements, then root canals, crowns, and those don't last forever either. Just get them all pulled.

Funny I had a dream last night I was doing just that--pulling out my rotten teeth!

NDRU said:

I am beginnning to think that once you have a cavity you should just get the tooth pulled.

Inevitibly fillings go bad and require larger replacements, then root canals, crowns, and those don't last forever either. Just get them all pulled.

Funny I had a dream last night I was doing just that--pulling out my rotten teeth!

Gosh, if that was standard procedure I'd be toothless by now! I brush my teeth as much as the next person but because the pH of my saliva or whatever I keep getting cavities.

retina said:

Sorry, to 'jag' means to sting, like a 'jaggy nettle'. In this context, jag meamt a needle jab. It's not writtem above, but he did actually try anasthetic when he saw the horror in my eyes as he sliced at my gums. It didn't work, but he said that would happen. It was too infected. I felt every cut. Very strange. Then actually paying this man afterwards. Yes, very strange.

retina said:

NDRU said:

I am beginnning to think that once you have a cavity you should just get the tooth pulled.

Inevitibly fillings go bad and require larger replacements, then root canals, crowns, and those don't last forever either. Just get them all pulled.

Funny I had a dream last night I was doing just that--pulling out my rotten teeth!

Gosh, if that was standard procedure I'd be toothless by now! I brush my teeth as much as the next person but because the pH of my saliva or whatever I keep getting cavities.

that is where we are all headed, why waste time & money delaying it?

retina said:

Aye, me too. High ph. That, the Irn Bru, lager, deep fried Mars Bars and cream buns.
[Edited 10/8/10 15:26pm]

Number23 said:

retina said:

Sorry, I don't quite get this part. "Wee jag", what's that? I understand that it would have been helpful to allow the swelling to go down first, but surely a shot of anasthetic would have been better than nothing?

Sorry, to 'jag' means to sting, like a 'jaggy nettle'. In this context, jag meamt a needle jab. It's not writtem above, but he did actually try anasthetic when he saw the horror in my eyes as he sliced at my gums. It didn't work, but he said that would happen. It was too infected. I felt every cut. Very strange. Then actually paying this man afterwards. Yes, very strange.

Wow, if I was so far gone that anasthetic didn't help at all I think I'd rather put up with the elephant man look for a week or two. Or I'd ask them to sedate me completely during the procedure, with gas or whatever it is they use.

The whole experience sounds truly horrific. I hope it feels good to have it all in the past. And on the bright side, you're probably a hero to them now. Go back, and they'll have you signing autographs.

NDRU said:

retina said:

Gosh, if that was standard procedure I'd be toothless by now! I brush my teeth as much as the next person but because the pH of my saliva or whatever I keep getting cavities.

that is where we are all headed, why waste time & money delaying it?

If my life's ambition was to give great blowjobs, I might have agreed with you. lol

retina said:

The next visit's a polish. They usually don't do that until the end of any course of treatment but he said I deserved it. Regarding gas, they don't knock you out here anymore in NHS surgerys - the only chance of that is when you get the bill. it's the wee jag or sod all.

retina said:

NDRU said:

that is where we are all headed, why waste time & money delaying it?

If my life's ambition was to give great blowjobs, I might have agreed with you. lol

I'm not serious, obviously, but it is frustrating that I have gotten fillings, and then been told ten years later that they are failing or have decay under/around them. Ten years is not that long, I feel like I will be getting some pulled before too long.

And it seems that no matter how well you brush and floss it is not enough.

Number23 said:

retina said:

Wow, if I was so far gone that anasthetic didn't help at all I think I'd rather put up with the elephant man look for a week or two. Or I'd ask them to sedate me completely during the procedure, with gas or whatever it is they use.

The whole experience sounds truly horrific. I hope it feels good to have it all in the past. And on the bright side, you're probably a hero to them now. Go back, and they'll have you signing autographs.

The next visit's a polish. They usually don't do that until the end of any course of treatment but he said I deserved it. Regarding gas, they don't knock you out here anymore in NHS surgerys - the only chance of that is when you get the bill. it's the wee jag or sod all.

They should give you the bill first then. How much was it anyway?

NDRU said:

retina said:

If my life's ambition was to give great blowjobs, I might have agreed with you. lol

I'm not serious, obviously, but it is frustrating that I have gotten fillings, and then been told ten years later that they are failing or have decay under/around them. Ten years is not that long, I feel like I will be getting some pulled before too long.

And it seems that no matter how well you brush and floss it is not enough.

Yeah I know, some are just prone to getting cavities, others get tartar. Some get nothing at all.

I haven't had any trouble with my fillings so far though, knock on wood. Not even the really old ones that look like metal. The new ones are prettier but look weaker, so we'll see how they withstand the test of time.

Number23 said:

then purity and cleanliness. Reborn.

CAN.NOT.IMAGINE.

Tooth extraction without numbing of any kind??

Hope you mend quickly.

Jesus

that makes childbirth seem like a cake walk !

Mach said:

Jesus

that makes childbirth seem like a cake walk !

Especially when it's described as a "fat rapist" using his "razor claws, slowly slicing through the testicles". lol

retina said:

Mach said:

Jesus

that makes childbirth seem like a cake walk !

Especially when it's described as a "fat rapist" using his "razor claws, slowly slicing through the testicles". lol

Mach said:

retina said:

Especially when it's described as a "fat rapist" using his "razor claws, slowly slicing through the testicles". lol

I guess you skipped over that part. lol

good god dear~! i hope you are taking some painkillers. hope you feel better!

that being said, that's one freaky great story rflmao

retina said:

Mach said:

I guess you skipped over that part. lol

I don't normally cuss a lot but...HOLY FUCK!

I'd have paid extra for some anasthetic, no matter what the hell I had to pay for it.

I hope you got some hella painkillers afterwards. I can't imagine how on earth you survived that ordeal.

Mach said:

Jesus

that makes childbirth seem like a cake walk !

I've had toothaches and I've had two kids....I'd honestly rather have labor pains,

Wow. That sounds awful. I hope you feel better soon. But let that be a lesson to you -- go to the dentist regularly!! If you go 1-2 times / year you just have to maintain and they can nip things in the bud so you don't have to go through such agony.

(disclaimer: I love going to the dentist. And I don't have perfect teeth -- 7 fillings and one crown, but I've had all of those for over 10 years. I'm maintaining. )

jone70 said:

Wow. That sounds awful. I hope you feel better soon. But let that be a lesson to you -- go to the dentist regularly!! If you go 1-2 times / year you just have to maintain and they can nip things in the bud so you don't have to go through such agony.

(disclaimer: I love going to the dentist. And I don't have perfect teeth -- 7 fillings and one crown, but I've had all of those for over 10 years. I'm maintaining. )

I hate the dentist but I can't take dental pain so I go pretty regularly. I have one crown, one filling and no wisdom teeth.

When I have a toothache I am a moaning, crying mess. I can't last even one day without treatment. I run straight to the dentist...any dentist and promise them anything to make it stop.

Damn root canal cost me seven hundred dollars...WITH insurance!

I have had tons of dental work done, and teeth pulled, dont they INCLUDE the novacaine??? Only reason I can think they didnt is when a tooth is that infected the pain killers wont work.. I had an abscessed tooth I was gonna get a root canal done on and after being on anti biotics for a week it still wouldnt accept the novacaine... Im in the process of getting my molars out and implants put in their place...

I HATE THE DENTIST... Id rather have 5 kids, no drugs, all natural labor, all in a row, than tooth pain!

You're a pretty awesome writer.

Number23 said:

I've had two over the past month. I hadn't been to a dentist in about ten years but recently the left hand side of my face swole up like Popeye chewing a cabbage. I'm a bit of a vain bastard so when kids were pointing at me on the bus and crying I realised it was time to make the call. The dentist was like a mechanic who sucks in his breath when he looks at your engine. Said although my teeth 'looked' fine, they were, infact, fucked. Abcesses, impactions, decay, all sorts of American nightmares. So. Having discussed the financial aspect of treatment with the doctor ('How fucking much?!) I realised the pliers were my only real option. However, because my lower left molar was so infected, the wee jag wouldn't do me any good. I was going to have to take it without anasthetic - unless I wanted antibiotics to take some of the swelling down, which might take a week. I couldn't walk around like John Merrick for another day, I told him, and he just nodded gravely and asked the dental nurse in to hold my head down - all while he put a pair of huge plastic scientist visors on, and also on me. Now, I was shitting myself. Seriously. Everyone in the room seemed to be decked out like crash test dummies and holding me down like a preacher vanquishing Satan from some poor bastard. Then followed the most outrageous, shocking, painful and farcical 30 minutes of my life thus far. And that's saying something. He first warned me that it was, like, going to, like, really, really, really hurt. That I would probably pass out - indeed that would probably be for the best, considerig the nature of e extraction (roots bent like bananas, massive tooth, massice infectiom, double abcess etc etc etc'. Apparently, half an hour past. My most vivid memory - apart from a new dimention of physical suffering akin to Satan's razor claws slowly, slowly slicing through my testicles - was of the doctor with his fucking KNEE up on the operating chair so he could get a stronger pull at it. He was sweating like a fat rapist too. Anyway..I won't go on about the four days of bleeding, the crazy flu-like madness afterwards or the fact that after a final disgusting, deafening crack he announced that only one root had come out and he was going to have to perform a 'small surgery' to slice open my gums to get to the other one. Memories fade fast, so like the zombie vessel for gene survival I am, I went back for my follow up treatment (another extraction, top left back molar) yesterday at 5pm after work. This time, 45 minutes. Gums scalpeled to fuck. Three dental nurses holding me down. Me laughing hysterically then crying with mad eurphoric agony - it was as close as I'll ever come to a religious experience. So much suffering, blood, bone, sacrafice, death then purity and cleanliness. Reborn. With a get set of gnashers. I've digressed. I'm currently lying here in agony, unable to speak without slurring, terrified I'm going to get dry socket ( aka 'the suicide pain') becuase the blood clot has formed weirdly. Anyway, sory about this lengthy rant. As you were.

Ohmygod you are describing my wisdom teeth experience when I was 17 which dislocated my jaw and his been fucked ever since! The knee. The fat rapist bit. The 'small surgery'. Oh. My. God.

I haven't been to the dentist in at least 10 years and it's getting to the point where I can't ignore them for much longer because a fucking filling has fallen out and I can't stop playing with it with my tongue. Help.