I no longer have anything in common with a friend I've know for close to 20yrs. It's like when we see each other we have very little to say. There was no argument, no bad feelings, we're cool in fact. Maybe we have just grown apart. If we never spoke to each other again, I would be okay with that. I haven't spoken to this person for over 6 months. Is this normal?

I think these kind of things dictate themselves.

Bulldog said:

I no longer have anything in common with a friend I've know for close to 20yrs. It's like when we see each other we have very little to say. There was no argument, no bad feelings, we're cool in fact. Maybe we have just grown apart. If we never spoke to each other again, I would be okay with that. I haven't spoken to this person for over 6 months. Is this normal?

Why end it? Just go about your normal activities.............

Bulldog said:

I no longer have anything in common with a friend I've know for close to 20yrs. It's like when we see each other we have very little to say. There was no argument, no bad feelings, we're cool in fact. Maybe we have just grown apart. If we never spoke to each other again, I would be okay with that. I haven't spoken to this person for over 6 months. Is this normal?

Why should it matter exactly if you end it or not? Distant friends isn't such a bad thing. It's not taking up your time, nor is it doing you any harm. Better have a friend than an enemy.

Bulldog said:

I no longer have anything in common with a friend I've know for close to 20yrs. It's like when we see each other we have very little to say. There was no argument, no bad feelings, we're cool in fact. Maybe we have just grown apart. If we never spoke to each other again, I would be okay with that. I haven't spoken to this person for over 6 months. Is this normal?

Yes, if you haven't stayed in touch for months/years at a time. I don't have too many friends that have stayed around for more than say 20 years. I have 2 friendships I have maintained since college, and I graduated 37 years ago.

You can know people forever and never become true friends. And there are "friends" who have just faded away. This happens more often than not with single women. Once a woman gets married, things change drastically. Single women find themselves not being invited to things that require a husband or significant other. When women marry, some tend to adopt the friendships of their husbands or they befriend other married women.

It's even worse when a woman divorces. I've never married, but when my parents divorced, it was like my mom had the plague when it came to getting invited to parties and what not. Married women got absolutely paranoid! When I asked my mom why everyone had abandoned her, she said, "I guess they're afraid I might make a play for their husbands." Nothing could have been further from the truth, and mom never remarried.

[Edited 10/20/10 10:36am]

If you don't feel comfortable around your "friend" anymore, AND if you know why, it's completely healthy...

If you're "cool" and there's no issues, bad feelings or animocity, and they've done nothing wrong, then I don't get why there would be a need to end it. Personally, I'd just let it fall back to more of an aqcuaintance thing rather than tell them "I don't want to be your friend anymore."

johnart said:

If you're "cool" and there's no issues, bad feelings or animocity, and they've done nothing wrong, then I don't get why there would be a need to end it. Personally, I'd just let it fall back to more of an aqcuaintance thing rather than tell them "I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Great advice....I'm probably just being an extremist.

johnart said:

If you're "cool" and there's no issues, bad feelings or animocity, and they've done nothing wrong, then I don't get why there would be a need to end it. Personally, I'd just let it fall back to more of an aqcuaintance thing rather than tell them "I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Exactly.

This thread confuses me. Why would anyone feel the need to "break up" with a friend they see only occasionally, anyway?

It doesn't really confuse me as I've gone through something similar in the past and may be going through it again right now. All I can say is just don't trip on it. What's meant to happen will happen. Maybe you only speak a couple times a year, or every couple years. That doesn't really do anything to change the last twenty years of friendship.

Some friendships just peter out.

I'm still friends with some of the women I was friends with in college, but only because I don't see them very often.

And I actually "broke up" with one of them last year, after she delivered a "last straw" after several years of obnoxious behavior.

[Edited 10/20/10 11:58am]

johnart said:

If you're "cool" and there's no issues, bad feelings or animocity, and they've done nothing wrong, then I don't get why there would be a need to end it. Personally, I'd just let it fall back to more of an aqcuaintance thing rather than tell them "I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Yeah. Some friendships warm and cool through the years. People may spend a few years drifting apart and then pick back up with a renewed closeness. I would only end a friendship that was actively bad (and I definitely think that's healthy).