Dave1992 said:

You cannot tell me that anyone, ANYONE - no matter now old, female or male, would be able to "fall" for somebody without finding them physically attractive. It's absolutely normal and doesn't suggest that they're shallow at all.

Imagine if all of us based our feelings solely on our opposite's character... - crabs would be spreading all over the world in a nano-second!!

it's always good-looking people like you making this argument and mediocre-looking people like me getting offended.

ZombieKitten said:

missfee said:

Exactly. Reading those comments (I didn't read each one before I gave my response), it sounds as if he either really does like her (I always have felt that actions outweigh talk) and isn't mature enough to handle the situation by telling her how he really feels or he's playing a game with her feelings. He's confusing her...I've been there before. If she pulls away from him, and stop giving him attention and receiving his attention, I bet he'll eventually fess up to his true feelings for her.

I think even though he means what he says about not being attracted, he still likes the attention, it's an ego stroke.

However, that list of things he does when taken out of context like that, also seems like an attempt to justify things.

I had a friend who used to say to me, "if he doesn't LIKE like me, why does he: " and then reel off all the things he does, to justify to herself that he must love her deep down underneath even though he was fucking a whole bunch of other girls.

ZombieKitten said:

JustErin said:

That may be why guys become friends with some chicks, but when two people get to know each other and get close over time, I don't think that's the case at all.

If I think about my male good friends I don't think I have any that I wouldn't give one to

That's because you're a fucking perv.

whistle said:

Dave1992 said:

You cannot tell me that anyone, ANYONE - no matter now old, female or male, would be able to "fall" for somebody without finding them physically attractive. It's absolutely normal and doesn't suggest that they're shallow at all.

Imagine if all of us based our feelings solely on our opposite's character... - crabs would be spreading all over the world in a nano-second!!

it's always good-looking people like you making this argument and mediocre-looking people like me getting offended.

don't mix up "being attractive" with someone being "attracted to you"

I think those are 2 different things and NOT mutually exclusive

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

If I think about my male good friends I don't think I have any that I wouldn't give one to

That's because you're a fucking perv.

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

it's always good-looking people like you making this argument and mediocre-looking people like me getting offended.

don't mix up "being attractive" with someone being "attracted to you"

I think those are 2 different things and NOT mutually exclusive

Absolutely not mutually exclusive.

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

it's always good-looking people like you making this argument and mediocre-looking people like me getting offended.

don't mix up "being attractive" with someone being "attracted to you"

I think those are 2 different things and NOT mutually exclusive

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

whistle said:

ZombieKitten said:

don't mix up "being attractive" with someone being "attracted to you"

I think those are 2 different things and NOT mutually exclusive

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

Pulling in chicks with his money.

[Edited 9/6/10 17:03pm]

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

Pulling in chicks with his money.

if he has any

whistle said:

ZombieKitten said:

don't mix up "being attractive" with someone being "attracted to you"

I think those are 2 different things and NOT mutually exclusive

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

I have to say that you may be partly right (without indicating that I find myself attractive or better looking than any of you - who would I be to judge?), but I always found it difficult to connect with people who I didn't think were really good-looking (sexually, especially).

Then again, you indicated that those people would hardly ever learn how to really admire someone's personality... not true at all! It both goes hand in hand to me. And that may be my biggest problem. I need and want it all, I'm way too bloody picky, I want to be overwhelmed by a woman's intellectual and physical beauty.

And the worst part of it all is that I'm not even sure I can afford wanting all that with what I have to offer

Heard this American saying on TV last night "Friends with benefits" I wish I had that when I was younger!

blueblossom said:

Heard this American saying on TV last night "Friends with benefits" I wish I had that when I was younger!

I'm GLAD it wasn't an acceptable thing, it would have caused me no end of grief

I've always fallen in love with those I've

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

He will be a healthy individual, with fond memories about all the women/girls he "briefly" loved; perhaps he will date 60 years old women, perhaps he will marry a 58 years old divorced woman, or perhaps he will die alone (or surrounded by brothers/sisters, or some friends) but happy because he acted the way he wanted...

"Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????" :

-marriage offers stability, yeah, but some people prefer other things over stability. I know A LOT of people who married just for some stability... they love (sort of) their wife/husband, sure,but in many cases, it was just because "I don't wanna be alone...and penniless"

-goods looks are forever; in fact, some men look better in his 40-60 years than in their teens or 20s...Clooney, Harrison Ford, Brosnan, Eastwood, Pacino, etc. it's a long list, really. So that relative of yours won't find any difficulty if he wants to marry when he's +58 years old...based on good looks alone...

JoeTyler said:

ZombieKitten said:

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

He will be a healthy individual, with fond memories about all the women/girls he "briefly" loved; perhaps he will date 60 years old women, perhaps he will marry a 58 years old divorced woman, or perhaps he will die alone (or surrounded by brothers/sisters, or some friends) but happy because he acted the way he wanted...

"Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????" :

-marriage offers stability, yeah, but some people prefer other things over stability. I know A LOT of people who married just for some stability... they love (sort of) their wife/husband, sure,but in many cases, it was just because "I don't wanna be alone...and penniless"

-goods looks are forever; in fact, some men look better in his 40-60 years than in their teens or 20s...Clooney, Harrison Ford, Brosnan, Eastwood, Pacino, etc. it's a long list, really. So that relative of yours won't find any difficulty if he wants to marry when he's +58 years old...based on good looks alone...

I thought of Clooney as I wrote it, since he of all those has no children yet

Sure, he may have nephews and nieces and siblings and friends, but there is something to be said for having a family around you, your OWN family, who have time for YOU.

I don't say it's the marriage that he needs, but to be surrounded by those that love him as he gets really old. I look at my mother and father in law, they live for their grandkids. The love to have us all around - I love that we can bring them so much happiness.

Shallow because he is not attracted 2 u? Interesting............

ZombieKitten said:

whistle said:

it's my bitter, jealous opinion that good-looking people are usually superficial about relationships because it's what they understand and it tilts things in their favour.

only ugly people have to bother with learning to admire someone's personality.

you are probably right about SOME people being like that, I agree, from what I have seen.

I know a guy, a distant relative, who is 45 years old, can't settle down because he always been able to pull any hot bird he wants. He pisses off women who are marriage material again and again, because of his own confidence that there is one better just around the corner. He keeps going out with 26 year olds and he will be a bachelor to the end. Once his looks are gone, where will he be then????

Well, if he's got deep pockets, he'll never run out of trim! Men old as dirt can always get a woman if they have a lil cash.

starfish100 said:

So I have this friend.... we're good mates, have loads in common, spend lot of time at work emailing and phoning, we text eachother outside of work, we both flirt (a lot), basically we get on really, really well. We often get asked if there's something going on because of the way we are together.

Now the problem, I've completely fallen for him but he doesn't feel the same. Says he loves spending time with me but doesn't find me attractive. I'm really struggling with this. I'm attracted to him - the whole person - not the way he looks but he just can't understand that, seems that looks are the most important thing to him, how f-ing shallow! He even texts me to say he misses me FFS but still says he doesn't want anything else!

Just needed to get that rant out of my system

At least you have an HONEST friend that is keeping it real with you. You can't have them all!! And true friendship is hard to come by!!

Graycap23 said:

Shallow because he is not attracted 2 u? Interesting............

Hmmm...Ok, point taken.

starfish100 said:

Graycap23 said:

Shallow because he is not attracted 2 u? Interesting............

Hmmm...Ok, point taken.

Which is better? Using u...and then telling u? Or telling u the truth up front?

Graycap23 said:

starfish100 said:

Hmmm...Ok, point taken.

Which is better? Using u...and then telling u? Or telling u the truth up front?

Absolutely the latter, no doubt about it. He could be really shallow and use me for my money (I earn considerably more than him and he's struggling financially right now) so I'm grateful he hasn't done that.

I appreciate he's been straight with me. I've told him that.

starfish100 said:

Graycap23 said:

Which is better? Using u...and then telling u? Or telling u the truth up front?

Absolutely the latter, no doubt about it. He could be really shallow and use me for my money (I earn considerably more than him and he's struggling financially right now) so I'm grateful he hasn't done that.

I appreciate he's been straight with me. I've told him that.

See.......shallow does not appear 2 be the case.

Bad taste? Maybe.

Graycap23 said:

starfish100 said:

Absolutely the latter, no doubt about it. He could be really shallow and use me for my money (I earn considerably more than him and he's struggling financially right now) so I'm grateful he hasn't done that.

I appreciate he's been straight with me. I've told him that.

See.......shallow does not appear 2 be the case.

Bad taste? Maybe.

There's no maybe about it, he clearly has bad taste!

I'm just upset about it, I don't blame him. It's frustrating when I think of all the fun things we could do together, and I don't (just) mean in bed!

starfish100 said:

Graycap23 said:

See.......shallow does not appear 2 be the case.

Bad taste? Maybe.

There's no maybe about it, he clearly has bad taste!

I'm just upset about it, I don't blame him. It's frustrating when I think of all the fun things we could do together, and I don't (just) mean in bed!

Time 2 stop thinking about it.....and find someone who digs u 4 u.

Graycap23 said:

starfish100 said:

There's no maybe about it, he clearly has bad taste!

I'm just upset about it, I don't blame him. It's frustrating when I think of all the fun things we could do together, and I don't (just) mean in bed!

Time 2 stop thinking about it.....and find someone who digs u 4 u.

Yeah I know. Stop the self pity and be grateful for having him as a friend.

starfish100 said:

Graycap23 said:

Time 2 stop thinking about it.....and find someone who digs u 4 u.

Yeah I know. Stop the self pity and be grateful for having him as a friend.

We're attracted to what we're attracted to and that's it! That doesn't make him a bad person, it makes him HONEST. He could play on your crush on him, blow your back out, give you carfare and say "thanks for the ass and skully but that's it."

However, he didn't do that. He was honest with you and did not play with your feelings.

...and by the way, now that women are no longer financially dependant on men, there are plenty that pick guys for purely "superficial" attraction. (hey, what's sauce for the goose....)

Superficiality is UNISEX

I hope I don't come across as unsympathetic, because we've all been there - falling for someone who just doesn't feel the same - but I find it amusing that all my life I have heard women complaining that men are shallow because so many men say it's impossible for straight men to be friends with women without wanting to take it to a sexual level....but in this thread that theory is being turned totally on its head and the guy is criticised because he DOESN'T want to!

[Edited 9/8/10 9:30am]

Dave1992 said:

I have to say that you may be partly right (without indicating that I find myself attractive or better looking than any of you - who would I be to judge?), but I always found it difficult to connect with people who I didn't think were really good-looking (sexually, especially).

Then again, you indicated that those people would hardly ever learn how to really admire someone's personality... not true at all! It both goes hand in hand to me. And that may be my biggest problem. I need and want it all, I'm way too bloody picky, I want to be overwhelmed by a woman's intellectual and physical beauty.

And the worst part of it all is that I'm not even sure I can afford wanting all that with what I have to offer

i can relate with this- i want to be knocked on my ass by how gorgeous someone is, but yet still expect them to be able to open up my mind to new things. pickiness is definitely a burden