My oldest daugher is almost 30. She was more or less a guinea-pig (da hell did i know?) but shes established with her lil fam and kids, our relationship is great.

My 21 year old - sorta gave me the blues

My 19 year old - is scary as hell, i dont play with her

MY 17 YEAR OLD?? - Neeaaaava heard a word i said to the other ones....Its..Shuddup Momma, You're fat, What do you know?? etc, etc. typical tennage idiot stuff. And her RANDOM FRIENDS!!!

How do you convince your child that just because your life has maybe slowed a little that doesnt mean their friends know more about them than you!!! And people will try to be your friend for sometimes selfish reasons....and do children know that even tho there are disagreements in the household, you look at your child everyday like a chronological picture and pretty much know them better than they know themselves! whew! ..you say i dont work? thats a lie from the black pits of hell.....

I see her struggling with her self-esteem a lil. remind me friends, how to get through the barrier!

Telling your mother she's fat is not "typical teenage idiot stuff."

Had I ever said something like that to my mother, I'd've been nursing my self esteem in the middle of next week.

Genesia said:

Telling your mother she's fat is not "typical teenage idiot stuff."

Had I ever said something like that to my mother, I'd've been nursing my self esteem in the middle of next week.

I think it would have been two weeks for me. The first week for "shut up," and the second for "fat."

She might have given me a pass on "What do you know?" just so she could avoid the hassle of having to make funeral arrangements.

Efan said:

Genesia said:

Telling your mother she's fat is not "typical teenage idiot stuff."

Had I ever said something like that to my mother, I'd've been nursing my self esteem in the middle of next week.

I think it would have been two weeks for me. The first week for "shut up," and the second for "fat."

She might have given me a pass on "What do you know?" just so she could avoid the hassle of having to make funeral arrangements.

All 4 of our Teens never said "shut up" "you're fat" "what do you know"

None of those comments would I say are normal teenage ones BUT They do reflect low self esteem

"typical tennage idiot stuff" ~ I have never thought of my teeens actions/words ( and many other teens too ) as such

I wish you the best

Our kids learn/live what they grow up living/learning ~ respect is a 2 way street

Mach said:

All 4 of our Teens never said "shut up" "you're fat" "what do you know"

None of those comments would I say are normal teenage ones BUT They do reflect low self esteem

"typical tennage idiot stuff" ~ I have never thought of my teeens actions/words ( and many other teens too ) as such

I wish you the best

Our kids learn/live what they grow up living/learning ~ respect is a 2 way street

How do you figure? Sounds to me like this little snip has more self-esteem than she's entitled to.

are her random friends making comments like this, too?

Those are friends that would not cross the threshold of my door.....

Genesia said:

Mach said:

All 4 of our Teens never said "shut up" "you're fat" "what do you know"

None of those comments would I say are normal teenage ones BUT They do reflect low self esteem

"typical tennage idiot stuff" ~ I have never thought of my teeens actions/words ( and many other teens too ) as such

I wish you the best

Our kids learn/live what they grow up living/learning ~ respect is a 2 way street

How do you figure? Sounds to me like this little snip has more self-esteem than she's entitled to.

People with healthy self esteem usually have no need to insult or belittle another to make themself seem more than they really are

yeah ...unhealthy self esteem perhaps

bluesbaby said:

are her random friends making comments like this, too?

Those are friends that would not cross the threshold of my door.....

We always had boundries of who was welcome here in our home ~ by about 6th grade our kids had developed their own as well

I have really good freinds that are welcome... I did have to tell them that until futher notice and potential maturity their BRAT of a 10 yr old was not welcome ~ he may rule and disrespect them and their home BUT he is not allowed to do so in mine

Mach said:

Genesia said:

How do you figure? Sounds to me like this little snip has more self-esteem than she's entitled to.

People with healthy self esteem usually have no need to insult or belittle another to make themself seem more than they really are

yeah ...unhealthy self esteem perhaps

Maybe it's just me...but I grew up in a time and a place and a home where you didn't get to have self esteem until and unless you'd actually done something to esteem yourself for.

There are too many kids today who've been told since the day they were born that the sun shines out of their ass. The sooner they learn that it doesn't, the better.

Genesia said:

Mach said:

People with healthy self esteem usually have no need to insult or belittle another to make themself seem more than they really are

yeah ...unhealthy self esteem perhaps

Maybe it's just me...but I grew up in a time and a place and a home where you didn't get to have self esteem until and unless you'd actually done something to esteem yourself for.

There are too many kids today who've been told since the day they were born that the sun shines out of their ass. The sooner they learn that it doesn't, the better.

Oh exactly ~ like respect ~ you EARN it ...that's the healthy way

you're not a princess and we all are NOT perfect so lets keep it real ~ you work hard you earn self esteem and mutual respect ! That's something you start teaching from birth pretty much and a lot of that is by example and role modeling

~ we're on the same thought path pretty much

Genesia said:

Telling your mother she's fat is not "typical teenage idiot stuff."

Had I ever said something like that to my mother, I'd've been nursing my self esteem in the middle of next week.

I'd be nursing mine from the grave.

uPtoWnNY said:

Genesia said:

Telling your mother she's fat is not "typical teenage idiot stuff."

Had I ever said something like that to my mother, I'd've been nursing my self esteem in the middle of next week.

I'd be nursing mine from the grave.

Here's to moms that don't play.

Genesia said:

uPtoWnNY said:

I'd be nursing mine from the grave.

Here's to moms that don't play.

Actually, Dad handled most of the discipline. Whenever I acted the fool, Mom would just say, "You want your father to straighten you out?" I got my ass in line real quick.

Kids are kids, and IMO any child wether that child is 2 , 7, or 17 that child needs to learn boundaries and respect for their elders.

"you're fat" and "shut up".... my 19year old wouldn't dare. But see, I don't tell him "shut up" or talk about his body type either. Kids repeat what you do, since you are the model of their behavior.

If you tend to be sacrastic, and snippy with your comments then expect the same in return.

Stress will lead you down that path easily, and if a child isn't corrected from jump then she will keep doing what ever she is allowed to do.

I am not judging you, we all are not perfect. Just from this point change your behavior and demand change from her and follow through with harsh consequences, this you already know... but most importantly talk to her.She's older so communication should be easier at this point.

Sounds like baby girl is gonna join the Army real soon.

paintedlady said:

"you're fat" and "shut up".... my 19year old wouldn't dare. But see, I don't tell him "shut up" or talk about his body type either. Kids repeat what you do, since you are the model of their behavior.

If you tend to be sacrastic, and snippy with your comments then expect the same in return.

I am loving your posts. A lot of truth in them.

Cinnie said:

paintedlady said:

"you're fat" and "shut up".... my 19year old wouldn't dare. But see, I don't tell him "shut up" or talk about his body type either. Kids repeat what you do, since you are the model of their behavior.

If you tend to be sacrastic, and snippy with your comments then expect the same in return.

I am loving your posts. A lot of truth in them.

TY... I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think since this is her baby, she is either too leaniant with her or she is just worn out in the parenting role. This can happen to the best of us.

This happens a lot with the babies of the family, birth order plays a huge role in how our kids turn out. My little brother (the baby in our family) still lives at home with mom, he's 36 and smokes weed and drinks beer to his hearts content. His buddies still use my mom's place like a flop house. So yeah... I need to be real honest with myfavorite since I don't want her to have a "failure to launch adult" child just like my mom does. Myfavorite's child has the same behaviors as my brother.

If I were myfavorite, babygirl would be interviewed by Army reps at the home. I would have my local recruiter on speed dial, if she chooses NOT to strainghten up. This way, she can learn and grow up and mature in a more positive way.

[Edited 8/30/10 14:00pm]

I actually like the army idea. it would learn her, dern her.

and I actually know what the problem is, but i cant do anything about it.

I'm the typical, lazy, fat, good for nothing person who sits in her daddys house,

You should not give in..be the parent and let her know you will NOT be disresepcted like that...lord..my mom never beat me, but I was scared enough never to even say such craziness to my mother like that.

Maybe she should know what it is like to not have a mother around and live with antoher family member for a while. She's taking you for granted.

Mach said:

Genesia said:

Maybe it's just me...but I grew up in a time and a place and a home where you didn't get to have self esteem until and unless you'd actually done something to esteem yourself for.

There are too many kids today who've been told since the day they were born that the sun shines out of their ass. The sooner they learn that it doesn't, the better.

Oh exactly ~ like respect ~ you EARN it ...that's the healthy way

you're not a princess and we all are NOT perfect so lets keep it real ~ you work hard you earn self esteem and mutual respect ! That's something you start teaching from birth pretty much and a lot of that is by example and role modeling

~ we're on the same thought path pretty much

Huh? You have to earn self esteem? You don't get to get it until....?

Self esteem and respect are not the same.

And from what I've seen, people who act like the sun shines out of their ass have self esteem issues, usually stemming from being made to feel like they were less than shit in their lives at some point.

paintedlady said:

Kids are kids, and IMO any child wether that child is 2 , 7, or 17 that child needs to learn boundaries and respect for their elders.

"you're fat" and "shut up".... my 19year old wouldn't dare. But see, I don't tell him "shut up" or talk about his body type either. Kids repeat what you do, since you are the model of their behavior.

If you tend to be sacrastic, and snippy with your comments then expect the same in return.

Stress will lead you down that path easily, and if a child isn't corrected from jump then she will keep doing what ever she is allowed to do.

I am not judging you, we all are not perfect. Just from this point change your behavior and demand change from her and follow through with harsh consequences, this you already know... but most importantly talk to her.She's older so communication should be easier at this point.

Sounds like baby girl is gonna join the Army real soon.

Absolutely.

good point but thats not necessarily the case here.

myfavorite said:

I actually like the army idea. it would learn her, dern her.

and I actually know what the problem is, but i cant do anything about it.

I'm the typical, lazy, fat, good for nothing person who sits in her daddys house,

Theres the problem right there.. If thats how you feel about yourself, then thats what others will think of you... Dont let anyone make you feel that way..

Man, its stuff like this that REALLY puts me off having kids!! I'm almost ashamed to say I ever was one!

I seriously don't remember being this bad as a kid...and I don't want to come over all "kids these days" (I'm only 29!) but what the hell IS wrong with kids these days (yes, I know they aren't all like this). Where did the arrogance and self-righteousness come from, and the feeling of entitlement to everything??

DaveT said:

Man, its stuff like this that REALLY puts me off having kids!! I'm almost ashamed to say I ever was one!

I seriously don't remember being this bad as a kid...and I don't want to come over all "kids these days" (I'm only 29!) but what the hell IS wrong with kids these days (yes, I know they aren't all like this). Where did the arrogance and self-righteousness come from, and the feeling of entitlement to everything??

My kids were never like that! EVER! still arent and they are grown adults out on their own now... We never would allowed disrespectful talk like that in our home... they couldnt even say shut up, I dont like how it sounds, I still dont say it to people, its just rude and mean... It all starts from day one... you cant expect a child to behave if they have been on a free for all for years, then decide you are tired of the nastiness and expect them to change.. this is why we have rules and stick to them!!

tinaz said:

DaveT said:

Man, its stuff like this that REALLY puts me off having kids!! I'm almost ashamed to say I ever was one!

I seriously don't remember being this bad as a kid...and I don't want to come over all "kids these days" (I'm only 29!) but what the hell IS wrong with kids these days (yes, I know they aren't all like this). Where did the arrogance and self-righteousness come from, and the feeling of entitlement to everything??

My kids were never like that! EVER! still arent and they are grown adults out on their own now... We never would allowed disrespectful talk like that in our home... they couldnt even say shut up, I dont like how it sounds, I still dont say it to people, its just rude and mean... It all starts from day one... you cant expect a child to behave if they have been on a free for all for years, then decide you are tired of the nastiness and expect them to change.. this is why we have rules and stick to them!!

My mom didn't allow "shut up," either.

Sadly, "be quiet" just doesn't have the same ring.

uPtoWnNY said:

Genesia said:

Here's to moms that don't play.

Actually, Dad handled most of the discipline. Whenever I acted the fool, Mom would just say, "You want your father to straighten you out?" I got my ass in line real quick.

The worst ass whoopin' I ever witnessed came when my then bad-ass older brother made a remark in anger toward my mom saying "I wish someone would shoot you".

I think parts of his ass are still trapped in the 80's, trying to catch up, after that.

And in hindsight I'm glad it happened given what he said. I usually felt my dad went overboard, still think so as an adult, but that day, as much as I despise him, he gets a pass.

shut up, be quiet etc. resulted in grounding if I said them, but it worked

I never, ever want kids.

all they need sometimes is one good look.