Cinnie said:

Cerebus said:

Ignore it. Utterly and completely. In fact, if it's something you're uncomfortable about ("prudish"), the next time the guy brings it up I'd ask him to never do so again. Even if it was your best friend in the entire world, what could you do? Getting involved in these messes can only lead to drama and disappointment.

If it was his best friend, he would probably understand WHY his friend was cheating to a degree, or at least start LISTENING with some empathy.

I actually do know WHY he's doing it (if he really is)...he previously confided to me that his wife hasn't been very forthcoming in the sex department lately...nothing during the pregnancy and very little since. The baby is not-yet 5 months old.

The co-worker is like a breath of fresh air.

Cerebus...it's not that I'm uncomfortable, it's that I'm shocked/disappointed/stunned and I really don't know how to process these thoughts.

It may sound ridiculous to be seeking counsel/advice on a website but the Org is a wondrous place sometimes. In fact, I'm gleaning valuable info from the many comments posted and I feel alot better prepared now.

first off he's grown and he can make his own decisions. you think he doesn't know that he's doing a bad thing? c'mon son. other people's bad decisions, choices, and general stupisity is not going to be changed just because you don't like it.

if it were a friend of mine and they asked me, then I would be like "yeah, don't shit where you eat.....but you already know that" and then just make a decision if they kept making retarded choices as to whther I'd even hang around them or not.

if your friend ain't learned from Tiger Woods, oh well.....

BklynBabe said:

first off he's grown and he can make his own decisions. you think he doesn't know that he's doing a bad thing? c'mon son. other people's bad decisions, choices, and general stupisity is not going to be changed just because you don't like it.

if it were a friend of mine and they asked me, then I would be like "yeah, don't shit where you eat.....but you already know that" and then just make a decision if they kept making retarded choices as to whther I'd even hang around them or not.

if your friend ain't learned from Tiger Woods, oh well.....

BklynBabe said:

if it were a friend of mine and they asked me, then I would be like "yeah, don't shit where you eat.....but you already know that" and then just make a decision if they kept making retarded choices as to whther I'd even hang around them or not.

basically

Cinnie said:

Cerebus said:

Ignore it. Utterly and completely. In fact, if it's something you're uncomfortable about ("prudish"), the next time the guy brings it up I'd ask him to never do so again. Even if it was your best friend in the entire world, what could you do? Getting involved in these messes can only lead to drama and disappointment.

If it was his best friend, he would probably understand WHY his friend was cheating to a degree, or at least start LISTENING with some empathy.

I don't agree and I never have. I don't believe it's my place to get involved in a private, intimate relationship with another couple. And that's the real problem; there is always another person involved (or two). Even if they ask me for advice, they aren't gettin' any. I'm perfectly aware that most people don't share this point of view. Most people actually enjoy gettin' in the middle of this drama. But it's one of the things I hate most about human beings.

Keeping our private life private is actually one of the most important aspects of having a significant other for me. I can't date the kind of woman who calls their girlfriends to discuss every little thing that happens between us. Or the kind who comes home with constant stories about what's going on in other peoples lives. Again, I'm not bashing those who can. It's just something doesn't work for me. I've asked and/or told a good number of people to stop discussing such things in the workplace, as well. It's really not appropriate.

One last thing; I think it's important to seperate clownin' on fools from dealing with real relationships involving people you actually know. I'll clown on a fool - but I won't give them any advice.

PurpleJedi said:

Cinnie said:

If it was his best friend, he would probably understand WHY his friend was cheating to a degree, or at least start LISTENING with some empathy.

I actually do know WHY he's doing it (if he really is)...he previously confided to me that his wife hasn't been very forthcoming in the sex department lately...nothing during the pregnancy and very little since. The baby is not-yet 5 months old.

Well, unless you're a marriage counselor or sex educator, what can you do to fix that? Buy him a fleshlight? Or maybe one of those sex robots that look like Chrissie Hynde.

PurpleJedi said:

Cinnie said:

If it was his best friend, he would probably understand WHY his friend was cheating to a degree, or at least start LISTENING with some empathy.

I actually do know WHY he's doing it (if he really is)...he previously confided to me that his wife hasn't been very forthcoming in the sex department lately...nothing during the pregnancy and very little since. The baby is not-yet 5 months old.

The co-worker is like a breath of fresh air.

well, shouldn't he talk to his wife about that? or has he. unless she's ok'd him getting IT somewhere else. she just had a baby. that's not only disrepectful to her, and himself...but to their child.

not trying to pass judgement, just find it a weak excuse to cheat. not that there really is a good excuse to.

CHIC0 said:

PurpleJedi said:

I actually do know WHY he's doing it (if he really is)...he previously confided to me that his wife hasn't been very forthcoming in the sex department lately...nothing during the pregnancy and very little since. The baby is not-yet 5 months old.

The co-worker is like a breath of fresh air.

well, shouldn't he talk to his wife about that? or has he. unless she's ok'd him getting IT somewhere else. she just had a baby. that's not only disrepectful to her, and himself...but to their child.

not trying to pass judgement, just find it a weak excuse to cheat. not that there really is a good excuse to.

Having a child is a weak excuse for not giving up the too. (or as the case may be)

Cinnie said:

PurpleJedi said:

I actually do know WHY he's doing it (if he really is)...he previously confided to me that his wife hasn't been very forthcoming in the sex department lately...nothing during the pregnancy and very little since. The baby is not-yet 5 months old.

Well, unless you're a marriage counselor or sex educator, what can you do to fix that? Buy him a fleshlight? Or maybe one of those sex robots that look like Chrissie Hynde.

No...not trying to "fix" anything...just seeing a train wreck happening and freaking out cuz I'm not sure what I should even do as a friend.

This all makes my head hurt.

Cinnie said:

CHIC0 said:

well, shouldn't he talk to his wife about that? or has he. unless she's ok'd him getting IT somewhere else. she just had a baby. that's not only disrepectful to her, and himself...but to their child.

not trying to pass judgement, just find it a weak excuse to cheat. not that there really is a good excuse to.

Having a child is a weak excuse for not giving up the too. (or as the case may be)

lol...i was coming more from a place of showing some respect. i mean, she just had your child. well maybe not quite just, but still.

PurpleJedi said:

Cinnie said:

Well, unless you're a marriage counselor or sex educator, what can you do to fix that? Buy him a fleshlight? Or maybe one of those sex robots that look like Chrissie Hynde.

No...not trying to "fix" anything...just seeing a train wreck happening and freaking out cuz I'm not sure what I should even do as a friend.

This all makes my head hurt.

You need to mind your B.I. and start patrollin' for skins to hit your damn self.

Cinnie said:

PurpleJedi said:

No...not trying to "fix" anything...just seeing a train wreck happening and freaking out cuz I'm not sure what I should even do as a friend.

This all makes my head hurt.

You need to mind your B.I. and start patrollin' for skins to hit your damn self.

..... ok what is B.I. dare i ask.

CHIC0 said:

Cinnie said:

You need to mind your B.I. and start patrollin' for skins to hit your damn self.

..... ok what is B.I. dare i ask.

Butt-Insky

just means, mind your own business

Cinnie said:

CHIC0 said:

..... ok what is B.I. dare i ask.

Butt-Insky

just means, mind your own business

oh. rap-terminology

PurpleJedi said:

The co-worker is like a breath of fresh air.

He sounds like every other selfish asshole walking this earth.

Wow, I'm amazed how many people here wouldn't say anything. You've described him as a good friend so if I were in your shoes I'd definitely bring it up with him. First I'd ask him if it's true at all and if he said it was, I'd advice him to either stop doing it or break up with his wife. If you don't say anything at all you're basically allowing him to turn you into a silent accomplice. And that's a role I wouldn't want to play if i were you.

retina said:

Wow, I'm amazed how many people here wouldn't say anything. You've described him as a good friend so if I were in your shoes I'd definitely bring it up with him. First I'd ask him if it's true at all and if he said it was, I'd advice him to either stop doing it or break up with his wife. If you don't say anything at all you're basically allowing him to turn you into a silent accomplice. And that's a role I wouldn't want to play if i were you.

Accomplice? It doesn't sound like he knows the dude's wife at all.

A "good friend"

I would ask what's up

I would tell him what I know, see and hear going down round the office

I'd remind him of the risks and ...

I'd make it clear that in no way could/would I support ( lie about ) his affair if directly asked by his wife

I have had to do this 4 times in the past with good friends ...

Mach said:

A "good friend"

I would ask what's up

I would tell him what I know, see and hear going down round the office

I'd remind him of the risks and ...

I'd make it clear that in no way could/would I support ( lie about ) his affair if directly asked by his wife

I have had to do this 4 times in the past with good friends ...

A good friend from work

Cinnie said:

Mach said:

A "good friend"

I would ask what's up

I would tell him what I know, see and hear going down round the office

I'd remind him of the risks and ...

I'd make it clear that in no way could/would I support ( lie about ) his affair if directly asked by his wife

I have had to do this 4 times in the past with good friends ...

A good friend from work

Yeah okay ~

same answer

He's married cheating fuckers should be put on the spot

Mach said:

Cinnie said:

A good friend from work

Yeah okay ~

same answer

He's married cheating fuckers should be put on the spot

It's really hard to teach someone who would cheat why it isn't right or can cause problems without sounding like a meddler. I understand the feeling of being sick over it, honestly, because you know you will be there when your friend is hurting later.

Cinnie said:

retina said:

Wow, I'm amazed how many people here wouldn't say anything. You've described him as a good friend so if I were in your shoes I'd definitely bring it up with him. First I'd ask him if it's true at all and if he said it was, I'd advice him to either stop doing it or break up with his wife. If you don't say anything at all you're basically allowing him to turn you into a silent accomplice. And that's a role I wouldn't want to play if i were you.

Accomplice? It doesn't sound like he knows the dude's wife at all.

So what? I would feel like an accomplice if a good friend was cheating and I just let it happen without even bringing it up for discussion with him. But if your conscience allows you to keep quiet, fine. I guess we would just feel and act differently in this case.

retina said:

Cinnie said:

Accomplice? It doesn't sound like he knows the dude's wife at all.

So what? I would feel like an accomplice if a good friend was cheating and I just let it happen without even bringing it up for discussion with him. But if your conscience allows you to keep quiet, fine. I guess we would just feel and act differently in this case.

It actually bothers me a lot which is why I don't cheat, but I know how to keep my friends, thanks.

I can understand saying something to your friend, what I don't get is going to the person who is being cheated on and telling them.

I also don't get people who suddenly de-friend someone just because they are having an affair.

Cinnie said:

retina said:

So what? I would feel like an accomplice if a good friend was cheating and I just let it happen without even bringing it up for discussion with him. But if your conscience allows you to keep quiet, fine. I guess we would just feel and act differently in this case.

It actually bothers me a lot which is why I don't cheat, but I know how to keep my friends, thanks.

Well I'm not saying you should slam them against a wall and yell that they'd better STOP RIGHT NOW. I'm just saying that you should bring up the issue and offer your opinion. If your friends can't even handle that, I'd say they're pretty crappy friends.

Cinnie said:

retina said:

Wow, I'm amazed how many people here wouldn't say anything. You've described him as a good friend so if I were in your shoes I'd definitely bring it up with him. First I'd ask him if it's true at all and if he said it was, I'd advice him to either stop doing it or break up with his wife. If you don't say anything at all you're basically allowing him to turn you into a silent accomplice. And that's a role I wouldn't want to play if i were you.

Accomplice? It doesn't sound like he knows the dude's wife at all.

OMG - I don't think that I full explained myself then.

I've known him for about 7 years, and they've been together for as much, I was invited to their wedding & all. She's a very, very nice person.

He & I have a bit more than just a co-worker friendship since we go out to lunch all the time (well, before he started doing lunch with the vixen instead) and do occassionally "hang" outside of work, but I'm not within his "inner circle" of best buds. Therein lies the problem.

Cinnie said:

Mach said:

Yeah okay ~

same answer

He's married cheating fuckers should be put on the spot

It's really hard to teach someone who would cheat why it isn't right or can cause problems without sounding like a meddler. I understand the feeling of being sick over it, honestly, because you know you will be there when your friend is hurting later.

BINGO.

JustErin said:

I can understand saying something to your friend, what I don't get is going to the person who is being cheated on and telling them.

I also don't get people who suddenly de-friend someone just because they are having an affair.

No...that would be WAY overstepping boundaries. If I was a relative then yeah.

PurpleJedi said:

Cinnie said:

Accomplice? It doesn't sound like he knows the dude's wife at all.

OMG - I don't think that I full explained myself then.

I've known him for about 7 years, and they've been together for as much, I was invited to their wedding & all. She's a very, very nice person.

He & I have a bit more than just a co-worker friendship since we go out to lunch all the time (well, before he started doing lunch with the vixen instead) and do occassionally "hang" outside of work, but I'm not within his "inner circle" of best buds. Therein lies the problem.

How many people were at their wedding. Were you the best man or a groomsman? Or were those the "inner circle"?

Does anyone of the "inner circle" work at the same place now?

I still have a feeling you're not close enough to even approach the topic without being cast off into the fringe even further than you are now. It's very telling that you heard the office gossip first.

Cinnie said:

PurpleJedi said:

The co-worker is like a breath of fresh air.

He sounds like every other selfish asshole walking this earth.

Sorry about this comment, I have issues