I'm the cliche quiet gal who ends up getting loud when she's mad. Doesn't help that I write a lot and people tend to bond with me quickly. So I know a good deal of facts and pick and choose what and when to say things. Sure, that's insanely evil but people like to take quiet shy gals for granted. Sometimes I need to let them know I don't put up with crap. I make no excuses for it, either. When I'm mad, I'm mad. There's a vaild reason for it and I've been known to chew off an ear or two to explain why I'm mad.

But then....sometimes after all my anger, I go back to my mothering mode and feel terrible for getting so angry. It's a messy deal off and on when I get mad and run my mouth.

I can be very nasty if I want to be.

GetAwayFromMe said:

I can be very nasty if I want to be.

I have no doubt. I would not want to make you angry.

Personally, I try not to make anyone around me angry. I go to far to tip toe around things some times and that can be bad.

Usually if I am mad, I just cry, that really pisses me the fuck off!

I am human, not perfect so I am sure that I can rub someone the wrong way and be nasty when I feel it is necessary.

anger from me and rage dependin on how long it has been festerin

lets just say it's hard 2 b nice when u r angry

Never. I try not to, because I think it's one of the worst things you can do to someone who is actually dear to you. I always try to logically think about what I am going to say and then defend it with logic. No personal attacks, no voice raising.

johnart said:

No.

I have a real issue when folk do that kind of unecessary bullshit.

The whole "I was just angry" thing is bullshit. Sorry. It's like when folk say "Oh I was drunk". No, you just lacked self-control and THE REAL BULLSHIT all spilled out yo mouth.

There's some shit people will say that you just can't take back. I've had it done to me. So no, I refuse to play into that do it to someone else.

Basically. Some family members of mine have a tendency to say some cold shit when they are upset. Never ok.

NMuzakNSoul said:

johnart said:

No.

I have a real issue when folk do that kind of unecessary bullshit.

The whole "I was just angry" thing is bullshit. Sorry. It's like when folk say "Oh I was drunk". No, you just lacked self-control and THE REAL BULLSHIT all spilled out yo mouth.

There's some shit people will say that you just can't take back. I've had it done to me. So no, I refuse to play into that do it to someone else.

Basically. Some family members of mine have a tendency to say some cold shit when they are upset. Never ok.

Agreed.

LadyLuvSexxy said:

I'm the cliche quiet gal who ends up getting loud when she's mad. Doesn't help that I write a lot and people tend to bond with me quickly. So I know a good deal of facts and pick and choose what and when to say things. Sure, that's insanely evil but people like to take quiet shy gals for granted. Sometimes I need to let them know I don't put up with crap. I make no excuses for it, either. When I'm mad, I'm mad. There's a vaild reason for it and I've been known to chew off an ear or two to explain why I'm mad.

But then....sometimes after all my anger, I go back to my mothering mode and feel terrible for getting so angry. It's a messy deal off and on when I get mad and run my mouth.

This is soo me right here!

Usually I'm very calm, and stick to the issue, ignore any nastiness and stay reasonable and logical. Occasionally I'll stick to the issue but be a bit nasty and facetious with it. I don't think I ever really throw off-topic nastiness around and get all out of control like that.

Not usually. My tendency is to just stay very calm and let the other person spill their shit. I figure the calmer I stay (especially if other people are around), the more the other person looks like an idiot.

I always fall back on my political training, "Never interfere with the enemy when he's in the process of destroying himself."

I kind of wish I got nasty when I was angry, but my anger usually translates as sadness instead and makes me want to stay to myself.

Number23 said:

Never. I have no idea what my voice sounds like when it's raised either. Cartoon bluebirds with big eyes flutter around and whistle songs of joy in my ears when someone nearby gets angry.

delightful!

PunkMistress said:

retina said:

When some people get really angry, they tend to get nasty. By that I mean that they say things almost exclusively to hurt the other person, and often it has nothing to do with what is being argued about. Or at least the point of argument gets turned into something bigger than it is and from there it becomes an attack on the other person's personality or character in general.

Example: The other person has left the dishes on the counter for the 100th time.

Angry: Why do you always leave the bloody dishes on the counter? Can't you help out and put them in the washer?

Nasty: You've left the dishes on the counter again. I guess it would be too much to expect someone who can't even hold down a job or get a bloody haircut to help out with dishes?

Do you have a tendency to get nasty, or do you stay focused on the issue? Be honest.

Never.

Well, almost never. I'm sure I slip up and let out a nasty, off-topic barb here and there if I'm really out-of-control angry. But there's a conscious effort on my part at all times not to get nasty like that. I know people who do, and I find it a really ignorant and distasteful way to behave. It screams of poor reasoning skills and glaring insecurity to me.

But that's not to say I don't get aggressive, loud and confrontational - I just try to keep it on topic. I need to work on my anger overall.

That sounds like me too. Even though I can get loud and sound very firm when I get angry, I don't have a natural inclination towards hurtful nastiness. The only time I might get tempted is if the other person keeps hurling stuff like that at me but then I'd probably be likely to stay on the new "topic" that gets created instead of starting yet another one of my own (i.e. if the example in my original post would happen, I might respond "well you haven't exactly stayed 20 years on your jobs either" or something like that).

Lammastide said:

When I'm angry, I usually withdraw and seeth rather than explode, so when I must vent I usually don't find it tough to stay on point. This often makes things worse, though: When others go off on all sorts of tangents during arguments, they go crazy when I insist they stay focused.

I've experienced that too. It's frustrating to get that reaction since it's actually a good thing to stay focused and not let it grow out of proportion. One would think that they would realize that but no, they'd rather start a domestic world war with multi-front attacks.

johnart said:

No.

I have a real issue when folk do that kind of unecessary bullshit.

The whole "I was just angry" thing is bullshit. Sorry. It's like when folk say "Oh I was drunk". No, you just lacked self-control and THE REAL BULLSHIT all spilled out yo mouth.

There's some shit people will say that you just can't take back. I've had it done to me. So no, I refuse to play into that do it to someone else.

I hear you, but at the same time I have a great appreciation for people who have the ability to forgive and forget. Some people are so conflict-averse that they can hold a grudge for months over one instance where you blew up despite attempts to apologize. I totally think people should do their utmost to hold back the worst part of their anger but I don't think it's a deadly sin if they sometimes fail.

florescent said:

Not very often, but sometimes.

I have to say what's pissing me off because if I don't say straight away, it the anger kinda grows and eats away at me and then I get nasty.

Yeah, it's better to let off a bit of steam every now and then (as long as it's not too often) instead of letting it build up. When I think about it, most people I know are the kind who let it build up and then all of a sudden you get a huge piece of their mind that's totally not in proportion to what just happened. I don't think that's fair.

When I get angry, I usually treat that person like they are invisible which helps me actually imagine they are not there to speak to and hurt, and also conveys that we are not on friendly terms in that moment.

If they try to break this illusion during that moment, especially by saying something further offensive to me, that's when I go off. I think that if the issue was that they did not do the dishes, the criticism would not spill into how they look, but would likely tear deeper into related behavior such as laziness or their defense excuses.

So basically, I keep "the nasty" bottled up until I can clear my head, or that person triggers discourse.

Not saying it is right, but even I know enough about myself that this is how I tend to react, so much so that I have tried to steer towards a more positive outcome when I am angry. Usually apathy trumps self-actualization though.

Number23 said:

Never. I have no idea what my voice sounds like when it's raised either. Cartoon bluebirds with big eyes flutter around and whistle songs of joy in my ears when someone nearby gets angry.

For some reason I can easily imagine you unintentionally provoking some people though (you could probably get a beating just for saying something like that second sentence in a bar, lol), so I bet the cartoon bluebirds come in handy.

Genesia said:

Not usually. My tendency is to just stay very calm and let the other person spill their shit. I figure the calmer I stay (especially if other people are around), the more the other person looks like an idiot.

I always fall back on my political training, "Never interfere with the enemy when he's in the process of destroying himself."

Do you ever find that the calmer you get, the angrier the other person gets? I can actually find it quite provocative if you can tell that the other person is fuming but take on an artificial calm just to make you look bad, lol. So I guess your strategy of "winning" the argument works, but it's not necessarily always the best way to keep it from escalating.

LadyLuvSexxy said:

I'm the cliche quiet gal who ends up getting loud when she's mad. Doesn't help that I write a lot and people tend to bond with me quickly. So I know a good deal of facts and pick and choose what and when to say things. Sure, that's insanely evil but people like to take quiet shy gals for granted. Sometimes I need to let them know I don't put up with crap. I make no excuses for it, either. When I'm mad, I'm mad. There's a vaild reason for it and I've been known to chew off an ear or two to explain why I'm mad.

But then....sometimes after all my anger, I go back to my mothering mode and feel terrible for getting so angry. It's a messy deal off and on when I get mad and run my mouth.

I can relate to this "quiet gal" thing for sure, which is one reason why I can justify being intensely angry when it does happen. I feel like I am very understanding and diplomatic, so when a line has been crossed it is CLEAR, and I can explain it as truth not emotion.

Dave1992 said:

Never. I try not to, because I think it's one of the worst things you can do to someone who is actually dear to you. I always try to logically think about what I am going to say and then defend it with logic. No personal attacks, no voice raising.

What if you don't give two shits about them?

retina said:

Do you have a tendency to get nasty, or do you stay focused on the issue? Be honest.

Yes, I get really hurtful and nasty, but only if I'm fucked with. I'll attack the other person's appearance, and if it's a woman, I'll hit her with the b---- and c--- words. Most of the time it happens on the subway.

retina said:

Cinnie said:

Dave1992 said:

Never. I try not to, because I think it's one of the worst things you can do to someone who is actually dear to you. I always try to logically think about what I am going to say and then defend it with logic. No personal attacks, no voice raising.

What if you don't give two shits about them?

Then we wouldn't even get as far as an actualy argument, where I invest power into trying to explain my thoughts to another person. Usually it's like this: Someone I don't give two shits about = someone whose words would never affect my way of thinking = someone I couldn't learn from = someone I don't care about. Therefore I never have arguments with people who I don't really care about.

I am not nasty when angry and it's something I simply won't tolerate if you want to have any kind of relationship with me. Friendship, co-worker, family, whoever you are. Be angry all you want but if you deliberately try to hurt my feelings I have no use for you.

CarrieMpls said:

I am not nasty when angry and it's something I simply won't tolerate if you want to have any kind of relationship with me. Friendship, co-worker, family, whoever you are. Be angry all you want but if you deliberately try to hurt my feelings I have no use for you.

You's a stone cold muthafucka

.

[Edited 8/13/10 9:11am]

Yeah I can get nasty sometimes, depending on what the issue is. Usually I get that way when someone is trying to control me or my life in some way and I have to shut them down and let them know that it's not happening. When I get really angry, I say nothing though. And if I get angry enough to recognize that the person no longer holds a place in my life, then the silent treatment turns into a cut off.

Normally, when someone approaches me with a nasty attitude for no reason, I do have the capability to turn it around and not feed into it. But if a person is just hell bent on being an ass, then eventually, I let them know about it.