When some people get really angry, they tend to get nasty. By that I mean that they say things almost exclusively to hurt the other person, and often it has nothing to do with what is being argued about. Or at least the point of argument gets turned into something bigger than it is and from there it becomes an attack on the other person's personality or character in general.

Example: The other person has left the dishes on the counter for the 100th time.

Angry: Why do you always leave the bloody dishes on the counter? Can't you help out and put them in the washer?

Nasty: You've left the dishes on the counter again. I guess it would be too much to expect someone who can't even hold down a job or get a bloody haircut to help out with dishes?

Do you have a tendency to get nasty, or do you stay focused on the issue? Be honest.

I used to...brutally nasty to be honest.

But, I've mellowed tremendously since I had my son.

JustErin said:

I used to...brutally nasty to be honest.

But, I've mellowed tremendously since I had my son.

Did the other person used to get nasty right back at you, or did they just take the hit and try to be reasonable? I find that nastiness is pretty contagious; if one starts it, it just accelerates from there on both sides. I really try hard not to get pulled into that stuff but it's not always easy.

I've been known to.

It depends on what the issue was that made me angry in the first place.

I try to take a deep breath and think about what I'm about to say before I explode now, because in a couple of cases it caused me a friendship/relationship.

retina said:

JustErin said:

I used to...brutally nasty to be honest.

But, I've mellowed tremendously since I had my son.

Did the other person used to get nasty right back at you, or did they just take the hit and try to be reasonable? I find that nastiness is pretty contagious; if one starts it, it just accelerates from there on both sides. I really try hard not to get pulled into that stuff but it's not always easy.

No, I never really got back what I gave. I was always just told I was horrible.

I'm useless at being angry and arguing. As such, I have the tendency to get a bit nasty just for added effect. I usually back down and end up apologising afterwards.

A few years back when i was having drug problems i was a monster. Very angry, very nasty, very intimidating.

Now that i am clean as a whistle i have mellowed a huge amount. Just as well really.

Lol I've started meditating, and breathing and counting and all that stuff to calm down. I used to have a MONSTROUS temper. But when I do get mad, it's righteous anger though.

I used to say nothing and allow things to get bad... then explode.

I no longer do that. I am sort of a quiet storm. I just tell you what I feel and if you continue... I cut you off. I do not cuss or scream anymore. I had to stop since I wasn't heard that way.

retina said:

When some people get really angry, they tend to get nasty. By that I mean that they say things almost exclusively to hurt the other person, and often it has nothing to do with what is being argued about. Or at least the point of argument gets turned into something bigger than it is and from there it becomes an attack on the other person's personality or character in general.

Example: The other person has left the dishes on the counter for the 100th time.

Angry: Why do you always leave the bloody dishes on the counter? Can't you help out and put them in the washer?

Nasty: You've left the dishes on the counter again. I guess it would be too much to expect someone who can't even hold down a job or get a bloody haircut to help out with dishes?

Do you have a tendency to get nasty, or do you stay focused on the issue? Be honest.

Never.

Well, almost never. I'm sure I slip up and let out a nasty, off-topic barb here and there if I'm really out-of-control angry. But there's a conscious effort on my part at all times not to get nasty like that. I know people who do, and I find it a really ignorant and distasteful way to behave. It screams of poor reasoning skills and glaring insecurity to me.

But that's not to say I don't get aggressive, loud and confrontational - I just try to keep it on topic. I need to work on my anger overall.

i have a really awful problem with this.

When I'm angry, I usually withdraw and seeth rather than explode, so when I must vent I usually don't find it tough to stay on point. This often makes things worse, though: When others go off on all sorts of tangents during arguments, they go crazy when I insist they stay focused.

I become passive aggressive and come up with the most vulgar insults and disturbing obsessive thoughts you can imagine and can't stop dwelling on them for a long time and have to talk it out with a hotline to calm down. I have an anger problem but it's internalized, I don't let it out anymore like I used to, I just suppress it and laugh about it and joke, but it eats away at me inside so I have to find a healthy way to channel it and realize my faults.

Lammastide said:

When I'm angry, I usually withdraw and seeth rather than explode, so when I must vent I usually don't find it tough to stay on point. This often makes things worse, though: When others go off on all sorts of tangents during arguments, they go crazy when I insist they stay focused.

But that can be so, so satisfying.

Especially if you don't like the person, it's great to see them all out of control and shit, and you can be all calm and superior.

PunkMistress said:

Lammastide said:

When I'm angry, I usually withdraw and seeth rather than explode, so when I must vent I usually don't find it tough to stay on point. This often makes things worse, though: When others go off on all sorts of tangents during arguments, they go crazy when I insist they stay focused.

But that can be so, so satisfying.

Especially if you don't like the person, it's great to see them all out of control and shit, and you can be all calm and superior.

I actually love to stay calm now to do just that.

PunkMistress said:

Lammastide said:

When I'm angry, I usually withdraw and seeth rather than explode, so when I must vent I usually don't find it tough to stay on point. This often makes things worse, though: When others go off on all sorts of tangents during arguments, they go crazy when I insist they stay focused.

But that can be so, so satisfying.

Especially if you don't like the person, it's great to see them all out of control and shit, and you can be all calm and superior.

Yeah... it does feel good. Makes the other person look like a lesser primate.

Sometimes backfires, though -- and I hate it when I become the stuttering idiot. But I totally deserve it sometimes.

[Edited 8/6/10 19:01pm]

alphastreet said:

I become passive aggressive and come up with the most vulgar insults and disturbing obsessive thoughts you can imagine and can't stop dwelling on them for a long time and have to talk it out with a hotline to calm down. I have an anger problem but it's internalized, I don't let it out anymore like I used to, I just suppress it and laugh about it and joke, but it eats away at me inside so I have to find a healthy way to channel it and realize my faults.

I can relate to having obsessive, violent thoughts when I'm really angry.

It's a good thing you have someone to call, and that you are proactive enough to make that call and let the poison out.

I stay focused and to the direct point and speak softly for something as silly and minor as dishes ( which in reality is not an issue at my home )

I do not get nasty with my partner or children ~ there really has never been a need to and I can not imagine that changing

I had enough nasty experience with my ex before I met Michael to last 3 lifetimes ~ it's not something I wanted to have in my married life or raise children around and Michael is a very balanced speaker and thinks things through before speaking too

We speak respectfully ( and LISTEN actively ) to one another and calmly talk things through and move forward

I don't really like being around people that are nasty to one another and I make that pretty clear

Mach said:

I stay focused and to the direct point and speak softly for something as silly and minor as dishes ( which in reality is not an issue at my home )

I do not get nasty with my partner or children ~ there really has never been a need to and I can not imagine that changing

I had enough nasty experience with my ex before I met Michael to last 3 lifetimes ~ it's not something I wanted to have in my married life or raise children around and Michael is a very balanced speaker and thinks things through before speaking too

We speak respectfully ( and LISTEN actively ) to one another and calmly talk things through and move forward

I don't really like being around people that are nasty to one another and I make that pretty clear

It's 50/50.

I used to get downright satanic when I got angry. And people thought I was evil. Now I just keep it to myself, and stay very mellow with others.

I do the whole range of anger....nasty, passive/aggressive, vengeful, cut off, throw shit....I'm a Scorpio

it's not good for my health so now I try to avoid people and especially those that anger me

No.

I have a real issue when folk do that kind of unecessary bullshit.

The whole "I was just angry" thing is bullshit. Sorry. It's like when folk say "Oh I was drunk". No, you just lacked self-control and THE REAL BULLSHIT all spilled out yo mouth.

There's some shit people will say that you just can't take back. I've had it done to me. So no, I refuse to play into that do it to someone else.

When I get angry I lose it

like this bitch today

I post a picture of someone

and I put udner it sexy

anad so she says " ugh no"

So I told her

"Your not attracted to men so gtfo ..too busy sucking vags"

and so the people tratted me for it about this is nto about sexuality or w.e..pftt Like I care

I tend to stay very calm in arguments but I will say things that I know will hurt the person I'm arguing with. Of course, it has to be over something A LOT more significant than just dishes. It's usually the argument just before the end of a relationship.

PunkMistress said:

alphastreet said:

I become passive aggressive and come up with the most vulgar insults and disturbing obsessive thoughts you can imagine and can't stop dwelling on them for a long time and have to talk it out with a hotline to calm down. I have an anger problem but it's internalized, I don't let it out anymore like I used to, I just suppress it and laugh about it and joke, but it eats away at me inside so I have to find a healthy way to channel it and realize my faults.

I can relate to having obsessive, violent thoughts when I'm really angry.

It's a good thing you have someone to call, and that you are proactive enough to make that call and let the poison out.

yeah I've been doing it for over a year, my life is good but I have too much emotional baggage and learning to manage my depression. I'm trying to clear up cause when it happens, sometimes I feel like another person has taken over cause I'm not like that. When I'm passionate about something or someone too and get angry, I really internalize it though I don't make a fool out of myself anymore like I used to, but sometimes it hurts.

It depends on what we're arguing about and it depends on the other person.

I give as good as I get, and I'm a hothead sometimes.

im a pretty care free person if i say something and get no responce or the exact opposite i asked in return my motto is...

if you give two fucks and say fuck it

well then i give two fucks and say fuck it also and the problem is no longer in my hands

'

[Edited 10/22/10 7:08am]

Not very often, but sometimes.

I have to say what's pissing me off because if I don't say straight away, it the anger kinda grows and eats away at me and then I get nasty.