Was just listening to some Janet Jackson, then thinking about how she and MJ both fired their father Joe at some point and declared independence from parental control. Then I thought of other "star" kids who tried to do it and I thought of people I have known who tried to "fire" controlling parents from their lives...and yet remained dependent for the duration of their parents' lives--and these were families who weren't rich and famous! I can understand the motivation of people like Joe Jackson (Greed)--but what is the motivation for parents who continually try to control their childrens' lives long past young adulthood?!

This dynamic can ruin a lot of people's lives who, otherwise, would be really independent and not feel entitled! I went to a lot of lengths to let my son know, although he was much loved, he was not spoiled or entitled! I really don't get it! What are these parents' motivations?! To have children who will support them in their old age? If so, from what I have observed, it totally back-fires with selfish, uncaring offspring... Yuck!

Because they don't have lives of their own and can't let go of the fact that their children aren't really children anymore.

i don't know why people have children at all.

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

Well....someone's gotta get up and get me the TV remote control.

PurpleJedi said:

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

Well....someone's gotta get up and get me the TV remote control.

I have a gay male friend who thought he wanted children and went through foster care training to get a foster child but then after becoming an "Uncle" to a friend's grandchildren, he decided that he didn't want any children of his own, foster or otherwise! Too much work! He likes having his "adopted nephews" for a few days! In his words: "Oh my God, I didn't realize how much WORK it is!"

poetcorner61 said:

PurpleJedi said:

Well....someone's gotta get up and get me the TV remote control.

I have a gay male friend who thought he wanted children and went through foster care training to get a foster child but then after becoming an "Uncle" to a friend's grandchildren, he decided that he didn't want any children of his own, foster or otherwise! Too much work! He likes having his "adopted nephews" for a few days! In his words: "Oh my God, I didn't realize how much WORK it is!"

ALL the time when the kids are home and awake is WORK

there is no such thing as "just chillin with the kids"

at least at my place with 3 boys, it's just insane

ZombieKitten said:

poetcorner61 said:

I have a gay male friend who thought he wanted children and went through foster care training to get a foster child but then after becoming an "Uncle" to a friend's grandchildren, he decided that he didn't want any children of his own, foster or otherwise! Too much work! He likes having his "adopted nephews" for a few days! In his words: "Oh my God, I didn't realize how much WORK it is!"

ALL the time when the kids are home and awake is WORK

there is no such thing as "just chillin with the kids"

at least at my place with 3 boys, it's just insane

God Bless You! And I mean that sincerely! I only raised one boy; my sister raised two--and that was a lot of time, work, and, of course, much love! But we ended up single parents--hope you have a really great guy as parent/partner! And it is work--for guys also! My Dad was a single parent with three kids!

PurpleJedi said:

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

Well....someone's gotta get up and get me the TV remote control.

LMAO! You just reminded me of a child-unfriendly thing a friend of mine said recently: "Crumb snatchers are only good for picking lint off the carpet." When he said that, I fell over...because he actually put it into practice when watching his relatives' kids!

poetcorner61 said:

PurpleJedi said:

Well....someone's gotta get up and get me the TV remote control.

LMAO! You just reminded me of a child-unfriendly thing a friend of mine said recently: "Crumb snatchers are only good for picking lint off the carpet." When he said that, I fell over...because he actually put it into practice when watching his relatives' kids!

That's just WRONG!

poetcorner61 said:

ZombieKitten said:

ALL the time when the kids are home and awake is WORK

there is no such thing as "just chillin with the kids"

at least at my place with 3 boys, it's just insane

God Bless You! And I mean that sincerely! I only raised one boy; my sister raised two--and that was a lot of time, work, and, of course, much love! But we ended up single parents--hope you have a really great guy as parent/partner! And it is work--for guys also! My Dad was a single parent with three kids!

thank you

seriously, I have no idea how you singles do it

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

Amen.

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

SHOCKADELICA1 said:

whistle said:

i don't know why people have children at all.

it is at this juncture I always feel it is important to add that if you think children will fill a void in you, think again you will probably still have that empty feeling, but you will just be distracted by all the work and noise that you don't have as much time to fixate on what is missing from your life

Well, for not being able to have a child myself, and being brought into the life of a child who needed parents to love him unconditionally, I know why some folks "have" kids.

bluesbaby said:

Well, for not being able to have a child myself, and being brought into the life of a child who needed parents to love him unconditionally, I know why some folks "have" kids.

Yeah mon !

Mach said:

bluesbaby said:

Well, for not being able to have a child myself, and being brought into the life of a child who needed parents to love him unconditionally, I know why some folks "have" kids.

Yeah mon !

just sayin.

ZombieKitten said:

poetcorner61 said:

God Bless You! And I mean that sincerely! I only raised one boy; my sister raised two--and that was a lot of time, work, and, of course, much love! But we ended up single parents--hope you have a really great guy as parent/partner! And it is work--for guys also! My Dad was a single parent with three kids!

thank you

seriously, I have no idea how you singles do it

One day at a time... and for me its great. Tiresome.... but great.

Many parents I see don't teach their kids how to be independent they think their kids will fail and tell them so in ways that makes adult children lean too heavily on them. It becomes a co-depenancy of sorts. Most dysfunctional homes are like this. Children grow up to make the same mistakes their parents do.

paintedlady said:

ZombieKitten said:

thank you

seriously, I have no idea how you singles do it

One day at a time... and for me its great. Tiresome.... but great.

Many parents I see don't teach their kids how to be independent they think their kids will fail and tell them so in ways that makes adult children lean too heavily on them. It becomes a co-depenancy of sorts. Most dysfunctional homes are like this. Children grow up to make the same mistakes their parents do.

Got that right! Many to all of you who have done it...with your "self" born children or even more so! those you chose to raise and love! I only pity--then, again!, no, I don't! Those parents who raise their children to be spoiled, selfish, and consider that the world owes them a living. The parents start that mentality and then the grown children expect it, sometimes until their parents die, and worst of all, inflict it on their own children.

i think my mom had a hard time seeing me married, and living my own life, i imagine it's not easy sometimes for a parent to let go.

[Edited 8/4/10 0:08am]

bluesbaby said:

Mach said:

Yeah mon !

just sayin.

I can't have children either.

But as a teacher, I spend many hours with other people's kids.

I understand what you mean.

kimrachell said:

i think my mom had a hard time seeing me married, and living my own life, i imagine it's not easy sometimes for a parent to let go.

[Edited 8/4/10 0:08am]

my 15 year old gets upset when we question her facebook activity. she says "don't you know I'm a good kid"?

but even good kids can make mistakes and bad decisions, and as a parent that's our concern. one bad decision can be fatal. so it's not controlling...it's about teaching them to decide between good and bad.

What are the ages of the "kids" we're talking about here?

See, I think parents have carte blanche (pretty much) to control their kids' lives until they're 18. (Sadly, I see a lot who don't. Helicoptering or trying to be your child's "friend" does not equal good parenting.) And I think parents still have a right to set "house rules" if their children continue to live at home in their 20s or beyond.

Once a child is an adult and living away from home, it's up to him or her to establish the rules for a relationship with their parents where they're on equal terms. I had to fight pretty hard to get my mom to stay out of my business (especially since I still had three younger sisters who told her everything.) We have a good relationship now, but it was pretty rocky for awhile.

Genesia said:

What are the ages of the "kids" we're talking about here?

See, I think parents have carte blanche (pretty much) to control their kids' lives until they're 18. (Sadly, I see a lot who don't. Helicoptering or trying to be your child's "friend" does not equal good parenting.) And I think parents still have a right to set "house rules" if their children continue to live at home in their 20s or beyond.

Once a child is an adult and living away from home, it's up to him or her to establish the rules for a relationship with their parents where they're on equal terms. I had to fight pretty hard to get my mom to stay out of my business (especially since I still had three younger sisters who told her everything.) We have a good relationship now, but it was pretty rocky for awhile.

I agree.

My sister has some health issues and still lives home, so she has a different relationship with my parents than I do. She's engaged, but her fiance has kind of fallen into the fold and the 4 of them coexist nicely.

I live about 5 minutes away, but have my own home and live my life.

At least one of them calls me everyday- "just to check" on me, and my Dad can't understand why I don't come over everyday. We got into it the other day over something small, which turned into something big because I told him I refuse to report in every time I go somewhere.

I think not being married contributes to this, because they feel like I'm "too independent". WTF?!

Genesia said:

What are the ages of the "kids" we're talking about here?

See, I think parents have carte blanche (pretty much) to control their kids' lives until they're 18. (Sadly, I see a lot who don't. Helicoptering or trying to be your child's "friend" does not equal good parenting.) And I think parents still have a right to set "house rules" if their children continue to live at home in their 20s or beyond.

Once a child is an adult and living away from home, it's up to him or her to establish the rules for a relationship with their parents where they're on equal terms. I had to fight pretty hard to get my mom to stay out of my business (especially since I still had three younger sisters who told her everything.) We have a good relationship now, but it was pretty rocky for awhile.

I agree, if young kids are too sheltered then they never even seek to move out when they finish their education (formal). There are some old world mindsets (cultures) that keep several generations under one roof, but to pressure a child into that I believe is wrong. A child should do this as an option and not a necessity. IMO

paintedlady said:

Genesia said:

What are the ages of the "kids" we're talking about here?

See, I think parents have carte blanche (pretty much) to control their kids' lives until they're 18. (Sadly, I see a lot who don't. Helicoptering or trying to be your child's "friend" does not equal good parenting.) And I think parents still have a right to set "house rules" if their children continue to live at home in their 20s or beyond.

Once a child is an adult and living away from home, it's up to him or her to establish the rules for a relationship with their parents where they're on equal terms. I had to fight pretty hard to get my mom to stay out of my business (especially since I still had three younger sisters who told her everything.) We have a good relationship now, but it was pretty rocky for awhile.

I agree, if young kids are too sheltered then they never even seek to move out when they finish their education (formal). There are some old world mindsets (cultures) that keep several generations under one roof, but to pressure a child into that I believe is wrong. A child should do this as an option and not a necessity. IMO

There's also the aspect that these kids have been given everything they want. What incentive do they have to make their own way in the world when someone else has bought them everything they've ever wanted? A lot of them graduate college without ever having had a job, for crying out loud! They can't possibly make enough money to live the way mommy and daddy have conditioned them to.

Genesia said:

paintedlady said:

I agree, if young kids are too sheltered then they never even seek to move out when they finish their education (formal). There are some old world mindsets (cultures) that keep several generations under one roof, but to pressure a child into that I believe is wrong. A child should do this as an option and not a necessity. IMO

There's also the aspect that these kids have been given everything they want. What incentive do they have to make their own way in the world when someone else has bought them everything they've ever wanted? A lot of them graduate college without ever having had a job, for crying out loud! They can't possibly make enough money to live the way mommy and daddy have conditioned them to.

Yes, and it seems to be common practice for teens to NOT earn what they are given. They expect luxury items and they get it. Heck I had to work by age 14 and I bought my own clothing and crap ever since I was 16, I made my son buy his own cell phone. He got a job at 17.... I wasn't playing. No job, no girlfriend! I can't understand how teens are allowed to hang out and party but still not hold down a job.

paintedlady said:

Genesia said:

There's also the aspect that these kids have been given everything they want. What incentive do they have to make their own way in the world when someone else has bought them everything they've ever wanted? A lot of them graduate college without ever having had a job, for crying out loud! They can't possibly make enough money to live the way mommy and daddy have conditioned them to.

Yes, and it seems to be common practice for teens to NOT earn what they are given. They expect luxury items and they get it. Heck I had to work by age 14 and I bought my own clothing and crap ever since I was 16, I made my son buy his own cell phone. He got a job at 17.... I wasn't playing. No job, no girlfriend! I can't understand how teens are allowed to hang out and party but still not hold down a job.

I haven't agreed with everything my sisters have done in terms of raising their kids. But my niece has had a paying job since she was 14.

I asked her early on how it was going (she works in a local fast food place - a step up from McD's, but still fast food) and she said, "Well, it isn't very stimulating." I said, "That's okay. You work those kinds of jobs now so you don't have to work them later. It'll help you more than you can possibly know at this point in your life."

She's 17 now and still working the same job. She will be one of few kids going off to college next fall with that experience under her belt.

Genesia said:

What are the ages of the "kids" we're talking about here?

See, I think parents have carte blanche (pretty much) to control their kids' lives until they're 18. (Sadly, I see a lot who don't. Helicoptering or trying to be your child's "friend" does not equal good parenting.) And I think parents still have a right to set "house rules" if their children continue to live at home in their 20s or beyond.

Once a child is an adult and living away from home, it's up to him or her to establish the rules for a relationship with their parents where they're on equal terms. I had to fight pretty hard to get my mom to stay out of my business (especially since I still had three younger sisters who told her everything.) We have a good relationship now, but it was pretty rocky for awhile.

Hell if you don't wanna be bothered with your folks, don't answer the phone.

Genesia said:

paintedlady said:

Yes, and it seems to be common practice for teens to NOT earn what they are given. They expect luxury items and they get it. Heck I had to work by age 14 and I bought my own clothing and crap ever since I was 16, I made my son buy his own cell phone. He got a job at 17.... I wasn't playing. No job, no girlfriend! I can't understand how teens are allowed to hang out and party but still not hold down a job.

I haven't agreed with everything my sisters have done in terms of raising their kids. But my niece has had a paying job since she was 14.

I asked her early on how it was going (she works in a local fast food place - a step up from McD's, but still fast food) and she said, "Well, it isn't very stimulating." I said, "That's okay. You work those kinds of jobs now so you don't have to work them later. It'll help you more than you can possibly know at this point in your life."

She's 17 now and still working the same job. She will be one of few kids going off to college next fall with that experience under her belt.

That puts her ahead of the pack, she will know what it means to actually work.

We had some wicked snow last season, right?

Back in the day, that would have been lucrative to an enterprising teen.

I said to my class, "You guys are gonna make a lot of money this weekend!" (before the storm). One of the boys rolled his eyes, looked at me like a had something hanging out of my nose, and said, "Huh. I don't shovel! "

More than one kid has told me their parents won't let them work while they're in school.

You want an iPod, cellphone, spending money, the latest fashions? Work.

I don't get it.

I got a job at the mall when I was 16, and have worked ever since. When that store closed, I went to another. I even tried telemarketing. In college I also worked in the Day Care Center on campus...