TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

No, I am not talking about the baby--okay, not completely..but have you talked to your man about job hunting? The unemployment rate is huge, and my husband looked for a LONG time...actively searched. You may need to approach this a little differently, because if you just give an ultimatum, and obviously he has at least been doing things for you and your kids, then that could really turn bad...he is still this child's father and you aren't allowed to determine if he is able to be a part of that baby's life, unless he is some freak.........

Not to mention, you could be sued for custody if you do decide to do your self absorbed thing (more than you have been, judging by earlier threads)....he has been on the chopping block since the beginning, and yet you let him live in your house, establish relationships with your children, and good ones, it seems, and now once again everything he does is wrong and you are going to be superwoman because you can........Sit down with him, make sure he is actively searching..talk to him about the baby, what he might want to do as work, etc. GET COUNSELING if you need to, whether you are marrying him or not. Too bad he never had a chance with you...and now you both are permanently connected by a little person who had no say in the matter........Not to mention your other kids..and how they feel about him--their own thoughts, not how "mom says you are..." type feelings.

Not trying to be harsh, but I know it seems that way.

No I hear ya. I can take constructive criticism, and honetly that is why I am here. I feel on one hand that I AM being a mega bitch. Maybe I'm not giving him a chance......out of fear or whatever I dunno.

He has been 'looking into jobs' and he has not been working since January.

By 'looking into jobs' I mean going on line and seeing who is hiring, and then saying 'that is too far, they don't pay enough, or I just don't wanna settle for anything'.

He has no education outside of a highschool diploma, so I'm sorry, but those are the kinds of jobs available to you.

There are PLENTY of places hiring around here for 13 dollars and hour. They're all labor jobs, but they're OUT THERE. He just doesn't want to do that.

He hasn't even put any applications in.

So I mean, what does this all look like????

It's getting pretty damn scary, cuz to me, it looks like he just doesn't wanna work.

And I'm not his Momma.

You aren't his Momma. And maybe when you have your sit down with him, you can say this isn't about a career, this is about a child. You do what you have to do, work where you can work. If he really wants to do something different, he should get one of those jobs to do what he needs to, and enroll in school. A lot of places only take apps online, so maybe you can be encouraging (as you pull your hair out ) and ask how many places he found online, how many apps he filled out..If you see a job online, show it to him.... But you are right about being firm about the kiddo..and your other kids too. If he does propose, you can be honest there too...you might find your feelings change later, but the fact is, he is not pursuing anything, and you need a person in your life who pursues work, dreams, etc.......

bluesbaby said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

No I hear ya. I can take constructive criticism, and honetly that is why I am here. I feel on one hand that I AM being a mega bitch. Maybe I'm not giving him a chance......out of fear or whatever I dunno.

He has been 'looking into jobs' and he has not been working since January.

By 'looking into jobs' I mean going on line and seeing who is hiring, and then saying 'that is too far, they don't pay enough, or I just don't wanna settle for anything'.

He has no education outside of a highschool diploma, so I'm sorry, but those are the kinds of jobs available to you.

There are PLENTY of places hiring around here for 13 dollars and hour. They're all labor jobs, but they're OUT THERE. He just doesn't want to do that.

He hasn't even put any applications in.

So I mean, what does this all look like????

It's getting pretty damn scary, cuz to me, it looks like he just doesn't wanna work.

And I'm not his Momma.

You aren't his Momma. And maybe when you have your sit down with him, you can say this isn't about a career, this is about a child. You do what you have to do, work where you can work. If he really wants to do something different, he should get one of those jobs to do what he needs to, and enroll in school. A lot of places only take apps online, so maybe you can be encouraging (as you pull your hair out ) and ask how many places he found online, how many apps he filled out..If you see a job online, show it to him.... But you are right about being firm about the kiddo..and your other kids too. If he does propose, you can be honest there too...you might find your feelings change later, but the fact is, he is not pursuing anything, and you need a person in your life who pursues work, dreams, etc.......

Thank You for all the good advice. My bitch o meter has gone WAY up in the past month too. If I say that he was really trying it would more than likely change things.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

You aren't his Momma. And maybe when you have your sit down with him, you can say this isn't about a career, this is about a child. You do what you have to do, work where you can work. If he really wants to do something different, he should get one of those jobs to do what he needs to, and enroll in school. A lot of places only take apps online, so maybe you can be encouraging (as you pull your hair out ) and ask how many places he found online, how many apps he filled out..If you see a job online, show it to him.... But you are right about being firm about the kiddo..and your other kids too. If he does propose, you can be honest there too...you might find your feelings change later, but the fact is, he is not pursuing anything, and you need a person in your life who pursues work, dreams, etc.......

Thank You for all the good advice. My bitch o meter has gone WAY up in the past month too. If I say that he was really trying it would more than likely change things.

Well, he may need some coaxing....and your bitch o meter was probably up before you realized you were pregnant...

TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

No, I am not talking about the baby--okay, not completely..but have you talked to your man about job hunting? The unemployment rate is huge, and my husband looked for a LONG time...actively searched. You may need to approach this a little differently, because if you just give an ultimatum, and obviously he has at least been doing things for you and your kids, then that could really turn bad...he is still this child's father and you aren't allowed to determine if he is able to be a part of that baby's life, unless he is some freak.........

Not to mention, you could be sued for custody if you do decide to do your self absorbed thing (more than you have been, judging by earlier threads)....he has been on the chopping block since the beginning, and yet you let him live in your house, establish relationships with your children, and good ones, it seems, and now once again everything he does is wrong and you are going to be superwoman because you can........Sit down with him, make sure he is actively searching..talk to him about the baby, what he might want to do as work, etc. GET COUNSELING if you need to, whether you are marrying him or not. Too bad he never had a chance with you...and now you both are permanently connected by a little person who had no say in the matter........Not to mention your other kids..and how they feel about him--their own thoughts, not how "mom says you are..." type feelings.

Not trying to be harsh, but I know it seems that way.

No I hear ya. I can take constructive criticism, and honetly that is why I am here. I feel on one hand that I AM being a mega bitch. Maybe I'm not giving him a chance......out of fear or whatever I dunno.

He has been 'looking into jobs' and he has not been working since January.

By 'looking into jobs' I mean going on line and seeing who is hiring, and then saying 'that is too far, they don't pay enough, or I just don't wanna settle for anything'.

He has no education outside of a highschool diploma, so I'm sorry, but those are the kinds of jobs available to you.

There are PLENTY of places hiring around here for 13 dollars and hour. They're all labor jobs, but they're OUT THERE. He just doesn't want to do that.

He hasn't even put any applications in.

So I mean, what does this all look like????

It's getting pretty damn scary, cuz to me, it looks like he just doesn't wanna work.

And I'm not his Momma.

I don't think it has anything to do with you being a bitch, honestly.

I think it has everything to do with you being immature and not approaching your situation realistically and fairly.

It seems like you're making big life decisions based on your emotions, which change all the time, instead of stepping back, taking stock, making a plan that considers all important factors, and sticking to that path - even when it gets hard.

he apparently doesn't need to work, because you're enabling supporting him.

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

No I hear ya. I can take constructive criticism, and honetly that is why I am here. I feel on one hand that I AM being a mega bitch. Maybe I'm not giving him a chance......out of fear or whatever I dunno.

He has been 'looking into jobs' and he has not been working since January.

By 'looking into jobs' I mean going on line and seeing who is hiring, and then saying 'that is too far, they don't pay enough, or I just don't wanna settle for anything'.

He has no education outside of a highschool diploma, so I'm sorry, but those are the kinds of jobs available to you.

There are PLENTY of places hiring around here for 13 dollars and hour. They're all labor jobs, but they're OUT THERE. He just doesn't want to do that.

He hasn't even put any applications in.

So I mean, what does this all look like????

It's getting pretty damn scary, cuz to me, it looks like he just doesn't wanna work.

And I'm not his Momma.

I don't think it has anything to do with you being a bitch, honestly.

I think it has everything to do with you being immature and not approaching your situation realistically and fairly.

It seems like you're making big life decisions based on your emotions, which change all the time, instead of stepping back, taking stock, making a plan that considers all important factors, and sticking to that path - even when it gets hard.

Agreed.