I really wanna be with someone who doesnt want to fight, isn't a hustler, who is attentive, who i can give attention to, we can share and outlook, we can drink after each other... you know....stuff like that.

It's like finding a needle in a haystack!

And sometimes it just turns out to be a little prick!!!!!

but when you have a heart of ice...a little prick can opens doors!!! ...

a heart of ice...sorta like me...:shame:

myfavorite said:

a heart of ice...sorta like me...:shame:

Don't go into a relationship with a heart of ice. It's not fair to the other person.

I've been on both sides and they both suck.

You can't look to someone else to melt your heart of ice, cuz they can't and it makes you feel like a dick, and only hurts them.

Ive got the perfect woman lucky me eh?

I wish I knew the answer because I'm dating Mr. Goodenoughfornow. He's kind, but he's a liar. I choose not to fight, but we diagree, only because I have an actual standard of how I want to be treated as a girlfriend. He messed up too, because we were originally just bedbuddies, everything was cool until he wanted a real relationship.

He's never dated anyone before... he's only just bedded women. The one woman that got preggers by him, he married and cheated on her for years. Now he's divorcing her after being separated for 6 years.

Now he says he wants to marry me since he's now a JW.

I don't mind the sex, but he's not a perfect match either.

At this point, my heart is ice chips.

It's been broken so many times, there is little hope of repair, plus I'll find it very hard to trust the next guy- if there IS another.

paintedlady said:

I wish I knew the answer because I'm dating Mr. Goodenoughfornow. He's kind, but he's a liar. I choose not to fight, but we diagree, only because I have an actual standard of how I want to be treated as a girlfriend. He messed up too, because we were originally just bedbuddies, everything was cool until he wanted a real relationship.

He's never dated anyone before... he's only just bedded women. The one woman that got preggers by him, he married and cheated on her for years. Now he's divorcing her after being separated for 6 years.

Now he says he wants to marry me since he's now a JW.

I don't mind the sex, but he's not a perfect match either.

This is exactly why I will not get married again. My bf wants to get married and I won't because I already know I will end up not being completely satisfied by him. Maybe years down the road if things are going good with him I will marry, but I am NOT getting married just cuz I'm pregnant. He needs to change a lot of things if he wants to marry me.

Are you actually considering marrying this dude?

I hear what you're saying, marriage is certainly a no-no right now. 10 years with a fierce abuser and I'm walking sorta wobbly right now... I find the real definition of dating to be a chore, but it seems like other than that, he's would just be a stranger, which can be good if you have things in common. I just dont want to fuck up!!! and, I dont want to meet someone who has another woman on his mind. I already have enough scars, restraining orders on and from the ex.

myfavorite said:

I hear what you're saying, marriage is certainly a no-no right now. 10 years with a fierce abuser and I'm walking sorta wobbly right now... I find the real definition of dating to be a chore, but it seems like other than that, he's would just be a stranger, which can be good if you have things in common. I just dont want to fuck up!!! and, I dont want to meet someone who has another woman on his mind. I already have enough scars, restraining orders on and from the ex.

You sorta sound like me.

After my husband and I split up I DID NOT WANNA DATE, and thats exactly how I ended up with my old neighbor......cuz I already knew him and didn't have to go through all of the akward getting to know you stuff. It just cliqued, it wasn't like a chore like you said.

But what damage my ex husband didn't manage to do, the neighbor finished off, as far as trust, self esteeme issues are concerned.

Sucks to be the guy I'm with now, cuz he's actually a sweetheart, but I have too many issues, and too much baggage to give him what he actually deserves in a relationship.

.........................I warned him this shit thoguh.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

myfavorite said:

a heart of ice...sorta like me...:shame:

Don't go into a relationship with a heart of ice. It's not fair to the other person.

I've been on both sides and they both suck.

You can't look to someone else to melt your heart of ice, cuz they can't and it makes you feel like a dick, and only hurts them.

no, i wouldnt look for that in someone, that sort of thing just happens, its sorta personal and only you would know how that person makes you feel. But how do you convey that without sounding like an idiot..."oh that look you just gave me, made me feel all fuzzy, or it was comforting...etc, etc."

I'm not sure of my ability to share, maybe..:confused: ..

Okay, this thread is messin' with the last part of my sig.

But myfav: I get where you're comin' from. I really do.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

myfavorite said:

I hear what you're saying, marriage is certainly a no-no right now. 10 years with a fierce abuser and I'm walking sorta wobbly right now... I find the real definition of dating to be a chore, but it seems like other than that, he's would just be a stranger, which can be good if you have things in common. I just dont want to fuck up!!! and, I dont want to meet someone who has another woman on his mind. I already have enough scars, restraining orders on and from the ex.

You sorta sound like me.

After my husband and I split up I DID NOT WANNA DATE, and thats exactly how I ended up with my old neighbor......cuz I already knew him and didn't have to go through all of the akward getting to know you stuff. It just cliqued, it wasn't like a chore like you said.

But what damage my ex husband didn't manage to do, the neighbor finished off, as far as trust, self esteeme issues are concerned.

Sucks to be the guy I'm with now, cuz he's actually a sweetheart, but I have too many issues, and too much baggage to give him what he actually deserves in a relationship.

.........................I warned him this shit thoguh.

SEE?!! The guy I'm interested in knows im a mess and is attentive to that, but if he's all put together.....what DOES he need? ..

for instance:

him: you look nice

me: oh, thanks( Wow! ..on the inside)....here, I made you a drink..... ...

do you know what im saying?? ..

Be careful...

My last guy thought it would be a good idea to remind me of how "damaged" I was and gave me a lecture about how "he didn't do it, so he shouldn't have to pay for it."

But then he added to the damage... but kept blaming my "ability to handle it".

myfavorite said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

You sorta sound like me.

After my husband and I split up I DID NOT WANNA DATE, and thats exactly how I ended up with my old neighbor......cuz I already knew him and didn't have to go through all of the akward getting to know you stuff. It just cliqued, it wasn't like a chore like you said.

But what damage my ex husband didn't manage to do, the neighbor finished off, as far as trust, self esteeme issues are concerned.

Sucks to be the guy I'm with now, cuz he's actually a sweetheart, but I have too many issues, and too much baggage to give him what he actually deserves in a relationship.

.........................I warned him this shit thoguh.

SEE?!! The guy I'm interested in knows im a mess and is attentive to that, but if he's all put together.....what DOES he need? ..

for instance:

him: you look nice

me: oh, thanks( Wow! ..on the inside)....here, I made you a drink..... ...

do you know what im saying?? ..

Yeah, I do know what your saying.

I don't have an answer. If you find one lemme know.

I gave all I could of my heart. Theres nothing left to give. Only to my children ofcourse.

children and relationships...now thats an entirely different thread...I have 5 (with grandkids, 6, 7 and 8) of the fiercest cockblockers known to man....

I shouldn't of got into a relationship so quick.

Too late now......

Not to jack your thread, but I'm having somewhat of a pity party all this week.

My life really isn't as dramatic as it seems, it's just that I've ALWAYS came to this site with my problems for whatever reason.

Either because I don't actually know anybody IRL, or what.

But whatever the case, I feel liked I've fucked up big time, this time.

I'm excited about having a new baby but at the same time I kinda resent my man for getting me pregnant, when my life isn't exactly stable right now.

I just called my ex husband crying this morning, why would I even turn to him? Maybe I'm just hrmonal, but I'm second guessing every move I've ever made in my life up to this point......like 'was he REALLY so bad....?' I'm even second guessing wether I should have left Gristle Adams or not.

When I know the answer is I should have just stayed single.

For a long. LONG. time.

I have used this site as thearpy...I was a mess when i first joined, still a mess, but in a different way now...thanks god?? idk........

I hope people dont feel resonsible for each others messes on here...i always thought there was wisdom in a multitude of counsel and if there were other folks complaining of the same junk, we could work ourselves out of our own messes..........

... there are some dramatic folks that like to keep confusion going, myself included, some lonesome, bitter, nice, crazy, loving, psychics, wise folks, the whole gamut i guesss......

but TOTAL!? ... you started off being the pillar of strength, then you just start fallin apart on me..

[Edited 7/24/10 8:38am]

......fightin the power. the devil hates cohesion.

'pillar of strength'????? No.

I was getting there. Now I fucked up.

It's all good though.

I'll get back on track.

Anyways, back to your relationship. Just enjoy it I guess. Anyone worthwhile will accept you just the way you are.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

paintedlady said:

I wish I knew the answer because I'm dating Mr. Goodenoughfornow. He's kind, but he's a liar. I choose not to fight, but we diagree, only because I have an actual standard of how I want to be treated as a girlfriend. He messed up too, because we were originally just bedbuddies, everything was cool until he wanted a real relationship.

He's never dated anyone before... he's only just bedded women. The one woman that got preggers by him, he married and cheated on her for years. Now he's divorcing her after being separated for 6 years.

Now he says he wants to marry me since he's now a JW.

I don't mind the sex, but he's not a perfect match either.

This is exactly why I will not get married again. My bf wants to get married and I won't because I already know I will end up not being completely satisfied by him. Maybe years down the road if things are going good with him I will marry, but I am NOT getting married just cuz I'm pregnant. He needs to change a lot of things if he wants to marry me.

Are you actually considering marrying this dude?

He's all talk now... so there's nothing to really consider until there's a ring on my finger.

If he does propose, then it will be a long engagement. He's knows I will never ever be a JW, he says he's OK with that.

He loves my kids... they seem OK with him.

He's a hard worker, keeps a job, pays his bills...

But he is selfish, and I caught him a few lies. One that may be a dealbreaker, so he is making ammends. So spending my lifetime with him is a huge "maybe". I need this man to change a few things because I can't be with a person who is only concerened about his needs. I know I can't change him, I only want him to want to change himself so that he could live with me in a happy partnership. Since I've been hurt so much I have to make sure that I won't be compromising myself too much to be in any relationship.

Its hard though.... no one is perfect, I somtimes feel like I'm shifting through a bargain bin of men.

myfavorite said:

children and relationships...now thats an entirely different thread...I have 5 (with grandkids, 6, 7 and 8) of the fiercest cockblockers known to man....

Well, I hope that you find someone, myfavorite. I am lucky. I found the perfect lady, which is my wife. After 15 (12 married) years together, we are still cool with each other. We have never had a fight. We have two great kids, one boy and one girl, it is just wonderful. I can go play basketball or poker with the fellas, and my wife doesn't trip out. I mean, I let her know where I am going and stuff, but she is cool with me actually going somewhere. She goes on weekend trips with her girlfriends, and I don't trip. We understand that we each have to have a life outside of marriage. So I am lucky.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I shouldn't of got into a relationship so quick.

Too late now......

Not to jack your thread, but I'm having somewhat of a pity party all this week.

My life really isn't as dramatic as it seems, it's just that I've ALWAYS came to this site with my problems for whatever reason.

Either because I don't actually know anybody IRL, or what.

But whatever the case, I feel liked I've fucked up big time, this time.

I'm excited about having a new baby but at the same time I kinda resent my man for getting me pregnant, when my life isn't exactly stable right now.

I just called my ex husband crying this morning, why would I even turn to him? Maybe I'm just hrmonal, but I'm second guessing every move I've ever made in my life up to this point......like 'was he REALLY so bad....?' I'm even second guessing wether I should have left Gristle Adams or not.

When I know the answer is I should have just stayed single.

For a long. LONG. time.

I was a masturbating fool for like 3 years... HAD to give my self time to heal from the heartache and be alone... 3 damn years alone to get my head straight. I am good now... I know what I want and need.

You did the right thing moving on, it seems like we tend to forget the hurts and idealize our past loves since we haven't found a new love to fill that void. I had to leave my ex alone, I don't regret it. He hurt me so much, I loved him so much.... and he left me and his kids, for a 60year old woman (OUCH) that would take care of his mooching ass. They broke up because her psychotic ass stabbed him, he has come back to me around mother's day this year, begging me back.... I told him no. Even if I had no one, it would still be a hell no. F that. I am glad I moved on. I am happy

You seem happy too.

chocolate1 said:

At this point, my heart is ice chips.

It's been broken so many times, there is little hope of repair, plus I'll find it very hard to trust the next guy- if there IS another.

Girl pulease! This coming from a woman that a dude can't leave alone. There will be another, just gotta keep doing you and aiming for what you need in a man. You are bound to find a jewel in that bargain bin.

paintedlady said:

chocolate1 said:

At this point, my heart is ice chips.

It's been broken so many times, there is little hope of repair, plus I'll find it very hard to trust the next guy- if there IS another.

Girl pulease! This coming from a woman that a dude can't leave alone. There will be another, just gotta keep doing you and aiming for what you need in a man. You are bound to find a jewel in that bargain bin.

Haha! I have stay OUT of the bargain bin- that could be my problem.

It was 3 years before I started dating after the broken engagement. I never understand how they make it seem easy to just move on in movies and TV shows.

You know what it's been like for me lately...

chocolate1 said:

paintedlady said:

Girl pulease! This coming from a woman that a dude can't leave alone. There will be another, just gotta keep doing you and aiming for what you need in a man. You are bound to find a jewel in that bargain bin.

Haha! I have stay OUT of the bargain bin- that could be my problem.

It was 3 years before I started dating after the broken engagement. I never understand how they make it seem easy to just move on in movies and TV shows.

You know what it's been like for me lately...

I guess for many people it is kinda easy after a short period of time. Sadly we are not like that .

chocolate1 said:

paintedlady said:

Girl pulease! This coming from a woman that a dude can't leave alone. There will be another, just gotta keep doing you and aiming for what you need in a man. You are bound to find a jewel in that bargain bin.

Haha! I have stay OUT of the bargain bin- that could be my problem.

It was 3 years before I started dating after the broken engagement. I never understand how they make it seem easy to just move on in movies and TV shows.

You know what it's been like for me lately...

Heck that might be MY problem too!

I don't understand that either... I need time to heal my heart otherwise I bring that baggage into my new relationship. I don't know how the guys I dealt with do it.

paintedlady said:

chocolate1 said:

Haha! I have stay OUT of the bargain bin- that could be my problem.

It was 3 years before I started dating after the broken engagement. I never understand how they make it seem easy to just move on in movies and TV shows.

You know what it's been like for me lately...

Heck that might be MY problem too!

I don't understand that either... I need time to heal my heart otherwise I bring that baggage into my new relationship. I don't know how the guys I dealt with do it.

That's what both me and my bf did .