zaza said:

How can I erase her from my head or heart? I

you cant...memories never go away...good or bad...but moving on, finding somebody new will help the bad ones fade enough that they become very distant and nearly unimportant...

It's really difficult to get over your first love. Sometimes I feel like you never TRULY get over it completely. But you will be okay, I promise you that. I've been where you are now. It's hard to move on in your life; but it's something you have to do. EX's are EX's for a reason, Jan. I know you think of all the good things that happened in the relationship, but do not forget the bad that led to the break up.

If you spend all your time lingering in the past, you're wasting your future.

You'll be alright, babe.

thejason said:

zaza said:

How can I erase her from my head or heart? I

you cant...memories never go away...good or bad...but moving on, finding somebody new will help the bad ones fade enough that they become very distant and nearly unimportant...

:tongue:

Acrylic said:

It's really difficult to get over your first love. Sometimes I feel like you never TRULY get over it completely. But you will be okay, I promise you that. I've been where you are now. It's hard to move on in your life; but it's something you have to do. EX's are EX's for a reason, Jan. I know you think of all the good things that happened in the relationship, but do not forget the bad that led to the break up.

If you spend all your time lingering in the past, you're wasting your future.

You'll be alright, babe.

..and

I'm really terrible at giving advice, but this is all so true.

zaza said:

The strange thing is that I want to forget but on the other hand I'm really afraid that when I'll be for example 50, I won't be able to remember her..

I'm not discounting your feelings, so dont take this the wrong way, but by the time you're 50, you won't give a damn about her or the way she made you feel...far more important concerns will be on your mind

life is about change, everything changes...we have little to no control over it...some things you just have to accept and deal with them as they are presented to you...

hookers and blow always helped in times like these...

thejason said:

RenHoek said:

This isn't advice. This is just how I do things:

for every good memory, think of another memory of why you're not with them now.

Go from sad to angry to hate. (Just don't get Glenn Close and dangerous about that shit)

Then you'll end up at general indifference.

One of my exes has thought it would be a cute idea to tell people I'm threatening him and other strange fictions, which of course gives me even more reason to hate him since I've never yapped to the people he's been yapping to, queeny ass.

My ex back in Florida managed to effectively turn all our mutual friends against me, even though she'd been cheating on me (just like the other ex mentioned above. It's amazing I'm the perpetrator when I'm the one those fuckers cheated on). .... just more reason to hate them.

But, at my age the hate I feel isn't that intense. It's more of a recreational hatred.

At your age, the sadness that you feel burns white hot, and there's little you can do about it. It's part of your age. By the time you're my age you'll look back and either cringe or just shrug and giggle at how ridiculous your feelings were---not belittling your current emotions, but when you get older you'll realize it really wasn't meant to be.

...but then again, I have friends who still obsess over their high school sweethearts.

I want some friend chicken, mashed potatoes, and a glass of milk.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

zaza said:

The strange thing is that I want to forget but on the other hand I'm really afraid that when I'll be for example 50, I won't be able to remember her..

You MAY have zero desire at 50 to remember her

I'm 46 and there is NOTHING from past loves that outweighs the importance or memories created with my partner now

You're not together at this time for reasons... so it may be improtant to forward motion to HONESTLY look at the negitives ( there are ALWAYS cons in everything ) and put as much emotional weight on those as you do your treasured moments... bring in some balance for yourself !!

zaza said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I want some friend chicken, mashed potatoes, and a glass of milk.

Excuse me?

Sorry.

Anyway, yeah, you are gonna get over her in a couple years.

Especially if she is balding next time you see her.

zaza said:

But I still don't know how to not think about her when I'm in another relationship so I won't feel guilty.

get over the guilt...you're gonna think about her...as long as those thoughts aren't projected on your current relationship, everything is natural and cool...

You can't and won't forget her. The best you can hope for is to get over the addiction.

Addiction? Yup! A study in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology says the same part of the brain that deals with romantic rejection also handles cocaine addiction.

Good luck!

http://jn.physiology.org/cgi/content/full/104/1/51

zaza said:

Thank you all, you're right. But how can I forget about her NOW when I have another girlfriend? I feel like if I was unfaithful.

Thats sweet.

I cry over my ex all the time. I don't feel like I'm cheating. It's your feelings. Are you sure your ready to be in a relationship again? I'm not saying you're not, no one knows that but you.

Anyways, don't feel bad and you will get over her.

zaza said:

Thank you all, you're right. But how can I forget about her NOW when I have another girlfriend? I feel like if I was unfaithful.

You see. If you were my age, I'd slap the shit out of you.

But, at your age, all I can say is it'll happen. Just don't expect girl 2.0 to be girl 1.0, and you're o.k.

Genesia said:

You can't and won't forget her. The best you can hope for is to get over the addiction.

Addiction? Yup! A study in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology says the same part of the brain that deals with romantic rejection also handles cocaine addiction.

Good luck!

http://jn.physiology.org/cgi/content/full/104/1/51

See?! I was right about the hookers and blow!!!!

zaza said:

Thank you all, you're right. But how can I forget about her NOW when I have another girlfriend? I feel like if I was unfaithful.

get a freakin job. wash pots in a kitchen for 12 hours. you'll forget her alright.

Chill. If you still like thinking about her, just do. If not you wouldn't do it. Just don't lie to anybody and be honest to people around you about it, if it concerns them too.

No matter what you feel, it's precious and it'll make you grow. Always know that in the end it will all be good and that you will look at all this from a different point of view in a couple of years. Enjoy what you feel if you can't control it, even if it's pain or fear, 'cause feelings change quickly, just as people, and emotions are a beautiful thing. They keep us alive, you know.

There is nothing wrong with you...it's all normal...you are still hurting,....

Time will fix that, when the hurt goes away you will still have memories, and that's when you can move on...

Don't force moving on...it only leads to more heartache...it maybe too soon for you to be with someone else????

I remember my first love...i remember being hurt, it took a long time to forget all that... now looking back i know only kept the good memories..., and it's all part of growing and maturing... it's called Living!

BlackAdder7 said:

zaza said:

Thank you all, you're right. But how can I forget about her NOW when I have another girlfriend? I feel like if I was unfaithful.

get a freakin job. wash pots in a kitchen for 12 hours. you'll forget her alright.

If you were together for 3 years then it'll take 1 1/2 years to get over it. It gets easier. Trust me. I know.

All I can say is that this will probably take time for you, but it will probably get better when you've been with your new girlfriend for some time.

But yeah, these kinds of things, i.e. trying to recover from not being with someone or simply rejection, take time.

[Edited 7/27/10 12:18pm]

In some way, shape, and form, Uncle Boonmee from the film "Uncle boonmee who could recall his past lives" has trouble letting go of his past lover.

She even comes back to visit him as a ghost.

Hope that helps.

DISCLAIMER: You're probably not gonna like my thoughts/approach on this as much as some of the mushier ones.

When you say that you say:

She has another boyfriend, but I can feel she still share some feelings to me, but it's like she doesn't want to show them, because she would feel guilty too.

Unless she is outright saying this to you (in which case it's silly for both of you to remain with other people) that sounds more like you are wishing that she does. Thinking that gives you a thread of hope and justification for continuing to carry a torch for her even if she has or is moving on.

I have even her picture in my wallet

If you have a new girlfriend that is disrespectful to her IMO. I'm not sayng throw her picture out if you don't want to, but you need to put on your Big Boy Pannies and at least put it away with the things you are saving. I can't imagine that it would feel nice for anyone to know that their bf/gf/partner carrying a pic of their ex everywhere they go.

And don't say "Zaza, it's your first year without her! It will be alright after few years."

Fine, I wont.

OK, I lied...but only because it will (if you let it).

People carry on after the death of parents, children and spouses they spent a lifetime with.

Believe me, it will get better. "Getting Over" doesn't always mean "forgetting" it just means you will get to a place in your life where the memory won't be nearly as painful or cloud any of the wonderful things going on in you current life.

[Edited 7/27/10 7:37am]