KatSkrizzle said:

PunkMistress said:

By not being a person who notices that type of thing. Six people can look at one room and come away with six different perceptions of that room depending on what we focus on.

I'm not a person who immediately focuses on a mess. I just don't. Chris is like that, but he knows that I'm not. I can be very oblivious to stuff around me; it's just the way I am. If there's something he wants me to take care of, he simply says, "hey, I'd like you to clean out your flours and baking stuff because I think we have moths." Yes, this happened today. I got up and did it.

If he had instead waited and fumed until he was blowing up in a totally confusing fit about moths and flour, I would have thought he was a complete lunatic and acting like an asshole.

What she said.

I realized after I posted it that you said basically the same thing right before me.

Punkmistress and Reel

I see what your both saying. I get it.

I guess what I was really irritated about is the fact that no one seems to clean up, but like Erin said maybe he really DOESNT notice it. I know if I ask he'll just do it.

Reel, I agree if a dude did that shit I'd call him a dick. Point well taken.

Maybe you just need a hug...

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Punkmistress and Reel

I see what your both saying. I get it.

I guess what I was really irritated about is the fact that no one seems to clean up, but like Erin said maybe he really DOESNT notice it. I know if I ask he'll just do it.

Reel, I agree if a dude did that shit I'd call him a dick. Point well taken.

I don't get the part about cleaning

and getting anxious about things being dirty

but that's just me, I co-exist with dirt and dust

I have 3 sons and "what is the point" of being the only one to whom the dirt and dust is visible.

I plan to solve my issues by getting my own place, my own HAVEN where I can be calm

After what I heard, you sounded like a nagging bitch, but I think your issues go far deeper than whether your boyfriend has a bigger tolerance for dirt around the house. You're going around sabotaging your relationship again because you have trust issues with men, particularly those you have intimate relations with. You were just posting on here a week ago about how great your boyfriend is, what a wonderful person he is to you and your children, how good he is in bed, etc., yet you're also posting a thread about how all guys are creeps. Because you've been in such crappy relationships before, you're actually shocked to find youself with someone who can truly make you happy, so you're going out of your way to find fault in this dude. Other people say your being immature and childish, but I'll just say that you're still really insecure about yourself right now, and if you can't find it in yourself to know your own self-worthiness, how do you expect other potential mates to see that? To me your boyfriend appears to be that person you dreamed about being ith all your life, but if you keep looking to find all his imperfections, he will leave you.

So I'm not speaking for all guys here but I SUCK at cleaning up and if I do it's often clean to "Bachelors Standards" (standards may vary).

You probably shouldn't have done all the ranting, we men usually respond better to sweet "Honey do" type talk than "RAWRRAWRRAWR clean this now!"

"you catch more fies with honey..."

728huey said:

After what I heard, you sounded like a nagging bitch, but I think your issues go far deeper than whether your boyfriend has a bigger tolerance for dirt around the house. You're going around sabotaging your relationship again because you have trust issues with men, particularly those you have intimate relations with. You were just posting on here a week ago about how great your boyfriend is, what a wonderful person he is to you and your children, how good he is in bed, etc., yet you're also posting a thread about how all guys are creeps. Because you've been in such crappy relationships before, you're actually shocked to find youself with someone who can truly make you happy, so you're going out of your way to find fault in this dude. Other people say your being immature and childish, but I'll just say that you're still really insecure about yourself right now, and if you can't find it in yourself to know your own self-worthiness, how do you expect other potential mates to see that? To me your boyfriend appears to be that person you dreamed about being ith all your life, but if you keep looking to find all his imperfections, he will leave you.

I agree!

I can only add that she needs to stop putting the whole wide world in her relationship, too!

Talk about TMI...damn!

Additionally, most people don't WANT to do laborious cleaning. You made this clear yourself by going into a rant about the fridge and the garage. So it isn't fair to expect him to do with a smile what you couldn't do yourself without throwing a fit.

Sooo, you were a completely unreasonable, demanding bitch and...what? You don't like that he ended up trying to find out what's wrong or attempting to give you a solution to communicating with him better next time? What exactly is YOUR problem here?

Good luck, with that kind of weird ass bipolar attitude, you'll be getting dumped in no time and probably deservedly so.

HatrinaHaterwitz said:

728huey said:

After what I heard, you sounded like a nagging bitch, but I think your issues go far deeper than whether your boyfriend has a bigger tolerance for dirt around the house. You're going around sabotaging your relationship again because you have trust issues with men, particularly those you have intimate relations with. You were just posting on here a week ago about how great your boyfriend is, what a wonderful person he is to you and your children, how good he is in bed, etc., yet you're also posting a thread about how all guys are creeps. Because you've been in such crappy relationships before, you're actually shocked to find youself with someone who can truly make you happy, so you're going out of your way to find fault in this dude. Other people say your being immature and childish, but I'll just say that you're still really insecure about yourself right now, and if you can't find it in yourself to know your own self-worthiness, how do you expect other potential mates to see that? To me your boyfriend appears to be that person you dreamed about being ith all your life, but if you keep looking to find all his imperfections, he will leave you.

I agree!

I can only add that she needs to stop putting the whole wide world in her relationship, too!

Talk about TMI...damn!

At this point I think it would be unusual for TAnxioussness to not share the ups and downs of her rife with the Org. We've been by her side through house remodelings, Pampered Chef parties, the divorce, Methuselem, and I guess now we have this .

Still, I would say everyone here has pretty much hit the nail on the head.

1. People are not mind readers; if you have a desire or expectation of your partner it is your responsibility as an equal partner and mature adult to express that to them, and do so respectfully.

2. No one likes a nag. Gentle, constructive criticism is one thing. It can help deepen understanding of each other. Nagging however, is negative re-inforcement, it attacks, it tears down. It is divisive and relies on the poisonous power of the tongue to devalue others and drives wedges between people rather than bridge gaps. The next time you go to ask for something to be done, be mindful of how you say it, and the result you would like to achieve. Do you want a relationship with communication that produces harmony and affinity between you, or frustration and discord? Mind the power of your tongue and how it affects your partner and you will surely get what you want.

3. While sex has scientifically been shown to increase closeness between couples (due to its ability to increase the feel good hormone oxytocin), it's not a good idea to force sex as a band-aid for unresolved issues and fights. Besides, who wants to associate sex with feeling of guilt, anger, and communication issues? Those are negative associations that can make the sexual experience more like punishment, not the intimacy builder that it should be for couples. No doubt that after the fall out Dani (TAnxious) had with dude, the mood killers set in and his heart and body were just not down with intimacy. His head was focused on unresolved issues and unmet expectations and his body followed suit.

That's all I got.

Ottensen said:

HatrinaHaterwitz said:

I agree!

I can only add that she needs to stop putting the whole wide world in her relationship, too!

Talk about TMI...damn!

At this point I think it would be unusual for TAnxioussness to not share the ups and downs of her rife with the Org. We've been by her side through house remodelings, Pampered Chef parties, the divorce, Methuselem, and I guess now we have this .

!!!!!!!! This cracked me the hell up! Pampered Chef Parties.

Anyways, yes I agree with everything everyone is sasying, and YES there is a bigger issue at hand here.

The other issue is that I don't really typically associate sex with loving feelings, and I guess it's kinda due to what you just said Ottensen.

But yeah, I get it now I do. I usually don't freak out like that. I'm just kinda moody.

KatSkrizzle said:

In YOUR defense. Sex alleviates bitchy-ness. It does for me. But it looks like you are angry he doesn't have the same anal clean standards as you. I see this because I get on my other half because i'm doing the cleaning and he's out riding his motorcycle or something and i'm pissed that i'm washing his drawls. But then again. He doesn't have the same standard, or same cleaning schedule as I. I have to remember that. He could help more, but I don't ask. If I ask, he usually does. Women...I see why we're complicated sometimes.

I think if you had asked him to help you and not chewed his ass, he mave helped because you're so sweet.

But when he got the stool for you to better scrub something outside, that was a little lazy. He could've done that. My man would've taken the hose and told me to go inside.

Basically, you should think about what u want to say instead of thinking you are the only one cleaning and he's this asshole playing a video game. If you say, "hey Hot Stuff, can you come in here and help? I need a hot sexy man in the kitchen to help." (It works for me!) He may come int help, clean, and smack your ass when it's over. You never know.

Exactly, I 100% agree with this.

missfee said:

KatSkrizzle said:

In YOUR defense. Sex alleviates bitchy-ness. It does for me. But it looks like you are angry he doesn't have the same anal clean standards as you. I see this because I get on my other half because i'm doing the cleaning and he's out riding his motorcycle or something and i'm pissed that i'm washing his drawls. But then again. He doesn't have the same standard, or same cleaning schedule as I. I have to remember that. He could help more, but I don't ask. If I ask, he usually does. Women...I see why we're complicated sometimes.

I think if you had asked him to help you and not chewed his ass, he mave helped because you're so sweet.

But when he got the stool for you to better scrub something outside, that was a little lazy. He could've done that. My man would've taken the hose and told me to go inside.

Basically, you should think about what u want to say instead of thinking you are the only one cleaning and he's this asshole playing a video game. If you say, "hey Hot Stuff, can you come in here and help? I need a hot sexy man in the kitchen to help." (It works for me!) He may come int help, clean, and smack your ass when it's over. You never know.

Exactly, I 100% agree with this.

Ya I know this, I know he would come help if I ask, he asks me to ask him to do stuff. My aggtavation was over the fact I have to say anything at all.

Like someone said some people just don't NOTICE it's a mess, and I have a hard time understanding that, I feel like they know its there and they just don't give a shit.

I personally CAN NOT even sit in a room to watch tv if theres shit scattered around. Or cook in a kitchen that has dishes in the sink, or crumbs on the counter top.

Like, I'm the kind of person that if I go to sweep the floor, and when I go to get the broom outta the closet, and the closet is a fucking mess (UGH!!!!!!) I will clean the closet before I can even begin to sweep the floor I wanted cleaned in the first place.

And I guess I have a hard time seeing maybe other ppl arent like this.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

missfee said:

Exactly, I 100% agree with this.

Ya I know this, I know he would come help if I ask, he asks me to ask him to do stuff. My aggtavation was over the fact I have to say anything at all.

Like someone said some people just don't NOTICE it's a mess, and I have a hard time understanding that, I feel like they know its there and they just don't give a shit.

I personally CAN NOT even sit in a room to watch tv if theres shit scattered around. Or cook in a kitchen that has dishes in the sink, or crumbs on the counter top.

Like, I'm the kind of person that if I go to sweep the floor, and when I go to get the broom outta the closet, and the closet is a fucking mess (UGH!!!!!!) I will clean the closet before I can even begin to sweep the floor I wanted cleaned in the first place.

And I guess I have a hard time seeing maybe other ppl arent like this.

Well I can say this much, I'm an anal cleaner myself. I hate seeing crumbs on the counter and on the coffee table and then watch my bf walk by like there's nothing there. How I dealt with this problem is by talking to him to help him understand my point of view...because of course he's the type person who isn't an anal cleaner...but once I pointed this out to him and talked to him about it, he cleans like clock work. Of course he isn't perfect, there are still some things that are missed, but when that happens, then I jump in and clean. And I haven't had to so-called "nag" about it ever since. It's all about compromising. You said that it's not that he doesn't want to clean...well if this is the case, then there should be no problem. You want it to be such that you don't have to say a word to him...but again he's not perfect.

not everyone sees things the same but just as she needs to understand his POV he should understand that cleaning is inportant to her--especially if he's creating the mess in any way--and respect that too.

NDRU said:

not everyone sees things the same but just as she needs to understand his POV he should understand that cleaning is inportant to her--especially if he's creating the mess in any way--and respect that too.

Thank You. It's about time someone says something nice about ME in the situation.

Sheesh.

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

Well apart from the fact that I am chaotic and hate to clean that whole behaviour could have been me . I am just so very moody at times and I hate myself then. Especially when I am under emotional pressure and I guess it was like that for you too. Thanks for your thread, I guess I learned something about me just now .

Well this thread has just taken a turn for the BETTER!!!!

Supa : At both of your statements. I think your first is going on my FB status.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Well this thread has just taken a turn for the BETTER!!!!

Supa : At both of your statements. I think your first is going on my FB status.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

This may become my new sig....

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

I don't have testicles, but guess what? I'm not a mind reader, and I'm in a situation with a close friend right now over this very same concept. Getting pissy without telling anyone what's wrong is a poor way of handling yourself. In the case of my friend, I really had no idea what was bothering her, and if I had known, I would have tried to make it right. But I wasn't given a chance to.

Just because I love someone and know them well does not mean I know all their wants, needs, thoughts and feelings unless they TELL ME.

PunkMistress said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

I don't have testicles, but guess what? I'm not a mind reader, and I'm in a situation with a close friend right now over this very same concept. Getting pissy without telling anyone what's wrong is a poor way of handling yourself. In the case of my friend, I really had no idea what was bothering her, and if I had known, I would have tried to make it right. But I wasn't given a chance to.

Just because I love someone and know them well does not mean I know all their wants, needs, thoughts and feelings unless they TELL ME.

I think what Supa is saying, is that since you DON'T have balls, it's okay for you to be a retard.

:slowlyexitstheroom:

id chuck you out...you seem very clingy and needy

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Okay. I am so mad I am SHAKING.

Okay so first I have to set the scene.

I am currently watching my X Husbands 7 year old daughter for the week, while they go off to the Bahama's. No big deal. I get up at 430 am to clean and get everybodys stuff ready for the day then I get kids up and get ready for work. I come home on my lunch and do laundry. Come home from work make dinner clean....you get the drift.

Well last night after dinner it dawned on me that our front door is filthy on the outside so I start scrubbing and hosing it down. Then I move over to the garage. My VERY tall boyfriend comes out and I say I can't reach he gets me a stool and goes back in the house. I finish up and go in and he's downloading some kinda shit for that stupid ass modern war on PS3. I get all the kids ready for bed and start cleaning out the fridge because the inside was GROSS and I don't know how anyone can even eat out of it.

He comes out and Im on a rant about it and he starts saying its not dirty, I'm like WHAT ITS NOT??????? And keep ranting so he starts helping. I say Are you helping cuz you WANT to clean the fridge, or cuz you don't wanna hear my mouth. Hes like well I don't WANT to clean the fridge and ya, I wish you'd stop cursing. I start bawling cuz he doesn't care about the fridge.

We finish up and go on the couch. He puts on TV, and I say you can play play station cuz I know you just got that new whatever the fuck it is. He's like no I'll wait till you fall asleep cuz I'm sure that'll be anytime now anyway. I'm like, no play, and he's like No. So this Sanra Bullock movie is on wheres shes real skinny and blonde and looks like shit that we just watched 2 days ago but I fell asleep.

I'm kissing him and stuff and he kisses me but is like real quick about it and is watching the dumb movie. I go didn't you just watch this and he goes ya but I didn't see the whole thing. This goes on for like ten minutes and I say play ps3 cuz I'm goin to bed once I have a smoke. I smoke and then say wake me up when you come to bed cuz I wanna have sex. He smiles and says okay.

I wake up at 130 to pee and as I leave the bedroom he's coming into bed and goes heres your phone. I come back to bed and fall asleep he's already half asleep to.

So this morning I'm in a pissy mood yelling at everyone, and he's finnaly like WHAT.. IS . UP. I'm like why didn't you wake me up last night. He's like you were up I handed you your phone. I'm like ya but you didn't even lkiss me or anything. He's like I was half asleep when I came in I almost fell asleep on the couch but knew you'd be pissed if I slept on the couch so came into bed. I'm like how can you fall asleep playing play station. He's like no I was done playiong and was wide awake so watched tv for a bit got tired and came to bed.

I got real pissed and said I'm goin to work, and left.

So then he's txtn me whats wrong????

I said you knew I wanted you to wake me up but you were instead like, I'm gonna watch whatever lame ass show put me to sleep then go to bed,m instead of coming in and waking me up.

Now it turned into this big huge fight, and he's like you gotta TELL ME WHAT YOU WNAT OR I DON'T KNOW YADDA YADDA, but I don't WANT to tell him what to do, I want him to WANT to do it. Just like the fridge,. its the same principal.

Does anyone understand this???? Anyone???

you're angry at your ex for going to the bahamas. you're taking it out on your current bf.

if you want him to do something, then be specific. he's not a mind reader, so you have to spell it out for him. you should apologize to him for taking out your anger on someone else, on him. think about it Dani.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

Trust me, women are guilty of this, too. I'm just starting to get the hang of communicating with my partner so that unmet or failed expectations can be nipped in the bud simply by sharing what's on our respective minds

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

I don't have testicles, but guess what? I'm not a mind reader, and I'm in a situation with a close friend right now over this very same concept. Getting pissy without telling anyone what's wrong is a poor way of handling yourself. In the case of my friend, I really had no idea what was bothering her, and if I had known, I would have tried to make it right. But I wasn't given a chance to.

Just because I love someone and know them well does not mean I know all their wants, needs, thoughts and feelings unless they TELL ME.

I think what Supa is saying, is that since you DON'T have balls, it's okay for you to be a retard.

Mistress, I'm only talking in context of a sexual relationship!

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I think what Supa is saying, is that since you DON'T have balls, it's okay for you to be a retard.

Mistress, I'm only talking in context of a sexual relationship!

Oh shit, well hell, if we're talking about sex, then hell yeah dude is supposed to know what we like;

but after a fight would you still expect him to er, um, take one for the team & get it up?