Okay. I am so mad I am SHAKING.

Okay so first I have to set the scene.

I am currently watching my X Husbands 7 year old daughter for the week, while they go off to the Bahama's. No big deal. I get up at 430 am to clean and get everybodys stuff ready for the day then I get kids up and get ready for work. I come home on my lunch and do laundry. Come home from work make dinner clean....you get the drift.

Well last night after dinner it dawned on me that our front door is filthy on the outside so I start scrubbing and hosing it down. Then I move over to the garage. My VERY tall boyfriend comes out and I say I can't reach he gets me a stool and goes back in the house. I finish up and go in and he's downloading some kinda shit for that stupid ass modern war on PS3. I get all the kids ready for bed and start cleaning out the fridge because the inside was GROSS and I don't know how anyone can even eat out of it.

He comes out and Im on a rant about it and he starts saying its not dirty, I'm like WHAT ITS NOT??????? And keep ranting so he starts helping. I say Are you helping cuz you WANT to clean the fridge, or cuz you don't wanna hear my mouth. Hes like well I don't WANT to clean the fridge and ya, I wish you'd stop cursing. I start bawling cuz he doesn't care about the fridge.

We finish up and go on the couch. He puts on TV, and I say you can play play station cuz I know you just got that new whatever the fuck it is. He's like no I'll wait till you fall asleep cuz I'm sure that'll be anytime now anyway. I'm like, no play, and he's like No. So this Sanra Bullock movie is on wheres shes real skinny and blonde and looks like shit that we just watched 2 days ago but I fell asleep.

I'm kissing him and stuff and he kisses me but is like real quick about it and is watching the dumb movie. I go didn't you just watch this and he goes ya but I didn't see the whole thing. This goes on for like ten minutes and I say play ps3 cuz I'm goin to bed once I have a smoke. I smoke and then say wake me up when you come to bed cuz I wanna have sex. He smiles and says okay.

I wake up at 130 to pee and as I leave the bedroom he's coming into bed and goes heres your phone. I come back to bed and fall asleep he's already half asleep to.

So this morning I'm in a pissy mood yelling at everyone, and he's finnaly like WHAT.. IS . UP. I'm like why didn't you wake me up last night. He's like you were up I handed you your phone. I'm like ya but you didn't even lkiss me or anything. He's like I was half asleep when I came in I almost fell asleep on the couch but knew you'd be pissed if I slept on the couch so came into bed. I'm like how can you fall asleep playing play station. He's like no I was done playiong and was wide awake so watched tv for a bit got tired and came to bed.

I got real pissed and said I'm goin to work, and left.

So then he's txtn me whats wrong????

I said you knew I wanted you to wake me up but you were instead like, I'm gonna watch whatever lame ass show put me to sleep then go to bed,m instead of coming in and waking me up.

Now it turned into this big huge fight, and he's like you gotta TELL ME WHAT YOU WNAT OR I DON'T KNOW YADDA YADDA, but I don't WANT to tell him what to do, I want him to WANT to do it. Just like the fridge,. its the same principal.

Does anyone understand this???? Anyone???

No. You're being unreasonable - getting pissed at him because he didn't buy into your passive-aggressive martyr behavior.

[Edited 7/7/10 7:44am]

Genesia said:

No. You're being unreasonable - getting pissed at him because he didn't buy into your passive-aggressive martyr behavior.

[Edited 7/7/10 7:44am]

Ew O gawd, I may be turning into my mother.

wow putting your business out there, mean if you wanna stay with dude hope he dont check out your browsing activity. all the best.

Yeah, you’d freak me out too.

You’ll need to accept the fact that you have different standards as far as the fridge goes and the fact that he helped out despite your behavior really says something. If someone was yelling and swearing at me over something like that I’d walk out the door and let you know I'll be back later, not pitch in and help.

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, you’d freak me out too.

You’ll need to accept the fact that you have different standards as far as the fridge goes and the fact that he helped out despite your behavior really says something. If someone was yelling and swearing at me over something like that I’d walk out the door and let you know I'll be back later, not pitch in and help.

Okay then I'm being irrational I guess.

Now I feel really bad.

NMuzakNSoul said:

wow putting your business out there, mean if you wanna stay with dude hope he dont check out your browsing activity. all the best.

Well he was there, so he kinda already knows about it.

Sounds like you were a little bitchy last night

As bad as your night was, Im sure you didnt make him feel any better

The last thing on his mind was sex

I might have waited till you were fast a sleep before i went to bed

No offense, but he's still with you after all of this? You keep this up a few more times you will push him away for sure. You want him to read your mind but that's impossible. I'm with him, if you want him to help do stuff or whatever then ask him. Either way, sounds like you snapped over something petty.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Okay. I am so mad I am SHAKING.

Okay so first I have to set the scene.

I am currently watching my X Husbands 7 year old daughter for the week, while they go off to the Bahama's. No big deal. I get up at 430 am to clean and get everybodys stuff ready for the day then I get kids up and get ready for work. I come home on my lunch and do laundry. Come home from work make dinner clean....you get the drift.

Well last night after dinner it dawned on me that our front door is filthy on the outside so I start scrubbing and hosing it down. Then I move over to the garage. My VERY tall boyfriend comes out and I say I can't reach he gets me a stool and goes back in the house. I finish up and go in and he's downloading some kinda shit for that stupid ass modern war on PS3. I get all the kids ready for bed and start cleaning out the fridge because the inside was GROSS and I don't know how anyone can even eat out of it.

He comes out and Im on a rant about it and he starts saying its not dirty, I'm like WHAT ITS NOT??????? And keep ranting so he starts helping. I say Are you helping cuz you WANT to clean the fridge, or cuz you don't wanna hear my mouth. Hes like well I don't WANT to clean the fridge and ya, I wish you'd stop cursing. I start bawling cuz he doesn't care about the fridge.

We finish up and go on the couch. He puts on TV, and I say you can play play station cuz I know you just got that new whatever the fuck it is. He's like no I'll wait till you fall asleep cuz I'm sure that'll be anytime now anyway. I'm like, no play, and he's like No. So this Sanra Bullock movie is on wheres shes real skinny and blonde and looks like shit that we just watched 2 days ago but I fell asleep.

I'm kissing him and stuff and he kisses me but is like real quick about it and is watching the dumb movie. I go didn't you just watch this and he goes ya but I didn't see the whole thing. This goes on for like ten minutes and I say play ps3 cuz I'm goin to bed once I have a smoke. I smoke and then say wake me up when you come to bed cuz I wanna have sex. He smiles and says okay.

I wake up at 130 to pee and as I leave the bedroom he's coming into bed and goes heres your phone. I come back to bed and fall asleep he's already half asleep to.

So this morning I'm in a pissy mood yelling at everyone, and he's finnaly like WHAT.. IS . UP. I'm like why didn't you wake me up last night. He's like you were up I handed you your phone. I'm like ya but you didn't even lkiss me or anything. He's like I was half asleep when I came in I almost fell asleep on the couch but knew you'd be pissed if I slept on the couch so came into bed. I'm like how can you fall asleep playing play station. He's like no I was done playiong and was wide awake so watched tv for a bit got tired and came to bed.

I got real pissed and said I'm goin to work, and left.

So then he's txtn me whats wrong????

I said you knew I wanted you to wake me up but you were instead like, I'm gonna watch whatever lame ass show put me to sleep then go to bed,m instead of coming in and waking me up.

Now it turned into this big huge fight, and he's like you gotta TELL ME WHAT YOU WNAT OR I DON'T KNOW YADDA YADDA, but I don't WANT to tell him what to do, I want him to WANT to do it. Just like the fridge,. its the same principal.

Does anyone understand this???? Anyone???

jesus, take a xanax or some valerian root and calm down.

Uh, how old are you, dear? Your behavior was a bit childish and selfish. Give your BF a break. He was trying to be helpful, but you acted like a total bitch! I understand, we can get a bit razzled, but you went a bit overboard. Take a deep breath, chill and apologize to your sweetie-pie.

Blah. I apologized.

Damn gurl ... a bit unreasonable wernt ya ?

something deeper is twiggin ya.... better take a few steps back and look into yourself before ya scare everyone off

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Okay then I'm being irrational I guess.

Now I feel really bad.

...and you SHOULD. You're being neither rational, nor reasonable, and you seriously need to work on your communication skills so that you can articulate your frustrations and expectations in a way that bring you and dude closer together and understanding each other more, not in a way that drives you further apart.

Trust me, Scorpion sister, I'm still learning these lessons myself...and I have the nerve to be with an Aries on top of it all

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Blah. I apologized.

Thats good. Now don't dwell on it. Tell him exactly whats on your mind next time

It's actually pretty sweet he helped with the fridge even though he thought it was fine. He knew you cared about it so he joined you.

But I guess you didn't turn him on that night. Unimaginable to some orgers!

You sound like a crazy fucking bitch and if I were your boyfriend I'd be out your filthy front door with the quickness.

PEOPLE CAN'T READ YOUR MIND.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Now it turned into this big huge fight, and he's like you gotta TELL ME WHAT YOU WNAT OR I DON'T KNOW YADDA YADDA, but I don't WANT to tell him what to do, I want him to WANT to do it. Just like the fridge,. its the same principal.

Does anyone understand this???? Anyone???

This is the insane part.

This is what men (and me) HATE about women.

You HAVE to tell him. Get over it or get used to being upset all the fucking time for no good reason.

He plays PLAYSTATION?!? WTF, is he 16 or something?

In YOUR defense. Sex alleviates bitchy-ness. It does for me. But it looks like you are angry he doesn't have the same anal clean standards as you. I see this because I get on my other half because i'm doing the cleaning and he's out riding his motorcycle or something and i'm pissed that i'm washing his drawls. But then again. He doesn't have the same standard, or same cleaning schedule as I. I have to remember that. He could help more, but I don't ask. If I ask, he usually does. Women...I see why we're complicated sometimes.

I think if you had asked him to help you and not chewed his ass, he mave helped because you're so sweet.

But when he got the stool for you to better scrub something outside, that was a little lazy. He could've done that. My man would've taken the hose and told me to go inside.

Basically, you should think about what u want to say instead of thinking you are the only one cleaning and he's this asshole playing a video game. If you say, "hey Hot Stuff, can you come in here and help? I need a hot sexy man in the kitchen to help." (It works for me!) He may come int help, clean, and smack your ass when it's over. You never know.

KatSkrizzle said:

But when he got the stool for you to better scrub something outside, that was a little lazy.

I missed that part!

RodeoSchro said:

He plays PLAYSTATION?!? WTF, is he 16 or something?

Actually, video-gaming isn't all that uncommon amongst adults now that the generations the grew with them have reached adulthood.

As for your reaction, it was a bit much and to expect him to have sex when he wasn't into it isn't anymore fair to him than it would be if he did the same to you after a huge argument.

But the important thing is you at least acknowledged you may have been wrong and apologized. Some people can't bring themselves to do even that much.

RodeoSchro said:

He plays PLAYSTATION?!? WTF, is he 16 or something?

Rite?

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Now it turned into this big huge fight, and he's like you gotta TELL ME WHAT YOU WNAT OR I DON'T KNOW YADDA YADDA, but I don't WANT to tell him what to do, I want him to WANT to do it. Just like the fridge,. its the same principal.

Does anyone understand this???? Anyone???

This is the insane part.

This is what men (and me) HATE about women.

You HAVE to tell him. Get over it or get used to being upset all the fucking time for no good reason.

How do you not fucking know what needs to be cleaned????

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

This is the insane part.

This is what men (and me) HATE about women.

You HAVE to tell him. Get over it or get used to being upset all the fucking time for no good reason.

How do you not fucking know what needs to be cleaned????

It's the perception. Personal perception. Some guys can live in a little mess for a bit. Some don't. My man thinks I'm crazy for that reason too. But I tell you what, I told him I'm thinking of hiring someone to come clean the house thoroughly once a month, and he started helping.

But really, some people can function in a little clutter, some can't. You're gonna have to come to peace with that.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

This is the insane part.

This is what men (and me) HATE about women.

You HAVE to tell him. Get over it or get used to being upset all the fucking time for no good reason.

How do you not fucking know what needs to be cleaned????

By not being a person who notices that type of thing. Six people can look at one room and come away with six different perceptions of that room depending on what we focus on.

I'm not a person who immediately focuses on a mess. I just don't. Chris is like that, but he knows that I'm not. I can be very oblivious to stuff around me; it's just the way I am. If there's something he wants me to take care of, he simply says, "hey, I'd like you to clean out your flours and baking stuff because I think we have moths." Yes, this happened today. I got up and did it.

If he had instead waited and fumed until he was blowing up in a totally confusing fit about moths and flour, I would have thought he was a complete lunatic and acting like an asshole.

Wow, some of these posts were cruel. I'm going to assume that since you bought this matter to the boards that you want an honest answer.

To be respectfully honest, you sound a bit emotionally immature. Are you training a child? Or are you in a relationship with a grown man? I agree with one of the members who expressed that you are acting like a martyr. The man was nice enough to work with you while you were bitching him out, and then you go and ask hiim "why are you doing this...is this to keep me quiet or to help ?". Then you want sex after that? Do you want this man to lose all self-dignity....for your sake? You sound unbelievably controlling, needy and unreasonable in this particular situation. I CAN NOT IMAGINE some man cursing me out, and then expecting to have sex that night. In the eyes of almost everyone that man would appear to be a sick, controlling jerk, so just because you are a female makes the situation no different.

Here's some advice: Men will eventually rebel against controlling women. They don't like that crap. Men are not made to be controlled by women. Now, if what he's doing really ticks you off all that much, then perhaps the relationship should end. Keep up the same tactics and he will leave you, or pull some real passive agressive crap and cheat on you.

Maybe you should take a couple of weeks off from the relationship and gain some perspective.

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

How do you not fucking know what needs to be cleaned????

By not being a person who notices that type of thing. Six people can look at one room and come away with six different perceptions of that room depending on what we focus on.

I'm not a person who immediately focuses on a mess. I just don't. Chris is like that, but he knows that I'm not. I can be very oblivious to stuff around me; it's just the way I am. If there's something he wants me to take care of, he simply says, "hey, I'd like you to clean out your flours and baking stuff because I think we have moths." Yes, this happened today. I got up and did it.

If he had instead waited and fumed until he was blowing up in a totally confusing fit about moths and flour, I would have thought he was a complete lunatic and acting like an asshole.

What she said.