So, there’s someone I have purposely cut out of my life. This person wasn’t even a close friend, just someone I knew at one point and they did something that hurt me and I have simply avoided this person ever since.

However, he finds some way to contact me every year near my birthday and asks me what my plans are. He’s looking for an invitation to a party. I have purposely not answered his emails for about 4 years and have not had any other contact with him. Last year, he somehow found out about what I was doing through a mutual friend that wasn’t aware of the situation and showed up at my birthday night out. I was civil (cause that’s the kinda girl I am) and engaged in small talk with him when approached but mostly found ways to avoid him all evening.

He sent me a message today asking about my plans!!

I guess I have to finally send a mean message back saying do not ever contact me again. I just don’t understand why I even have to say it. Why would you continue to try to talk to someone who NEVER responds back? For 4 YEARS!

GRRR.

It MUST be love.....

MikeyB71 said:

They just don't understand why they're cut out of your life.

As for all that time passing, they can no longer remember the last few events which may be the obvious reason.

I know because I have a few of these m'self. And occasionally, it is me.

CarrieMpls said:

But no....really.

Must be.

Do you want me to call him???

ok ok ok I will stop bothering you,

Cinnie said:

You wouldn't do this, though. It's really at the point of being quite creepy.

JustErin said:

I would contact the police. Your safety comes first.

Don't respond to his emails etc., he's getting a payoff when and if you do respond.

johnart said:

I think I'm going to finally say STOP TALKING TO ME.

That just better take care of it.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

luv4u said:

Contact the police why?

There is no law that says you can get people who you simply dislike to stay away. She didn't say he was a risk of some sort.

CarrieMpls said:

Showing up to parties through mutual friends is really over-stepping the boundary.

JustErin said:

Yeah, there's no threat here. I just don't want to see him ever again.

Cinnie said:

So exposing himself would be what?



Carrie just be honest and straight forward with this person.

The thing is, no one wants to make a "scene" or drama at a party which could potentially ruin the whole thing, which is why he felt safe to just show up and ruin things subtly.

Another angle is... if someone only ever calls you during your birthday, they are remembering your birthday and want to be there to "celebrate" even if it is old memories.

FOUR years though??

I say you let your friends know in no uncertain terms you do not want that person around you. And let that person know as well.

CarrieMpls said:

keyword: HINT. don't 'hint' tell him what you feel and think.

XxAxX said:

I really would have thought actions would speak louder than words in this case. 4 years of not returning contact, ya know?

I really hate confrontation.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

This is how I would handle it. Inform those same "mutual friends", sorta like on The Hills.

OnlyNDaUsa said:

Yeah, my friends already know and I've sent something specifically to the person who let it slip last year. That won't be a problem again.

you could get him a little card and write a note telling him that you do not have any interest at all in him and do not want him showing up where you are again. And tell him to not contact you and to not ask your friends or friend of friends about how you are or where you will be. Have it on you and ready to give it to him.

or mail it to him.

I know some people like that, and the ONLY thing to get them back off is confrontation.

Maybe I'm being presumptuous in assuming this, but something tells me that you're not that up for confrontations, maybe for the sake of not hurting people's feelings.

So no, they can't take a hint, its not in their nature(or maybe they just assume that you got over whatever issue you had with them) but they're a bunch of REAL pieces of work once they get back to the "fimiliar" zone and then you'd wish you nipped it in the bud long time ago so yeah, like it has been established, its healthier to use the upfront approach.

EDIT: So I'm not being presumptuor after all, I just read your earlier post
[Edited 5/28/10 10:18am]

CarrieMpls said:

OMG! You sent him a horse's head, didn't you?

Harlepolis said:

No, I really don't like them.

The funny thing is, if it's something work-related, I'm all for it. I don't let things fester, I will knock on people's doors and immmediately want to hash things out. I am constantly given the feedback that I "demonstrate courage" in my job all the time.

When it comes to my personal life I just cut people out and move on. It's rare I have to do that, but once you've shown me you're not worth my time, that's it.

HamsterHuey said:

Silly Goo.

I sent her a note saying whatever you do, do NOT let this person know my bday plans.

CarrieMpls said:

A piece of paper between the horse's teeth, heheeh.

Maybe you should send HIM a horse's head. With a note reading; "As you do not seem to respond well to obvious hinting, here's what you going to do; NEVER EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN AND STAY THE HECK AWAY FROM MY BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS! Or else..."

CarrieMpls said:

it seems to me that he's the type of person that won't take a confrontation either because in their book they did/do no wrong.

i knew a guy just like that and i've also started out by avoiding him, but when i finally got so fed up with his bullshit i just had to confront him because i hate people insulting me like that. and when i did, he actually tried to turn it back on me

i say tell him off about it, and if he still acted clueless then just keep ignoring him.

PricelessHo said:

You see, all that hassle. This is where a horse's head works wonders!