I went out and got the mail... lots of junk mail and a few useful items... I went to the garage and started throwing junk mail into the trash... I noticed a black object in my peripheral vision... I felt something...

THERE WAS A HUGE FUCKING SPIDER ON MY GODDAMNED ARM!!! THE FUCKER CRAWLED ONTO MY FUCKING HAND!!! IT WAS HUGE, HAIRY AND BLACK...

I flung that fucker to the ground and injured it slightly... it scurried off with a limp... I fear that it will try to retaliate later tonight while I am sleeping.

You should have ripped it's legs off then sprayed it with raid.

IceNine said:

Did you notice any peculiar markings on the spider (like an hourglass shape?) How big was it?
Blech...
That sucker is coming back for you...Spiders are notoriously vengeful.

So which is worse? The spider or the zuni fetish doll?

CarrieLee said:

(Carrie...do you need a hug today? )

Damn...I wouldn't have even gotten close enough to rip the legs off...hairspray usually works for me...but, then I feel bad

teller said:

The goddamned spider is FAR worse than that fucking doll!

FUCK!!!

That bastard is somewhere in my garage right now... just fucking waiting... the Zuni doll is just pretend while that fucking spider IS IN MY FUCKING GARAGE!!!

Goddamn, I hate spiders.

teller said:

For me personally, they are about the same...and centipedes fit nicely right inbetween. YUCK!

applekisses said:

My garage was once infested with black widows... I bought the model house and they used the garage for storage... there were a lot of black widows in there... I sprayed more poison in this joint than a motherfucker... I didn't even stay in the house for the first couple of days due to my prodigious use of pesticides...

This horrible creature was furry, unlike the shiny black widow... this beast was furry, black with white markings on its back... I hate that spider.

My absolute nemesis in the spider world is the Sydney Funnel Web spider... luckily, I don't live in Australia, so I don't have to worry about those fucks.

applekisses said:

Actually I AM having a bad day! I just hate spiders. And some of them can be poisonous so I'd rather them suffer than a human.

IceNine said:

you do know that it has your scent
and prolly goin around to all it's friends sayin,
"That fuck shoulda killed me, now i'm gonna have to fuck him up."
yes...
you hate to kill the lil fuckers
but when you don't, they always seem to
come back and bite you on the ass.

IceNine said:

Have you done any research on this spider -- after you get over the initial shock you probably should as black and white markings are a BIG warning sign in the animal kingdom. They usually mean that the animal is venimous (Orcas and Zebras and other mammals not included ) I don't mean to freak you out, but you should see what you're dealing with... Then...get some damn bug bombs!

CarrieLee said:

Awww...I hope you have a better day. I hate spiders too...and centipedes. They freak me out. I'm glad my cats like to kill them

00769BAD said:

See... it's not even going to be like that...

I'm not going out like a fucking chump... I am getting me some gloves, a ski mask, long sleeves, long pants and some poison... I am going to tape all possible openings in the clothes up with masking tape or duct tape so that nothing can get in... you know... I will look like a goddamned spaceman, but that's cool... then I am going to go into the fucking garage and annihilate any fucking thing that moves!!!

That motherfucker fucked with the wrong fucking arachnophobic fucker!

It's on, bitch!

I know it is not funny, but you are making me laugh IceNine!

Maybe you need to to have the UN inspect before you bomb's away!

IceNine said:

GENERAL!!!

sag10 said:

Fuck the UN... I don't need anyone's approval for this war!!!

That motherfucker is hording a set of fangs and four to six too many legs... that is enough to violate any and all treaties!!!

Fuck arachnids!!!

applekisses said:

You know what...?

I tried to research this fucking spider... the spider websites are truly terrifying... goddamn, those things look like they are going to jump off the fucking screen and bite you right on the goddamned neck, the fucking blood suckers!!!

FUCK SPIDERS!!!

I will find out what this fucker is and I will make it my life's mission to cause the extinction of the whole goddamned species!

After you are finished there, please come to my house I live with the creatures...But...they are not big and hairy. Ok, now I am creeping myself out...

sag10 said:

I have discovered the name of my enemy!!!

It was a fucking JUMPING SPIDER!!!

Pictures coming soon...

IceNine said:

That is worse, make sure you have the correct garb on...

Here is a picture of that horrible fucker that invaded my privacy so rudely by getting on me!!!

I hate to say it...
but, it's kind of cute

that is an ugly creature. The hair on my arms is standing up... Go get that fucker!

"Jumping spiders, such as this one, lurk in ambush for their prey, then jump out to catch their meal. They have well-developed eyes to detect movement. There are some small jumping spiders living in our electron microscope lab, and you can tell that they watch what we do! They follow our movements very well!"

applekisses said:

That motherfucker was WAITING for me!!!

Goddamn it... it AMBUSHED me!!!

I will have the last laugh when I finish my goddamned spaceman costume!

IceNine said:

You know...everythingabout.net says that the jumping spider is usually less than 2 cm long...

"Jumping spiders are usually less than 2 cm (less than 0.8 in) in length with females generally larger than males. They are among the most ornate of spiders; many species are brightly colored and strikingly patterned, with stout bodies, short legs, and a very large pair of eyes on the front of the face. The jumping spider has four pairs of eyes, with the large principal eyes giving it sharper vision than any other animal of similar size. It can identify prey, predators, and mates from up to 30 cm (up to 12 in) away."

IceNine said:

Please post pictures of you in your spaceman get up!

IceNine said:

[This message was edited Thu Nov 14 10:45:32 PST 2002 by applekisses]

applekisses said:

This fucking specimen must have been eating radioactive waste because it was at least 5 feet in length!!!

...eyes the size of GRAPEFRUIT!!!

...
[This message was edited Thu Nov 14 10:46:06 PST 2002 by IceNine]