.. for the first time in a couple of months. He has Alzheimer's disease and has been in the old people's home for nearly a year now. When my grandmother died after a series of strokes, which was six years ago, his condition worsened drastically, to the point where he got completely paranoid and even choleric, believing my father and I would try to poison him, running away from home in the middle of the night, until polive would bring him back the day after, hitting us, ... so we decided that it was simply too dangerous for him to stay with us, because we are not professionals and couldn't take care of him 24/7 and got a place for him at the old people's home, as much as it hurt us.

I don't like going there that often, because whenever I leave I have this awfully lifeless feeling; I can't stand seeing so many old people suffering in one place, and, what makes it even worse, seeing my grandfather there, who used to be so clever and canny, right there in the middle of it all.

Half a year ago he was still walking around and talking, now he can barely stand, is pale, can not react to anything you say to him, let alone engage in conversation (absorbing, processing and reproducing information is impossible). He is dizzy from all the drug-like medication he receives there and has lost all awareness of reality and who he is. He didn't even recognise me, who he was always so proud of.




I seriously can't believe there is no other way to treat this illness. It hurts every time I see him. This is utterly devastating.

It is one of the saddest things to see somebody you love suffer without being able to help .

If it makes you smile you can call me auntie if you want ! But only for the next 5 minutes, okay!

Serious said:

Why? Then you will have forgotten you actually permitted me to call you auntie? You're already the same as my grandfather, damn.

Dave1992 said:

Don't make me regret my offer .

A big to you, who I am proud of for being so caring and strong.

My grandfather who recently passed away was diagnosed with Alzheimer's probably a year and a half before he died. I almost consider it fortunate that his lungs and heart gave out before the disease could really set in. But the way it was discovered is just kind of sad in and of itself.

He had been a crossing guard at an elementary school for years, pretty much since I can remember. One day he never showed up to perform crossing guard duty. Nobody knew where he had gone, he took off to his job, but never showed up. They found him later just kind of driving circles around a city block. That was the last time he ever drove. He started a therapy group shortly thereafter. His memory came and went in spurts, but never got as bad as your grandfather's situation.

Sorry to hear about what your going through.
[Edited 4/25/10 13:17pm]

I am very sorry. I've heard Alzheimer's is just a devastating disease.

My prayers are with your grandfather, you and your family.

so sorry.

Thank you all for the supporting words!

My grandad has been in a nursing home for almost a year now. My heart breaks everytime I visit... and everytime I see him I feel like a little bit more of the grandad I know and love has dissapeared.

Stay strong.

Your grandfather still loves you and he's still proud of you. The disease just won't let you see it.

I'm so sorry to hear your grandfather is ill. I imagine how difficult it must be for you to see him in that condition.

Very sad. My husbands father has Alzheimer's, and every time my husband goes to visit his Dad, his Dad get's so frustrated because his son won't "go home"
He thinks his son is 5 years old or somet

I'm sorry to read about this, Dave.

I feel bad in situations like this, as I just can't feel comfortable. My grandmother passed away last week after another stroke. A few years back she had the first one and was left unable to talk, though still somewhat 'there'. I always found it hard to be natural and comfortable around her. Same with my paralysed brother-in-law Noum. I don't talk to him as much as I should. Mon was great with my grandmother, maybe from her experience with her brother, but maybe some people are just better at dealing with this kind of thing than others, I dunno. It's just so sad seeing someone still alive but not the way they were.

Fauxie said:

I was the same when I was younger but I've gotten better. I used to be almost afraid of people in debilitative conditions. When my mom was on her deathbed 5 years ago I drew a lot of strength from the people around me. It's important to feel you're not alone during difficult times.

Fauxie said:

I'm really sorry for your loss.


It's the same with me. I try to be talkative and tell my grandfather things about school, my music and what has changed in our garden since he left, but he just doesn't even react anymore; he won't even look me in the eyes. My dad gave me a look yesterday, while we were sitting at the table with my grandfather, which said as much as "it's alright, son. There's not much you can do...".

My grandmother's condition was similar. One stroke after another, for nearly 4 years. Whenever she learned to talk and move again, she would have the next one. I clearly remember the day my father told me the doctors said there was not much we could do and that we should say goodbye to her now. I was twelve years old. I walked into the room and politely asked everyone to leave and sat down next to my grandmother. I talked to her for quite a while, which was very personal and important for me, started crying and before I left I held her hand and she squeezed mine a little bit. That was when I knew she had known I was there. She died approximately 10 minutes later. Still, I was relieved I was able to say goodbye.



There is nothing worse than seeing old people or children suffering. They are helpless themselves and there's nothing you can do to help them.

Dave1992 said:

I lost my dad and my aunt many years ago (you know I am old ) and they both were suffering for a long time, especially my dad. It is heart-breaking . The next time I see you I will give you a big hug in person Dave !

Serious said:

I actually planned on giving you a cheeky cheek kiss and a huge hug!

Dave1992 said:

One like this ?

Serious said:

The difference is, I don't wear lipstick.





Nope, I thought it would rather be one of those soft, but intense kisses. The ones you clearly feel burning on your skin even hours after the kiss, knowing that both of you felt the same, but nobody would speak out on it. Ahh, you'll see!

Dave1992 said:

Denke aber daran dass alte Frauen auch einen Herzinfarkt bekommen können vor Aufregung .

Serious said:

Das wär mir soooowas von peinlich; stell dir vor ich küss dich und du fällst tot um!

Dave1992 said:

Ja das wär schön blöd für dich. Aber für mich irgendwie auch . Andererseits mir wäre es dann auch schon wieder wurst .

Terrible disease. One of my co-workers's father has it and it just sounds so sad.

Hopefully, they come up with a better treatment soon. Meanwhile take comfort in the fact that he saw you grow up into such a fine young man before the disease took hold.

Dave1992 said:

Alzheimers is sooooo awful

I feel a bit OK with nursing homes, my mum used to work in one and we'd go there often, adopting old ladies to be our "grandmas" since ours lived on the other side of the world - they always loved children visiting.

My 100 year old grandma just moved back home (!) after a stint at a hospital for the elderly - she complained there were too many old people there

First off...

Im so sorry you have to go throught this dave.. Its a terrible disease.. When we left for germany my grandpa was perfect, when we returned after 4 years I couldnt hardly recognise him, The disease had taken hold, I mean he looked the same but you know... So 's to you!

second thing... Um, orgers do know how to use google translate you guys...