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Moving Out With No Money How would one go about moving out on their own, while waiting for a divorce to be final, when you are cut off from all money from your ex and there is no family to help you financially or otherwise?
How do women who have not worked their entire marriage do this? It has to happen to other women and there has to be a way. Someone tell me how, please. | |
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AzureStar said: How would one go about moving out on their own, while waiting for a divorce to be final, when you are cut off from all money from your ex and there is no family to help you financially or otherwise?
How do women who have not worked their entire marriage do this? It has to happen to other women and there has to be a way. Someone tell me how, please. I've no idea... perhaps staying with a friend for a bit, get back into the workplace, get yourself on your feet financially with enough cash coming in to get a flat? Plenty of women do get back to working after being mothers and housewives for 20 years or whatever, it can be done. | |
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ian said: AzureStar said: How would one go about moving out on their own, while waiting for a divorce to be final, when you are cut off from all money from your ex and there is no family to help you financially or otherwise?
How do women who have not worked their entire marriage do this? It has to happen to other women and there has to be a way. Someone tell me how, please. I've no idea... perhaps staying with a friend for a bit, get back into the workplace, get yourself on your feet financially with enough cash coming in to get a flat? Plenty of women do get back to working after being mothers and housewives for 20 years or whatever, it can be done. I have no idea either. There are no friends that I can stay with so that is out of the question. I have tried the route of getting the job and saving the money until I have enough to move, and I had a job, until the girl who was going to watch my kids while I did decided she wasn't able to anymore. My ex will not help watch them and he refuses to pay for daycare for the two of them while I work... which is just another way of controlling me. I am extremely frustrated. | |
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Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Still it's nice to know, when our bodies wear out, we can get another -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- |
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What state do you live in? I'm killing some time right now watching the game so I can look up what I can. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Still it's nice to know, when our bodies wear out, we can get another -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- |
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You are technically what's considered a 'displaced homemaker', a category that the government finally came up with primarily for tax purposes. There are actually programs for women in this situation--you might call the YWCA to ask them (one in Grand Rapids had a program for them). They will do job training (help with resumes, interviewing techniques, professional clothing) and help you in those ways.
Financially speaking, you may want to check out DSS and see if you qualify for any temporary financial assistance. Any little bit could help...and if you qualify, they can help with childcare expenses while you work. (I think working and saving some money is going to be your best bet) Best, best, best wishes my dear Heather! This is going to be hard and quite different than the life you knew--but then again, you already figured that one out, didn't you? 
 | |
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Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. Ditto! | |
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First of all, do what ever you have to do. I do not know if you pray or not but this helped me and I believe my god opened many a paths for me..I have no parents or grandparents anymore so I had to do it on my own for many years. I myself dont know how but in the end it just worked out. I do not depend on ANYBODY, depending on people opens a doorway to being a co-dependent in one way or another and I myself dont have time for this... Determination really helps...Stubborness that you might have can also help, might also come in handy . Being a stubborn person can also be used to your benefit. | |
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Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. I swallowed my pride and looked into FIA. They cannot help me in any way until I am out from under his roof. Once I am out, they will help me with certain things, which will be good, it's just getting to the point of being out. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions when he gets angry, but I was given advice that I do not have to leave and that he cannot make me. So, I am thankful that I do have a place to live right now. I have applied to various places and trust me, I am not being picky. But, I have two children that have to be cared for and I won't be able to afford childcare on my own. He refuses to pay for it. You see my dilema? I live in Michigan. | |
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AzureStar said: ian said: AzureStar said: How would one go about moving out on their own, while waiting for a divorce to be final, when you are cut off from all money from your ex and there is no family to help you financially or otherwise?
How do women who have not worked their entire marriage do this? It has to happen to other women and there has to be a way. Someone tell me how, please. I've no idea... perhaps staying with a friend for a bit, get back into the workplace, get yourself on your feet financially with enough cash coming in to get a flat? Plenty of women do get back to working after being mothers and housewives for 20 years or whatever, it can be done. I have no idea either. There are no friends that I can stay with so that is out of the question. I have tried the route of getting the job and saving the money until I have enough to move, and I had a job, until the girl who was going to watch my kids while I did decided she wasn't able to anymore. My ex will not help watch them and he refuses to pay for daycare for the two of them while I work... which is just another way of controlling me. I am extremely frustrated. .. Good luck! If I lived near you I would do whatever I could to help you  | |
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AnotherLover2 said: You are technically what's considered a 'displaced homemaker', a category that the government finally came up with primarily for tax purposes. There are actually programs for women in this situation--you might call the YWCA to ask them (one in Grand Rapids had a program for them). They will do job training (help with resumes, interviewing techniques, professional clothing) and help you in those ways.
Financially speaking, you may want to check out DSS and see if you qualify for any temporary financial assistance. Any little bit could help...and if you qualify, they can help with childcare expenses while you work. (I think working and saving some money is going to be your best bet) Best, best, best wishes my dear Heather! This is going to be hard and quite different than the life you knew--but then again, you already figured that one out, didn't you?
Will they help while I am still living with him? FIA wouldn't do a thing, as it was based on his income since I was still living under his roof. And thank you... I will get through this. It's just ery frustrating when I finally feel like things are going to come together... as when I got that job... and then everything goes to shit again. | |
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Girl... as my grandmama would tell me, you have 2 get out in2 this wolrd and start all over again, sometime it can be a bitch, but have 2 make the decision that this is my life and from this moment on I'm the one who's gonna be in control, not my man, not folks, but me. You have 2 take one day at a time and it will all come 2 u. As you listen 2 the voice inside of u, it'll lead u in2 all the places where you supposed to be. Just think of this as a opportunity of you standing on your own two feet. It might be scary at first, but then after a while things will go for the better and you relize this should've been a decision you should've made a long time ago, | |
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OceanaOne said: First of all, do what ever you have to do. I do not know if you pray or not but this helped me and I believe my god opened many a paths for me..I have no parents or grandparents anymore so I had to do it on my own for many years. I myself dont know how but in the end it just worked out. I do not depend on ANYBODY, depending on people opens a doorway to being a co-dependent in one way or another and I myself dont have time for this... Determination really helps...Stubborness that you might have can also help, might also come in handy . Being a stubborn person can also be used to your benefit.
Thanks, Oceana... I am determined... that's why I haven't completely given up yet. It is difficult for me not to just throw my hands up and say fuck it. But, I'm hanging in there. | |
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AzureStar said: Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. I swallowed my pride and looked into FIA. They cannot help me in any way until I am out from under his roof. Once I am out, they will help me with certain things, which will be good, it's just getting to the point of being out. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions when he gets angry, but I was given advice that I do not have to leave and that he cannot make me. So, I am thankful that I do have a place to live right now. I have applied to various places and trust me, I am not being picky. But, I have two children that have to be cared for and I won't be able to afford childcare on my own. He refuses to pay for it. You see my dilema? I live in Michigan. I hope you have a good divorce lawyer! | |
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put ur pride aside and do what u have 2... | |
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AnotherLover has a good idea for you..I mean you are one of them who deserves what we put our taxes into..Go to ur local Gov.agency and see how they can help you. Nothing wrong with asking for some help when it is needed especially when it concerns you're children  | |
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DigitalLisa said: Girl... as my grandmama would tell me, you have 2 get out in2 this wolrd and start all over again, sometime it can be a bitch, but have 2 make the decision that this is my life and from this moment on I'm the one who's gonna be in control, not my man, not folks, but me. You have 2 take one day at a time and it will all come 2 u. As you listen 2 the voice inside of u, it'll lead u in2 all the places where you supposed to be. Just think of this as a opportunity of you standing on your own two feet. It might be scary at first, but then after a while things will go for the better and you relize this should've been a decision you should've made a long time ago,
Thanks... I will be happy once I am out. It's just getting myself to that point. You're right. I should have done this years ago... at the very least six years ago. It's just hard because he is a very controlling man, which is why I finally got the strength up to leave. But, he is still able to control me as pretty much everything is in his hands right now. | |
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AzureStar said: AnotherLover2 said: You are technically what's considered a 'displaced homemaker', a category that the government finally came up with primarily for tax purposes. There are actually programs for women in this situation--you might call the YWCA to ask them (one in Grand Rapids had a program for them). They will do job training (help with resumes, interviewing techniques, professional clothing) and help you in those ways.
Financially speaking, you may want to check out DSS and see if you qualify for any temporary financial assistance. Any little bit could help...and if you qualify, they can help with childcare expenses while you work. (I think working and saving some money is going to be your best bet) Best, best, best wishes my dear Heather! This is going to be hard and quite different than the life you knew--but then again, you already figured that one out, didn't you?
Will they help while I am still living with him? FIA wouldn't do a thing, as it was based on his income since I was still living under his roof. And thank you... I will get through this. It's just ery frustrating when I finally feel like things are going to come together... as when I got that job... and then everything goes to shit again. Ah, so he hasn't moved out...and you don't have access to your joint financial accounts? (they were frozen, or your ex has hidden it?) No, FIA usually takes household income into account for its programs, so if you're still with him they're going to assume you're reaping the financial benefits of living with him.  | |
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AnotherLover2 said: AzureStar said: Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. I swallowed my pride and looked into FIA. They cannot help me in any way until I am out from under his roof. Once I am out, they will help me with certain things, which will be good, it's just getting to the point of being out. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions when he gets angry, but I was given advice that I do not have to leave and that he cannot make me. So, I am thankful that I do have a place to live right now. I have applied to various places and trust me, I am not being picky. But, I have two children that have to be cared for and I won't be able to afford childcare on my own. He refuses to pay for it. You see my dilema? I live in Michigan. I hope you have a good divorce lawyer! I am my divorce lawyer. I cannot afford one. The papers were filed...hopefully I am a good attorney! | |
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Don't even give him that power, he may seem like he controlling but that's all it is, he seems like which ain't true. If your serious about leavining , you might have to run off to some woman's shelter that'll help you get back on your feet, I had a friend who did this and now she's doing okay. | |
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AnotherLover2 said: AzureStar said: AnotherLover2 said: You are technically what's considered a 'displaced homemaker', a category that the government finally came up with primarily for tax purposes. There are actually programs for women in this situation--you might call the YWCA to ask them (one in Grand Rapids had a program for them). They will do job training (help with resumes, interviewing techniques, professional clothing) and help you in those ways.
Financially speaking, you may want to check out DSS and see if you qualify for any temporary financial assistance. Any little bit could help...and if you qualify, they can help with childcare expenses while you work. (I think working and saving some money is going to be your best bet) Best, best, best wishes my dear Heather! This is going to be hard and quite different than the life you knew--but then again, you already figured that one out, didn't you?
Will they help while I am still living with him? FIA wouldn't do a thing, as it was based on his income since I was still living under his roof. And thank you... I will get through this. It's just ery frustrating when I finally feel like things are going to come together... as when I got that job... and then everything goes to shit again. Ah, so he hasn't moved out...and you don't have access to your joint financial accounts? (they were frozen, or your ex has hidden it?) No, FIA usually takes household income into account for its programs, so if you're still with him they're going to assume you're reaping the financial benefits of living with him. When I asked for the divorce last year he went and closed out the personal and business accounts... leaving me no money. He doesn't give me money so there is nothing to save there. He won't move out... I have asked that too. Exactly... there is no assistance until I am out. Neat, eh? | |
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AzureStar said: AnotherLover2 said: AzureStar said: Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. I swallowed my pride and looked into FIA. They cannot help me in any way until I am out from under his roof. Once I am out, they will help me with certain things, which will be good, it's just getting to the point of being out. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions when he gets angry, but I was given advice that I do not have to leave and that he cannot make me. So, I am thankful that I do have a place to live right now. I have applied to various places and trust me, I am not being picky. But, I have two children that have to be cared for and I won't be able to afford childcare on my own. He refuses to pay for it. You see my dilema? I live in Michigan. I hope you have a good divorce lawyer! I am my divorce lawyer. I cannot afford one. The papers were filed...hopefully I am a good attorney! Well, then, I hope you get a good judge who will be fair about splitting the finances/property/etc. Hopefully, Heather, it's just a matter of time before you have a tiny bit of financial room to breathe... | |
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DigitalLisa said: Don't even give him that power, he may seem like he controlling but that's all it is, he seems like which ain't true. If your serious about leavining , you might have to run off to some woman's shelter that'll help you get back on your feet, I had a friend who did this and now she's doing okay.
I know... I just hate to do that and I will not leave my kids with him... so I really don't want to have to go that route. As far as the controlling... I am being strong (or trying to be)... which is very difficult as this man has controlled me for ten years and that's pretty much all I know. | |
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AnotherLover2 said: AzureStar said: AnotherLover2 said: AzureStar said: Dauphin said: Contact your local State run Family Indepentance Agency. They should be able to put you into contact with various organizations that are there for women trying to get out on thier own.
Usually, they can help get low cost housing (apartment) and help with any job seeking or temp placement. I would get a resume together and start looking to work any place you can. Even if you are a cashier at a shopping mart for a month until you nice a nice temp job in an office till you get a full time with benefits job, it's better than nothing. Also, the FIA should be able to help you get welfare and state sponsored child aid (WIC here in Michigan) to help off-set costs. I swallowed my pride and looked into FIA. They cannot help me in any way until I am out from under his roof. Once I am out, they will help me with certain things, which will be good, it's just getting to the point of being out. He has kicked me out on numerous occasions when he gets angry, but I was given advice that I do not have to leave and that he cannot make me. So, I am thankful that I do have a place to live right now. I have applied to various places and trust me, I am not being picky. But, I have two children that have to be cared for and I won't be able to afford childcare on my own. He refuses to pay for it. You see my dilema? I live in Michigan. I hope you have a good divorce lawyer! I am my divorce lawyer. I cannot afford one. The papers were filed...hopefully I am a good attorney! Well, then, I hope you get a good judge who will be fair about splitting the finances/property/etc. Hopefully, Heather, it's just a matter of time before you have a tiny bit of financial room to breathe... No property to divide... we already did that. He really isn't fighting me on anything much really, anything of importance anyway... I'm just glad he isn't fighting me on custody. | |
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I hope everything works out for u, and I'm sure it will. Never give up on anything important.  | |
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sawatdiikhrap said: I hope everything works out for u, and I'm sure it will. Never give up on anything important.
Thanks, you... I'm not giving up just yet. | |
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Damn , azurestar, you're in a bad situation 
I'm sorry that i can't be of much help to you from my place, but keep the spirits up, my thoughts are with you. PS. Are your kids going to school yet ? Maybe you can try for a job there. You don't scare me; i got kids | |
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AzureStar said: sawatdiikhrap said: I hope everything works out for u, and I'm sure it will. Never give up on anything important.
Thanks, you... I'm not giving up just yet. Glad to hear it.
U have to be the nicest person I've spoken to here  That'll be worth something in the long run, I'll bet. | |
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AlfofMelmak said: Damn , azurestar, you're in a bad situation
I'm sorry that i can't be of much help to you from my place, but keep the spirits up, my thoughts are with you. PS. Are your kids going to school yet ? Maybe you can try for a job there. I will and thank you...
Yes, my son is in school. It's not so much the finding the job... I can do that, it's the child care mess. It will work out. I was just sitting here trying to figure things out in my mind and realized how difficult this entire thing was for me... nothing but dead ends, and I then I began to wonder how other women did it that were in a similar situation as myself. There is a way... I will find it. | |
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sawatdiikhrap said: AzureStar said: sawatdiikhrap said: I hope everything works out for u, and I'm sure it will. Never give up on anything important.
Thanks, you... I'm not giving up just yet. Glad to hear it.
U have to be the nicest person I've spoken to here That'll be worth something in the long run, I'll bet.You are sweet... thanks...
Maybe if I can muster up my "evil" side that will make him pay for child care! | |
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