Do U have a clingy or interferring parent who will not stay out of your business or relationships. Still cannot accept that ur grown up and need 2 grow wings & not be grounded by their outdated expectations.

Does ur parent:

Always have 2 make a comment about ur appearance/life/house/car

Always calls and calls and then when u finally answer they aint got shit 2 say

Won't let u date and fuck who u wanna without some negative opinion about who U choose 2 date/fuck/marry/hang with


e.t.c

Yeah, it's not like we asked to be born!

You're job's done, I'm grown up, so fuck off!

My mother thinks she has a right to say anything she wants about my business. I won't even tell you some of the mean things she has said about who I've dated...

Sometimes I think my father thinks my house is his 2nd home... In some ways I don't mind when he cuts the grass or helps me shovel snow, but unless he's going to pay some of the bills around here...

They BOTH blow up the phone- and my father says stuff like, "I haven't heard from you. Need anything?"

chocolate1 said:

I HATE that.
My Mom does the same thing. Calls me EVEY SINGLE GOD-SENT day for any and every reason..

Ooh ooh..I just saw something funny on the tv--let me call my son, I just had an idea about what to do for xmas in 11 months time--let me call my son, I just went shopping and oranges are half-price--let me call my son, I just got in and I'm bored;what shall I do? eat? do the ironing?, take a shit?--nah, I know..I'll call my son


fuck

I have a clingy mother and she's just gotten more clingy over the years. None of the descriptions on the top post fit her though.

When she tries to help me out she unknowingly tends to make matters worse. Some mothers have the tendency to pamper their adult sons in a way that they might have pampered you when you were a small child. They might have treated you differently when you were a teenager, but when you move out you're suddenly 3-6 years old in their eyes again. During my worst periods of depression and when I've had health problems she has attempted to be involved in my life more and more. Bringing me food, washing my laundry, asking me to come over to her place when I'd have other things to do etc. Parents can sometimes enjoy the feeling that their adult children are dependent on them. They might think they're helping you out in such cases, but they're often just reducing your sense of autonomy. Especially during my worst periods, I would have needed to try to take more responsibility of my actions and not just rely on the help of my mother or relatives. I did say "no" to her help a lot of times, but she'd just get angry or depressed because of that.

That's the way neurotics are made. Mothers are horrible creatures.
[Edited 3/1/10 4:52am]

I put my parents in their place a few months ago. It sucked, but it needed to be done.

JerseyKRS said:

Tell us more

I would not know what that is like.
My dad stopped talking to me over a year ago even though he knows he has a grandson. He could care less.
My mom is 5000 miles away and we IM through Yahoo every few days if I am lucky.

novabrkr said:

yes yes and...yes!

Its a sad fact that mothers in particular cannot handle when u just don't need them anymore. I still want my Mom but I don't need her, see the difference.

And the fact of things are also that we usually end up more educated, more financially well off,in a more successful relationship, generally more life experienced and more world travelled with a better more diverse understanding of people...than our parents and yet they still insist they know better than us just because they were born 20-30 years b4 us

sexyAuntyFuka said:

First of all, how old are you? My parents were pretty well up in my business until I was around 28.

sexyAuntyFuka said:

They will do this forever. Sometimes it'll be positive, sometimes it'll be negative. (The best you can hope for is even steven.) Get used to it.

sexyAuntyFuka said:

If you don't like them calling and calling...call them back. Or...maybe call them once in awhile.

Here's a late-breaking news flash: parents almost never "have shit to say." They're just checking in to make sure you're okay (probably because you don't check in to make sure they're okay). They want to be a part of your life. And you'd be surprised at how little attention they'll be content with.

sexyAuntyFuka said:

Rule #1 of successfully putting a little distance between you and your parents: Don't allude - in any way - to the fact that you have a sex life! I can't believe how dumb young people are about this. (And I speak from my own dumbness when I was younger.) If you don't want their opinion, don't tell them about it. Don't tell them you're dating anyone. And as far as I'm concerned, if you tell your parents you're fucking someone (in that kind of vulgar terminology), you deserve whatever you get in terms of parental condemnation. Just shut up about your love/sex life - until there's someone you really want them to meet.

Unfortunately, there's a whole generation of "helicopter parents" out there. You younger folk are going to have a much harder time separating from your parents than my generation did. It can be done, though.

Genesia said:

how, how can it be done oh great parent guru

sexyAuntyFuka said:

I just told you.

Seriously, though - the biggest thing to understand is that whenever you tell your parents about something, you give them permission to opine. So if you have something in your life about which you don't want an opinion, just shut up about it. And by shut up, I mean don't tell your siblings or other family members about it, either. You know that old saying..."Three people can keep a secret if two are dead"? That goes double when you're dealing with family.

The other thing to remember is...never have children. Because once you have children (grandchildren for them) you'll never get rid of them! Then, they'll not only have opinions about you, they'll have opinions about you in relation to how you're raising their grandchildren.

My dad is deceased, but my mom has snoopy tendencies. I've become a Jedi at exposing just what I want/need her to know... including the fact that I've also become a Jedi at securing what I don't want/need her to know. Also, she knows that her opinion at this stage has become just an opinion to me.

Since she knows what she's up against, she may ask or offer certain things in hopes I'll be receptive, but she doesn't truly try to throw her weight around anymore.

Genesia said:

Not only this, but they'll also have a common "enemy" (you) with these kids... and they'll triangulate where handy and use the kids for espionage into your life.
[Edited 3/1/10 7:35am]

Lammastide said:

See? That's how you do it! I've gotten my mom to the same point.

And remember - no matter how nosy they are - they're still your parents. Give them your respect and love while you can - because they won't be around forever.

novabrkr said:

They'll make great grandparents, fortunately, lol.

When the person who once moved inside of you, you've nurtured, and taught them everything.... it can be tough to let go or to realize the boundaries of your relationship must, have, and will change. Give your parents a break and don't take them for granted because as we all know, one day they won't be here.

TD3 said:

...I was wondering how many posts we'd get in before the inevitable "one day your parents will be dead" post. Never fails.

16 this time.

PunkMistress said:

14th, actually.

Genesia said:

Oops.

sexyAuntyFuka said:

Some mothers. Some mothers can't handle it.

Others can't wait for their kids to get out of the nest.

Mine can't be too clingy or interferring as I live half way across the country from them. I call them (back) when I have time; but sometimes I screen. Once I didn't call my mom back for a week and she freaked out, and called my office! I gave her a stern lecture and warning after that. My mom is kind of a blabber-mouth so I don't tell her anything too personal -- I never discuss super personal issues, boy stuff, etc. with her. I used to discuss work frustrations but now I just keep that stuff to myself, too.

My parents have never been this way. I’ve been my own since I was 18 and even before I was out of their home I was buying my own clothes and often food and such.

I don’t think they have ever criticized my life choices once I was out of their house.

jone70 said:

You didn't call your mother back for a week and then bitched her out for being worried about you?

Genesia said:

No, I didn't bitch her out for being worried, I scolded for calling my co-worker at the office. I go weeks without speaking to them and they don't freak out. This shouldn't have been any different but for some reason she worked herself into a frenzy. I told her I had been selling crack under the Brooklyn Bridge.

Genesia said:

OK. It's usually the people whose parents are still alive who respond as you have as well. If you thought my response was cliché -ish, so was your response, I guess we are even, uh?


=====
[Edited 3/1/10 8:46am]

jone70 said:

Going for weeks without speaking is one thing. Not returning a phone call is another.

Genesia said:

She does the same to me, with emails too; I just assume she's busy. If there's a real problem, my dad will call. We don't have the "talk every day" type of relationship.

Bottom line she should not have called my office like I was 10 years old, calling the school to see if I ate my lunch or something. She once got mad at me when I told her I was taking the NYC bus home from the West Village at midnight. I'm in my thirties. The bus is a perfectly acceptable form of transportation. Sometimes I have to put my foot down.


.
[Edited 3/1/10 8:48am]

this thread makes me want to phone my mum. she might be the only person on earth who is genuinely pleased to hear from me.

CarrieMpls said:

Same here.

I really appreciate my mother's always supporting and respecting my life and choices.