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can I give you a  ? | |
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AndGodCreatedMe said: i have nothing to add
can I give you a ?Thanks, ."When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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dag said: TD3 said: Have you returned every call/messege you've recieved in your life? I would think probably not. I don't see any reasons to hold conversation with someone only to tell them I don't wanna be bothered, I'm not interested etc, etc. That's unnecessary and could be viewed/seen as being mean or rude. We see things differenlty, that's just fine. 
===== If he´s insterested, then I definately AM interested, so I need to find out more. I wouldn´t wanna miss my chance. If he´s not interested, it´s gonna hurt again. I wouldn´t wanna be just friends. Can´t imagine being friends with someone you´re in love with and watching them being with other people. I either want him to be with me or never see him again. My latter statement to some degree was one made in general, our fellow orger and I have a difference of opinion about manners/form..
Good luck to dag, I hope it turns out the way you wanted. What you've stated is why I responded as I did in my first post. He knows you like him hence, any contact with you shouldn't be based on being "just friends" nor seeing how you are. In my opinion somethings fall this way, it's either/or. You should know pretty soon what's what and there should be no equivocation if there is, move on quickly. You appear to be a sweetheart if its not him, there will be someone else. | |
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Ya dag cuz you deserve much better then that | |
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booty said: Ya dag cuz you deserve much better then that
Thanks. He hasn´t answered yet. I hope it won´t take him few weeks like it did last time cause he was on holiday. It´s so easy to get all excited and all depressed at the same time right now. I am doing my best to stay indifferent. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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TD3 said: AndGodCreatedMe said: i do not agree at all. being nice does not cost u damn thing
sp? Have you returned every call/messege you've recieved in your life? I would think probably not. I don't see any reasons to hold conversation with someone only to tell them I don't wanna be bothered, I'm not interested etc, etc. That's unnecessary and could be viewed/seen as being mean or rude. We see things differenlty, that's just fine.
If a person is straight with another person by saying they are not interested, they are not responsible for a person viewing that response as being mean or rude. It could be construed as being rude that a person ignores a message so I don t see your point. Being straight with people is the best policy as it clears up any confusion on either side. Just because I advocate this course of action doesn t mean I always do it!! | |
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ConsciousContact said: TD3 said: Have you returned every call/messege you've recieved in your life? I would think probably not. I don't see any reasons to hold conversation with someone only to tell them I don't wanna be bothered, I'm not interested etc, etc. That's unnecessary and could be viewed/seen as being mean or rude. We see things differenlty, that's just fine.
If a person is straight with another person by saying they are not interested, they are not responsible for a person viewing that response as being mean or rude. It could be construed as being rude that a person ignores a message so I don t see your point. Being straight with people is the best policy as it clears up any confusion on either side. Just because I advocate this course of action doesn t mean I always do it!! As I've said, have you return ever message or reply you've every received? I doubt it very much. All circumstance are different and there are a host of reasons why that course of action should be taken. ===== [Edited 3/1/10 8:57am] | |
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zaza said: booty said: ya something is up if he's contacting u
[Edited 2/28/10 3:29am] Yeah, he just wants to say "hi", because he just found you on fb. That's all. 
I'm friends with guys I knew as far back as high school. I've even exchanged a couple emails with one of them. It doesn't mean they want to get with me - or me with them. The key is how you feel. The last time, you feel madly in love with the guy and cried for two months on the basis of saying "hi" in the hallways. That's a little...well...weird, if you ask me. If you still harbor any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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dag said: Two years ago, I´ve been crazy in love with a guy I met at work. We worked together only for 3 months and since we were teachers, we only got to meet each other during the breaks in the hallways, never having a chance to say much to each other. I managed to get his email and told him after our work together ended what I felt for him. He sent me a really sweet letter apologizing saying he already had a girlfriend and that he doesn´t want to jeapordize their relationship in any way cause he loves her a lot and he believes she loves him, too. I cried for 2 months because of it and now 2 years later, I got a message on facebook from him out of blue asking how was I and if I still worked there?
What do you think this means? In my opinion, I don't think it was love, you were deeply infatuated with him. You've taken short breaks with him, and never got to know him. Thank your lucky stars that he was straight with you about his girlfriend, than to be his jump-off, and find out later. If you decide to contact him, take it very slow. Go into this with your eyes open. Otherwise, move on, and with the next guy, try very hard not to come on too strong. | |
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Genesia said: zaza said: Yeah, he just wants to say "hi", because he just found you on fb. That's all.
I'm friends with guys I knew as far back as high school. I've even exchanged a couple emails with one of them. It doesn't mean they want to get with me - or me with them. The key is how you feel. The last time, you feel madly in love with the guy and cried for two months on the basis of saying "hi" in the hallways. That's a little...well...weird, if you ask me. If you still harbor any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him. Back then, when he found out I was interested and I found out he wasn´t, we agreed not to contact each other. That is why I don´t udnerstand this. The guys you are friends with are the ones who dumped you once? As for falling in love without quite knowing each other may seem odd to you. See, I don´t fall in love easily, but usually I know from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with or at least get to know better. I am a strong introvert and there are very few people I like to spend time with or am interested in getting to know them more. Usually, what hurts the most if not loosing that very person, but knowing it will take AGES to meet someone I´d like again and I am sick and tired of waiting and my bad luck plus I am getting old. 
My brother´s having a baby, my cousin´s having a baby, my other cousin is moving in with his girlfriend into his new house. It´s not that you are not happy for them, but it just all reminds you how much you want that as well. Why do you think I should not contact him? [Edited 3/1/10 10:02am] [Edited 3/1/10 10:05am] "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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angel345 said: dag said: Two years ago, I´ve been crazy in love with a guy I met at work. We worked together only for 3 months and since we were teachers, we only got to meet each other during the breaks in the hallways, never having a chance to say much to each other. I managed to get his email and told him after our work together ended what I felt for him. He sent me a really sweet letter apologizing saying he already had a girlfriend and that he doesn´t want to jeapordize their relationship in any way cause he loves her a lot and he believes she loves him, too. I cried for 2 months because of it and now 2 years later, I got a message on facebook from him out of blue asking how was I and if I still worked there?
What do you think this means? In my opinion, I don't think it was love, you were deeply infatuated with him. You've taken short breaks with him, and never got to know him. Thank your lucky stars that he was straight with you about his girlfriend, than to be his jump-off, and find out later. If you decide to contact him, take it very slow. Go into this with your eyes open. Otherwise, move on, and with the next guy, try very hard not to come on too strong. Well, I wouldn´t call it true love as well. I sad madly in love. I think deeply infatuated means the same, right? I know I never got to know him. But even this infatuation is so rare with me and I would love to start a relationship like this and not like, "oh, he´s OK, alright then, so let´s be together."
I am coming into this with open eyes and I will not try to drag it out for too long cause that wouldn´t be healthy. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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dag said: angel345 said: In my opinion, I don't think it was love, you were deeply infatuated with him. You've taken short breaks with him, and never got to know him. Thank your lucky stars that he was straight with you about his girlfriend, than to be his jump-off, and find out later. If you decide to contact him, take it very slow. Go into this with your eyes open. Otherwise, move on, and with the next guy, try very hard not to come on too strong. Well, I wouldn´t call it true love as well. I sad madly in love. I think deeply infatuated means the same, right? I know I never got to know him. But even this infatuation is so rare with me and I would love to start a relationship like this and not like, "oh, he´s OK, alright then, so let´s be together."
I am coming into this with open eyes and I will not try to drag it out for too long cause that wouldn´t be healthy. Ok, yeah [Edited 3/1/10 10:04am] | |
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dag said: Genesia said:
I'm friends with guys I knew as far back as high school. I've even exchanged a couple emails with one of them. It doesn't mean they want to get with me - or me with them. The key is how you feel. The last time, you feel madly in love with the guy and cried for two months on the basis of saying "hi" in the hallways. That's a little...well...weird, if you ask me. If you still harbor any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him. Back then, when he found out I was interested and I found out he wasn´t, we agreed not to contact each other. That is why I don´t udnerstand this. The guys you are friends with are the ones who dumped you once? As for falling in love without quite knowing each other may seem odd to you. See, I don´t fall in love easily, but usually I know from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with or at least get to know better. I am a strong introvert and there are very few people I like to spend time with or am interested in getting to know them more. Usually, what hurts the most if not loosing that very person, but knowing it will take AGES to meet someone I´d like again and I am sick and tired of waiting and my bad luck plus I am getting old.
Why do you think I should not contact him? I told you why I think you shouldn't contact him: Because it's obvious you still have feelings for him, despite having been told (by him) that he's not interested in a relationship with you. The guys I am in contact with are guys I have never had a relationship with - other than of the "friendly acquaintance" variety. I do not seek out old boyfriends and would never "friend" one of them. Period. In those cases, there's a reason we stopped seeing one another - and not being in contact is just fine and dandy with me. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Genesia said: dag said: Back then, when he found out I was interested and I found out he wasn´t, we agreed not to contact each other. That is why I don´t udnerstand this. The guys you are friends with are the ones who dumped you once? As for falling in love without quite knowing each other may seem odd to you. See, I don´t fall in love easily, but usually I know from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with or at least get to know better. I am a strong introvert and there are very few people I like to spend time with or am interested in getting to know them more. Usually, what hurts the most if not loosing that very person, but knowing it will take AGES to meet someone I´d like again and I am sick and tired of waiting and my bad luck plus I am getting old.
Why do you think I should not contact him? I told you why I think you shouldn't contact him: Because it's obvious you still have feelings for him, despite having been told (by him) that he's not interested in a relationship with you. The guys I am in contact with are guys I have never had a relationship with - other than of the "friendly acquaintance" variety. I do not seek out old boyfriends and would never "friend" one of them. Period. In those cases, there's a reason we stopped seeing one another - and not being in contact is just fine and dandy with me. See, exactly. You are the same about not seeking out old boyfriends. So how would you feel if they contacted you? It´s a bit weird, even though, I know he wasn´t my boyfriend. And as for him telling me he´s not interested, he did flirt with me in those messages, like "oh, you look as great in those photos as you do in real life". So I was building up hopes and than when he found out I was interested, he said he had a girlfriend he loved. So I don´t know. I am just impatiently waiting for his message and then I think I´ll know for sure. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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dag said: Genesia said: I told you why I think you shouldn't contact him: Because it's obvious you still have feelings for him, despite having been told (by him) that he's not interested in a relationship with you. The guys I am in contact with are guys I have never had a relationship with - other than of the "friendly acquaintance" variety. I do not seek out old boyfriends and would never "friend" one of them. Period. In those cases, there's a reason we stopped seeing one another - and not being in contact is just fine and dandy with me. See, exactly. You are the same about not seeking out old boyfriends. So how would you feel if they contacted you? It´s a bit weird, even though, I know he wasn´t my boyfriend. And as for him telling me he´s not interested, he did flirt with me in those messages, like "oh, you look as great in those photos as you do in real life". So I was building up hopes and than when he found out I was interested, he said he had a girlfriend he loved. So I don´t know. I am just impatiently waiting for his message and then I think I´ll know for sure. If an old boyfriend contact me out of the blue, I'd be horrified. And then, I'd ignore him. And I think you need to learn the difference between flirting and just being nice. Granted, it's very easy to read things into emails that aren't there. But you seem to have some issues with picking up non-verbal (and even verbal) cues. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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i been turned off by internet dating /the phone thing
thought i use my phone only to make appointments so i might not know what yall talking about ..... ya im not into seeking out boyfriends though i did make the mistake of contacting him and we are over lol i guess for me it's been so long and i thought maybe something was there but then i hesitated and it aways goes back to "i can't do this again" it was the first time i heard his voice in months and months and its strange i thought he was in jail or something bad happened to him some other dude found out i was dating his friend -so that conversation went bad cuz they both are rivals lol so im like "holly ^&%#" LOL [Edited 3/1/10 10:34am] [Edited 3/1/10 10:35am] | |
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u workd with someone for 3 mo's n u got infatuated .. so u wanna hump his leg , do a lifetime? sex isnt love n a lifetime isnt something u base 3 mo's passing in the hallways on i mean lets get a lil more serious here about what u want .. he sends u an em about your shared experience stuff u wanna read btween the lines ? mayb it is just what it says how are u n do u still work there .. gee a lil obsessed are we ? move on
[Edited 3/1/10 11:05am] | |
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Genesia said: dag said: See, exactly. You are the same about not seeking out old boyfriends. So how would you feel if they contacted you? It´s a bit weird, even though, I know he wasn´t my boyfriend. And as for him telling me he´s not interested, he did flirt with me in those messages, like "oh, you look as great in those photos as you do in real life". So I was building up hopes and than when he found out I was interested, he said he had a girlfriend he loved. So I don´t know. I am just impatiently waiting for his message and then I think I´ll know for sure. If an old boyfriend contact me out of the blue, I'd be horrified. And then, I'd ignore him. And I think you need to learn the difference between flirting and just being nice. Granted, it's very easy to read things into emails that aren't there. But you seem to have some issues with picking up non-verbal (and even verbal) cues. How did you come to this conclusion? And could you please exlain that difference between being nice and flirting to me? Maybe it´s just me, but I don´t tell people they looked great out of just being nice. Do you? I know very well how easy it is to see something in messages that is not there and that I just want to see. THat is why I don´t know what to think about this. Well, I started this thread so that someone could explain to me why would someone ask me out of blue how I was doing or would want to add me to be his friend. I cannot think of a reason why I would do that. So could someone explain to me the logic of why YOU would do that? I do have experience when I dumped a guy that was interested me, but I´ve never ever contacted them again. [Edited 3/1/10 11:41am] "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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Maybe he misses you as a friend. Andy is a four letter word. | |
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I would do it out of boredom "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit" | |
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dag said: Genesia said: If an old boyfriend contact me out of the blue, I'd be horrified. And then, I'd ignore him. And I think you need to learn the difference between flirting and just being nice. Granted, it's very easy to read things into emails that aren't there. But you seem to have some issues with picking up non-verbal (and even verbal) cues. How did you come to this conclusion? And could you please exlain that difference between being nice and flirting to me? Maybe it´s just me, but I don´t tell people they looked great out of just being nice. Do you? I know very well how easy it is to see something in messages that is not there and that I just want to see. THat is why I don´t know what to think about this. Well, I started this thread so that someone could explain to me why would someone ask me out of blue how I was doing or would want to add me to be his friend. I cannot think of a reason why I would do that. So could someone explain to me the logic of why YOU would do that? I do have experience when I dumped a guy that was interested me, but I´ve never ever contacted them again. I've told lots of people I thought their pictures were beautiful - yes, just to be nice. Certainly not because I wanted to get in their pants or because I had any romantic interest in them. There is a huge difference between being nice and flirting. If you don't understand that, then I really don't know what to tell you. But as I said, it certainly suggests that you have a problem reading cues. People might "friend" you for a lot of reasons other than wanting to get with you romantically. Some are "friend whores" who'll friend anyone they know even remotely - or don't know, at all (in the case of friends of friends), just to get their friend number up. I've had a lot of people I didn't know try to friend me. I ignore them, without exception. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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my only answer would be guys that like to play games
if i called my ex i wouldn't really have answer either lol #1-just out of curiousity if his answer machine was on #2- or just cuz im trying to get some laughter that he is still there after all this time i haven't called, cuz to me i wasn't sure if he was still out there after our bad break up and things. i don't know im strange i have to call to really get an official we are over this time signal.....then i hesitiated thought twice and thought hay.... maybe im wrong i don't wanna go back with this guy... [Edited 3/1/10 19:04pm] | |
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vainandy said: Maybe he misses you as a friend.
No, I don´t think so. We weren´t that close. I would do it out of boredom i don´t get this. Aren´t there other things to do? People might "friend" you for a lot of reasons other than wanting to get with you romantically. Some are "friend whores" who'll friend anyone they know even remotely - or don't know, at all (in the case of friends of friends), just to get their friend number up. I've had a lot of people I didn't know try to friend me. I ignore them, without exception.
well, that is true. my only answer would be guys that like to play games if i called my ex i wouldn't really have answer either lol #1-just out of curiousity if his answer machine was on #2- or just cuz im trying to get some laughter that he is still there after all this time i haven't called, cuz to me i wasn't sure if he was still out there after our bad break up and things. i don't know im strange i have to call to really get an official we are over this time signal.....then i hesitiated thought twice and thought hay.... maybe im wrong i don't wanna go back with this guy... That´s cruel actually. Hope that I am not too oversenzitive. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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robertlove said: booty said: some dude playing online games ya well what she is supposed to say? Hey motherfucker thanks for breaking my heart, how's it going?
[Edited 2/28/10 3:56am] LOL! how did he break her heart? There was nothing going on to begin with and he was just being honest that he was in a realtionship, what else was he to do? by the way, i don't think his message on facebook means anything, he's only saying "hi"....get over it Exactly. | |
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dag said: Genesia said:
I'm friends with guys I knew as far back as high school. I've even exchanged a couple emails with one of them. It doesn't mean they want to get with me - or me with them. The key is how you feel. The last time, you feel madly in love with the guy and cried for two months on the basis of saying "hi" in the hallways. That's a little...well...weird, if you ask me. If you still harbor any romantic feelings for him, you should [b]not contact him. [/b] Back then, when he found out I was interested and I found out he wasn´t, we agreed not to contact each other. That is why I don´t udnerstand this. The guys you are friends with are the ones who dumped you once? As for falling in love without quite knowing each other may seem odd to you. See, I don´t fall in love easily, but usually I know from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with or at least get to know better. I am a strong introvert and there are very few people I like to spend time with or am interested in getting to know them more. Usually, what hurts the most if not loosing that very person, but knowing it will take AGES to meet someone I´d like again and I am sick and tired of waiting and my bad luck plus I am getting old.
My brother´s having a baby, my cousin´s having a baby, my other cousin is moving in with his girlfriend into his new house. It´s not that you are not happy for them, but it just all reminds you how much you want that as well. Why do you think I should not contact him? She just told you why you shouldn't contact him: If you have any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him because last time, you fell in love with him on the basis of just saying hi in the hallways. In your reply to Genesia you compared your situation to being dumped, which is not applicable here; you never had a relationship with this person to begin with, and your reaction sends red flags all over the place about your maturity level (no offence .  ).
He did the appropriate thing back then by ceasing contact with you. Better that than leading you on and encouraging you to have false hopes on what was not meant to be at that time. He wasn't dumping you (from what you've written here, he didn't even know you beyond passing hellos), he was simply holding his committed relationship as his first priority, and that was the correct and mature thing to do. I would say just take his fb invitation as nothing more than a hi, and follow CarrieMPLS's advice, I think she is spot on. In addition, take what Genesia said to heart, and if you still have feelings toward this person do not contact him at all. Because it appears you have issues with understanding/accepting boundaries, and you do not yet understand how not project your desires onto others and how not to to place expectations on them. Therefore, it may be wise of you to take responsibility for your own uncontrollable emotions by not putting yourself in a position to be disappointed.  | |
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Ottensen said: dag said: [/b] Back then, when he found out I was interested and I found out he wasn´t, we agreed not to contact each other. That is why I don´t udnerstand this. The guys you are friends with are the ones who dumped you once? As for falling in love without quite knowing each other may seem odd to you. See, I don´t fall in love easily, but usually I know from the very beginning that this is the person I want to be with or at least get to know better. I am a strong introvert and there are very few people I like to spend time with or am interested in getting to know them more. Usually, what hurts the most if not loosing that very person, but knowing it will take AGES to meet someone I´d like again and I am sick and tired of waiting and my bad luck plus I am getting old.
My brother´s having a baby, my cousin´s having a baby, my other cousin is moving in with his girlfriend into his new house. It´s not that you are not happy for them, but it just all reminds you how much you want that as well. Why do you think I should not contact him? She just told you why you shouldn't contact him: If you have any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him because last time, you fell in love with him on the basis of just saying hi in the hallways. In your reply to Genesia you compared your situation to being dumped, which is not applicable here; you never had a relationship with this person to begin with, and your reaction sends red flags all over the place about your maturity level (no offence . ).
He did the appropriate thing back then by ceasing contact with you. Better that than leading you on and encouraging you to have false hopes on what was not meant to be at that time. He wasn't dumping you (from what you've written here, he didn't even know you beyond passing hellos), he was simply holding his committed relationship as his first priority, and that was the correct and mature thing to do. I would say just take his fb invitation as nothing more than a hi, and follow CarrieMPLS's advice, I think she is spot on. In addition, take what Genesia said to heart, and if you still have feelings toward this person do not contact him at all. Because it appears you have issues with understanding/accepting boundaries, and you do not yet understand how not project your desires onto others and how not to to place expectations on them. Therefore, it may be wise of you to take responsibility for your own uncontrollable emotions by not putting yourself in a position to be disappointed. OK, guys, I think some of you are misunderstanding me big time. I did not fall in love with someone on the basis of saying HI. Have you never liked someone that you did not know well and were interested in getting to know them better because you liked them really a lot? I respected him even more after he "dumped" me because I realized that he not only seems nice, but he also IS very nice and mature that´s why I felt so sorry for the fact that it did not work out because it does not happen to me that very often that I like someone. Shall I not feel anything when something like this does not work out? Sorry for having some emotions. I have no issues with respecting someone´s boundaries. After I got that message from him, i have NEVER contacted him. It was HIM who contacted me. All I did right now was ANSWER HIS message. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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dag said: Ottensen said: She just told you why you shouldn't contact him: If you have any romantic feelings for him, you should not contact him because last time, you fell in love with him on the basis of just saying hi in the hallways. In your reply to Genesia you compared your situation to being dumped, which is not applicable here; you never had a relationship with this person to begin with, and your reaction sends red flags all over the place about your maturity level (no offence . ).
He did the appropriate thing back then by ceasing contact with you. Better that than leading you on and encouraging you to have false hopes on what was not meant to be at that time. He wasn't dumping you (from what you've written here, he didn't even know you beyond passing hellos), he was simply holding his committed relationship as his first priority, and that was the correct and mature thing to do. I would say just take his fb invitation as nothing more than a hi, and follow CarrieMPLS's advice, I think she is spot on. In addition, take what Genesia said to heart, and if you still have feelings toward this person do not contact him at all. Because it appears you have issues with understanding/accepting boundaries, and you do not yet understand how not project your desires onto others and how not to to place expectations on them. Therefore, it may be wise of you to take responsibility for your own uncontrollable emotions by not putting yourself in a position to be disappointed. OK, guys, I think some of you are misunderstanding me big time. I did not fall in love with someone on the basis of saying HI. Have you never liked someone that you did not know well and were interested in getting to know them better because you liked them really a lot? I respected him even more after he "dumped" me because I realized that he not only seems nice, but he also IS very nice and mature that´s why I felt so sorry for the fact that it did not work out because it does not happen to me that very often that I like someone. Shall I not feel anything when something like this does not work out? Sorry for having some emotions. I have no issues with respecting someone´s boundaries. After I got that message from him, i have NEVER contacted him. It was HIM who contacted me. All I did right now was ANSWER HIS message. The phrasing you used in your original post is that you were crazy in love with this person, and that you were crying for two monthsafter finding that he did not have the feelings for you that you had for him. I'm sorry, but from what you wrote, this all happened because of because of greetings exchanged in passing each other in a hallway during just three months. I don't see what there is to misunderstand. When I speak of boundaries, I'm talking about emotional boundaries....your own emotional boundaries. No one's saying that you shouldn't have emotions, hon; but the emotional investment you put into a person, crying over him for 2 months when you hadn't yet had the chance to even have a coffee with him and find out basic information about him (um, full name, date of birth, hobbies, likes & dislikes, number of siblings, and relationship status )...then yes it does appear that you have difficulty with setting emotional boundaries appropriate for certain situations. Additionally, you keep applying the the word "dumped" to your situation...please know that to dump someone means to ungraciously break up or break off a romantic relationship with them against their wishes; you were not in a relationship with him, you are placing emphasis on a relationship that did not actually exist by using that word. Again, I can only go by the information you gave here, but I also understand in real time, there can be shades of grey in human relationships and how we form them. However, from what you originally posted please know it looks pretty black & white. I stand by my original suggestion that you could explore this in the manner suggested by CarrieMPLS, but if you find that you have romantic feelings and don't know how you could handle possible rejection from your "friend", then by all means keep your contact limited to preferably none at all. Some people really only want to just say "hi", build their contact/friendss list and nothing else. So best not to read too much into this friend request, or overanalyze it, or get too emotionally embroiled. If he's contacting you because he's now single and interested, he'll let you know in due time. Otherwise expect nothing from him and keep life moving. [Edited 3/2/10 2:24am] | |
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Ottensen said: dag said: OK, guys, I think some of you are misunderstanding me big time. I did not fall in love with someone on the basis of saying HI. Have you never liked someone that you did not know well and were interested in getting to know them better because you liked them really a lot? I respected him even more after he "dumped" me because I realized that he not only seems nice, but he also IS very nice and mature that´s why I felt so sorry for the fact that it did not work out because it does not happen to me that very often that I like someone. Shall I not feel anything when something like this does not work out? Sorry for having some emotions. I have no issues with respecting someone´s boundaries. After I got that message from him, i have NEVER contacted him. It was HIM who contacted me. All I did right now was ANSWER HIS message. The phrasing you used in your original post is that you were crazy in love with this person, and that you were crying for two monthsafter finding that he did not have the feelings for you that you had for him. I'm sorry, but from what you wrote, this all happened because of because of greetings exchanged in passing each other in a hallway during just three months. I don't see what there is to misunderstand. When I speak of boundaries, I'm talking about emotional boundaries....your own emotional boundaries. No one's saying that you shouldn't have emotions, hon; but the emotional investment you put into a person, crying over him for 2 months when you hadn't yet had the chance to even have a coffee with him and find out basic information about him (um, full name, date of birth, hobbies, likes & dislikes, number of siblings, and relationship status )...then yes it does appear that you have difficulty with setting emotional boundaries appropriate for certain situations. Additionally, you keep applying the the word "dumped" to your situation...please know that to dump someone means to ungraciously break up or break off a romantic relationship with them against their wishes; you were not in a relationship with him, you are placing emphasis on a relationship that did not actually exist by using that word. Again, I can only go by the information you gave here, but I also understand in real time, there can be shades of grey in human relationships and how we form them. However, from what you originally posted please know it looks pretty black & white. I stand by my original suggestion that you could explore this in the manner suggested by CarrieMPLS, but if you find that you have romantic feelings and don't know how you could handle possible rejection from your "friend", then by all means keep your contact limited to preferably none at all. Some people really only want to just say "hi", build their contact/friendss list and nothing else. So best not to read too much into this friend request, or overanalyze it, or get too emotionally embroiled. If he's contacting you because he's now single and interested, he'll let you know in due time. Otherwise expect nothing from him and keep life moving. [Edited 3/2/10 2:24am] Thanks for your explanation. Sorry, English ain´t my mother tongue, so I am not sure, how strong certain words are. I used the word "dumped" cause I didn´t know any other to describe it. What should I have said, I was rejected? That sounded weird to me, too formal. So don´t take every word from me literary like that. But I know that in this form of communication, there´s no other way than taking the words literally. The same applies for "crazy in love" and "months". I really don´t know how long I was really, really sad. Should I have said, I really, really liked him or was really, really interested? I know that relationships are not black and white. As I said I am just one of those people for whom something like that does not happen everyday. I have girlfriends who may sit in a bar, look around and see a few guys that they like right away while it rarely happens to me. So I guess if you´re like that, than upon meeting someone you like and it doesn´t work out, it´s no big deal, cause you´ll find someone else right away. But this just my personality. It´s the same as with regular friends. I´d rather spend time alone than be with just anyone. Just typical introvert. And I agree with you and CarrieMPLS. I did just that. Still waiting for his reply. "When Michael Jackson is just singing and dancing, you just think this is an astonishing talent. And he has had this astounding talent all his life, but we want him to be floored as well. We really don´t like the idea that he could have it all." | |
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dag said: vainandy said: Maybe he misses you as a friend.
No, I don´t think so. We weren´t that close. well, that is true. my only answer would be guys that like to play games if i called my ex i wouldn't really have answer either lol #1-just out of curiousity if his answer machine was on #2- or just cuz im trying to get some laughter that he is still there after all this time i haven't called, cuz to me i wasn't sure if he was still out there after our bad break up and things. i don't know im strange i have to call to really get an official we are over this time signal.....then i hesitiated thought twice and thought hay.... maybe im wrong i don't wanna go back with this guy... That´s cruel actually. Hope that I am not too oversenzitive. i don't think every relationship is the same though: he was the type that could never laugh. i know we are not supposed to be talking cuz he was serious and alot of other things that went with it but ya im not supposed be "harassing him" so if im viewed as that then i guess my humor is different i just think the way he is acting sinse our break up is really messed up. so thats why im not interested...if im bothering him that much he could of changed his number a long time ago. i don't like games.....but this guy is wacked on drugs.....im scared. at the same time im viewed as a stalker to some here. the thing is i haven't bothered him i made money the other night going out with a another guy.....its just very very sad that it got to that point ya but some of yall would be like ya just leave it alone.. thats what i been doing... i hope he changes his number if im bothering him that much lol after michael jackson died that really pissed me off i left a messege on his machine he must overheard the things i typed on the net (oh well) i really feel he has no emotions whatsoever after michael jackson died we didn't speak for a while then he called me up (i didn't bother him)out of no where i thought we were done after that i was pissed off he had nothing to say about that whole insident cuz mj had impact on alot of folx i never been the same after that...if he doesn't have any emotions for me or mj it's heartless [Edited 3/2/10 8:39am] | |
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dag said: Ottensen said: The phrasing you used in your original post is that you were crazy in love with this person, and that you were crying for two monthsafter finding that he did not have the feelings for you that you had for him. I'm sorry, but from what you wrote, this all happened because of because of greetings exchanged in passing each other in a hallway during just three months. I don't see what there is to misunderstand. When I speak of boundaries, I'm talking about emotional boundaries....your own emotional boundaries. No one's saying that you shouldn't have emotions, hon; but the emotional investment you put into a person, crying over him for 2 months when you hadn't yet had the chance to even have a coffee with him and find out basic information about him (um, full name, date of birth, hobbies, likes & dislikes, number of siblings, and relationship status )...then yes it does appear that you have difficulty with setting emotional boundaries appropriate for certain situations. Additionally, you keep applying the the word "dumped" to your situation...please know that to dump someone means to ungraciously break up or break off a romantic relationship with them against their wishes; you were not in a relationship with him, you are placing emphasis on a relationship that did not actually exist by using that word. Again, I can only go by the information you gave here, but I also understand in real time, there can be shades of grey in human relationships and how we form them. However, from what you originally posted please know it looks pretty black & white. I stand by my original suggestion that you could explore this in the manner suggested by CarrieMPLS, but if you find that you have romantic feelings and don't know how you could handle possible rejection from your "friend", then by all means keep your contact limited to preferably none at all. Some people really only want to just say "hi", build their contact/friendss list and nothing else. So best not to read too much into this friend request, or overanalyze it, or get too emotionally embroiled. If he's contacting you because he's now single and interested, he'll let you know in due time. Otherwise expect nothing from him and keep life moving. [Edited 3/2/10 2:24am] Thanks for your explanation. Sorry, English ain´t my mother tongue, so I am not sure, how strong certain words are. I used the word "dumped" cause I didn´t know any other to describe it. What should I have said, I was rejected? That sounded weird to me, too formal. So don´t take every word from me literary like that. But I know that in this form of communication, there´s no other way than taking the words literally. The same applies for "crazy in love" and "months". I really don´t know how long I was really, really sad. Should I have said, I really, really liked him or was really, really interested? I know that relationships are not black and white. As I said I am just one of those people for whom something like that does not happen everyday. I have girlfriends who may sit in a bar, look around and see a few guys that they like right away while it rarely happens to me. So I guess if you´re like that, than upon meeting someone you like and it doesn´t work out, it´s no big deal, cause you´ll find someone else right away. But this just my personality. It´s the same as with regular friends. I´d rather spend time alone than be with just anyone. Just typical introvert. And I agree with you and CarrieMPLS. I did just that. Still waiting for his reply. some guys at a bar i'll just pass up cuz im not interested. i don't know what it is.. ya im that way too | |
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