A lot of folks would say that something that they look for in a perfect partner is honesty. With this in mind, do you believe that couples should be totally honest with each other?

hell no. women pay lip service to honesty in relationships and then fish for compliments. 'do i look fat in this?', etc....

I think honesty is a mis-valued trait. I get pissed off when I hear folks using it as an excuse for simply being rude. "I was just being honest!"

Know the difference between flat out lies, serious omissions of the truth, protecting the innocent, and total honesty and know where/when to apply them and you'll be alright.

If anyone knows what a good relationship should contain - please post. I'm eager to learn.

JDInteractive said:

Hmmmm.

Whenever I gave an honest response to one of my neurotic exe's, he'd clam up and get pissy. Some folks don't want to hear the truth, can not see it in front of them, and get very confrontational at being perceived any differently than how the perceive themselves.

I want to say yes that you should be honest, but I guess it also helps to just keep one's mouth shut if they don't want to break that policy.... at least in certain situations.

whistle said:

God yes.

This is so true.

Girls don't want your advice or opinion. They want you to agree and listen. So basically when they start into something, I just shut up now. I just listen. I just nod.

vivid said:

As you rightly imply, there is no such thing as a fixed set of rules; every relationship is different and should be handled accordingly. It all depends on your partner and what your own fixed set of rules are....

I've said it a million times. Being honest and being kind are not mutually exclusive. Yes, you should be honest. But you should also be kind.

As for people asking things they don't really wanna know the answer to? That's on them.

mcmeekle said:

Yes!
I was in a relationship like that. He would say the cruelest things, and add that if we couldn't "be honest" with one another, then we couldn't be together. But God forbid I was honest with him about something- I was attacking his character.

Also, some "honest" things need to be kept to oneself because they could be used against the person later on: info about past relationships, for instance.

What do people think about keeping your private thoughts to yourself? As long as they don't have an impact on your relationship, is it OK to keep them to yourself? This could be anything from perhaps being attracted to someone else from afar and wondering... or not sharing some viewpoint but coming right out and stating it would just cause arguments. Does this count as dishonesty even if the reason you keep it to yourself is for the greater good of your relationship?

mcmeekle said:

I agree! It's one of my pet peeves. It's like people think they get a pass for saying something nasty. But an honest asshole is still an asshole.

CarrieMpls said:

KeithyT said:

I don't think that's dishonesty at all. Some things are better left unsaid.

Yikes, if everyone shared every last thought that popped into their head this world would be crazy indeed.

You don't have to say it all, but that doesn't mean you should lie.

novabrkr said:

True, In those cases like I stated above, you just have to pray you never get asked. I find it impossible to lie . That's why part of me thinks it's almost being disloyal to harbour any thoughts or "doubts" (that's too strong a word) about what your life might be like with someone else - even though this attraction thing might be pure fantasy.

Total honesty hasn't worked for me no matter how many times I try it.

I think I'm very honest with my wife in general, but still I think it's best to be judicial about it in some respects. I could be absolute 100% honest but I just don't consider that to be the best way.

CarrieMpls said:

Exactly. You don't need to tell your spouse everything that's on your mind, some things don't need to be said. Sometimes, being too honest can open up a bigger can of worms than dishonesty can open.

JDInteractive said:

Yep.

Yes

It is the only way to go.

JDInteractive said:

Not if u want 2 stay in the relationship.

Graycap23 said:

For me, yes...simply because I can't help but be honest with them...and if I can dish it out, I better be able to take it. It's only fair.

Sometimes the truth really fucking hurts, but oh well, that's life.

JDInteractive said:

Well, if you are not completely 100 percent honest from the absolute beginning I don't think the relationship will ever reach it's full potential. Lotsa people put an act on in the beggining and thats hard to live up to for the whole relationship.

Also if you lie about important stuff in the begginning and then your found out, but its like, well we were only dating then not all serious so its no biggie, the person is never gonna trust you it'll come out later and it ruins a relationship.

whistle said:

I would say women want to be honestly complimented. Every woman wants to know her partner thinks she's beautiful. If you don't think she is, I can't imagine how you could be in love with her. Or rather, if you love someone, how could you not find them beautiful?

It's possible that when a woman asks a question like that she's feeling insecure and wants some reassurance. We all look for that from our loved ones from time to time.

Or it's possible she wants an honest assessment of whether the outfit she's wearing is flattering or not. And if it's not, it's OK to say so. You can let someone know that without calling them "fat" os saying they're ugly.

Or maybe they want to pick a fight. Depends on the woman.

CarrieMpls said:

However? the problem with that is being "kind" is SOOPER SUBJECTIVE. my last ex (insane) equated anything she perceived as "negative" as "mean". Some people really don't want the truth regardless of how softly it's broken in. It's easier to just agree and tell them what they want to hear sometimes.

When I said I'm not 100% absolutely and completely honest I'm not talking about anything major though. Just say a little humouring here and there, rather than saying 'Dear, I'm not interested in that subject' or 'It's a nice top, but looks better on your sister if I'm honest'.

ButterscotchPimp said:

That's true, but I can't imagine staying in a relationship with someone like that. And clearly, you didn't. Like I said above, some people might just want to pick a fight.

CarrieMpls said:

I'm wondering this right now. Grissley Adams for the last couple weeks makes the most ignorant comments to me, then when he sees its pissing me off will automatically back it up with a compliment, that then, means shit to me.

The flaws he points out are definetly there, they're things that I'm already extremely self consciense about. So it makes me pull away from him, and it's rather stupid on his part, cuz then he doesn't understand why I don't walk around his kitchen naked. Well, cuz ya just made me feel like shit.

So, that kind of honesty I don't think is all that great, no. Like, you can't be pointing out things that people cannot even possibly change about themselves.

Yanno, and it also just makes me feel like he wants something that I am not. I know he absolutely ADORES me as a person. He just wish I had bigger boobs.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

What a jerk!

Why would you want to hang out with someone who’s constantly pointing out what he perceives as flaws? That’s not being “honest” that’s being rude.