I'm trying to keep my cool. This quiet 14 year old was the pit to my cherry, the cream to my coffee, and just this week, he has had 2 discipline referrals from school. one for leaving trash around his desk after class and the other for a fight he had with another child at the high school during a basketball game...it bugs the hell outta me. One cause he's only in middle school and second, cause he's so smug about it.."yeah, I did it.." almost laughing.

i feel like the teacher was picking at him because the referral cited all sorts of other nit-picky shyt before she actually made the point about the candy paper..

the fight, i dont know, he doesn't like kids in his face, but why the fuck would someone videotape the incident to report to his school????


I'm exasperated!!!

He's at that age, I guess.

SCNDLS said:

and you got an extra year!!
mine started his 'smug crap' at 13..

SCNDLS said:

I have two periods of 14/15-year-olds.

A discipline referral for a candy wrapper, tho? I just tell them to throw them away. Now if he was rude or dismissive, that's insubordination and not about the wrapper, but the behavior when told about the wrapper.

Just my

peb319 said:

mine just turned 11, and im getting attitude, and catching him out in little lies

hopefully he will grow out of it before high school in 2 yrs

chocolate1 said:

now that's what the hell i'm talking about...dont tell me how he talks in class, or sleeps in class, his behavior is supposed to be under her control. thats why i said that bytch was being nit=picky. so anyhow, i gotta make a trip to the school and show my ass on behalf of my son. what a trip.

myfavorite said:

1. Are you kidding me? You are his mother. The teacher has every right to ask for your help if your son is talking back or sleeping in class. It is YOUR responsibility to teach him how to behave.

2. Going up to the school and "showing your ass" is not going to do your child any favors.

PunkMistress said:

I was thinking along the same lines. Sounds to me as if he's been being disrespectful for some time now, this was the final straw and he needed a discipline finally.

Please don't be mad and take this personal, but if more parents listened to these teachers a little more, and "stand up" for their children a little less, we'd make some progress.

if you go up there and show your ass over this, then I'm sure the teacher will know from where his actions stem...

you said he's smug towards you, just imagine how smug he is at school towards teachers with limited control of his actions and attitude...you need to reel him in and not reinforce his bullshit...just my opinion...

thejason said:

amen brother.

myfavorite said:

How is telling you how your son misbehaves in class being nit-picky? isn't it a huge deal if he talks in class or sleeps in class? Everytime you write something about your kids on here, I don't wonder what's wrong with them but what's wrong with you.

Vendetta1 said:

I gotta say, I agree.

To those who got my point, thank you on behalf of the teachers.

I was trying to say that it wasn't about the candy wrapper, but the behaviors that probably went with it and led up to that "final straw".
I wrote it right before I went to bed, and I wasn't clear enough.

Dealing with classes full of teenagers everyday- trust me. If we could videotape the classes and show parents how their kids act...

if i dont stand up for my child, who will?? this is one class, one teacher in eight years of schooling that has a complaint. why wouldn't i be suspicious?? I know how to act, and so does he and so should his teacher. but if she is so fed up, i shouldn't have just been hearing about this now, is all im saying....

and you're right, showing ass and asking questions about what led up to all that are two different things...and it may sound like i'm retarded, but i'm not gonna adhere to chick nor child if i feel like its a bunch of avoidable bullshit.

...and he isn't the first child i've sent to school...so there..

Vendetta1 said:

well damn! my little feelings are hurt! ...my mom used to say, the person you tell will always remember.... . so now im wondering all that i have told for you to have such a snap judgement...

you should hear the nine yr olds at my sons school .. and it seems the ppl in charge only care about getting paid n telling me the parent how great a job they do.

myfavorite said:

Maybe the teacher felt she could handle all his other bullshit and therefore did not need to tell you about it. Go up to the school and listen before you show your ass and make an ass out of yourself.

I'm not in your shoes and likely never will be.

But I know what's worked with my nephews when I used to spend countless time with them.

You tell them how their actions make you feel . Cut through adult/child BS and get to the emotional gut connection.


But then again, I'm no expert on feelings and emotions.

Sorry this is stressing you out, love

Vendetta1 said:

I agree.
When we call about every little thing kids do, the parents don't want to hear it and tune us out... they make comments like, "You can't handle the class". So when enough is enough, then we let the parents know that "johnny" or "susie" has been a handful and that it's FEBRUARY and that crap is still happening.

i'm surprised they haven't called already, but yeah, i'll be seeing them on monday....

Something I need to point out:

I know parents are concerned about only THEIR child, but their child is not the only one in the class. Our class sizes get as big as 30. Usually kids who are acting up are not alone in their "fun". How do you know she hasn'tcontacted other parents as well- and you just don't know about it.

It COULD just be the one teacher, because that might be the class that he's choosing to cut up/sleep/whatever in:
- Maybe he's having difficulty with the subject, so he acts out/shuts down to avoid the material
- Or the opposite: maybe the class is too easy, so he is finding ways to entertain himself
- Maybe he has friends in that period, and so it's fun to fool around with his buddies...
In other words, find out the whole story before you decide the teacher is wrong.

I'm just giving you another POV, with 21 years of experience behind it.

chocolate1 said:

this is how I got into lots of trouble around grade 8. took awhile before I realized it wasn't as easy for everyone else that I was distracting.

Cinnie said:

ive had to drum this into my son since kinder/prep

i praise him when he has done well (he always does). but remind him that the work doesnt come as easy to others.

he has been doing a maths extension program, and actually gets stuff wrong!!! i think its great, coz it shows him how the the other half of his class mates find every day maths.

i always tell his teacher at the beginning of the year, if they ever have any issues, call or email me....so far so good.

Just found out my Rugrats teacher has changed...and he has one of the nicest/most approachable teachers in the school

[Edited 2/9/10 0:40am]

chocolate1 said:

My daughter has a wonderful teacher this year and I am always mindful of the fact that she has 24 very different personalities and learning styles in the same room at once. Personally I deal with teachers like they are kids, think of something to praise them for before even thinking about being critical. That way they can see you are trying to be empathetic.

chocolate1 said:

My daughter has been in school 11 years now and we have only had a real problem with one teacher, which we dealt with and she was even removed from his class. When she comes home and starts that a certain teacher is unfair, I always tell her imagine dealing with over two hundred students who are misbehaving, I would not be a happy either! Usually she says no more after that Most teachers are good, only doing their job! I totally appreciate the job teachers do!

Deadflow3r said:

Um, okay... I hope you didn't mean that the way it read. It came off like to grown folks.

Veronikka said:

chocolate1 said:

This emoticon says it means comfort; So yes I try to be comforting to grown folks.
If you are using this to mean patronizing; I don't believe in patronizing children. My daughter picks up on it RIGHT AWAY and she gets angered by it. If anything, she feels that she is NOT being listened to. Thankfully Kate her teacher is not the patronizing type one bit and has really touched my in the way that she has supported and respected my daughter this year.
The only people I would suggest being patronizing to are those that you want to get to dislike you as much as you like them.


Parents learn all sorts of rules on how to talk to children etc. Sometimes I think we forget that those rules apply to adults aswell. If you can't say something nice to me, Deadflow3r, then don't lay into me with all that you think I did wrong. Children are the same.
Teachers are the same. If you have nothing to say to the teacher until there are problems you have not established trust with that teacher.
If somewhere I have a problem with something Kate may have said to my daughter I think I can express that without Kate hearing "you are a dreadful teacher". First of all I would give her the benifit of the doubt. I mean I take the time to ask my daughter "tell me what happened" why would I not extend that offer to an adult.

Yes, give comfort to everyone. (Like I said they have 24 or so children's learning experience to coordinate so that it works for all of them)
No , do not patronize ANYBODY, CHILDREN INCLUDED. Everybody knows when they are being talked down to.

Deadflow3r said:

I know that the emoticon mean "comforting", but I was using it like a "pat on the head".
Thank your for explaining, tho, because when I first read the part I highlighted, I thought because you wouldn't believe how many parents come in talking "down" to us as if we're stupid.
I had a parent ask me why I thought I was qualified to teach her son. After I listed my experience and education, all she could say was "Impressive".
I was also at a dinner party where my friend's bitch wife referred to me as "just a teacher" to her snooty friends.

Nobody likes to be patronized, and teachers are no different.

Again, thank you for clearing that up...

the thing about it is ...teachers have degrees to teach, they dont always have the corner market on discipline, decorum, ethics, people skills, etc.

and truth be told, some of them do act as children, and have to be handled so carefully as not to step on their sometimes off the wall efforts.....


Chocolate, dont get me wrong, I do appreciate your observations, they were insightful and helpful to me, a single parent. I dont know what subject you teach, but It seems you probably have a well-adjusted class, and you are to be applauded for that.

I'm just the boys mom, so I step in as to fix the problems...and thats not a job that is nationally recognized, so I appreciate the feedback from all.

myfavorite said:

I'm a Special Ed. teacher- I have a Psych degree (child development), 2 Special Ed. degrees, and I'm working on my Doctorate in Educational Sociology.
My background in Special Ed. is in "Emotional Disturbance" even though my Masters is in Developmental Disabilities.
At the high school I teach English (and sometimes Social Studies)- I'm qualified in both. I co-teach alongside the subject teachers.

I agree that a lot of my colleagues don't know how to deal with the kids and only know subject matter. Hell, some of them can't deal with each other without "actin' a fool".

I've always wanted to be a teacher, so I get really defensive when people look down on people like me, who cares about her job and her kids, and isn't just collecting a paycheck to have summers off.

Thank you... I hope your meeting went well.