PunkMistress said:

My heart is beating fast for you.

Good luck.

I think I did it to some extent. I was coasting through my early 20s without any direction and just feeling generally crappy about myself. Some of you may notice that I'm not nearly on the Org as much as I was. That's because I'm mainly getting out and leading a life worth living now. I am doing a job that I love and have a wonderful girlfriend at my side. I'm also pleased to be playing football again after many years of not doing any exercise at all.

JDInteractive said:

Awesome... good for you!

Acrylic said:

Thankyou. I will still be around to start threads on the Org from time to time.

Was hoping to, but I've found this year we've taken on so much responsibility with the family here that we're actually a little trapped right now. I have a funny feeling I'm going to grow old in this house, with nothing to show for my years but raising a succession of someone else's children.

Fauxie said:

Vendetta1 said:

Seriously, I wonder sometimes what exactly would happen if we weren't here?

Mon's brother has a 2 year old boy, New. Usually it's us or Mon's mother taking care of him, and he sleeps with Mon's mother. Mon's sister is living with her husband in Switzerland. She sends money to her mother, and I know she feels guilty sometimes that she left, but she does her bit and we're happy she has a great new life with a great guy. Mon's brother and his wife go off to work each day about 2pm, come back home in the middle of the night and then sleep through to lunchtime. They have 4 days off a month and even then don't really take care of their son. Right now Mon's mother is in hospital. So... Mon's brother and his wife are doing their usual thing right now as if nothing's changed, Mon's father swaps with us going to see Mon's mother (and we have to take New with us of course), which means we're either at home with New or visiting Mon's mother with New. To make things harder, Mon's brother is paralyzed and bed-ridden. Mon's father normally takes care of him but if he's at the hospital then that's our responsibility too. Last night we were so tired, but there we were, Mon cleaning up her brother and feeding him his dinner, while I was showering little New. Then it's up to our bedroom to get New to sleep.

Fauxie said:

Is it a cultural thing to care for family like that?

As a person who has taken care of practically her whole family Nick, I am telling you it is going to have to stop one day.

Vendetta1 said:

It's pretty common for kids to live at home well into their 30s, and in the lower classes standard for the kids to support the parents more than the other way round, once they're of working age.

I know it has to stop, but I can't imagine what would happen if we made that happen. We'll still give money to Mon's parents every month no matter where we are, and that's cool. We'll still take some financial responsibility for our nephews for school stuff, some food, picking them up (with Golf, at least) to come to Bangkok etc. and that's ok too, but as far as actually looking after this one, New, who is going to do it? If not us at least having some part in that it's down to Mon's mother, and at 60+, not in good health, having had a stroke 10 years back and subsequently with no use of one of her arms and limited ability to walk, there's only one way that's going to end. Mon's brother and his wife just won't be told! It's impossible to stand by on principle and then see these kids not get the love, care and attention they need and deserve.

Fauxie said:

Do the brother and sister in law live with you guys? Can you put them the fuck out?

Vendetta1 said:

Yes, they do. They wouldn't have anywhere to live. They do ok, but he got into some hefty debt over football gambling. Right now Mon's mother's taking over their money to stop him from fucking up again.

Fauxie said:

You both seem so kind.

I hate when nice people are taken advantage of.

In the last 2 years I've quit smoking, lost 50 pounds, trained for and ran a 10 mile race (having never run before in my life), taken up yoga fairly seriously, bought a home, took on a new position in my company that's vastly different from anything I've done before and have been improving my cooking skills by leaps and bounds.

My life is practically unrecognizable compared to, say, 2007. I'm on a pretty big winning streak right now. I'm starting to worry a bit that something horrible's gonna happen. Too much has been going well.

Vendetta1 said:

Thanks for listening.

I know it has to change, it's just how. I think the family needs a big talk, but not right now as the worry always affects Mon's mother (she cries when Mon suggests we might move out).

PunkMistress said:

Being my own boss is my next big thing! I can't fucking wait!

Fauxie said:

Your caring and compassion for your family is really beautiful.

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks, but is it ultimately doing anybody any good?

Fauxie said:

For Golf and New it is, right?

CarrieMpls said:

How did you lose so much weight and stop smoking completely?

JDInteractive said:

I quit smoking by finally being ready to and sticking to it. I'd tried to quit before, but this time felt different. It wasn't easy by any means, but it was easier than any other attempt. I guess I had finally made my mind up.

I lost 50 pounds by tracking absolutely everything I ate every single day and tracking how many calories I burned every single day. It's a pretty simple math equation - burn more than you consume and you lose weight.

But now I've been maintaining for about 3 months. I need to lose at least 20 more pounds and I'm having a hard time getting back on the losing track. I'm thinking I'll hit my stride again in about March or so, when I can run outside again. That burns a LOT more calories than what I'm doing now - which other than yoga is basically nothing.

CarrieMpls said:

You've worked hard for the things that have gone well, though. It's not as though they happened by luck and your luck might change. . . you earned what you got.

CarrieMpls said:

Yes, it is. They should be closer to their parents though, I think.

The thing is, I had these big plans like many do as we enter a new year, about drinking, exercise, healthy eating and all that. December, January, start of February I drank near enough every day. I couldn't stop drinking beer, maybe four or five 640ml bottles every night. My sister in law and her husband bought me a bottle of vodka as a gift and left us with some gin that they didn't want to take back with them to Switzerland. Now I haven't had a beer in a week. Not long, but for me that's an eternity. I've still been drinking too, but just a couple of glasses of vodka and orange juice in the evening. Again, it's not much but for me it's significant. I'm feeling tired and a bit trapped with everything that's going on, and even if my full energy isn't in it, I'm still working out every day, hitting the weights, swimming, doing crunches, skipping rope... whatever, just ploughing on with it even if I'm not in a positive frame of mind. What else is there to do? Once the vodka and gin has been finished, by which time I'll hopefully have weaned myself off drinking beer, I'm hoping I'll not drink anything for a while save for the odd night out. I'll still be exercising, even when I feel like shit, so when all of this changes for the better I'll come out the other side in good shape and ready to really kick on. Too busy to sit around moping, but not too busy to get fit as fuck if there's a spare 30 minutes in the day somewhere that I can use to make something good out of these long, tiring days.

Fauxie said:

have you always been a pisshead, or is this a recent development?

whistle said:

Relatively recent. I never really drank beer when I lived in the UK, just a couple of pints of Guinness when I went out, which was just once a week. I drank wine, mostly, and never more than a bottle once or twice a week. Since living here I've over time drunk more and more beer, not so much through going out, just at home. I'd say last year I almost certainly consumed the most alcohol of any year of my life. I've found many excuses in family coming over, friends back from abroad for short holidays, family barbecues, birthdays, new year, Christmas... all those things. Beer is so cheap in the supermarket here too so it doesn't hurt the wallet at all if you're staying home rather than going out. Even though I've still been drinking vodka I've actually noticed a difference in how I feel from just a week without beer. Not surprising since when my sister in law and her husband were over between January 10th and February 2nd I drank beer, I believe, on all but 3 of those days.