Vendetta1 said:

All it took was for me to realize they were not there when I phoned. They may have answered the phone but it was more "hm. mm. well I'm hanging out with ____ at the moment so, bye" and it happened successively, and every time they were busy and I was hurting. If that was me before and they had phoned me I would have screeched out of who I was hanging out with to go console them.

It's weird because I thought I was too old to change and it's almost like it happened and I was unaware of it until it happened but I am finding I have become a different person in some aspects. I have always been the person around for everyone else's benefit. I would be available at all hours of the day or night, ripping and running taking care of everyone else but myself. I was also very clinging and needy in some of my relationships as well. When I finally got to the point to realize that I didn't mean as much to some people as they did to me, that I was putting people up on pedestals and it crushing me when they didn't live up to the God-like status I'd given them, I learned to stop doing that. I am also more guarded with my heart and realized that I am ecstatically single. I turn off my phone at night. I am not quick to answer the phone or return a call anymore. I don't let myself fall for anyone anymore and I come home at the end of the day and enjoy my solitude.

My signature is my mantra now and I am taking the time to appreciate the people who have been here for me instead of practically begging for attention from the ones who have not.

Cinnie said:

Me, again. I was doing that, too. Dropping everything for people. Changing plans.

But I also learned that wasn't their fault, it was mine.

Vendetta1 said:

All it took was for me to realize they were not there when I phoned. They may have answered the phone but it was more "hm. mm. well I'm hanging out with ____ at the moment so, bye" and it happened successively, and every time they were busy and I was hurting. If that was me before and they had phoned me I would have screeched out of who I was hanging out with to go console them.

Cinnie said:

i used to do that too, drop everything for one friend i had! what was i thinking? that friend would never think to do that for me!

Vendetta1 said:

good for you! i can really relate to a lot of what you said in your post, i used to be a lot like that, even with friendships, seemed i always cared more about the friend, then they cared about me, i always went the extra mile, but i almost never recieved that type of affection to attention in return, even in times of need when a friend should be there for me, they were always missing in action. when i woke up and realized i was doing this, it made a big difference.

Vendetta1 said:

Well, I'm not quite there yet. Somehow I keep missing their texts and voicemails and I'm not making plans to hang out like I used to always initiate

kimrachell said:

after I had minor surgery two years ago, I was at home recovering for a week. My closest friend lives five minutes from me and did not visit me once. I have felt differently about him since that day. That was a wake-up call for me and the beginning of my transformation.

What I do realize now though, is that everyone has their own stuff that they go through and of course, it is a priority to them. I do wish, however, that more people take just a little time to step outside of themselves and think about someone else every now and then.

We lost almost 350k when the stock market crashed - we're rebuilding

we have another large investment as well for retirement

but that may also get tapped into to cover 2 college tuitions

day by day we create and rebuild our future

We lost almost 350k when the stock market crashed - we're rebuilding

we have another large investment as well for retirement

but that may also get tapped into to cover 2 college tuitions

day by day we create and rebuild our future

Vendetta1 said:

Well now what happens when HE has minor surgery?

Cinnie said:

I don't know. I have a huge problem treating people like they treat me. I guess I wouldn't hold a grudge and not go see him because that is not who I am. But, I was honest with him and told him that it hurt me that he did not come see me.

I used to think it was okay that i had different levels of relationships or friendships with people. not anymore. I must have balance.

Vendetta1 said:

Well I offered. Apparently he doesn't need my help AND he has plans after he gets out of the hospital.

Cinnie said:

The only thing you can do at this point is to tell him how you feel and let it go.

Vendetta1 said:

I know I have to verbalize it because it is apparent he is clueless.

Ivy & Mach

After losing my job and going back to school, I feel like I'm starting over after working for 20 years and being a self-made man. I may lose everything that I've worked so hard to build.

My thought is that I came from nothing and I've learned many things in the process. Life moves on and things happen in life, roll with it. Worse things have happened to better people.

Cinnie said:

I'm reading far too smug or proud in these posts. Deep down I feel replaced and neglected.

.
[Edited 2/6/10 8:42am]

Cinnie said:

you don't sound proud or snug to me at all.

It's weird because I thought I was too old to change and it's almost like it happened and I was unaware of it until it happened but I am finding I have become a different person in some aspects. I have always been the person around for everyone else's benefit. I would be available at all hours of the day or night, ripping and running taking care of everyone else but myself. I was also very clinging and needy in some of my relationships as well. When I finally got to the point to realize that I didn't mean as much to some people as they did to me, that I was putting people up on pedestals and it crushing me when they didn't live up to the God-like status I'd given them, I learned to stop doing that. I am also more guarded with my heart and realized that I am ecstatically single. I turn off my phone at night. I am not quick to answer the phone or return a call anymore. I don't let myself fall for anyone anymore and I come home at the end of the day and enjoy my solitude.

My signature is my mantra now and I am taking the time to appreciate the people who have been here for me instead of practically begging for attention from the ones who have not.

Ivy & Mach

After losing my job and going back to school, I feel like I'm starting over after working for 20 years and being a self-made man. I may lose everything that I've worked so hard to build.

My thought is that I came from nothing and I've learned many things in the process. Life moves on and things happen in life, roll with it. Worse things have happened to better people.

Vendetta1 said:

Yeah, what she said.

Not letting other people have all of my energy at the expense of my own life and sanity anymore. No more bending over backwards to take care of people who aren't even good to me. Which means I spend a lot of time alone these days, and I'm fine with that.

I'm going to get into medical school, work my ass off, get my MD, and keep on building the life I want. By myself. For myself.

tackam said:

Vendetta1 said:

Your sig quote has totally been in my head since I saw it. It's a great, great summary of everything I've been trying to get through my thick skull.