Let's say that you are a single parent who has custody of your son and you to take him to school in the mornings and get him after school in the afternoons each day. You are lucky enough to have a job that allows you to work from home in the mornings and afternoons so that you can take care of your son. Let's also say that you have been working at the same job for 6 years and have survived many layoffs, but the company has now decided to eliminate your entire department, along with a number of other IT departments... furthermore, let's say that you are given the opportunity to keep your current salary and remain employed, but you will be moved to a remote location where you cannot work from home at all and you will have to drive about 2 hours to and from work each day, thus making it so that you will work from 10AM to 6PM where you will drive home and arrive at about 8:00PM, just in time to give your son a bath and get him to bed. To complicate matters, let's say that your ex gets the kid on the weekends, so the only time you get to see him is during the week.

Oh, let's throw another wrench in the works... let us say that you are involved in a custody battle that has not made it to court yet and you absolutely cannot quit the job, so you are totally stuck without any options.

What would you do in this case?

...
[This message was edited Thu Jan 16 10:20:11 PST 2003 by IceNine]

take the job for now, but update your resume and send it out like a mad man?
just a thought

Shorty said:

How do you deal with not being able to spend time with the most important person in the world and the absolute heartache that comes along with not spending time with him?

Wow...This is alot to deal with I would do what ever was in the best interest for my (your son)..I am sure both parents love him so he should be secure in that area...but you need a job in order to care for not only yourself but him...I would try and sort the situation out with the other parent, only for the sake of the child.

The economy sucks right now. Hypothetically, you would take the job, explain the situation to your child and let him know its for no more than 6 mos. Give yourself that deadlien of 6 mos and find another job.

If this person works IT they get paid considerably well; therefore finding jobs in their expertise (with so many layoffs) may prove to be difficult.

Keep the faith and don't spoil the child in the interim -- as to not confuse the kid with this person's guilt... (ie lack of time = toys). But I am sure this individual knows this.

Paper the town with resumes.

Unless the individual is THAT GOOD, maybe a trial situation discussed with the head honchos (ie maybe they work the wkends and shorten the wkdays?).


Wanted to add: Children are versatile and are capable of change much more than adults. Create a visual map and find ways to nurse your own heartache. He'll miss you, but he'll adapt.

The situation sucks, but many ppl have survived and raised good kids. You can do it. You'll suffer the most.
Allegedly wishing good luck.
[This message was edited Thu Jan 16 10:29:20 PST 2003 by salaciousV]

IceNine said:

You can make it up by calling him and telling him at a certain time of night, say 8pm for him to throw you a kiss and you have one back at him...Buy him a card once in a while...And when you do get him spend it in a way he will never forget... Something good always comes out of something that SEEMs bad... Yes it is heartache but at least with a job you will be able to provide for him

I would first of all like to know how much time this person has, before the department is officially closed.

It is very important to maintain employment. I would consider my skill first, look at the job market where I live, and would start to apply.

Nothing, I repeat nothing, is more important than spending time with your child - not only for the adult - as children need guidance, not just a tuck into bed.

I would put all of my efforts into getting another job, and utilizing unemployment if necessary - to avoid being frowned upon by the courts.
[This message was edited Thu Jan 16 10:30:28 PST 2003 by LaVisHh]

LaVisHh said:

Let us hypothetically say that the move is being made within a period of two to four weeks and there are very few options for the person.

Stay at the job and suffer the fact that you will only be able to see your child at night when you get home for a while -that is until you find a new job. This way you:

1- remained employed (very important to the courts in a custody battle, no?)
2- get to explore other employment options knowing that you still have income coming in (so you don't settle for a crappy job just to get a check)


Kids are pretty smart and resiliant, he'll know that you're doing it for his sake! And remeber, it'll only be temporary, whereas losing a custody battle due to the fact that your unemployed could mean you lose your kid forever.

Hypothetically speaking
if that person was IceNine
than that person should
retire from the org
and use all that spare time
2 call his son by phone
2 hang out with his son
its a sure method
that the son will get an
OVERDOSE
of IceNine

IceNine said:

I feel for this person.

I know how tough it is for me right now, and that's not hypothetical, but for real.

Personally, I have learned to live with much less. I work, but I also do my best to give my daughter my time. She is right here, everyday, and when she needs me - I am only a few feet away.

I for one, would not trade time for money. Children grow up fast, and it sucks that the courts are involved, that would bother me the most - the states should keep their noses out of custody issues...but that is another debate entirely.

I would focus on getting another job, asap. For me, it sucks, because nobody wants a stylist turned programmer. But if this person is smart, and has experience - I don't see getting another job to be a problem.

dickiepotter said:

Good points...

Luckily for our imaginary protagonist, he has had custody of the child for the last 3 years and has provided everything for the child and has gone above and beyond in every parenting duty... the protagonist doesn't feel that he has any problems with the court, but hates that he allegedly had to pay his lawyer $5,000 recently and is looking at thousands more soon, thus eating into his savings... hypothetically.

Our imaginary protagonist feels somewhat lost at the moment.

I would suggest both the parent and the child moving closer to the employment's new location...

If that's not possible for some reason, then I'd suggest having a close loved one to take care of the child while the parent tries to find another job--or even another career--which will keep him/her within a good traveling time of the child...

It also depends on the age of the child..the older they are, the easier it may be for them to cope with changes like this at home...I'd suggest discovering new ways to share the time that will be shared...even though it may be less, it could still end up being just as rewarding and loving...

Could an arrangement be made with the ex-spouse in which they spend more of their time with the child during the week, allowing more weekends to be free for the current parent??...

In order to protect the time with the child...

You could get a lower paying job and tighten your belt...I myself am considering jumping ship one of these days, and I don't know if I could do as well elsewhere seeing as how I lack a college degree.

There is contract work, too--several sites exist that broker independent contracters to various projects from various companies. It's not a gauranteed income, but it could supplement a downgrade in pay.

Another option is to start your own business.

Nothing like hard times and hunger to motivate one...

wellbeyond said:

Fine suggestions!

Let's hypothetically say that the protagonist is not willing to move or re-arrange his life in order to sell his life to a corporation and thus take his five year old son out of a good school.

Part of the problem is that the imaginary protagonist believes that life is not about work and really wishes that he did not work in the information technology field but was lured in by the money and has fallen into a capitalistic trap.

Maybe it is time for the imaginary protagonist to get his PhD and do something productive with his life...

IrishGecko said:

dont you ever have anything nice to say? One might go to a bar, one might go to a club, one might go to the gym, one might do all, one might come to the net with peeps they have been associating themselves with for a while (without leaving the house) where it is nice and safe and harmless... ...Be nice!

teller said:

The imaginary protagonist has an option for his own business, as he has owned one in the past and has the equipment necessary for the endeavor, it just takes some time to actually make money... the protagonist has considered this possibility very carefully and likes the idea but fears not having insurance.

OceanaOne said:

U look like the person
who goes to bars
who goes to the net
who goes insane
and who gets the f*** out
when some1 sets u straigh

I'll stop getting emotional, and let the men speak.

IrishGecko said:

true words Gecko.

Maybe it'll be possible to work less hours, say take a contract for 4 days a week. Maybe there's a chance to speed up the court-proces ?

IceNine said:

I can relate to this...it's not too easy to intentionally give up a high-paying job...but if you do it for the right reasons--and this hypothetical person would be doing it for one of the better reasons--the only thing you can do is remain as positive about what awaits you down the road in terms of income...I myself know that the career changes I'm presently going thru will lead me to an amazingly more fulfilling career...the amount I bring in now is like half of what I used to bring in...but the powerful income will come for me once again in time, of that I have no doubts whatsoever...and it will occur sooner than I expect...

IceNine said:

Ice:

In this case the protaganist is correct in his organic association to the quality of life. He should give himself a time frame and sock away cash like a squirrel allowing himself some mobility should he be without work for a few months.

Like I said, kids adapt extremely well and comprehend more than we think.

Work the system. I'd say, work the job. Horde what you can. Explain in a visual timeline when daddy will be back to normal hours and create your own empire. If it were me, That's what I'd do.

In a weird way, I would slightly agree with the Gecko -- have that protagonist siphon all his talents towards a new venture (maybe even a home business) instead of diffusing his boredom over the boards. I think that an intellect with problem solving capabilities will find a way out of this one.

If moving is out and selling your sould to the capitalist machine is out then maybe this has happened for a reason! Sometimes life throws these curve balls as an "out". Maybe this is the hypothetical protaganist's way to get out of the life he's been living for 6 years at this company and start on a new path.

However, change doesn't always have to be drastic and immediate. Stick it out so you can support your kid and yourself, and while doing whatever it is that IT people do, surf the web, request catalogs for Ph D programs you'd be interested in, send out resumes. Take the time you have driving 2 hours to work to plan out your next few steps in life, then save save and save some more while you are at the IT job. Soon enough your plans will fall into place and you'll have the $ to follow through with them!

Good luck on whatever you decide!

IceNine said:

chanting Get the PhD, get the PhD!!!

salaciousV said:

Hmmm...I think that could apply to more people than just the hypothetical person...me included...

wellbeyond said:

Yeah, the hypothetical protagonist really needs to figure out what would be fulfilling to him and he should bite the bullet and take a massive pay cut. He doesn't care so much about that, as he already sold his BMW in preparation for this. Tightening up the finances is something that the imaginary protagonist has been doing for a while now in anticipation of such a situation.

wellbeyond said:

Know whats funny Well? I just read this book called the WAR OF ART and this article... lemme see if I can find the link http://www.fastcompany.co...ylife.html and it is all stuff we know about ourselves yet we create an amalgam of situations to keep us from obtaining our goals. I'll forward to you.. I think you can appreciate.
[This message was edited Thu Jan 16 11:01:33 PST 2003 by salaciousV]

IrishGecko said:

WHATEVER!! You are not even worth the arguement..You are one unhappy person! You must be like 85 years old...and where is your picture? Maybe YOU should retire from the org

salaciousV said:

The imaginary protagonist has already been engaged in cost-cutting and saving measures and is trying to keep his head about monetary things now. The imaginary protagonist is pretty much 100% certain that he will work the horrible job until the court case is over, at which point he will have saved even more money and will be in a better position to leave.

The imaginary protagonist would certainly have less time for Prince.org if he does not continue with his new job and moves on to his own business.

salaciousV said:

Cool!!... Thanks, Sal, definitely appreciated...