NEVER.
AGAIN.
This is the SECOND time this shit happened to me. So I met this guy last night and we go to his place, and he is SUPER anxious to bottom and I'm like 'HEEELLZ YEAH!" because homos be frontin' like they don't bottom.. whatever...So I always jump when someone wants to take it...but anyway...So we start getting into it, and there's this smell...and then something brown ends up on my hand, and I'm standing there perplexed like "What the sparkly blue fuck?". Then I realized what that was...

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY don't gay men know to clean properly? It is the year 200gaga, why? It is NOT complicated to:

[img]https://www.llamaproducts.com/assets/product_pics/fleet_enema_twins.jpg[/img]

SO FUCKING NASTY MAN!! I was so outta there. That shit makes no sense, no pun intended. I'm so god damn finished. SO done. I'm not having sex anymore until I'm in a relationship, I don't care how fucking long it is....and he HAS to know how to warsh his ass!!

[EDIT added NSFAnywhere to title - Mars23]

Never fuck on a one nighter unless the bottom excuses himself for 10 minutes or asks for your assistance.

so this never happens with heteros?

I do have to laugh at you thinking that once youre in a relationship its always gonna smell like rosewater down there.

good luck with that. It gonna be more like get use to it.

Fuck yeah!

It's always been a mystery to me when guys are practically drooling from the pussyboi lips to get some dick up in there, knowing full well they haven't done any/enough prep. It's going to end in tears, embarrassment, and a room that smells of shit. I've had numerous experiences where I've lost my hard-on because of the smell, or had to wipe off my dick and walk out.

Clean your ass. Don't clean it for 5 minutes and think you are good to go - get right up in there and wash that hole inside out. Douche, douche and douche again.

Failing that, become a top.

***stealing the phrase "sparkly blue fuck"***





.
[Edited 1/7/10 3:48am]

I know this isn't a laughing matter, but that Redd Foxx pic is killing me right now. You dunno how hard I'm trying to keep quiet from laughing at it right now 'cause it's 6 in the morning here...

But yeah, um, cleanliness is a must in that area. I've had a friend of mine tell me similar stories. Even though in his, he's always saying how he wants to "drag them stanky butts in the bath an' scrub 'em till they red.."


It's getting to a point now where you might have to screen your date/one-nighters thru some kind of hygiene tests. Test strips, smelling tests, and testing sticks.

thebumpsquad said:

What does that mean, become a top? That you are the receiver instead of the giver?

thebumpsquad said:

LOL! Like bottoms become tops just like that....wish that was treu! But you're right about the douche part

tinaz said:

The 'top' is the one who 'gives' it to the 'bottom' although the bottom also gives..well..he gives up his arse

Then there are also the 'versatile' ones, the ones who both like to 'give' and 'receive'

Class dismissed!

tinaz said:

You're so cute

MacDaddy said:

Thanks for the lesson teach!!

SCNDLS said:

Being brought up in small town nebraska i didnt learn any of this good stuff! lol

tinaz said:

Girl, you'll be learning all types o' shit around here.

MacDaddy said:

They look like synonyms but are actually antonyms - it's things like this that make teaching this language so much fun!

SCNDLS said:

I KNOW!! I have learned so many things!! LMAO! Here I thought when i joined it'd be all about Prince... I the org!!

tinaz said:

Now, it's all cock rings and ass douching. You better slow down or your hubby's gonna be looking at you sideways.

SCNDLS said:

LOL!!

whistle said:

Of course it does. Some women do not get prepared either...you know when you should have anal sex and when you shouldn't.

JustErin said:

Not that I ever need to use this information but how exactly does one "prepare" for anal sex? What's the process? Are there specific products you should use? Is there like an ass prep kit or some shit? Maybe folks just don't know (I certainly don't) and need you guys to do a PSA to educate 'em.

SCNDLS said:

Just douche. No biggie.

And sure, there are simple enema kits you can pick up at your local sex shop.

JustErin said:

My only question about that is, what if its not a planned thing... then what?

JustErin said:

I didn't know douches where multi purpose

tinaz said:

Like I said, you know when you can and can't do it. Feces is not just sitting there 24 hours a day and look at the diagram that was posted, if there is any matter there it's up in that higher area until you have to take a dump.

JustErin said:

So how is shit getting on people's dicks?

SCNDLS said:

So if its in the higher area its ok? Douching only cleans it out of the lower area? And if you have taken a dump arent you cleaned out?

oh god this brings back memories of the long suppressed "anal dumplings" thread
from about 6 years ago.

tinaz said:

Girl, I'm perplexed like a muhfugga.

SCNDLS said:

Massive cocks.