I don't currently have a best friend. I have a small circle of friends I love and adore, but no one best friend.
There are souls I just conenct to better than others, and I love the time I spend speaking with them. Even those I do not see on a regular basis and we're reduced to occasional phonecalls---Muse comes to mind. Karen is like a sibling of mine from a past life. There's something quite wonderful about her.


But anyways, one of my [i] good [i] friends is a female. And she admitted that she has never had a female best friend--and that she even tends to hate females. My sister hates females as well, but has always had female best friends.

I found this very odd---girls get done wrong by boys ALL THE DAMNED TIME in their 20's--I can't fathom a girl making it through her 20's without other girls to emotionally support them. Guys certainly are flaking in that department at that age.


But am I missing something? Is normal to have a best friend of the opposite sex?

I had a best friend in my 20's who was a female. But there was definite sexual tension between us---I hated every last one of her boyfriends...And she didn't care for my girlfriends either. But we loved each other a lot.

But all my other best friends before and after have been the same sex.

-

My best best friends are both female. One of them is actually my cousin so I don't know if that counts.

I'm pretty close to an old friend that has recently come back into my life. He's a he. I could say we're getting to be best friends.
[Edited 1/7/10 10:25am]

my two best friends, one I've known since kindergarten, the other since 2nd grade, are guys...I can't imagine having the same connection & history with a female that I do with them...in a lot of ways, I dont think it would be possible at all for me to have a female best friend...

I have two best friends...one is female and the other is male.

roodboi said:

My one female best friend was 'one of the guys', but ultimately, girls like that are never really one of the guys. They'll do something girl-emotional eventually and it causes a bit of a weird situation.

I think there's often a sexual energy under the surface that makes it difficult. It's one of the reasons why, despite the fact that I think i would have gotten along famously with you in high school, I could never be your best friend. I look so stupid doting.

my best friends are female... I have friends who are male I just don't confide heavily in them...

TheVoid said:

I'm changing my username...

Both, with an only slightly higher ratio of male.

I notice that in Thailand MANY girls have a ghey male best friend.

I keep asking myself, where the hell are all the ghey coming from? They can't be more than 10% of the population. That means each ghey must be working as a free agent befriending multiple female friends who are unaware that they are sharing their ghey best friend with other women.

It's only a theory though.

I have a really close guy friend, but most of my friends are females. One of them even changed her traditional-Catholic wedding so that I was in her bridal party, which was funny and really sweet to me.

Efan said:

that. is really nice!

Efan said:

That's really sweet!


When I swing back to New York, we should go out for a beer. I think we'd get along very well.

TheVoid said:

efan is one of the coolest people here...I'd change my wedding for him...and I wanna go have a beer too!

roodboi said:

He's support some of my very worst threads. Kind of Lammastide. You know they're just too good for my threads.. But they still support them.

This makes them practically martyrs.

roodboi said:

Awww, you guys...

Anytime you guys are in New York, the beer's on me.

Efan said:

that would make it terribly hard to drink....

I grew up around women, and most of my friends were women. I just never trusted men, and never fit in with the macho/sports guy/car loving type males I knew. I just did not click with them. The Navy was quite an experiment in behavior for me, since it was ALL men ALL the time. (Of course I fully, and quietly, discovered my true sexuality through those two Naval years, as well.)

Today, it's more balanced. I still gravitate toward women, but being gay, I have to interact with men as equally.

roodboi said:

I was trying to find a stupid line along that train of thought too

I have and have had best friends of both genders. I would probably give 5 or 6 people that title right now (and 5 or 6 more would fit into the really close friend category), and it’s a mixed group.
I will say, the only straight guy I ever considered a “best” friend eventually became my boyfriend. And now I have very few straight male friends. In fact, the only ones I can think of are either orgers or husbands/boyfriends of my girlfriends.

Both ~ slightly more close male friends then female

TheVoid said:

So I take it you guys aren't down with sexy beer-drizzling tricks. Fine. Whatever. I'll find some other way to get you drunk We'll have plenty of beers in frosted mugs!

The older I get, the fewer close female friends I have.

Either I outgrew them (meaning they kept acting young and crazy and I didn't), or the dynamics of the relationship didn't work for me (I was being asked to give more than I was able, and guilt tripped when I didn't live up), or our lives just caused us to grow apart. Then there's the ones that ended because we fucked, but that's another thread.

I've always tended to enjoy the company of guys, mostly because they dont TALK SO FUCKING MUCH. I really can't stand chatter for the sake of chatter, and many women seem to have a need to talk even when there's nothing to say.

PunkMistress said:

My guy friends always say, "man, she talks a whole lotta nuthin!"
Yeah, the 'chatter' thing is perplexing to me. It seems like it would
be exhausting.

btw - I don't trust women who say they "hate" other women or don't get along with other women.

My circle of friends is pretty close to 50/50 (the males are probably a bit more) though I probably spend more time with my male friends than female friends. But I think that's more due to cisrcumstance than anything. All my girlfriends who are married are having babies and busy and the ones who aren't are still partying and I just don't have the energy for all that anymore.
So I do dinner and movies and go shopping with my gays instead.

PunkMistress said:

This is a huge part why I overall enjoy the company of men

I'm not a chatty cathy ~ and sometimes being round them ( chatty cathys ) can be exausting

PunkMistress said:

That's funny, the dudes I am friends with never shut the fuck up....but neither do the girls so...

We're all super chatty mofos.

CarrieMpls said:

The strange thing is that the women who don't like other women aren't bad people. I mean, my sister is genuinely a great, sweet, person. But she hates women. I always found it ironic her two best friends are women...who hate other women.

But I've known plenty of girls who hate other women and only keep male best friends. And they're really nice girls too. I just don't get the 'hatred' they harbor because like I said, in your 20s, guys can be quite hostile to women emotionally--so if you turn to other guys, it just seems you wouldn't get the same kind of support you could from girls.

CarrieMpls said:

I don't hate them...but I often can't relate to them. I've only ever been close to women who grew up surrounded with boys (brother, cousins, etc) like I did. I think we're just different than girls that didn't.

PunkMistress said:

You and my wife would get along FAMOUSLY!

JustErin said:

Yeah, that I can understand. Saying you tend to relate more to one gender than the other so that’s what you gravitate towards, I get that.

I think the “hate” thing is different. Self hate misogyny? It’s just bizarre.