Yes, I'll make sure I'm presentable.
I think the other person needs to show that they cared enough to make an effort.

If I wear a collared shirt I ensure I don't have a front pocket (that pocket is meant for keys, pens, business cards, and other items that have no business being on a date ). I'll make sure my shows aren't just plain old sneakers, or if they're sporty that they're my Kenneth Coles or higher brand (no Nikes to a date). I'll always have some type of product in my hair. Blue jeans are fine so long as they're loose fit and not riddled with holes.

These aren't 'rules' I place on others--these re personal rules for myself that I normally follow.

Also, lastly:

1) I refrain from cursing
2) I refrain from negative comments or invasive lines of questioning
3) I'll wont' interrupt when the other person is speaking (I have a habbit of doing this otherwise )


Basically, I'm a little bit old school (which is why I hate dating). To me, a date is something that can have a casual feel with little pressure, but I'll never get to the point where I'm terribly impressed by someone who shows up with a "This is me--take it or leave it" attitude. Show some effort. Let me know you at least cared enough to try.

.
[Edited 12/28/09 9:32am]

Yes, I'll make sure I'm presentable.
I think the other person needs to show that they cared enough to make an effort.

If I wear a collared shirt I ensure I don't have a front pocket (that pocket is meant for keys, pens, business cards, and other items that have no business being on a date ). I'll make sure my shows aren't just plain old sneakers, or if they're sporty that they're my Kenneth Coles or higher brand (no Nikes to a date). I'll always have some type of product in my hair. Blue jeans are fine so long as they're loose fit and not riddled with holes.

These aren't 'rules' I place on others--these re personal rules for myself that I normally follow.

Also, lastly:

1) I refrain from cursing
2) I refrain from negative comments or invasive lines of questioning
3) I'll wont' interrupt when the other person is speaking (I have a habbit of doing this otherwise )


Basically, I'm a little bit old school (which is why I hate dating). To me, a date is something that can have a casual feel with little pressure, but I'll never get to the point where I'm terribly impressed by someone who shows up with a "This is me--take it or leave it" attitude. Show some effort. Let me know you at least cared enough to try.

.
[Edited 12/28/09 9:32am]

It's actually true, Dan cleans up really well for a date.


It’s not till you get to know him that he shows his true, lowbrow colors in all their crass glory.

Do you dress up for a date? I just got back from a blind date totally disgusted. The guy looked as if he was going on some trip to the woods to sleep under a tent,

I would expect him to dress like he always dresses, not dress up or make some silly effort to try and impress me.

If you don't know your date very well, then how do you know whether or not they are making a "silly effort"?

I'm not being a smartarse BTW, it's a genuine question.

...make a good first impression and not about being who they really are.

It's actually true, Dan cleans up really well for a date.


It’s not till you get to know him that he shows his true, lowbrow colors in all their crass glory.

We'll always have Miami, dipping both our spoons into the sticky, gooey chocolate mound giggling like school children.

...make a good first impression and not about being who they really are.

Coming from you, I didn't even think of a dessert there.

I'm a pretty good judge of character and can generally see right through people but sure, you don't know right away...but you will eventually and then you realize that it was all about trying to make a good first impression and not about being who they really are.

Oh I'm very much myself when I'm with my dates
It's not like putting on a batman custom and disguising our voices.


It's just not knowing much about the person's background (perhaps they don't like to curse. Perhaps they're very sensitive about certain subjects, etc.). And if someone doesn't like these things, it's really not that much of an effort for me to curb my cursing and other things to accomodate that. All relationships start with respect. I don't think showing a little initially correlates strongly to being 'fake'.


is to 'not' edit
[Edited 12/31/09 7:06am]

Why do you not see it as fake when you're practicing restraint? I really wouldn't want to even bother with someone who can't deal with who I really am.

Why do you not see it as a sign of respect?

You shouldn't have to do anything "intially" for anyone, you either do it right away because that's who you are and you are always that way, or you don't because it's just not who you are.

So you wouldn't change anything about your own behavior, say around their parents?
Or you wouldn't expect them to curb their cursing around your son? And if a guy did curb his curing around your son, you wouldn't consider that just good old fashion respect? It's a silly show?

I think I know where you're coming from, but I disagree and we'll leave it at that.

and there's absolutely no reason people can't be themselves and make a good impression...which makes all the silly posturing unnecessary and usually transparent...

So you wouldn't change anything about your own behavior, say around their parents?
Or you wouldn't expect them to curb their cursing around your son? And if a guy did curb his curing around your son, you wouldn't consider that just good old fashion respect? It's a silly show?

I think I know where you're coming from, but I disagree and we'll leave it at that.

I don't think you get what I am saying. I'm not talking about people being respectful of others in certain situations....if you're the type of person that does that, that's awesome because that's just who you are.

But you seem to forget that you said you do all these things "initially".

If someone is acting one way to impress someone and then once they get them interested they show their true colours....well, that's not something I want to have to deal with.

If some dude played all "awesome dad" around my kid just to impress me and then turned around and acted differently that would be pretty pathetic.

But people put on these kinds of fronts to win people's affection all the time. Luckily, that kind of phoniness is pretty transparent.

Of course.

If I even catch a sniff of someone really trying to impress me...I'm gone. Just be yourself, that's all I ever ask for...and if you're the tye of person who really is all about fawning all over someone else...ugh, I'm not interested.

I don't think you get what I am saying. I'm not talking about people being respectful of others in certain situations....if you're the type of person that does that, that's awesome because that's just who you are.

But you seem to forget that you said you do all these things "initially".

If someone is acting one way to impress someone and then once they get them interested they show their true colours....well, that's not something I want to have to deal with.

If some dude played all "awesome dad" around my kid just to impress me and then turned around and acted differently that would be pretty pathetic.

But people put on these kinds of fronts to win people's affection all the time. Luckily, that kind of phoniness is pretty transparent.

You don t expect someone to be themselves all the time do you? That must be pretty tough to be around.

I think you both have a point, but I think it's the distinction between putting your best face forward versus being pure phony and two-faced.

A first date is a lot like a job interview. You dress just a little bit better than you expect to the majority of the time, you're on your best behavior and you try to impress just a little bit, while remaining honest. You don't lie to get a job anymore than you should lie to get a date. None of that is "phony" to me.