Is it just me or are there a whole lot of freaks out there
whom are absolutely insane?

I've been on about 6 dates the last 3 months with people I
met through various sources: internet, friends, work and
even one [the worst date of all] through my cousin.

Here's what an average date usually looks like for me:

* I either hook up with someone or am being hooked up with
someone thru a friend or relative.

* my friends [or the bloke themselves] described my date as
being "tall, dark and handsome with a radiant personallity.
He loves animals and children, reads a lot of books, has a
lot of interests, is caring and loving and yes, he can bake
a pecan-pie".

* I'm getting all excited, dial their number and stutter my
way through our first conversation. Yet, I do manage to set
a date and time.

* Although my date has an executive job, he doesn't seem to
have a car [environmentalist?] so we decide I pick him up.

* I arrive at his house at the said time.

* date opens door, I swallow and hope my face does not show
the horrible shock which ripples through my body. My 6ft4
Tall-Dark-&-Handsome, turns out to be 5ft1, semi-bald, with
the most vile set of dentures this side of the recorded time.

* date acts all surprised and chitters in quasi nonchalant
manner "Oh were we supposed to go out TODAY? Ha, I forgot
all about you. Come in, silly and have a drink".

* "ok" I tell myself, perhaps it's not all bad, perhaps he's
a very nice guy and I just caught him at a bad time, in a
bad light [in a bad body]. I have to give him a chance.

* date eyes me and says: "I thought you were better looking
but you're not as attractive as your friend said. And
what's with those clothes? Are you always dressed like a
fucking lawyer".

* I wait in living room whilst date puts on some clothes
[no shower?] and keeps referring to me as "silly" through
the open bedroom door.

* date stumbles into room, putting on stinking week-old
socks and searches for shoes, puts them on, puts jacket
on and commences to piss-take "come on silly, we're gonna
be late. you have to hurry up! are you always this late?"

* I open door of car to let date get in

* date laughs like a horse and retorts: "Oh-My-God, is this
your car? Is thís your cááár?"

* I say "Yes, it is, why?"

* "Oh...Nothing"

* "Well, we can always take YOUR car to the restaurant..."

* "What? Are you mad, I can't afford a car on what they pay
me at the helpdesk. I barely earn enough money to pay my own
way through elementary school SILLY".

* I get in the car and we're on our way.

* date engages in tedious conversation about job
[he's either a nurse, steward, unemployed, part time drag
queen at some local hell-hole]

* We stop at trafficlights

* date winks and throws kisses at car full of heavy metal
builders whom are just about to get out of the car and kill
us, as the light switches to green and we speed off.

* date says: "did you see those guys looking at me, they
thought I was SOOO hot. They didn't look at you once!"

* "You silly! You're sooo SILLY"

* I grind my teeth.

* we arrive at restaurant.

* date starts acting kinda bipolar

* date starts talking in loud nasal, penetrative
voice about being gay and wants to know if I fancy
the big fat bodybuilder sitting there having dinner
with his lovely wife.

* date in tears cuz he can't choose a dessert

* date hostile cuz I laugh about desert mess

* date sobbing, fretting and fussing

* date realises I'm emberassed and continues

* I threaten to leave, date says: "Fine, but I'm
paying for dinner" and chuckles a borderline
laugh. I fear the worst.

* date asks waiter if he can suck his cock
in order to get out of paying the meal

* I try to hide under the floorboards

* date eyes me like bloated fish to see what my reaction
will be.

* date heaves sigh of relief when I opt to pay the bill

* all I want to do at this point is go home.

* date swings around and is all nice and lovely all of
a sudden

* I invite date come over to my flat

* date nags all the way home, accusing me of trying to
chat up waitor.

* date decides to still 'come up for coffee'

* date crashes on couch, turns on tv, laughs hysterical
at ancient re-runs

* date commences to swing moods 180 degrees again and
hollers at me for being 'unsupportive jerk' since I
didn't reach out during 'dessert incident'.

* date refuses to listen, screams he'll top himself.

* date leaves, not before upsetting half my appartment
block by screaming in loudest queer voice up the
stairwell "I'll burn down this whole goddamn flat you
big fat egotistic cocksucker at #47"




Surely, this goes way beyond something I might do wrong
myself? Doesn't it? Aaargh.

Try a quiet dinner at his place.

Theres seems to be a chronic shortage of "regular" people that just happen to be gay

Much love Pochacco

Stick with wanking, it's easier.

My 6ft4
Tall-Dark-&-Handsome, turns out to be 5ft1, semi-bald, with
the most vile set of dentures this side of the recorded time

rofl
jesus bruh,...is this a real date?

well i guess no matter if you date Women or men it can be all the same then?.

girls can be crazy to ever seen that psycho girl with her date or bf in public fighting...and her bf trys to shush her!? and she gets on him .
.
.
.
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 12:22:40 PST 2003 by Christopher]

god I would turned around soon as the door opened and I saw him sparing NOONE feelings! thats just me

Damn! I am lucky I have never been on a gay date!!!

They can't all be like that, can they?

as soon as he said 'oh, were we supposed to go out TODAY?' Its was ova!! My ass would have been right back at home waiting for access hollywood to come on.

NEXT

Don't even waste your time. There are too many Dorothy's in the sea

Yeah, you guys are right. I just need to be harder in my
approach and not let these people walk all over me.

Perhaps if I was, I would already scare off the vile ones
and thus be able to go out with some nice people for a
change.

But I never do. I'm just a naïve little f*cker.

Last year I went out on a date with a guy whom seemd quite
normal, so we decided to go out on a second date.

We were supposed to meet in a restaurant, so when I walked
in and said my name, the waiter took me to our table.

SHOCK.

The whole place was jam-packed, and right in the middle
of the restaurant was our table.

He was already sitting there, and there was a guy with a
violin standing by the table.

The whole restaurant went silent as I walked in, since the
fucker had arranged a 'surprise' for me and let the whole
joint in on it.

When I got to the table, the violinist started playing and
as I sat down [huge red face] I saw a little box on my
plate.

So I was forced to open it, being watched by about 40
strangers.

I open the box and inside of it is a big, rusty key, and
the guy stammers:

"That's the key to my heart. Because from this day, we
are never going to be apart anymore".

I actually ran out that time. That was too much even for
me.



God, I'm crap at dating.

It ain't just you. The freaks are always finding me. It's amazing really. To boot, none of the freaks are ever cute!!! Damn!

See here is my problem I have all the cute men are either gay or taken...what is up wit dat shit. The rest are either just too for me or fugly as hell.
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 13:17:14 PST 2003 by MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld]

IstenSzek said:

You're rushing things

I'm sorry for your pain, but those two stories had me laughing so frickin' hard I about fell out of my chair.

Dude, I'm going to have to borrow that for "short story" film or something.

Like Ice said,

"Damn! I am lucky I have never been on a gay date!!!"


First I thought this thread was about gay dates: as in calendar holidays like gay pride week or something.

DAYUM!!

I've been out of the dating scene a long time,
but, whatever happened to normal people??

Good Luck finding someone, if that's what you're
looking for...if not, good luck finding someone
normal, sheesh.

IstenSzek said:

That would be enough for me to turn straight! Sorry, that's freaky! Only 2 dates and he did that shit??? You poor baby, you'll find somebody normal soon. God knows you deserve it by now!

Ok, just to show it goes both ways...
(no not me)



I was told by a mutual friend that we had so much in common. So I told her to give her my phone number.

She calls, we talk, I ask what she looks like, she says she has a "few lbs" on her but not that big. I think to myself. "red flag!, red flag!" but I give her the benifit of the doubt because all girls say they are fat. (big mistake)

Girl showed up at my house. (never give your address to someone you don't know)

and...
oh man...

The girl had no neck!
She was HUGE!!!
300 plus lbs... at least.
She gets out of her car and the driver's side lifts up a couple of feet!

I should have ran then but I thought I'd be the gentleman and play it cool.

She gets in car, and the whole car goes lop-sided.

We go to dinner...
(picture the mash-potato girl song on Exodus)

We get back to my house.
She asks to stay the night.

Apparently she lived 5 hours away and didn't want to drive home in the rain. (She told me over the phone she lived just down the street!)

I ask for ID
It's true she did have a 5 hour drive.

I agree.
I make the couch, give her my room.

Hear loud noise.
Bed broke.

Without missing a beat, I lead her to the fold out couch and tell her not to worry about it.

I sleep on the floor in my room.

Middle of the night.
I wake up to someone fondling me.

I shreek in terror
I felt violated.

She goes into other room in tears.
I console her and tell her she's very nice, but I had just broke up with someone and those things would not be a good idea. (what else am I going to say?)

She calms down.
Says I'm such a great friend and if I minded if she calls me again.


3 calls a day for 10 days later...

I tell her "Good God Lady! Leave me alone!"

Kicked mutual friend in the leg next time I saw her

First and only blind date.
The End...
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 13:55:45 PST 2003 by yamomma]

Awww poor yamomma!!!

Funny story!

I don't think I've even told my wife that story.

So feel special .org!

CarrieLee said:

No shit!

Damn, Yamomma... I am glad you got out of that one alive.

:LOL:

IceNine said:

Have you ever heard the Prince boot: "Work that Fat"

There was a reason I laughed hard when I heard it the first time.

Especially the line that says "N..., I'll eat you too!"

yamomma said:

You looked like a big-ass platter of White Castles to her! :LOL:

IceNine said:

Oh, man.
I gotta go change my shorts!

yamomma said:

Then again... maybe you should have just gone for it!

It is always better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't.

:LOL:

IceNine said:

eww...

no, nope, nuh-uh...

yamomma said:

Come on... you can admit it...

"You like it like that... you like it like that..." - Work That Fat

If that's how your dates go, I'm afraid you need to enroll in some course.

IceNine said:

Fat and proud!
And when she sat down
She sat all around!

yamomma said:

The whole house...

When my wife was pregnent. That's about as big as I ever want to deal with again.

She packed a mean punch when she had some weight behind it.
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 14:27:36 PST 2003 by yamomma]

ok, 5:30.
Off to the studo.
Maybe I'll write a song about it and post it like last thursday.