i am raising a 14 yr old boy and he comes from a troubled home but he has been with me now for a year and i cant seem 2 get him out of that ghetto crap that he likes. i bought him a ipod touch for christmas and im lookin through it all he has r songs about selling drugs and ho music then the movies he has on it is stuff like hi high,money talks etc ghetto crap.i been trying 2 get him out of that stage exposing him 2 different elements nothing seems 2 work and he is very ungrateful advice please

First find out what he's good at and give him lots of praise and compliments,
then get him interested in a hobby that he's good at which takes him away from what he's currently doing.

Good Luck, your doing a wonderfuly thing for him, I hope he realises!!!

I have a 14 year old boy, so your question kinda hits home for me...

Rap music is the culture for young peeps, so I wouldn't sweat that too much. Hopefully he'll make better choices about the material, but my kid listens to rap, mostly top 40 stuff.

Money Talks is hilarious...

What you don't want to do is to completely take that away from him.
Sit him down and have a heart to heart discussion focusing on your expectations for him...you expect him to do well in school and move on to college. Spell out the sacrifices that you are currently making for his sake.
Continue to expose him to different cultures and experiences (maybe something will click with him). At this age, he'll be driving soon. Let him know that until he shows maturity and character, you will not support him driving a car.

Hopefully he realizes sooner rather than later what a wonderful opportunity he is being handed.

Good luck

you cant sit there and reprogram a child the way you want him/her to be. yes i am a ghetto child and proud of it. i had made some bad choices but I have never been arrested.Do not take his culture away from him but guide him in the right direction.

Go to church. Tried a Scared Straight program. Let him know where that road leads.

RodeoSchro said:

church are you kidding me right now?

kaptainkrunk said:

We have a 14 year old boy, too. I've also spent years working with adolescents.

My advice? Do not try to change him or his interests. Definitely expose him to a variety of experiences and music, but do not beat him over the head with it. Play good music in the car. Ask him open ended questions about the things he is into, without judgment. One thing we've done with our boy is look up the lyrics to songs he likes, and ask him to read them out loud to us, and explain what they mean. He hated this, and was very uncomfortable, but he has started paying more attention to what he is listening to.

The most important thing is to make him feel supported and loved, not to make him into what you think he should be. Hold him accountable as a man, because he will be one soon, but remember he is in the most confusing and frustrating time of life. He needs stability and positive reinforcement.

Also: you say he is ungrateful. Then stop buying him things. I am so serious. If a child hasn't learned to be openly thankful for things like a roof over his head and food in his belly, fuck an iPod. Take him to volunteer at a soup kitchen and ask him GENTLY and nonjudgmentally how he thinks it would feel to not know where your next meal is coming from. Try to expand his perspective, but always remember how you would want to be treated. Be patient.

Good luck, and God bless you for raising this kid.

PunkMistress said:

I like the way you think oh evil one

IAintTheOne said:

PunkMistress said:

my folks raised me right

ghetto people kill me how they try to defend that life shit im from the country yet i dont glorify that daily in life we have 2 make some changes in order 2 become something. it wouldnt be a problem 2 me as a person raising him if i thought he was just born in the ghetto but this kid is glorifying that lifestyle and u gotta understand his mom and dad both been in and out of jail im tryin 2 chnage all that so he dont end up where they are his father been in jail since he was 4 months old so i look at everything with fear that its gonna take him away from me i love this child i sacraficed my life 2 take care of him so i dont wanna hear nothing about being proud of no damn ghetto

kaptainkrunk said:

It sounds like you need to calm down and take a deep breath.

Just because there are negative things about where he was raised, does not mean he should reject it all wholesale.

I think it is beautiful to be able to love certain things about where you came from, and also have the critical thinking skills to know what not to perpetuate.

I can tell you though, if you're yelling this stream-of-consciousness, change-your-ghetto-ass-lifestyle at him, he's not hearing you. I promise.

well as a black man i can promise u this if hedont hear me its a jail cell waitin 2 hear him i dont yell nore scream at him thats what his mom did 2 him all his life he know where he is from and what it did 2 him .my method of screaming isnt in the talkin i take him places he never been exposing him 2 stuff he never did.there is nothing wrong with being born in the ghetto shit i was born in a country town population 300 people yet i decided i wanted something better out of life than sittin on the front porch watchin life pass me by any real parent gonna want the best for a child

kaptainkrunk said:

I agree.

I also think that any good parent puts some time and effort into learning what is the best way to do that.

Do you listen to him? Or just expect him to listen to you?

IAintTheOne said:

No.

yes i do listen 2 him i keep my house and my heart open 2 this kid his mom is still in his life feeding him all that negative he isnt related 2 me at all i just took him in and tryin 2 raise him up right and do u know how hard that is when the mother is a big part of the problem?? i listen2 him thats y i worry cuz i know how he feel and he tells me what he thinks shit i feel like im up against a tickin time bomb with him tryin 2 save something his mother is destroying daily

RodeoSchro said:

sometimes church can help a lot! i agree.

kaptainkrunk said:

i only have a 5 year old son, so i'm not much help at all. but i truly hope you're able to help him get his life on track.

kaptainkrunk said:

Yes, I do know how hard that is.

I really send you love and strength for being a positive force in this kid's life.

Our 14 year old is my stepson. He spends half his time with me and his father, and the other half with his biological mother and her husband. Their household is full of fighting, confusion, vindictiveness, random people coming in and out, no structure or stability. Our kid is a wonderful person who has severe ADHD and desperately needs structure and stability.

He's growing older and gaining more freedom now, and it's a constant battle to keep him on the right path when half his time is spent with his mother, who encourages selfishness, negativity and dishonesty instead of thinking, responsibility and kindness.

So I know where you're coming from. I'm not just giving you advice out of my ass. Don't give up on him, but don't let him take advantage of you either. Take care of yourself in the meantime, and model a healthy life for him - which includes taking care of you and being the best and happiest you you can be.

kaptainkrunk said:

Dear Lord, please help my ass to not get extremely ghetto on you today!

First off I do commend you for trying to help a child out of negative circumstances....

I am raising a 9 year old Black male who has ADHD, and though he was not born nor raised in the "ghetto", he is easily influenced by negative thoughts and behaviors and I do find myself having to be very diligent in what he is exposed to and to how I treat him so that he is not spoiled or worsened by my actions.

That said, I am, however, extremely offended by your own negativity toward so called ghetto behavior. You say you are from the country and you "don't wanna to hear nothing about being proud of no damn ghetto", yet you sound highly illiterate and uneducated yourself. How do you expect to teach another person about how to be "better"? How condescending of you!

I think the child would benefit from enrolling in some programs such as Big Brother, or Boy Scouts, or whatever is in your areas, and you would benefit from enrolling in an English class and working on your spelling and punctuation skills. Because for some reason I don't think it's the child only who has issues.

And yes I am from the ghetto! I have degrees and all....and I still listen to rap music! There is nothing wrong with being from the ghetto, or liking hip-hop, as long as you can educate yourself at the same time. Many, many fine people came from the ghetto! And also from the country.

kaptainkrunk said:

The org is not the best place to get advice on child-rearing or child psychology. Find a better source for advice.

thanxs and u so right i c now defensive some get over being ghetto thats just dumb just imagine if obama walked around screaming im ghetto and displayed those kinds of actions u can be proud of where u from just dont wear it like a billboard

kaptainkrunk said:

You are totally missing the point by your own ignorance. Good luck because it seems you are not listening at all.

u not makin a point just tryin 2 defend being ghetto and if thats all u about i rather stay igorant better yet u bring yo ass on down here and try raising somebody else child and then we will see who is igorant u miss that one miss know it all

kaptainkrunk said:

IAintTheOne is raising children that are not biologically his.

You come on here asking for advice, now you're getting all confrontational. How is this helping you teach this child to focus on the positive?

i can say whatever the hell i want when he not around its what i expose him 2 that makes a difference talkin 2 yall [Name calling bait snip -luv4u] dont mean shit

[Thread going south - luv4u]