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What I Learned About White People From A Black Friend 
I recently posted this in my blog, about my friend Gale who got married for the first time at age 50. I had just reflected on our 18 years as friends, so far, and this is what I came up with. ----- Recently, I think I noted that one of my best friends, Gale, was going to get married for the first time, at age 50. "If God has a man for me, He'll have to put him on my doorstep with a neon sign over his head." I believed her! The girl can pray a hole in a wall, given the chance! I met Gale when I was only 23. She was 32. It amazes me that it's been so long. That 23 puts thing, namely the bulk of my adult life, in perspective. I've known her most of my adult life, whether you count that as age 18 or age 21. I was in and out of the Navy before I was 21, lived in Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, and Tulsa before I was 22. I met her the next year. I would have never thought that when I was putzing around the US those years, that I'd ever have a friend like I have in Galeela. Gale got married this past Friday, the 18th of December. She just turned 50 on the 8th of this month. (Her fiance had a birthday this month as well.) Over the past few days, as her wedding has grown closer and closer, I've reflected on those 18 years that we've known each other. I've learned a lot from Gale about life, the human condition, God, and more. However, I thought about it, and there's one thing that sticks out to me, that I never quite noticed before. Gale helped me think of black people differently. Let me explain. I was never a full on racist growing up. However, having grown up in the 70's as a pre-teen, my parents, namely my dad, made off handed black jokes, and comments. I had subtly learned to look down on black people, think less of them, and keep them at arm's length. I grew up automatically locking my car door as my mother and I would drive to the north side of town, because you never know when a black person crossing the street is going to carjack your white butt. As I got into high school, I had black friends, but it was still different than it should have been. I always figured they lived on the north side of town, were near poor, and lived in a seedy home. As I turned 18 and got into the Navy, I had to alter those old school views a bit. There were just as many black folks in the Navy as there were white and Hispanic. Despite the nonsense you hear in the news, the military is surely not the place to be if you're a racist. I felt like I was more tolerant of black people (what's to tolerate, you ask yourself. Read on). After being in the Navy, and then living in Los Angeles for a year, I came home, got an apartment w/ my step-brother, and eventually met Gale at church. She scared me. She scared me not because I thought she was going to rob me or go all "ghetto" on me, but because she knew who she was, and I didn't. I didn't know myself that well, and I didn't know this woman getting in my face about things (not in a bad way). She lived less than a half mile from me, and I bugged her to death knocking on her door all the time, calling her, and probably being in her face more than she desired at times. I was going through some really, really rough stuff for a few months in my life, and she ended up being my life line. Over time, through the 18 years, we talked a lot about racism. She told me her point of view about walking through a store, and having store employees staying within eye sight of her (cuz you know, black folks steal). When her and I went out to a store a few times, I began to notice people eye balling us. Part of me was shocked, but part of me stood up a little taller, and a bit prouder, knowing I was with my friend, and these fools who were judging us (thinking we were a couple) knew NOTHING about what they thought they were seeing. Remember, this all was happening in Red State Oklahoma, namely Tulsa. A place where race riots of the past were still a huge, open, but silent scab on the city. There was a silent, but deadly, division among blacks and whites, even in 1990something. I remember being surprised when Gale told me about store employees eye balling her. Yet I felt hypocritical because just 10 years prior, I was probably eye balling a black person in a store, and pulling my back pack or whatever a bit closer to my person. Through the 18 years, because of my friendship with Gale, I've grown more and more sensitive about racial issues. I'm no expert by any means, but having first hand experience, guidance, and knowledge from my relationship with Gale, I feel like I'm in a place where I probably would not have been but for that relationship. I don't think I would have been a hard core, KKK card carrying, racist had I not met Gale, but I do think my "tolerance" level would have been a lot lower, and my understanding of the human condition would have been less than desirable. The great thing about it all is that Gale was never a Politically Correct person. I've rarely heard her say "I'm African American", although she might have. "Black" never seemed to bother her, but if it did, she never told me (and $1 says we've had that conversation in the past a few times, but I cannot recall it right now). She was just out to treat people as human beings first, minister to them in the regards of talking to them about whatever, helping them out, helping feed the poor, or just be a vessel for God to use (through volunteering, teaching, and the like). Gale and I have had disagreements, but never a fight. We never went through a phase of not talking because one of us got our knickers in a twist over something. We always hashed it out. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we agreed to disagree. But ultimately, she always knew one thing, the friendship was what was important. She, and I too feel this about myself, felt that the people in her life, long term or short term, are/were there for a reason. Divine intervention, if you will. Paths cross not by coincidence, but by purpose. She didn't have to come up to me that night at church. She could have prayed for me and went on her way, having never said boo to me at all. But she didn't. She felt led, compelled, or whatever you want to call it, to get in my path, and say hi, and become a friend to me. I was glad for it! She was a note of stability that I had long, or never, had in the few years prior to that. No, she's not a saint, or perfect. She's real, unfiltered, but loving, and caring. Her husband is one lucky man. But I'm a lucky man too, because I've got about 15 years on him (give or take a couple, I forget when they met). It's not a contest, just a fact. I have a great woman in my life that will always be my close friend. He has a wife that will love him until the day he dies, and, as Gale says so famously, "not put up with any mess!" She knows what that means, and so do I. I can't imagine marrying Gale, but I also can't imagine not having her in my life. I think she'll always be there, and I will be for her too. So for all the mess, the good times, the sharing, the lessons learned (sometimes via a yellow legal pad.....FOR REALZ), and just being one of the best people I've never known in my life, THANK YOU. She lived, and is living, up to the quote by Gandhi that I love so much. truly was, and is, the change she wanted to see in the world. We were never ones to say "I Love You" much to each other, but this one time, I'll say it: Gale, I love you, babe! Thanks for being.....well, whatever it is you are to me. It's undefinable. ----- | |
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ernestsewell said:
I recently posted this in my blog, about my friend Gale who got married for the first time at age 50. I had just reflected on our 18 years as friends, so far, and this is what I came up with. ----- Recently, I think I noted that one of my best friends, Gale, was going to get married for the first time, at age 50. "If God has a man for me, He'll have to put him on my doorstep with a neon sign over his head." I believed her! The girl can pray a hole in a wall, given the chance! I met Gale when I was only 23. She was 32. It amazes me that it's been so long. That 23 puts thing, namely the bulk of my adult life, in perspective. I've known her most of my adult life, whether you count that as age 18 or age 21. I was in and out of the Navy before I was 21, lived in Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, and Tulsa before I was 22. I met her the next year. I would have never thought that when I was putzing around the US those years, that I'd ever have a friend like I have in Galeela. Gale got married this past Friday, the 18th of December. She just turned 50 on the 8th of this month. (Her fiance had a birthday this month as well.) Over the past few days, as her wedding has grown closer and closer, I've reflected on those 18 years that we've known each other. I've learned a lot from Gale about life, the human condition, God, and more. However, I thought about it, and there's one thing that sticks out to me, that I never quite noticed before. Gale helped me think of black people differently. Let me explain. I was never a full on racist growing up. However, having grown up in the 70's as a pre-teen, my parents, namely my dad, made off handed black jokes, and comments. I had subtly learned to look down on black people, think less of them, and keep them at arm's length. I grew up automatically locking my car door as my mother and I would drive to the north side of town, because you never know when a black person crossing the street is going to carjack your white butt. As I got into high school, I had black friends, but it was still different than it should have been. I always figured they lived on the north side of town, were near poor, and lived in a seedy home. As I turned 18 and got into the Navy, I had to alter those old school views a bit. There were just as many black folks in the Navy as there were white and Hispanic. Despite the nonsense you hear in the news, the military is surely not the place to be if you're a racist. I felt like I was more tolerant of black people (what's to tolerate, you ask yourself. Read on). After being in the Navy, and then living in Los Angeles for a year, I came home, got an apartment w/ my step-brother, and eventually met Gale at church. She scared me. She scared me not because I thought she was going to rob me or go all "ghetto" on me, but because she knew who she was, and I didn't. I didn't know myself that well, and I didn't know this woman getting in my face about things (not in a bad way). She lived less than a half mile from me, and I bugged her to death knocking on her door all the time, calling her, and probably being in her face more than she desired at times. I was going through some really, really rough stuff for a few months in my life, and she ended up being my life line. Over time, through the 18 years, we talked a lot about racism. She told me her point of view about walking through a store, and having store employees staying within eye sight of her (cuz you know, black folks steal). When her and I went out to a store a few times, I began to notice people eye balling us. Part of me was shocked, but part of me stood up a little taller, and a bit prouder, knowing I was with my friend, and these fools who were judging us (thinking we were a couple) knew NOTHING about what they thought they were seeing. Remember, this all was happening in Red State Oklahoma, namely Tulsa. A place where race riots of the past were still a huge, open, but silent scab on the city. There was a silent, but deadly, division among blacks and whites, even in 1990something. I remember being surprised when Gale told me about store employees eye balling her. Yet I felt hypocritical because just 10 years prior, I was probably eye balling a black person in a store, and pulling my back pack or whatever a bit closer to my person. Through the 18 years, because of my friendship with Gale, I've grown more and more sensitive about racial issues. I'm no expert by any means, but having first hand experience, guidance, and knowledge from my relationship with Gale, I feel like I'm in a place where I probably would not have been but for that relationship. I don't think I would have been a hard core, KKK card carrying, racist had I not met Gale, but I do think my "tolerance" level would have been a lot lower, and my understanding of the human condition would have been less than desirable. The great thing about it all is that Gale was never a Politically Correct person. I've rarely heard her say "I'm African American", although she might have. "Black" never seemed to bother her, but if it did, she never told me (and $1 says we've had that conversation in the past a few times, but I cannot recall it right now). She was just out to treat people as human beings first, minister to them in the regards of talking to them about whatever, helping them out, helping feed the poor, or just be a vessel for God to use (through volunteering, teaching, and the like). Gale and I have had disagreements, but never a fight. We never went through a phase of not talking because one of us got our knickers in a twist over something. We always hashed it out. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we agreed to disagree. But ultimately, she always knew one thing, the friendship was what was important. She, and I too feel this about myself, felt that the people in her life, long term or short term, are/were there for a reason. Divine intervention, if you will. Paths cross not by coincidence, but by purpose. She didn't have to come up to me that night at church. She could have prayed for me and went on her way, having never said boo to me at all. But she didn't. She felt led, compelled, or whatever you want to call it, to get in my path, and say hi, and become a friend to me. I was glad for it! She was a note of stability that I had long, or never, had in the few years prior to that. No, she's not a saint, or perfect. She's real, unfiltered, but loving, and caring. Her husband is one lucky man. But I'm a lucky man too, because I've got about 15 years on him (give or take a couple, I forget when they met). It's not a contest, just a fact. I have a great woman in my life that will always be my close friend. He has a wife that will love him until the day he dies, and, as Gale says so famously, "not put up with any mess!" She knows what that means, and so do I. I can't imagine marrying Gale, but I also can't imagine not having her in my life. I think she'll always be there, and I will be for her too. So for all the mess, the good times, the sharing, the lessons learned (sometimes via a yellow legal pad.....FOR REALZ), and just being one of the best people I've never known in my life, THANK YOU. She lived, and is living, up to the quote by Gandhi that I love so much. truly was, and is, the change she wanted to see in the world. We were never ones to say "I Love You" much to each other, but this one time, I'll say it: Gale, I love you, babe! Thanks for being.....well, whatever it is you are to me. It's undefinable. -----  Happy for your friendship. She sounds like a wonderful person. And, you sir, are one lucky person to have her in your life and to also teach you some lessons about life and the planet that we ALL have to live on whether we're white, black, hispanic, whatever... | |
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ernestsewell said:
I recently posted this in my blog, about my friend Gale who got married for the first time at age 50. I had just reflected on our 18 years as friends, so far, and this is what I came up with. ----- Recently, I think I noted that one of my best friends, Gale, was going to get married for the first time, at age 50. "If God has a man for me, He'll have to put him on my doorstep with a neon sign over his head." I believed her! The girl can pray a hole in a wall, given the chance! I met Gale when I was only 23. She was 32. It amazes me that it's been so long. That 23 puts thing, namely the bulk of my adult life, in perspective. I've known her most of my adult life, whether you count that as age 18 or age 21. I was in and out of the Navy before I was 21, lived in Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, and Tulsa before I was 22. I met her the next year. I would have never thought that when I was putzing around the US those years, that I'd ever have a friend like I have in Galeela. Gale got married this past Friday, the 18th of December. She just turned 50 on the 8th of this month. (Her fiance had a birthday this month as well.) Over the past few days, as her wedding has grown closer and closer, I've reflected on those 18 years that we've known each other. I've learned a lot from Gale about life, the human condition, God, and more. However, I thought about it, and there's one thing that sticks out to me, that I never quite noticed before. Gale helped me think of black people differently. Let me explain. I was never a full on racist growing up. However, having grown up in the 70's as a pre-teen, my parents, namely my dad, made off handed black jokes, and comments. I had subtly learned to look down on black people, think less of them, and keep them at arm's length. I grew up automatically locking my car door as my mother and I would drive to the north side of town, because you never know when a black person crossing the street is going to carjack your white butt. As I got into high school, I had black friends, but it was still different than it should have been. I always figured they lived on the north side of town, were near poor, and lived in a seedy home. As I turned 18 and got into the Navy, I had to alter those old school views a bit. There were just as many black folks in the Navy as there were white and Hispanic. Despite the nonsense you hear in the news, the military is surely not the place to be if you're a racist. I felt like I was more tolerant of black people (what's to tolerate, you ask yourself. Read on). After being in the Navy, and then living in Los Angeles for a year, I came home, got an apartment w/ my step-brother, and eventually met Gale at church. She scared me. She scared me not because I thought she was going to rob me or go all "ghetto" on me, but because she knew who she was, and I didn't. I didn't know myself that well, and I didn't know this woman getting in my face about things (not in a bad way). She lived less than a half mile from me, and I bugged her to death knocking on her door all the time, calling her, and probably being in her face more than she desired at times. I was going through some really, really rough stuff for a few months in my life, and she ended up being my life line. Over time, through the 18 years, we talked a lot about racism. She told me her point of view about walking through a store, and having store employees staying within eye sight of her (cuz you know, black folks steal). When her and I went out to a store a few times, I began to notice people eye balling us. Part of me was shocked, but part of me stood up a little taller, and a bit prouder, knowing I was with my friend, and these fools who were judging us (thinking we were a couple) knew NOTHING about what they thought they were seeing. Remember, this all was happening in Red State Oklahoma, namely Tulsa. A place where race riots of the past were still a huge, open, but silent scab on the city. There was a silent, but deadly, division among blacks and whites, even in 1990something. I remember being surprised when Gale told me about store employees eye balling her. Yet I felt hypocritical because just 10 years prior, I was probably eye balling a black person in a store, and pulling my back pack or whatever a bit closer to my person. Through the 18 years, because of my friendship with Gale, I've grown more and more sensitive about racial issues. I'm no expert by any means, but having first hand experience, guidance, and knowledge from my relationship with Gale, I feel like I'm in a place where I probably would not have been but for that relationship. I don't think I would have been a hard core, KKK card carrying, racist had I not met Gale, but I do think my "tolerance" level would have been a lot lower, and my understanding of the human condition would have been less than desirable. The great thing about it all is that Gale was never a Politically Correct person. I've rarely heard her say "I'm African American", although she might have. "Black" never seemed to bother her, but if it did, she never told me (and $1 says we've had that conversation in the past a few times, but I cannot recall it right now). She was just out to treat people as human beings first, minister to them in the regards of talking to them about whatever, helping them out, helping feed the poor, or just be a vessel for God to use (through volunteering, teaching, and the like). Gale and I have had disagreements, but never a fight. We never went through a phase of not talking because one of us got our knickers in a twist over something. We always hashed it out. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we agreed to disagree. But ultimately, she always knew one thing, the friendship was what was important. She, and I too feel this about myself, felt that the people in her life, long term or short term, are/were there for a reason. Divine intervention, if you will. Paths cross not by coincidence, but by purpose. She didn't have to come up to me that night at church. She could have prayed for me and went on her way, having never said boo to me at all. But she didn't. She felt led, compelled, or whatever you want to call it, to get in my path, and say hi, and become a friend to me. I was glad for it! She was a note of stability that I had long, or never, had in the few years prior to that. No, she's not a saint, or perfect. She's real, unfiltered, but loving, and caring. Her husband is one lucky man. But I'm a lucky man too, because I've got about 15 years on him (give or take a couple, I forget when they met). It's not a contest, just a fact. I have a great woman in my life that will always be my close friend. He has a wife that will love him until the day he dies, and, as Gale says so famously, "not put up with any mess!" She knows what that means, and so do I. I can't imagine marrying Gale, but I also can't imagine not having her in my life. I think she'll always be there, and I will be for her too. So for all the mess, the good times, the sharing, the lessons learned (sometimes via a yellow legal pad.....FOR REALZ), and just being one of the best people I've never known in my life, THANK YOU. She lived, and is living, up to the quote by Gandhi that I love so much. truly was, and is, the change she wanted to see in the world. We were never ones to say "I Love You" much to each other, but this one time, I'll say it: Gale, I love you, babe! Thanks for being.....well, whatever it is you are to me. It's undefinable. -----  | |
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Damn, Ernest, you are really killing me this week  !!!!
Thank you for sharing, and for your honesty and authenticity | |
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Thanks for sharing this, Ernest. Hopefully you will pay this forward and speak to other white folks when they express their ignorance in your presence.
| |
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PunkMistress said: Thanks for sharing this, Ernest. Hopefully you will pay this forward and speak to other white folks when they express their ignorance in your presence.
 Indeed | |
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hey Ernest, have you ever gotten down with a person of colour?
sorry to be blunt, that's just me... everyone's a fruit & nut case | |
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wonderful 
tell her congrats for me. 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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whistle said: hey Ernest, have you ever gotten down with a person of colour?
sorry to be blunt, that's just me... I have sexually been with a black woman, and a black man, yes. Also with Asian and Latino men. And I think this one guy had to be Greek or something close. | |
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ernestsewell said: whistle said: hey Ernest, have you ever gotten down with a person of colour?
sorry to be blunt, that's just me... I have sexually been with a black woman, and a black man, yes. Also with Asian and Latino men. And I think this one guy had to be Greek or something close. 
I don't know why that sentence just struck me funny. | |
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PunkMistress said: Thanks for sharing this, Ernest. Hopefully you will pay this forward and speak to other white folks when they express their ignorance in your presence.
Very honest and heartfelt. "Let love be your perfect weapon..." ~~Andy Biersack | |
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ernestsewell said: I have sexually been with a black woman, and a black man, yes. Also with Asian and Latino men. And I think this one guy had to be Greek or something close. Interesting topic Now could you please explain to me why racist/prejudice white folks hate minorities, but don't mind having sex with them? While you're at it, explain why some gay folks are racist. I had a gay, Christian, boss screw me over because he didn't like black people. What's up with that? | |
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jeami said: ernestsewell said: I have sexually been with a black woman, and a black man, yes. Also with Asian and Latino men. And I think this one guy had to be Greek or something close. Interesting topic Now could you please explain to me why racist/prejudice white folks hate minorities, but don't mind having sex with them? While you're at it, explain why some gay folks are racist. I had a gay, Christian, boss screw me over because he didn't like black people. What's up with that? That will take about 15 pages to explain.  "Let love be your perfect weapon..." ~~Andy Biersack | |
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jeami said: Now could you please explain to me why racist/prejudice white folks hate minorities, but don't mind having sex with them?
You'd have to ask a racist who's slept w/ blacks or Latinos. While you're at it, explain why some gay folks are racist. I had a gay, Christian, boss screw me over because he didn't like black people. What's up with that?
You'd have to ask a gay Christian racist. | |
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ernestsewell said:
I recently posted this in my blog, about my friend Gale who got married for the first time at age 50. I had just reflected on our 18 years as friends, so far, and this is what I came up with. ----- Recently, I think I noted that one of my best friends, Gale, was going to get married for the first time, at age 50. "If God has a man for me, He'll have to put him on my doorstep with a neon sign over his head." I believed her! The girl can pray a hole in a wall, given the chance! I met Gale when I was only 23. She was 32. It amazes me that it's been so long. That 23 puts thing, namely the bulk of my adult life, in perspective. I've known her most of my adult life, whether you count that as age 18 or age 21. I was in and out of the Navy before I was 21, lived in Oklahoma City, Los Angeles, and Tulsa before I was 22. I met her the next year. I would have never thought that when I was putzing around the US those years, that I'd ever have a friend like I have in Galeela. Gale got married this past Friday, the 18th of December. She just turned 50 on the 8th of this month. (Her fiance had a birthday this month as well.) Over the past few days, as her wedding has grown closer and closer, I've reflected on those 18 years that we've known each other. I've learned a lot from Gale about life, the human condition, God, and more. However, I thought about it, and there's one thing that sticks out to me, that I never quite noticed before. Gale helped me think of black people differently. Let me explain. I was never a full on racist growing up. However, having grown up in the 70's as a pre-teen, my parents, namely my dad, made off handed black jokes, and comments. I had subtly learned to look down on black people, think less of them, and keep them at arm's length. I grew up automatically locking my car door as my mother and I would drive to the north side of town, because you never know when a black person crossing the street is going to carjack your white butt. As I got into high school, I had black friends, but it was still different than it should have been. I always figured they lived on the north side of town, were near poor, and lived in a seedy home. As I turned 18 and got into the Navy, I had to alter those old school views a bit. There were just as many black folks in the Navy as there were white and Hispanic. Despite the nonsense you hear in the news, the military is surely not the place to be if you're a racist. I felt like I was more tolerant of black people (what's to tolerate, you ask yourself. Read on). After being in the Navy, and then living in Los Angeles for a year, I came home, got an apartment w/ my step-brother, and eventually met Gale at church. She scared me. She scared me not because I thought she was going to rob me or go all "ghetto" on me, but because she knew who she was, and I didn't. I didn't know myself that well, and I didn't know this woman getting in my face about things (not in a bad way). She lived less than a half mile from me, and I bugged her to death knocking on her door all the time, calling her, and probably being in her face more than she desired at times. I was going through some really, really rough stuff for a few months in my life, and she ended up being my life line. Over time, through the 18 years, we talked a lot about racism. She told me her point of view about walking through a store, and having store employees staying within eye sight of her (cuz you know, black folks steal). When her and I went out to a store a few times, I began to notice people eye balling us. Part of me was shocked, but part of me stood up a little taller, and a bit prouder, knowing I was with my friend, and these fools who were judging us (thinking we were a couple) knew NOTHING about what they thought they were seeing. Remember, this all was happening in Red State Oklahoma, namely Tulsa. A place where race riots of the past were still a huge, open, but silent scab on the city. There was a silent, but deadly, division among blacks and whites, even in 1990something. I remember being surprised when Gale told me about store employees eye balling her. Yet I felt hypocritical because just 10 years prior, I was probably eye balling a black person in a store, and pulling my back pack or whatever a bit closer to my person. Through the 18 years, because of my friendship with Gale, I've grown more and more sensitive about racial issues. I'm no expert by any means, but having first hand experience, guidance, and knowledge from my relationship with Gale, I feel like I'm in a place where I probably would not have been but for that relationship. I don't think I would have been a hard core, KKK card carrying, racist had I not met Gale, but I do think my "tolerance" level would have been a lot lower, and my understanding of the human condition would have been less than desirable. The great thing about it all is that Gale was never a Politically Correct person. I've rarely heard her say "I'm African American", although she might have. "Black" never seemed to bother her, but if it did, she never told me (and $1 says we've had that conversation in the past a few times, but I cannot recall it right now). She was just out to treat people as human beings first, minister to them in the regards of talking to them about whatever, helping them out, helping feed the poor, or just be a vessel for God to use (through volunteering, teaching, and the like). Gale and I have had disagreements, but never a fight. We never went through a phase of not talking because one of us got our knickers in a twist over something. We always hashed it out. Sometimes we agreed, sometimes we agreed to disagree. But ultimately, she always knew one thing, the friendship was what was important. She, and I too feel this about myself, felt that the people in her life, long term or short term, are/were there for a reason. Divine intervention, if you will. Paths cross not by coincidence, but by purpose. She didn't have to come up to me that night at church. She could have prayed for me and went on her way, having never said boo to me at all. But she didn't. She felt led, compelled, or whatever you want to call it, to get in my path, and say hi, and become a friend to me. I was glad for it! She was a note of stability that I had long, or never, had in the few years prior to that. No, she's not a saint, or perfect. She's real, unfiltered, but loving, and caring. Her husband is one lucky man. But I'm a lucky man too, because I've got about 15 years on him (give or take a couple, I forget when they met). It's not a contest, just a fact. I have a great woman in my life that will always be my close friend. He has a wife that will love him until the day he dies, and, as Gale says so famously, "not put up with any mess!" She knows what that means, and so do I. I can't imagine marrying Gale, but I also can't imagine not having her in my life. I think she'll always be there, and I will be for her too. So for all the mess, the good times, the sharing, the lessons learned (sometimes via a yellow legal pad.....FOR REALZ), and just being one of the best people I've never known in my life, THANK YOU. She lived, and is living, up to the quote by Gandhi that I love so much. truly was, and is, the change she wanted to see in the world. We were never ones to say "I Love You" much to each other, but this one time, I'll say it: Gale, I love you, babe! Thanks for being.....well, whatever it is you are to me. It's undefinable. ----- I love it!   "Morning will come and I'll do what's right...
Just give me 'til then 2 give up this fight..." ~ I can't make U love me | |
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beeing 1/2 white and 1/2 black taught that...
alot of black are racist 2 whites and alot of whites are racist 2 blacks I have been called a cracker and a nigger in the same day..lol. thanks for your honesty and i can understand your thought process through the years. | |
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that's nice. stories like this make my light of hope on humanity a little brighter. | |
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This is lovely...
I hope you got to make a toast reflecting on some of these things. Or at least be able to profess to Gale her importance in your life. You are truely blessed to have such a friend in Gale. Thank you for sharing.  | |
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How precious... | |
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ernestsewell said: jeami said: Now could you please explain to me why racist/prejudice white folks hate minorities, but don't mind having sex with them?
You'd have to ask a racist who's slept w/ blacks or Latinos. While you're at it, explain why some gay folks are racist. I had a gay, Christian, boss screw me over because he didn't like black people. What's up with that?
You'd have to ask a gay Christian racist. I'm asking you because you claimed that you used to be like those people/know some of those people, so I thought you would know. Racist/prejudice white folks don't take time out of their day to explain what goes on inside of their heads, so that's why I asked the question. I don't understand why white folks don't want to talk about racism/prejudice, since it's their fault in the first place. Why does it make so many of you guys so uncomfortable? | |
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jeami said: I'm asking you because you claimed that you used to be like those people/know some of those people, so I thought you would know. Racist/prejudice white folks don't take time out of their day to explain what goes on inside of their heads, so that's why I asked the question. I don't understand why white folks don't want to talk about racism/prejudice, since it's their fault in the first place. Why does it make so many of you guys so uncomfortable?
You guys? I'm not sure what you people want to hear. I cannot answer for anyone but myself. I had racist undertones in me. I wasn't a full on racist. I had black friends, but still thought less of them in some subconscious way. As a 7 or 8 year old, you can't put that in words, it's just learned. We just thought black people were thieves, lazy, and dirty. I didn't point and say "Hey ni**er, take a bath!" or anything. I hung out w/ black people a lot growing up. I just saw them as different because of skin color, and what I thought that meant. The 70's were ripe w/ jokes because of Gheri Curls, and a hand towel around the nape of the neck as part of one's attire. We told jokes about black people driving Cadillac and Lincolns. My dad used to tell a joke about why are black people's noses so flat and their noses so big? Because when God slapped on their nose, he held their lips to hold them steady. (It was a visual gag.) It was just a dismissive attitude we had toward other people that weren't like us. I think that goes with any group who is ignorant of another, albeit gays, blacks, whites, Jews, or whatever. Also remember I was born in 1968, so I grew up in the 70's where there was still a huge amount of racial undertones in America. It also also the height of when schools started busing black kids from the north side of town to our schools on the south side. (I never knew if any of the white kids were bused over to the north side, although I was for fifth grade....our fifth grades were their own building/campus. And it was on the black side of town.) When I met my friend Gale, I had grown out of some of those ideas by age 23, but there were still residual ideas in my head. I was going to a 60/40 black/white church, the pastor was black, most of the choir was black, half the staff were black, and most of the band were black. I felt at home there. I was pulled to the music, and the preaching (I grew up in a very WHITE, Baptist church which still makes me cringe). When I met Gale at church (she approached me, knowing I was new), there was something that cracked. I just never thought of her as a black woman. She was so beyond me labeling her like that. She broke every stereotype I had about black folks, especially women. She had a double Masters degree from ORU (MBA, Computer Science), was a computer programmer, lived on her own (she was from the DC area), and was like no other black woman I knew (but I didn't know many outside of a teacher here and there in school). I think the people at the church, and Pam, broke those things inside me. I just never looked at the races the same way again. It was a process though. And I've found it very easy to slip back into that if I let myself. It's still in me. But I don't give into it now. I control it, and God has helped me rise above it. How can I sleep w/ someone who is black and have those thoughts? Well I slept w/ a black guy around that time (maybe age 24 or 25 at most). He thought he was going to stay all night, but after I was done w/ him, I sent him home. He was pissy about it, but there was just no way a black dude I had just met was going to sleep over at my house. I wanted the sex, and that was fine. I didn't think, at age 25, that they were dirty or whatever. But at that point, I still feared for being robbed (although I had never been mugged, robbed, or anything like it in my life, by ANYONE, black or white), or taken advantage of. So....off he went in a huff. | |
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ernestsewell said: You guys? I'm not sure what you people want to hear. I cannot answer for anyone but myself. I had racist undertones in me. I wasn't a full on racist. I had black friends, but still thought less of them in some subconscious way. As a 7 or 8 year old, you can't put that in words, it's just learned. We just thought black people were thieves, lazy, and dirty. I didn't point and say "Hey ni**er, take a bath!" or anything. I hung out w/ black people a lot growing up. I just saw them as different because of skin color, and what I thought that meant. The 70's were ripe w/ jokes because of Gheri Curls, and a hand towel around the nape of the neck as part of one's attire. We told jokes about black people driving Cadillac and Lincolns. My dad used to tell a joke about why are black people's noses so flat and their noses so big? Because when God slapped on their nose, he held their lips to hold them steady. (It was a visual gag.) It was just a dismissive attitude we had toward other people that weren't like us. I think that goes with any group who is ignorant of another, albeit gays, blacks, whites, Jews, or whatever. Also remember I was born in 1968, so I grew up in the 70's where there was still a huge amount of racial undertones in America. It also also the height of when schools started busing black kids from the north side of town to our schools on the south side. (I never knew if any of the white kids were bused over to the north side, although I was for fifth grade....our fifth grades were their own building/campus. And it was on the black side of town.) When I met my friend Gale, I had grown out of some of those ideas by age 23, but there were still residual ideas in my head. I was going to a 60/40 black/white church, the pastor was black, most of the choir was black, half the staff were black, and most of the band were black. I felt at home there. I was pulled to the music, and the preaching (I grew up in a very WHITE, Baptist church which still makes me cringe). When I met Gale at church (she approached me, knowing I was new), there was something that cracked. I just never thought of her as a black woman. She was so beyond me labeling her like that. She broke every stereotype I had about black folks, especially women. She had a double Masters degree from ORU (MBA, Computer Science), was a computer programmer, lived on her own (she was from the DC area), and was like no other black woman I knew (but I didn't know many outside of a teacher here and there in school). I think the people at the church, and Pam, broke those things inside me. I just never looked at the races the same way again. It was a process though. And I've found it very easy to slip back into that if I let myself. It's still in me. But I don't give into it now. I control it, and God has helped me rise above it. How can I sleep w/ someone who is black and have those thoughts? Well I slept w/ a black guy around that time (maybe age 24 or 25 at most). He thought he was going to stay all night, but after I was done w/ him, I sent him home. He was pissy about it, but there was just no way a black dude I had just met was going to sleep over at my house. I wanted the sex, and that was fine. I didn't think, at age 25, that they were dirty or whatever. But at that point, I still feared for being robbed (although I had never been mugged, robbed, or anything like it in my life, by ANYONE, black or white), or taken advantage of. So....off he went in a huff. Thanks for giving more information. I was born in the 80s, so I don't know what the racial climate in your area was like back then. I'm asking these questions because I don't understand what makes a racist/prejudice person tick. I really hate it when white folks grew up in that type of environment and have the nerve to act like they are clueless when it comes to racial issues because minorities are suffering because of this. | |
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jeami said: Thanks for giving more information. I was born in the 80s, so I don't know what the racial climate in your area was like back then. I'm asking these questions because I don't understand what makes a racist/prejudice person tick. I really hate it when white folks grew up in that type of environment and have the nerve to act like they are clueless when it comes to racial issues because minorities are suffering because of this.
Racism goes both ways. It's not about who had it bad in the past, it's about any group being derogatory to another these days. Through all these chants about celebrating diversity, we've forgotten how to realize how much more similar we are, than we aren't. And some racially inclined people are clueless. Look at the Klan. | |
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We keep trying to tell yall that once you get to know us,we're not as bad as your parents try to make us...lol..but seriously,that's a touching story and more like that can only help with the harmony that this society needs...  | |
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ernestsewell said: Racism goes both ways. It's not about who had it bad in the past, it's about any group being derogatory to another these days. Through all these chants about celebrating diversity, we've forgotten how to realize how much more similar we are, than we aren't.
And some racially inclined people are clueless. Look at the Klan. I think you misunderstood. I wasn't talking about who had it bad in the past. People of color are still having problems today. Like I stated before, I'm curious about what's going on inside of those persons heads. The Klan is clueless but I'm not talking about them because they're upfront and honest about where they stand. They don't make up the majority of the dominant group. Nowadays, racism/prejudice is more covert than overt. I'm curious about the people that are not "full on racists" but find passive aggressive ways to show minorities that they are inferior, since they are members of the dominant group.Then act like they don't know what they are doing and why they are doing it. [Edited 12/23/09 21:47pm] [Edited 12/23/09 21:47pm] [Edited 12/23/09 21:49pm] | |
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jeami said: I think you misunderstood. I wasn't talking about who had it bad in the past. People of color are still having problems today.
Like I stated before, I'm curious about what's going on inside of those persons heads. The Klan is clueless but I'm not talking about them because they're upfront and honest about where they stand. They don't make up the majority of the dominant group. Nowadays, racism/prejudice is more covert than overt. I'm curious about the people that are not "full on racists" but find passive aggressive ways to show minorities that they are inferior, since they are members of the dominant group.Then act like they don't know what they are doing and why they are doing it. As I said, I can only answer for me. And I did. | |
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I finally sat down and read this. I didn't want to do it in a rushed manner.
Beautifully and honestly told. Very touching, Ernest. Thank you for sharing. Every person has a different journey and the way they see the world is affected by so many different things. It's so easy to get angry or outraged by a comment or action and make a call on someone that they are racist, I know I have, but what good is calling them on it and never seeking to understand what might have made them that way or where the misinformation lies and most importantly, how it can be turned around. For lack of a better term (or maybe it's the perfect term) the answers are not always as simple as black and white. You are both lucky to have each other. [Edited 12/23/09 22:47pm] | |
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Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this (so far?). I do appreciate it.
I am lucky to have her in my life, although I know that now she's married, friendships will take a somewhat lesser role as she's immersed in being a wife, a confidant, a partner, and a lover. | |
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ernestsewell said: Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this (so far?). I do appreciate it.
I am lucky to have her in my life, although I know that now she's married, friendships will take a somewhat lesser role as she's immersed in being a wife, a confidant, a partner, and a lover. She waited 50 years. She gon' be ridin that ride a while.  [Edited 12/23/09 22:59pm] | |
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