:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.

Personally, I wouldn't do it LaV. Too much room to become way too complicated for so many different reasons.

You are stronger than that LaV...strike out on your own.

n LaV

Dont do it...unless you ready for some heartache and pain.

Nothinbutjoy said:

I am poor.

Seriously. I got a major screw job during my last semester when my student loan (the one that was supposed to help me get by for a few months) was reduced from 3500 to 700.

Not to mention nobody wants a newbie programmer.

LaVisHh said:

Terrible conflicts and a bad idea.

rdhull said:

What do you think HE is thinking, any ideas rd?

I think we discussed this situation before...

Live free and indpendently LAV...You will feel like you have conquered the world.

Just remember that nothing is free!

Good Luck, Hun.

IceNine said:

Could you give me some details? This is very important to me, and I really do need advice.

Control issues perhaps? If it is his house. Dependance on another to pay for living expenses, which, may be ok for you, yet can sometimes come as part of a unspoken deal.

sag10 said:

Yes, we have. But he is putting major pressure on me and I don't know what to do.

Therapy said:

We would be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment, currently we live in a 1 bedroom.

LaVisHh said:

The ex will still exhibit whatever behaviors made him your ex.

The ex might be jealous or possessive of you when you bring dates over or go out on dates.

The ex WILL cramp your style and cut into "you" time.

The ex has some ulterior motive for his offer.

There are many things that can (and will) go wrong with that arrangement unless you and your ex are good friends and have NO tension between you in any way.

It's not easy going it alone but perhaps that is the best option.

LaVisHh said:

He wants to help, help his child, but to be a bachelor etc as well ..and if youve had a relationship with this man it will be hard to not have feelings again or feel awkward when he goes out etc...it could be his way of wanting to get back togethe r slowly too who knows..it just does not seem like a good idea since he put certain stipulations on the deal etc.

It all depends on what ended the relationship in the first place, Lav. I can't give you my input until I know more, and I know how important my opinion is to you

LaVisHh said:

The surroundings may improve something, yet, I am wondering if that would change what goes on between you?

IceNine said:

That first point is a biggie. He is my ex by his choice. We still live together, btw. He feels I have too many rules (the biggest is not agreeing with him to date others).

Your last one hits it on the head.

We are not good friends, and the tension is constant. It's been just horrible for the past week or so.

Does your ex want you to be near him or just his child?

I can understand him wanting to live with his kid and he should be contributing to his upbringing in any event. Does he still wish to have some control over you? That is the question.

rdhull said:

Yes, rdhull. He wants it all...

As much as I would love to be that man, I wouldn't do it LaV. The offer of "complete freedom" is something you and your child should not experience in the same household with him.
[This message was edited Mon Jan 13 15:07:16 PST 2003 by chickengrease]

Lav, what does you gut feeling say?

LaVisHh said:

It really is better to go it alone if you can... I know it is hard, but it really is better.

I hope that things work out for you, one way or the other.

....
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 1:36:32 PST 2003 by katt]

Natsume said:

We have been together for 9 years. What ended it is he thinks because I have "rules" for our relationship, that I am not the one for him. He said he is still young, and needs his freedom.

We have fought a lot. He doesn't forgive, so anything I have said or done - he has never forgotten, and all of it is each time I have disagreed with him.

I hope I am making sense.

You may end up feeling like you're a "couple"...that
doesn't sound like that's what you want from him.
Seems inevitable in a live-in situation.

I wouldn't do it unless you see a possible future with him and your child.

Good luck to you!

Therapy said:

Supposedly, the only thing that will change is we are not going to sleep in the same bed, and will no longer be considered a couple. Not that we have been one...

LaVisHh said:

whut could i pssibly say here that
would be WISE yet not SCATHING???
NOTHING!!!

Sounds like you both have a clash in what you need from a relationship.

bkw said:

He wants ONLY to be with his child. He doesn't want any control over me. This is his way to still live with her.

LaVisHh said:

How old is your child?
Instead of living with your ex-, why not go live with a friend or relative instead?
If you need money and want someone to take care of your child, I think you should live with your spouse. Maybe you'll work out some issues?!!!
Or use his money and board until you finished school and leave.