As some of you know I was engaged previously.I ended that engagement in 2007 because he cheated. Throughtout 2008 we kept in contact because we had a dog together (Hannah).

After Hannah passed away I began to distance myself from him. I moved to a different city,stopped accepting his calls and texts.
He even went as far to get another dog to try to regain the lil family we had. It didnt work out as he planned.

During the time we were together he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (shortly after leaving the military.)
In the last year he's become very fragile and expressed he couldnt live without me. He's even mentioned suicide.


At the start of 2009 I started dating again. Im in a serious relationship now and extremely happy.

...My ex-fiance called me last night crying. Normally I wouldnt have answered his call. But he was on my mind earlier this week. I even wondered if he was alive.
He told me he didnt want anyone else and he didnt want to live without me. He begged for me to give him a second chance.And to meet him for coffee.
I told him out of respect for my boyfriend I will not meet him. He told me he didnt care and he was shocked I placed someone before him.

I still care for him. I'll be hurt if he hurts himself. But I know its best he's not in my life. I dont want to give him false hope.
Sometimes I think of him and wonder if he's ok. I want to protect him in a way. But its not my responsibility is it? I want him to be stronger & move on without me. How can I help him?





*SNDLS-no this is not the same guy we were going to go jack up

Okay, I was finnta get strapped

But really, I understand that you'll always care about him. But DO NOT MEET WITH HIM IN PERSON UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. From these comments, he sounds unstable, unsafe and unpredictable. Your safety is the number 1 priority. Don't see him, seriously.

Now, if you can handle lending a supportive ear while maintaing some emotional distance be there for him if you're genuinely inclined to be. But don't let him pressure or guilt you into communicating with him. That's not fair and it's manipulative.

I too have an ex that I worry about, but if I show the least bit of concern he takes that as an opening to try to rekindle the relationship. Therefore, I cut off all communication. You may have to resort to that.

Good luck, hun.

Orgnote.

Yes,I agree. After hearing him last night. I fear for my safety. He couldnt understand that I didnt want to meet him and that I've moved on.

the guy i like is from the country, i love him to the death, but he has no money...i'll pay, but every time???? I have grown children to think of even though its tough to get them to think of me other than the maid, the whore or the dog...shyt.

however, the man i was married to for 30 + years has yet to give me a divorce, he says the same damn thing...i cant live without cha, he needs me, but i have yet to even be acknowledged by his family who i have had to curse and damn near kill every time i see them. for one, they are too nosy, then stupid enough to say things like they get tired of me being at their house, when i have yet to step foot in their driveway.

not only that, they think i'm stupid, and that i dont hear them. i hear them bitches telling me what errands they need ran, etc, but i see the bigger picture whereas they dont, so in that regards, its usually a standoff, cause most of them are crazy enough to commit murder.

its hard to outsmart crazy people, when they have no concept or concious of what you have to abide by, which is your own contentment.....dammit!


dont run to me, cause your mom wont accept your calls...

I think cutting off all communication really is the best thing, for both of you. It doesn't give him false hope and it allows you to move on.

The best way to help may be contacting his family or a close friend. Let them know how bad he's gotten, he's mentioned suicide, etc. Then at least you've let someone else know that he needs the help that you can't give him personally.

I have a friend who had to move states because of a situation like this. She eventually became afraid for her own safety. She wanted to help more than anything but her good intentions didn't make up for his lack of sanity.

yes, of course.

ThreadCula said:

red flag red flag red flag

Trust your gut.

And if you know his family, let them know what's happening.

ThreadCula said:

i put my ex in jail and he still comes out to call me, thats fine. after i finish that child support/restraining order, hopefully he'll know enough to bother someone who gives a dern.

Thank you very much guys!


Sammi Thank you




Im close with his sister. And I asked him if he's talked to her about this and he said no. He doesnt want to burden her. But I think she should know.

oh after reading this thread in greater detail, I think you should cut off all ties.

Caring about them and trying to reinvent an unhealthy relationship into an unhealthy friendship doesn't help him or yourself.

ThreadCula said:

She should definitely know.. they'd be more capable of helping him without things getting messy...

the history you both share would hinder any help you'd offer

family will turn on you quick tho, be careful.

myfavorite said:

Why do you say that?

CarrieMpls said:

ThreadCula said:

In some situations they may place the blame for his disposition on you I suppose..
It's a possibility

But if you haven't had that vibe from his fam, you should be ok...

I would talk to his sister about it.

sammij said:

I dont feel they would blame me for anything. They understand how he is and his illness.

just pray for him...

this does not mean you still cant help him...

he is reaching out for help... and maybe you are the only one he trusts.

you don't have 2 meet him... but be there for him... and be honest...

love is unconditional... soundz like he is dealing with
"spiritual chemical warfare"

you can be a positive influence... don't turn your back on some one needing help.... thats just wrong....

I know exactly how you feel.

I'd say cut off all ties but I know damn well that I would have met him if I were you.

ThreadCula said:

In that case, definitely reach out to them and share your concerns about his AND your safety.

nyse said:

it's wrong but when the ultimatum is help me or i'll hurt you (not saying that's the case here, but in a situation where this could be the case), sometimes you just have to walk away.

Maybe you should try to contact one of his family members. If I were you, I would steer clear of this dude. If he is willing to kill himself, he may try to harm you in some way. This guy definitely needs family intervention. I totally sympathize with your situation. It's a bad situation to be in.

ThreadCula said:

well, its always been scary for me when they start acting like they are gonna kill him. ...

I don't worry about him so much as try to keep myself from doing him grievous bodily harm by way of stiletto boot upside the head, since I am still cleaning up the collateral damage caused in our split. We have good days, nearly civil days, and days where I am sure the sight of me in the same public venue as him would be akin to Moses at the parting of the red sea and everyone scared shitless around us that something major is about to pop off. Other than encouraging him to seek a psychiatrist for issues he has not addressed in his adult life, I don't worry about him too-too much...only if he has an action or inaction that directly affects my well being and quality of life in a negative way.

sammij said:

nahh... i totaly agree with u. I'm just saying if he needs someone to talk to, it wont hurt 2 be there for him. one conversation can stop someone from realy hurting themselves on a physical level.


its a sticky situation...

I live with mine. We were together from 1998-2001, and have been roommate since, minus a couple of small episodes.

It works fine. But he's an alcoholic, and it's wearing on me after all this time. I only worry about him as a drinker.

i dont worry about him as much as i worry about the freaks who stalk him.

ernestsewell said:

Sorry to hear about the alcoholic part (I know that must be a stress on you), but, beyond that, I actually find it cool that one can function well with their exes in productive,interactive relationships. Over here it's more common than what I've been accustomed to in the States. I witness alot of people here working side by side professionally, or co-parenting in the same building or next door to each other after a break up. Being an emotionally intense person it takes me so long to get to that point with an ex, it seriously takes me years to work through and manage feelings regarding anger and betrayal. But once it's out of my system, it's out. I'm in an excellent place with my first husband, and have the ability to look at him fondly with great appreciation for what we had to experience together, but it took about 8 years. In all liklihood we'll probably end up working together again as well.

I used to.

Ottensen said:

It's worked for the most part. We've had our moments of huge fights. We do hang out like friends, go the store together, etc. But we've never fucked after we broke up. (Hell, he never fucked at all the last 11 months of our relationship!) I have lost all sexual attraction to him, which is probably a good thing. Plus, he's into boys half his age (he's 47), and since I like guys my age, there's no chance anyway. I have my fuck buddies, and usually play when he's not around, just so my friend doesn't feel awkward w/ a roommate in the house. I like to be able to keep my door open when I'm fucking someone! haha

And yes, the alcoholism is a horrible strain. I have plans to move on in 2010, unbeknownst to him.