LaVisHh said:

disregarding the fact that he is an ex, i wouldn't move in with someone that i wasn't friends with and got along terribly with...


if that person is an ex, it's only going to be that much worse, because the likelihood for conflict is so much higher...

my mom and father got divorced when i was almost 4 years old... although we were dirt-fuckin-poor as hell, i was much happier without him there... they remarried (to each other) about 2 and a half years later... at first, things were peachy... but it wasn't too long before it all started to come unravled again... and the 2nd time around was a million times worse than the first... the arguing was worse, the fights were bloodier- everything was worse... so, he disappeared again when i was about 8, and the divorce became final around 10... i wish they would never have gotten back together... our house was repossessed at one point, and we spent some time where we just stay wherever we could, until we were able to get another place... as terrible as that was, i was still happier than i was when we were living in a nice house and they were fighting all the time...

they occasionally visit each other, but realize that living together would be impossible...

so, my advice is this: if you think that there is the possibility of tension and arguments, i wouldn't do it... it's not good for you, and it's really not good for the kid either...

i would be inclined to say, don't do it...

Lav, I am serious let me know if I can be of help...

EllisDee said:

EllisDee, it means a great deal for you to share such things with me. The perspective of a person who has been there is invaluable to me!

The part that I quoted, will give me a lot of strength to do what is right, and to not agree to his offer.

i don't have any general advice. it's case by case

go with your gut feeling, LaV

rdhull said:

Co-sign, Nothing comes for FREE!

sag10 said:

I am going to see what my brother says, regarding my moving in with him. There was a death in the family out there, so for now, his mind is occupied. So that has to wait.

If, and I mean if...things get really rough, I do have somewhere to go, but I really don't want to do any emergency exits. 90% of my stuff are packed in boxes, that is done.

I will let you know if I get pinned against a wall, sag10. Thank you for offering your help.

It is always darkest before the dawn, LaV.

LaVisHh said:

get on wit yo' bad self, girl... ... and you know you've got friends should ever need any help...

teller said:

It's pitch black, teller.



Thank you.

EllisDee said:

Thank you again, EllisDee.

Alright. Everyone who took the time to give me advice on this thread, I thank you.

I have decided to not take this offer, and I will let you know what happens when all the dust settles.

If I suddenly disappear, without notice. I should be ok, I would probably not have the Internet. I don't see this happening in the near future, but thought I would post this for those who would worry if I did disappear.

for all.

LaVisHh said:

Good Luck Lav!
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think if u dumped the internet it would be the best thing for you, you're resourceful, strong, beautiful and dynamic from what I know. There's alot of great minds with hearts of gold out there. If 2001bc had a child, you know i'd love them just them same with all my heart.

Hey, we've all been under pressure with our backs up against the wall at one point of another.. at one point I even considered some far out things. Who ever said that you don't deserve anything in life less than the best? Even if newbie programmers aren't in demand in your area, if I ever get back to the USA... i'll pull whatever strings I can when i get back.

I've been there, but without the child...didn't work!

Savannah said:

Trust me when I say that I fully know I have been spending way to much time on the Internet, unfortunately it's all that has kept me from going insane. It takes me away most of the time, outside of this current life I live.

Yes, I am there right now. I'm feeling what it's like to have my ego battle with what I should do.

Thank you, Savannah.

LaVisHh said:

A few thoughts:

Moving into a larger space with this man at this time seems better than staying in a smaller place where you have no privacy - FOR NOW!

If the relationship is truly over, then move out. But remember: he has a legal duty to support your child. Look into legal action to force child support. You should not feel alone on the financial support for your daughter.

If you decide to move to Oakland, I can guarantee you a decent job in my company - no strings. No B.S.

Good luck, Lav.

TheMax said:

That is what I was considering, at first. Just until I got my tax money, and was able to move.

He refused to sign the birth certificate, so...that would be another ordeal.

Wow, TheMax...you me with that one.

I am just waiting to hear back from my brother, after the funeral.

4LOVE said:

i hope i never hear this, this, this TERM
come out of yo mouth again...

LaVisHh said:

LAV!!

Listen to Sag10: Lav you would not burden your friends...they made the offer..

You have people/friends around you who love you. If it were really such a big burden, your friends WOULDN'T OFFER! But they HAVE so let them help you while you need it! I know it feels odd depending on other people like that but hopefully it'll be for a short time & from what you're saying you have to depend on someone right now, right? It's so much better to lean on a friend than your ex, too many strings/wounds/control issues attached w/ the latter ESPECIALLY if you guys aren't even friends.



Seems he's the one who needs the guilt trip: if he wanted a comitted relationship with you, THEN he could have it all. But he wants to be free yet have you chained to him for life??


Y'all got issues already - they'll continue to creep up & like WB said you'd soon be unhappy, needing to move & trying to figure out how all over again. If you thought living w/ him was right, you wouldn't even ask - in your heart you know it feels wrong & you know you'll end up hurt somehow, hence the hesistation. Don't do it girlie. The alternatives aren't the most comfortable in the world but there ARE alternatives. Think long & hard about it, just don't play yourself... HUGS





YEA, come to the "O"!! No Paisley Parties but the weather is NICE



The

Max said:

THE MAX!!! See LaV, it ain't ALL gloomy!

VERY cool of you, TheMax



after reviewing the thread... so glad you decided not to move in w/ him!!!

You just got out of school. Don't be hasty, even if it's tough.
Think and consider ALL of your options very carefully, because you wouldn't want to move every few months years.

If you have friends in Minneapolis who invited you to their house, that sounds like a good temporary solution, which is not really moving.

And I DO think you should consider one more, but I know you won't

CalhounSq said:

Thank you, CalhounSq.

MissCute said:

Trust that I am not being hasty. If I were, I would have been gone.

LaVisHh said:

If he's puttin
MAJOR PRESSURE on ya
NOW
imagine what he'll do 2 ya
after
he moves in again!

IrishGecko said:

I know. We have been living together for 9 years.

Pretty ugly
that offer from his side
knowing that he knows that
u r broke
I'd call that
TAKIN ADVANTAGE

IrishGecko said:

True.

That's also what makes it really tough. I will get through this, it's just a major challenge right now.

Oh Lav...I was very sad to hear this news. But, I support your decision to NOT do this. I think you made the most wise choice -- not the easiset one, but the best one.
There are always options out there. Please consider taking your friends/family up on their offers. If they offer to help you they know that you would not be burdening them -- if they thought you would burdent them why would they offer in the first place?
Take any help that's offered to you. If you feel bad about it, just remember that one day you will be able to return the favor.
Take care of yourself and your daughter and please keep us posted.

applekisses said:

Thank you, applekisses. It's easier to do with so many giving me the same advice.

Thank you.



And I will.

LaVisHh said:[quote]:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? [quote]
NO NO NO

to TheMax

LaVisHh said:

There is alwasy a DNA test Lav, he can't get away with his control issue..well only if you allow him to.


Look LAV this person has offered you a job!