Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?


Nothing! They were both stuck up cunts.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?


Excuse me, are you gonna eat that?

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus????



Santa only has 3 ho's???!!!??

What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?

BLEEEOOOOTCH!

Michael Jackson and Prince were being held at gunpoint. They were told they could have one final request before they're killed. Michael was asked first and he asked to sing "We Are the World" one last time. Prince is asked next and he requested, "Please kill me before he sings that damn song!"

A blonde calls the fire dept. to report a fire at her house.

Guy says...."ok, how do we get there"

Blonde says....."duh.....BIG RED TRUCK"

Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can’t wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off."

“I know the feeling," the other says.

“No, I’m serious," says the first. "They’re killing me."

Two carrots were best friends. One day carrot 1 became very ill, so carrot 2 took him to the doctor.

Carrot 2 sat in the waiting room, worrying about his friend until finally the doctor came out of the exam room.

"Oh doctor," he cried, "will my friend carrot be okay?"

"Well", said the doctor. "I have good news and bad news"

"What's the good news?" carrot 2 asked.

"The good news is that carrot 1 will be just fine."

Carrot 2 looked confused. "What's the bad news then?"

The doctor sighed, "the bad news is.....









he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
--
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
--
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
--
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.
--
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
--
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
--
What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
--
hahahahahaaa

all my punchline jokes are too offensive for the org.

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines.

Four nuns were lined up at the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to let them in. The first nun steps up and St. Peter asks, "have you sinned sister?"

The nun says, "I once touched a man's privates."

"Oh no!" exclaimed St. Peter. "you must go over to the bowl in the corner and wash your hands in the holy water!"

St. Peter then asks nun number 2 the same question. "I too have touched a man's privates." she confessed.

Looking a bit perturbed, St. Peter points to the bowl of holy water and says, "wash your hands immediately, sister!"

St. Peter was eyeing nun number 3 suspiciously when suddenly, number 4 jumps in front of her. St. Peter then throws up his hands in frustration.

"Sister, we do not cut in line at the Pearly Gates! Please explain yourself?"

Nun number 4 looks him squarely in the eye and says.....





"I ain't gonna wash my mouth in that water after she washes her ass!"

Did I kill the jokey-joke thread?

Do Priest eat meat???

Nun

xpertluva said:

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

funkpill said:

x 2!

Elle85n09 said:

Too soon?