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Printablenyse said: sammij said: it's wrong but when the ultimatum is help me or i'll hurt you (not saying that's the case here, but in a situation where this could be the case), sometimes you just have to walk away. nahh... i totaly agree with u. I'm just saying if he needs someone to talk to, it wont hurt 2 be there for him. one conversation can stop someone from realy hurting themselves on a physical level. its a sticky situation... yeah....last night he told me he misses talking to me and laughing with me. He said I was his best friend and the only person he trusts talking to "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit" | |
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ThreadCula said: nyse said: nahh... i totaly agree with u. I'm just saying if he needs someone to talk to, it wont hurt 2 be there for him. one conversation can stop someone from realy hurting themselves on a physical level. its a sticky situation... yeah....last night he told me he misses talking to me and laughing with me. He said I was his best friend and the only person he trusts talking to be as much a friend as possible without getting snagged and tangled emotionally again do it from a distance  [...i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...] | |
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Your ex needs help to deal with his issues. He's having a hard time letting go of the past.
You have moved on with your life and you are happy. Don't let the ex drag you down or hold you back. 
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
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moderatorSweetie...as much as you loved him and what feelings you might still have, you can not be his protector. If you know someone you can contact to say...I am worried about him, can you please check in on him. Try and do that...but don't ruin your future for something in the past.
If you need anything...you know where I am. Proud Memaw to Seyhan Olivia Christine ,Zoey Cirilo Jaylee & Ellie Abigail Lillian  | |
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SCNDLS said:  Okay, I was finnta get strapped 
But really, I understand that you'll always care about him. But DO NOT MEET WITH HIM IN PERSON UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. From these comments, he sounds unstable, unsafe and unpredictable. Your safety is the number 1 priority. Don't see him, seriously. Now, if you can handle lending a supportive ear while maintaing some emotional distance be there for him if you're genuinely inclined to be. But don't let him pressure or guilt you into communicating with him. That's not fair and it's manipulative. I too have an ex that I worry about, but if I show the least bit of concern he takes that as an opening to try to rekindle the relationship. Therefore, I cut off all communication. You may have to resort to that. Good luck, hun.  It's impossible to be someone else's emotional baby sitter and do a good job without sacrificing your own emotional stability. | |
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No, when I'm thru with you, I'm thru with you! | |
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wait, how long were yall together??? the dog died in a years time??? THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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| I think it's awesome that you even care. | |
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Thank you all for the advice 
myfavorite said: wait, how long were yall together??? the dog died in a years time???
We were together for 7 years. We had our dog for 3 yrs. She got sick after I left,she had liver disease. [Edited 12/10/09 16:49pm] "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit" | |
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i haven't got any exes. everyone's a fruit & nut case | |
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it's so hard i know
thats why i think it's good to cut ties early in a relationship that way he won't have contact with you as far as him hurting himself i haven't been anything like that but it probley would of evolved into something scary if kept him in my life so i just think about that. and how lucky to have my life everyday even know though im unsure where this life is taking me..... i won't let his madness get to me cuz everyday im thankful he's out of it [Edited 12/10/09 21:17pm] | |
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yes... the ones that are living still. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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sammij said: ThreadCula said: yeah....last night he told me he misses talking to me and laughing with me. He said I was his best friend and the only person he trusts talking to be as much a friend as possible without getting snagged and tangled emotionally again do it from a distance Be as much of a friend as possible...from a distance...but when an EX starts manipulating you against your better judgment to get reinvolved enough to become his psychiatrist, surrogate mother, and hotel haven...it is time for you to cut it off permanently before he drags you down. Your health, sanity, and well-being are more important. Sometimes you can't save people no matter how hard you try! I know...  | |
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...whatever for the realtionship train today. THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]
**....Someti | |
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 ALL MY XxxXX's LIVE IN TEXAS.    | |
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i would be cold hearted if i said i didn't worry about an ex. because i do from time to time. there is a guy that i was in a relationship with several years ago, way before i met my husband that still tries to contact me, and he still holds onto that idea that he can win me back.  i find it's best to have NO contact, because anytime you respond it just adds to their hope and desire to have you. i would not stay in contact with him for your own safety. let his family know the problem, and then be over with it, and move on. it's okay to think and worry about him, but don't contact him, or answer him, it just makes it worse IMO. take care, and i hope you stay safe!  | |
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Wow Kim!
Thank you everyone
I texted his sister last night and told her to keep an eye out for him. She didnt respond,Im not sure if she changed her number. He texted me late last night. I didnt respond. I've decided to cut off all contact. "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit" | |
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ThreadCula said: Wow Kim!
Thank you everyone
I texted his sister last night and told her to keep an eye out for him. She didnt respond,Im not sure if she changed her number. He texted me late last night. I didnt respond. I've decided to cut off all contact.  so glad you decided to cut off all contact, i think it's safer for you. | |
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ThreadCula said: Wow Kim!
Thank you everyone
I texted his sister last night and told her to keep an eye out for him. She didnt respond,Im not sure if she changed her number. He texted me late last night. I didnt respond. I've decided to cut off all contact. | |
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ThreadCula said: As some of you know I was engaged previously.I ended that engagement in 2007 because he cheated. Throughtout 2008 we kept in contact because we had a dog together (Hannah).
After Hannah passed away I began to distance myself from him. I moved to a different city,stopped accepting his calls and texts. He even went as far to get another dog to try to regain the lil family we had. It didnt work out as he planned. During the time we were together he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (shortly after leaving the military.) In the last year he's become very fragile and expressed he couldnt live without me. He's even mentioned suicide. At the start of 2009 I started dating again. Im in a serious relationship now and extremely happy. ...My ex-fiance called me last night crying. Normally I wouldnt have answered his call. But he was on my mind earlier this week. I even wondered if he was alive. He told me he didnt want anyone else and he didnt want to live without me. He begged for me to give him a second chance.And to meet him for coffee. I told him out of respect for my boyfriend I will not meet him. He told me he didnt care and he was shocked I placed someone before him. 
I still care for him. I'll be hurt if he hurts himself. But I know its best he's not in my life. I dont want to give him false hope. Sometimes I think of him and wonder if he's ok. I want to protect him in a way. But its not my responsibility is it? I want him to be stronger & move on without me. How can I help him? *SNDLS-no this is not the same guy we were going to go jack up That's a tough situation to be in. When I was in college, I dated a girl who was bi-polar and extremely needy. She was horribly self-destructive and when I chose to end the relationship, she threatened to kill herself. I stayed in that relationship another four months purely out of fear that she'd do something harmful to herself, and it was only once her mother told me that it was okay to leave and that I bore no responsibility for what happened afterwards that I gained the courage to leave. I still worried about her constantly and there was a part of me that felt like I let her down. I think what you're feeling is normal, but you need to be clear on the idea that he's not your responsibility. To whatever degree you choose to be in his life, that's all it is... choice. Not something you owe him, or should feel obligated to. | |
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Ottensen said: ernestsewell said: I live with mine. We were together from 1998-2001, and have been roommate since, minus a couple of small episodes.
It works fine. But he's an alcoholic, and it's wearing on me after all this time. I only worry about him as a drinker. Sorry to hear about the alcoholic part (I know that must be a stress on you), but, beyond that, I actually find it cool that one can function well with their exes in productive,interactive relationships. Over here it's more common than what I've been accustomed to in the States. I witness alot of people here working side by side professionally, or co-parenting in the same building or next door to each other after a break up. Being an emotionally intense person it takes me so long to get to that point with an ex, it seriously takes me years to work through and manage feelings regarding anger and betrayal. But once it's out of my system, it's out. I'm in an excellent place with my first husband, and have the ability to look at him fondly with great appreciation for what we had to experience together, but it took about 8 years. In all liklihood we'll probably end up working together again as well. I absolutely adore you. This is where i am with my ex-husband now. It is really a great place to be... | |
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ThreadCula said: Wow Kim!
Thank you everyone
I texted his sister last night and told her to keep an eye out for him. She didnt respond,Im not sure if she changed her number. He texted me late last night. I didnt respond. I've decided to cut off all contact. | |
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ThreadCula said: He texted me late last night. I didnt respond. I've decided to cut off all contact. [...i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...] | |
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i just remember the more i stayed in contact with this man the more i felt bad cuz i felt i didn't have the will within myself too do it.
the more worse the relationship got as it went along. then at the end it was finally showing in my actions cuz he noticed i didn't stay in contact as much. [Edited 12/11/09 12:43pm] | |
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ernestsewell said: Ottensen said: Sorry to hear about the alcoholic part (I know that must be a stress on you), but, beyond that, I actually find it cool that one can function well with their exes in productive,interactive relationships....
It's worked for the most part. We've had our moments of huge fights. We do hang out like friends, go the store together, etc. But we've never fucked after we broke up. (Hell, he never fucked at all the last 11 months of our relationship!) I have lost all sexual attraction to him, which is probably a good thing. Plus, he's into boys half his age (he's 47), and since I like guys my age, there's no chance anyway. I have my fuck buddies, and usually play when he's not around, just so my friend doesn't feel awkward w/ a roommate in the house. I like to be able to keep my door open when I'm fucking someone! haha And yes, the alcoholism is a horrible strain. I have plans to move on in 2010, unbeknownst to him. Girl you need to SHAKE THIS MAN OFF!!! IT AIN'T NOTHING BUT A THING! Maybe a couple years down the road you will think you made a great choice. it's tough to break away at first but it can happen, you feel bad like you disowned your own family. YOU BLAME YOURSELF!!! THATS THE CYCLE OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP. im going to a group for families who deal with it. listen to your inner voice...if it's telling you it's bad idea to go back to a relationship that wasn't working anyway... Don't let any man tell you who you are or what you should do. I'M TIRED of it. never listen to no man is my saying for the year 2010 
this is what im trying to do for my own life also is breaking away the old and in with the new [Edited 12/12/09 12:44pm] | |
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sammij said: ThreadCula said: yeah....last night he told me he misses talking to me and laughing with me. He said I was his best friend and the only person he trusts talking to be as much a friend as possible without getting snagged and tangled emotionally again do it from a distance good advise | |
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His sister just got back to me. She's invited him to stay with her. She said she's worried too, but she feels he would never hurt himself.
She just told me she's pregnant. We both feel this will help him in a way. "Nobody makes me bleed my own blood...NOBODY!"
johnart says: "I'm THE shit" | |
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if its a situation where it's dangerous , where you have panic attacks or chest pains whenever your around the person and living in fear and feel your walking on eggshells. then it would be a problem
im not sure bringing a child up in the mix would help either. cuz in my situation i'm planning to leave on the down low and its very tuff. I don't know the details of your sitation so i can't really judge Cuz every situation is different don't you love.....love affairs everyone?  [Edited 12/12/09 12:50pm] | |
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sammij said: be as much a friend as possible without getting snagged and tangled emotionally again do it from a distance This is especially crucial. If I still feel attached to my ex emotionally...even a lil bit... I stay away from him until that feelin fades away. I don't even wanna hang with u, cause chances are... stickin close to that person can ignite that lil spark that's still there... then wat tha fluck u gon tel your present mate huh?... "uhhh...well...I didn't know my feelings would come back so strong" 
Fuck that! Stay yo azz away from me if you're not ova your ex! & maybe u should stay away from them if they're not over u as well (unless u like it). (sry for the rant had to let it out & this topic is very appropriate)
nyse said: good advise
It is...isn't it? But to answer the question...I don't worry about any of my exes [Edited 12/12/09 5:53am] I swear the words "HATER" is wayyy over-rated...smh | |
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i just had to crack up. stay awayyyyy from meeee
i just don't get where these men are getting off feeling sorry after yall are in another relationship after it was over. its like he had his chance he blew it so now he's paying the price obviously. I may have went back time after time and on his part also . i finally made a choice not to crawl back this time, i don't think so. and it was like after my breakup my man was telling me how sorry i would be. i still have not contacted him. now this man is about to sucker yall into making decisions when yall already know the answer so like someone else was saying on this thread ya once im done im done [Edited 12/13/09 0:31am] | |
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