:

When they say men stray to sow their wild oats? When supposedly a man has to feel he still "has it"?

I've seen it happen quite a few times in my family, where affairs come about around the seventh year.

Have any of you experienced this before? Do you think there is any truth to this scenario, if so what is your thoughts on why it happens?

Oh SHIT!!!
i get the SEVEN DAY ITCH
again, i have a short attention span

00769BAD said:

Seriously though, BAD. Do you think men feel the need to know they still "got it"?

LaVisHh said:

NOT IF THEY HAVE 'IT'.
i've never married for just that reason.
i have the feeling that as soon as i tie
someone down in a marriage, i'm gonna need
to know that i didn't 'have to'
and i wouldn't put anyone through that

I think it's natural and that men and women both feel the need to know that we still "have it"... you know?

EDIT: I wasn't talking about cheating though... just the need to know.

.
[This message was edited Mon Jan 13 11:03:09 PST 2003 by AzureStar]

00769BAD said:

Good man!

AzureStar said:

Yes. I was thinking about this, as it's been a phrase used for many years. I believe it got it's reputation for married men who start to look over the fence, in an attempt to feel attractive again.

I realize we all have this need, but this seems a little more extreme, and usually ends in an affair, and then divorce.

Well, I think there is truth to it. I don't know if it has so much to do with the need to sow their wild oats as it is boredom within the relationship.

A lot of times, when the relationship becomes stale around that time, one of the partners will look for excitement from another instead of working through that period.

The key to any relationship, I think, is to keep one another interested and do things with your partner that they enjoy... even if you don't enjoy those things. If we don't do it they'll find someone else who will.

00769BAD said:

There's a cream for that, yanno...

AzureStar said:

I agree with you 100%.

I've seen it happen over an aging partner, over an unfit body, over lack of sex, amongst other things.

LaVisHh said:

True, those things certainly come into play... the lack of sex, I feel, comes from the relationship lacking something else. If you are not pleased with your partner or the relationship, a lot of times you don't have the desire to be with them in that way.

Cheating is not cool at all... it is just like lying... I will not cheat on a woman that I am with and I don't think that it is the right thing to do, married or not.

IceNine said:

I agree with you there.

I just would really like to see if someone here has experienced this firsthand, and if they have any theories on as to why it happens around the seventh year. Is it some sort of threshhold?

It's like a pattern of sorts.

LaVisHh said:

Maybe their ethics corrode and they decide to be total fuck-ups... otherwise, I have no theories.

IceNine said:

I was reading a bit about this, and one site summed it up

pretty well:

source: http://www.electronparado...nships.htm



I really think this is a very important subject, perhaps it's avoided because it is not understood. But it makes perfect sense that as a couple, we may lose touch with ourselves and wake up "seven years later", feeling a strong desire to rediscover. This desire could very well lead to affairs, not planned, but maybe while seeking answers through that search.

I've never heard of it, but I already got a solution:

By the 7th year, start walking around they house sharpening knives, and see how the stay home like good puppies, with their tail between their legs.
[This message was edited Mon Jan 13 11:49:34 PST 2003 by MissCute]

MissCute said:

Yeah, if only.

LaVisHh said:

There is certainly a very real potential to "lose yourself" in a relationship, but I don't think that fucking other people is the proper way to "re-discover" yourself. I know that many people do it, but I still cannot agree with the betrayal of trust that is involved in that scenario. If you feel that lost, you should be honest with the other person and figure out the next move. This is just my opinion...

LaVisHh said:

I have not experienced the cheating part first hand, but I do know people who have.

In both instances one of the partners cheated. In the first one, it was in their sixth year of marriage and she ended up cheating on her husband. The reasons she told me were because he stopped provding for her emotional needs, he stopped caring about his appearance and would't do things with her anymore. So, she found someone who would provide those things for her

The other couple were not married, but in a relationship for over nine years and he cheated on her. This was because she stopped caring about herself, perhaps became a little too comfortable within the relationship and the relationship became boring... it was like they were on a schedule... doing the same things day in and day out like clock-work.

Again, I think it has to do with the relationship becoming stale around the 6th-8th year and one of them looks elsewhere for what is lacking. That is why we should not allow ourselves to become too comfortable or stop doing the fun things we did when the relationship was new or stop providing emotional support and displays of affection.

IceNine said:

I agree 100% with what you just said. Be honest and move on or don't stray! I think sometimes, too, that people are afraid to end the current relationship so as to not hurt the other... which really causes more problems in the end when the cheating is found out.

Ask me in 6 more years...

It's a very real problem, perhaps if more people looked deeply into this mystery, they would be better prepared for it's arrival - if it ever came.

AzureStar said:

I feel the exact same way, but you just brought up a very important point. Honesty.

Just how hard is it to be completely honest, when hiding it won't make things any better? It will eventually come out anyways.

Maybe we women should give our men a break and let them get there happy endings every now and then.
Maybe then the need to stray would not be so strong.

teller said:

I would probably say instead of ask you in 6 years...for you to be aware if those feelings ever start to creep up on you.

Zthe9s said:

Do you mean give them the freedom to explore without rules? (Not sure what you are saying, but it interests me)

I know this much...by and large people stop growing after a time, by sheer intertia, and when that happens, only something external can feel "new," and hence, "alive."

Self-generated renewal does not occur automatically. It requires willful exercise.

LaVisHh said:

Once every 3 years, prearanged orgasm, perhaps one weekends worth, after all they are only men and in terms of animal nature, I believe that they need different vagina stimulation,

is all I am saying

teller said:

If it is just a choice, then why do both men and women alike give up all they have worked for, experienced, and built up for years...just to feel "new"?

Maybe then, they would give us a better work out at home.