I will not be held responsible if after a cocktail or 4 I catch a child messin with my Xmas shit and my hand should brush against the back of their head, with speed and repeatedly. Then they can sit the rest of the party out in our sunroom (we have no basement).

johnart said:

okay grandma!

thekidsgirl said:

HUSH girl! Whatchoodoin on the 5th??

johnart said:

I'll be out of town

Am I going to mis hanging with you AGAIN!! WTH!

meow85 said:

That's what the benadryl's for!

meow85 said:

....maybe you need to bring your own dinner in your own tupperware and not eat anyone else's meal....just like everyone else, assume that it contains all the shit you really don't need to be ingesting anyway.

ps wtf with school and daycare being closed for 4 days. am I supposed to spend time with the kid or something. He better have 4 days worth of homework to do!
[Edited 11/24/09 18:45pm]

thekidsgirl said:

Lawd woman, are you a gypsy WTF?? Stay put.

noimageatall said:

I don't like Grey Goose so I always AKS for Ketel One, but why a cheap mofo ALWAYS ends up bringing Absoulut.

Didn't you AKS me what I'd like for you to bring and I said "Ketel muthafuckin' One"???

johnart said:

I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show. My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw.

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you will not be able to eat anything.
Hold up, though....those are questions need to be asked. You know some people may not like Aunt Glady's potato salad cuz she got diabetes and hers taste like sour cream and I'm not even gonna get into the qualifications of making macaroni and cheese

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.
I agree with this!

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!
CHURCH!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.
Hot sweaty damn! You gonna make me make you a pork rib sammich for this one

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

I agree with the rest and SCNDLS can I add one?

DON'T BRING MUTHAFUCKAS WHO I DON'T KNOW AND WHO I DID NOT INVITE! They have a family, let them have dinner with them!

bboy87 said:

That's a good one too.

Casual parties and whatnot are fine IMO to be bring strangers too as long as they're not sketchy types. But something involving any amount of work, like a dinner, is a big no-no.

meow85 said:

We have 2 Thanksgiving dinners:

1. One at the church with my aunt, uncle, god sisters, cousins, and my mom and brothers and some people from the church (40% of my church is my actual family ) but this one chick will bring her nephews and nieces who don't have an ounce of respect will just saunter in and act like they were invited and be taking food home!

2. The second one is at my house with just me, my mom, and my brothers (and some relatives come by because they didn't get to eat alot at the first one )

wow you sure sound fun

why are you even throwing a party if you hate it so much

i wouldn't even wanna be there with your stupid rules


'3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses! '

this in particular is fucking ridiculous
[Edited 11/24/09 22:15pm]

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in it? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you will not be able to eat anything.

SCNDLS said:

I do that. lol I don't like onions , so I have to know what has onions in it.

AnckSuNamun said:

What do you live on? IF it's not dessert, it gets onions . . . Not much doesn't. Meat, fish, poultry, vegetables, salads, soups . . . .

wow you sure sound fun

why are you even throwing a party if you hate it so much

i wouldn't even wanna be there with your stupid rules


'3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Junior to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses! '

this in particular is fucking ridiculous
[Edited 11/24/09 22:15pm]

AnckSuNamun said:

What do you live on? IF it's not dessert, it gets onions . . . Not much doesn't. Meat, fish, poultry, vegetables, salads, soups . . . .

Dewrede said:

This is all in good fun and for those of us familiar with the Thanksgiving tradition, clearly meant to be lighthearted sarcasm reflecting some of our collective experiences. Please do not run up in here spoiling a good time by being a a wet towel. This thread is not that kind of party, Boo.

karmatornado said:

I always say "Commence shoveling"

Maybe I should make a copy of these rules and post it on my door and in my kitchen.

My condensed Thanksgiving Prayer so I don't break rule #4

"Lord, thankyou for this food and the hands that prepared it. Thankyou for your grace and mercy and everyone in this household, watch over them and protect them this coming year and always. Thanks to the people and forces who provide us with challenges that help refine us and make us stronger. Bless our leaders, soldiers, friends, and enemies alike. And all agree by saying Amen!" Let's eat.

I'm tempted to just come over with my blanket, pillow, suitcase, 20 little nephews, and a cheap bottle of crappy vodka and eat the crap out of your place. And then I'm gonna raid your Tupperware and stuff all my leftovers in it. BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA!

MARRY ME!

meow85 said:

....maybe you need to bring your own dinner in your own tupperware and not eat anyone else's meal....just like everyone else, assume that it contains all the shit you really don't need to be ingesting anyway.

ps wtf with school and daycare being closed for 4 days. am I supposed to spend time with the kid or something. He better have 4 days worth of homework to do!
[Edited 11/24/09 18:45pm]

johnart said:

I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show. My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw.