this thread makes me glad i don't particularly like sex.

booty said:

when you are in lust it's all on - I don't necessarily think people have sex to get someone to marry them , and it's only natural over the time of a long term relationship that the physical attraction novelty would wear off unevenly.

ZombieKitten said:

ya i agree with that much lol

booty said:

for one partner it may well wear off much sooner than for the other, and it probably isn't so much about not loving the other or anything like that. It's not so simple as just leave them! you have built a life together, probably had kids. Many MANY complex dynamics come into play misunderstandings, minor resentments, not feeling attractive, feeling unappreciated. Who is an expert on communication? Who took marriage lessons? Most folks are muddling along best they can, without knowing what it would be like when they took the plunge. I don't think it's fair to say things like mismatched libidos should be evident before marriage, what if you waited until the wedding night!!!!

ZombieKitten said:

i think thats why im happy i broke up with my ex cuz for one i don't think he was happy. straight up. i don't think i was the fix, cuz obviously something was bothering him and i soon found out that i couldn't fix this. and i didn't want to end up with being attatched to another person's baggage of marriage. its really complicated thing well im over it but marriage i know you mean thats responsibility. all i know is when my sister got married and had kids he became abusive and they fought all the time thats all i know.

booty said:

that's right, some things you just can't tell from the get go, you might not recognise the warning signs, especially if you married young.

ZombieKitten said:

Did the mismatch happen only after marriage? Or was it always mismatched? I guess in the end it doesn't really matter b/c it's still a problem. If some sort of counseling doesn't work I think the 2 people have to decide whats most important & how to proceed in the marriage if they still want to. But I think Ottie is right when she points to something overall lacking & the absence of intimacy being a symptom of a bigger problem. Some people put sex on the back burner & stick out the marriage b/c they put the kids & the love & the house first (among other things). I dunno if I could do it, I'd try to get more sex happening. & I might have to cheat on that mf if he didn't respond after therapy, which would make me feel more shitty & empty than not having enough sex Sometimes there's just no winning...

PurpleRighteous1 said:

Yea, that's the stupid shit I'm talkin' about It's a damn shame!

JustErin said:

ZombieKitten said:

All true, but I say be honest w/ them & get an outside party involved (counseling) to try to get what's needed in the marriage for both people to be happy. Its totally unfair for one partner to feel deprived all the time.

CalhounSq said:

yeah, I really DON'T understand people like that AT ALL. Are they a bit simple? marriage is a multi level partnership. Things have to work on all the levels, what ARE they thinking to enter into it with such childish ideas!

whistle said:

why don't you like it?

CalhounSq said:

say it became apparent after the initial in-lust "limmerance" period wore off, and you happen to have married before that what do you do then?

ZombieKitten said:

I honestly think people who play games like that have no idea what it really takes to make a LIFE w/ someone. They want the ring, the ceremony, the control thereafter, the "stuff". If they're starting out being dishonest, where the hell do they go from there but down?

ZombieKitten said:

COUPLES THERAPY

CalhounSq said:

it's immaturity and materialism at it's worst, the "look what I got myself" selfish, childish mentality that has no grip on reality.

CalhounSq said:

I'm not talking one totally like NEVER putting out, I mean like 15 years down the track, one STILL wants some action 4-5 times a week, and the other is perfectly happy with twice a month for example. It's not really so bad that a professional needs to be called in, or is it?

ZombieKitten said:

I'd be pissed, but that's just me... The question is, are both partners happy enough to continue on this way? If not, therapy...

ZombieKitten said:

I agree with the fact that if I'm going to have casual sex, it has to be with someone I know very well and trust 100%. But, my #1 rule is DON'T FALL IN LOVE! I've made that mistake and it turned into a nightmare and I ended up turning the person off in the process.

kitbradley said:

But can one control their feelings?
Can one control the falling-in-love part?

JayJai said:

I don't think you can

ZombieKitten said:

can i orgnote the answer to this question?

whistle said:

of course! but only if you want, I don't mean to pry, but since you keep bringing it up, I'm curious

scream my name often.

do not request to make plans in advance.

never use real name on contact list

no cuddling, ever!

don't call just to shoot the shit.

when you leave take all your shit with you.

no faking orgasms!

JustErin said:

this works..

ya no suprises nothing sucks more then when your chilling and then like the superviser roll by when yall are kicking it, doing your thang and smoking or whatever, it's saying you can't be trusted to be a person to kick it also cuz your always runnning away every second and paranoid.




no cuddling ahhhhh thats my favorite thing
lmao @ ronnie
[Edited 11/27/09 3:00am]