I hate mine.

Hate, hate, hate it.

Don't know how to deal with it when it is exposed, so I often react with anger, aggression, confrontation, lashing out.

This is ugly, and I don't want to do it. I want to embrace and love my soft spots, because I know this creates strength. I know that lashing out is a weak thing to do and only creates more pain.

How do you deal with your vulnerability?

I HATE IT!

i hide it under a very bitchy and aloof personality.

ehuffnsd said:

Why are we so afraid of it?

What sort of vulnerabilities are you talking about? How I deal with them depends on what they are.

PunkMistress said:

i think it's the years of programming that men are supposed to be strong combined with the gay cultures obsession with hyper masculinity and straight acting.

i'm more afraid of perspective dates finding out i'm a Sister than i'm of me telling them i'm HIV+

when i was dating Sean i waited three months before i confessed to him my secret.

with me, all there is is vulnerability. i can't deal with self-confidence or strength or whatever you want to call it.

Lammastide said:

The things that make you soft and open to hurt. Fears, insecurities, negative beliefs about yourself, that kind of thing. The kind of thing we would like for people to believe don't exist in us.

I would, anyway.

PunkMistress said:

i'm totally with you Erin i want to hide mine, i'm just curious as to why you would?

ehuffnsd said:

Because I hate them!

I don't know.

They make me feel like I'm not who I would like to be. And they make me act stupid and weak, which I hate the most.

I hide mine also. I am known to " hold it together" so when I slightly start to fuck up everyone is like OMG. So I totally go above and beyond at work and with my relationships. One day I'm gonna go postal or catatonic I can feel it.
[Edited 11/23/09 18:48pm]

ehuffnsd said:

i take it that a Sister is someone who is not obsessed with hyper-masculinity?...and so you acted tough for three months?

(sorry, i'm just trying to learn something )

whistle said:

Ehuffnsd is a member of a fierce Order of Nuns.

whistle said:

a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence is a drag nun, were kinda misunderstood in alot of circles.

Sean, as a personal trainer, former Army Ranger and Titan/Hot House Entertainment Video model who would pass as a straight without a second thought i thought bought into the mainstream gay point of view that doing drag was something to be embarrassed by. However after i told him he just kinda looked at me and said its kinda hot and wanted to see pictures.

PunkMistress said:

the mental picture of that is too awesome for words.

whistle said:

Oh, he has real pictures! They're too awesome for words!

PunkMistress said:

i'm starting to learn there is some form of strength in embracing our weaknesses

I don't. It's suppressed 24/7.

PunkMistress said:

if you want me to thread jack for a min i can show a few

JustErin said:

liar.

whistle said:

uh...ok...

ehuffnsd said:

You are so sweet to even ask my permission.

Of course!

JustErin said:

I can relate to this...

I just couldn't sustain it forever.

I'm not sure I have so many soft spots

you mean like a fear of being a bad mother? (if anyone suggested anything like that to me, I'd knock their frikkin block off!!!! ) This is probably my biggest sore/soft spot/fear, whatever you call it.

I've found that talking about your stuff, bringing it out into the open in a loud ( ) non-tentative way, can totally take the spotlight off me if I feel under scrutiny. My shyness is going away as I realise we are all damaged, insecure humans, trying just as hard as I am, struggling for acceptance. Knowing that, and becoming experienced and competent, being good at what you do, knowing you can really help, all help deal daily with issues like this, and is great for self confidence and esteem.

I'm totally the opposite of tough front, I don't try to hide my flaws, I apologise for them, and laugh at them when appropriate

ehuffnsd said:

I feel like I learned this once, then forgot it. I guess it's time to learn it again. Yuck.

JustErin said:

according to what you've said earlier, you're quite vulnerable about your appearance.

irrisistableB said:

ZombieKitten said:

Maybe I'm more damaged than I realize?

Nah, fuck that.

PunkMistress said:

whistle said:

Self consciousness and being vulnerable are not the same things.

JustErin said:

I would argue that being self-conscious is a vulnerability.