JustErin said:

So, now you're a bad mother

love allows more intimacy into sex, making it a deeper more rewarding experience

BlackAdder7 said:

How so?

JustErin said:

because I feel that when i'm in love with the one I'm having sex with, there are some walls that are up, that would be when having sex with one im not having sex with...love takes down barriers and defenses

BlackAdder7 said:

Ok, you’re basically saying what Erin said. Cool.

But I certainly don't need to be in love to take down barriers and defenses. I just need to be comfortable with that person...that’s all.

So I'm still wondering how love can actually make sex different...especially for those that not been conditioned by family, religion, whatever to believe that you should only take down those walls and barriers with someone you're in love with someone.

whistle said:

What does her kid have to do with this convo?

JustErin said:

It's not always a matter of "should." It's preference too.

Also, Erin, I think your particular situation is uncommon in that you tend to have long-term sexual relationships, in which trust and comfort have been built. I think most of the rest of us who are talking about "sex without love" are talking more about one-night stands or people we don't really know or care about. In those situations, walls and barriers are naturally and appropriately there.

One could argue that your description of your caring, trusting relationships with your fuck buddies could be construed as a type of love.

JustErin said:

It's not always a matter of "should." It's preference too.

Also, Erin, I think your particular situation is uncommon in that you tend to have long-term sexual relationships, in which trust and comfort have been built. I think most of the rest of us who are talking about "sex without love" are talking more about one-night stands or people we don't really know or care about. In those situations, walls and barriers are naturally and appropriately there.

One could argue that your description of your caring, trusting relationships with your fuck buddies could be construed as a type of love.

PunkMistress said:

Exactly.

I’m not religious, I’ve got no hang-ups about pre-marital sex. I think people should be as honestly non-monogamous as they choose to be. My views on sexuality are quite liberal overall. I’ve simply learned through my own personal experience of 17 years what my personal preferences are. I’ve been in longer-term FWB situations as well and while I’m glad I’ve explored all options, I learned it wasn’t for me.

CarrieMpls said:

But I'm not disputing or arguing people's lifestyle choices or preferences. I was simply trying to understand how having sex with someone you love is different, or better or more "beautiful" than having sex with someone you don't love.

And the short answer is, that it's really only about a state of mind that some people have. The sex is all the same, it's the thoughts that go along with it that may lead to something different. But that difference is really only there because some people put up boundaries where others don't have in the first place. I'm not claiming one is right and one is wrong...just that it's ridiculous to claim that somehow people who are sleeping with someone they love are achieving some kind of beautiful experience that only being in love with someone can achieve.

JustErin said:

But for those people, they have only achieved it that way. So it's likely that's the only way they're going to.

CarrieMpls said:

Again, that's wonderful. I'm not disputing that either. It's for those that claim that this is the only way. You know, those that claim anything different is "shallow" and all that crap. I'm only trying to make the point that it's really only because of the thoughts in their own head and nothing more.

JustErin said:

Right, but you're also saying things like your point of view is the only "healthy" one.

Raven7 said:

I hope someday u understand and was he worth the wait...YOU BET!

RenHoek said:

you haven't lived til you've had a hot stranger push you against a barrier and kiss you like his life depends on it, while NIN's playing this song mere feet away from you!

Dewrede said:

Shut up, you ugly virgin.

first of all, this is a very very intelligent thread...kudos to you Erin for guiding it.

when having sex with the person I love....I give pleasure to her because I love her and want her to experience the ultimate in physical pleasure.
when having sex with a non-love (*how cold that sounds), it's about physical pleasure, but my desire to reach a higher goal isn't there...does that make sense to you?

'Sex without love...'
Can you do it?

PunkMistress said:

Yes, it is a preference but there is no denying that for many people it is taught behaviour, it's pushed on them.

And yes, I think you're right. I guess I am not like your average Jane in that sense. I don't have sex with strangers or one night stands only with people I know well...but there's no way it could be called love.

Well, ok…maybe I'm in love with one of them.

Used to and have no regrets but I ultimately discovered it’s not for me.

RenHoek said:

you haven't lived til you've had a hot stranger push you against a barrier and kiss you like his life depends on it, while NIN's playing this song mere feet away from you!

^
having sex just for the sex is meaningless and empty
might as well have a wank

I'm a month celibate

except

Imago said:

Imago said:

Fauxie said:

I guess if I have a slipup ever couple of weeks, it might not be considered celibacy.




I'm trying

Imago said:

And that's all anyone can ask of you. Or actually succeeding. But usually the former is just about good enough.

Fauxie said:

isn't it beer o'clock you guys?