hey all,

ok so...long story short..me and my lady broke up a few months ago. she brought it up but i made it official (so it was mutual but she was more at the breaking point than i was...i'll go into detail if that doesnt suffice).

the reasons behind it was: she's not where she wants to be in life, and she didnt feel much like waiting for me to be at a better place [she's 4 years older, we're both w/o our own places or cars- yeah i know, just clearing it all up]...
and tho she admits its selfish, she feels like she needed more out of life [more "pizazz" if you will] that what i was giving her (she's not high maintenance, but she has that "i know good dining, fashion, etc...and this aint it" kinda thing goin on)...in her own words she "wanted me to go out and learn a few things" ...about how to treat a lady i presume...fair enough...

anyway...she's bi, and this older lady has been showing interest in her for awhile...she (the older woman) offered to pay her way (my ex) on a trip to miami, and though she doesnt like her(the older lady) she took it...

thats question number 1...is that a girl thing? like i dont know how someone could do that, or rather i'd think i'd be looked at funny if i take a trip with someone i dont like when i know they like me...but thats me...and i know quite a few girls will...so is that a gender thing? ...whatever it is, can someone help me understand how that happens?

ok...so she's back now and we're talkin and im asking her how everything was, cuz i know she'd been dying to "get away" (and was/am actually happy she got to)...and she's telling me about the experience and of course the highlights are the "nice restaurants" and "beautiful houses with gardens" and so on and so on..

nothing i can provide on an everyday basis...not right now at least, and honestly, tho i dont knock the beauty of it...nothing i really need to be moved yaknow?


...so the moment just confirmed, what i knew since i met her, that i (in my own "peace") would never be enough for her...or at least it doesnt seem so...

and ive been hearing that alot lately...i mean i get it...we're mid 20's clocks are tickin and shit, so most women i met will be checking me against their list for the type of future lifestyle they want, cuz they feel like they only have so much time...but im wondering...

(question 2) how do you know when you're simply behind the ball in life...or you're just a different person than the people you fall for...


ive heard both angles...ive heard women, mostly, say "you just need to step your game up and just make her happy" ...and ive heard men AND women say "eh...she just wants more"

i can accept both, but im wondering which it is...

funny thing is...women i meet now...(who obviously ARENT with me) ...tell me that the girls who say these things to me are idiots...but i cant help but wonder what they would say after a year or two with me...

so which is it? am i bum? or am i just falling for girls who want the moon?

as i currently stand, i have a job, an apt within reach (i plan to move out in a month or two), and no kids or debt...

maybe my taste in the nightlife is a little plain (i dont need much more than some live music and a drink)

im a pretty boring guy when you get down to it...all i care about is music..thats about it

but i dont get it...i dont know how to feel...

my heart says "you just be you, and everything will come together in time"...but my head hurts cuz i feel like im walking into the same wall...

i almost feel numb (which i dont want to feel, cuz then i'll actually DO the foolish things, i think about doing [see: sleeping with married exes])

i seriously dont know what to think...for all my "for show"-confidence...im too insecure for this shit...which is another thing i've noticed women dont take too well either...

but i guess thats usually how it is right? ...somebody has to be less satisfied...like those are the odds i imagine...

any thoughts?

SirPsycho said:

sounds like you are two very different people...
just be you..
and have patience with yourself..

i guess not much help huh?

peb319 said:

no that helps...


i have a feeling that may be it...its just very hard not to feel like its the other thing..for me especially

was I so strange way back in my youthful years to next expect that stuff?!?!?!



I was sooooo happy the master had a car when I met him. He was the first guy I was with who ever had one, even if it looked like this:

in yellow and rust

ZombieKitten said:

well i dont think its really about a car, cuz she stuck around for almost 2 years...just seems that was the breaking point

Operation "Get SirPyscho enough buzz to get a record deal" is now in place....

SirPsycho said:

I've stuck around for 15 years

it was soooo worth it! we drive this now

you're in your 20's with an entire lifetime ahead of you.
You're too young to be stressin such stuff? Relax. Be yourself and with time the rest will follow. Just enjoy your music and whatever comes your way.

bboy87 said:

lawd...if only that would solve everything ...thanks tho

ZombieKitten said:

one more post this adorable and i will officially go from crush to head over heels for you...

Red said:

thanks love

fuck it! you just need to find someone who likes you for what you are regardless, not what they want you to be or wish you were. and i wouldn't say all women in their mid-20s are like that- i'm 23 and the idea of settling down with someone anytime soon makes me want to hurl.

1) no, that's not a girl thing. i wouldn't do that either, the guilt from feeling like i was using the other person would get to me.

2) it's all about finding someone you get along with and still want around even when you are a little bored with each other after a while. if you're really behind you probably won't end up in a relationship until things change and you're meant to be.

it sort of sounds like she wants to be a kept woman...
[Edited 11/16/09 21:38pm]

If you took a trip with someone who "liked" you even though you don't feel the same way about them you'd get called a dog.

Whatever man. You're fine as you are and someone who wants and enjoys the same things will recognize that.

Live music (or art or theater or movie...) and drink is .

Seems like you need to focus on finding a love that values strength of character more than a fat wallet on your search towards your goals.

Being rich can mean different things, so yes aim to be financially stable and happy. What ever that means to you make sure you find a woman that will be on the same page. Keep doing you and don't give up on your dreams. Life always has a funny way of allowing you to succeed in more ways than one.

stop streesin'.

Ur a good guy. Continue being u and if these chicks can't handle that tell them to fall the fuck back.



ur not boring either


remember that night we went to hear some jazz..then we had some drinks and walked back to the park but the cops wouldn't let us in? so we sat in front and talked forever.....

if thats boring then hey

SirPsycho said:

I'm puttin' the link to your mixtapes in my sig on Okayplayer
[Edited 11/16/09 21:43pm]

SirPsycho said:

I got a new girlfriend for you, she doesn't care about any of that stuff! And she likes to sing
http://farm4.static.flick...f440_b.jpg

evenstar3 said:

thanks laurel...you're making a lot of sense..

johnart said:

thanks john ...and i figured it'd be different in my case

paintedlady said:

thanks...i really seriously dont think she's all about money (i hate even talking about the breakup cuz it comes off that way)...i think she's just tired of being poor so she's convinced herself she DESERVES to end up with that "super artsy boho" lifestyle (does that make sense? ) ...my sister kinda has the same thing goin on...like "i was born to live a certain life i dont have now"

DanceWme said:

..thanks steph

bboy87 said:

...my dude

ZombieKitten said:

....damn it Charlotte... (she isnt on twitter is she? )

SirPsycho said:

....damn it Charlotte... (she isnt on twitter is she? )[/quote]
dunno

lemme go check

yes she is but she has only made one tweet ever

ZombieKitten said:

dunno

lemme go check

yes she is but she has only made one tweet ever [/quote]

...i like the sound of that ...tell me what it said!

SirPsycho said:

Resolve everythings I didn't do right and on in time ... Good bless me
11:33 PM Jun 23rd from web

english is not her first language! she speaks french

ZombieKitten said:

i dont know why but i like it

whats her twittername? (feel like i might as well follower if we've discussed her this far )

bboy87 said:

gtfo!!

I totally sent all of them an email last week about Sah Ril!!

no fuckin' way...

Oh and SirPsycho... lemme marinate on this a bit and I'mma get back to you...

RenHoek said:

really?

thanks man...im always speechless over ya'll (orgers)...thanks

SirPsycho, you have mixtapes online? What's the link?

WaterInYourBath said:

www.sahril.com


just click on the music/downloads tab

SirPsycho said:

Thanks.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. IT'S HER!

Keep doing your thing. You seem responsible and comfortable in your skin. This woman seems like she's looking for material happiness. She's gonna learn a difficult lesson one of these days.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

thanks dude

SirPsycho said:

read that back to yourself. do you really think ALL women think this way? that's just plain silly. I would never accept a gift like that from someone I don't care for. And yet there are plenty of men who would. So it goes both ways.



and that's all there is to say for the rest of that.

Sounds like you guys had genuine feelings for each other, but simply weren't very compatible for making a life together. Nothing wrong with that, it happens. If you're going different directions, especially at your age, it's hard to keep it together. (And there's not a thing wrong with the direction you're going. Don't you dare take it that way! It's just different, is all.)