PunkMistress said:

Sorry to hear that.

Thanks, I really hope he responds. I'm dying to talk to him but I'm just going to have to force myself to give him some time.

i was apart of an intervention of a family friend many years ago. it was NOT easy! at first she responded in a very negative way, and just kept on drinking and doing drugs to the point her 5 year old daughter was taken from her and put in her grandmother's care. she was forced into a rehab at that point if she wanted any chance of getting her daughter back in the future. it was a big stressful mess for about 3 years. but after all that she did get clean, and has been living a sober life now for several years, and she was able to get her daughter back. she seems to be healthy and living a good life now.

JustErin said:

maybe he just needs some time?

kimrachell said:

You'd hope that having a dependent would make a person want to get better...and I'm glad she eventually did.

Unfortunately, in my case, he could probably easily say he doesn't have anyone counting on him (in his mind anyway). He has a gf that he doesn't even want to be with AT ALL but much like everything else in his life, he refuses to just deal with that situation.

JustErin said:

maybe it's not my business to get my fat nose into this but I will. nyse had a thread one time where he was concerned about whether he needed to seek help for his substance abuse since he was high or drunk much of the time. Your responses were like "are you high right now'. Whether you meant it or not the remarks you made could have been taken being a total uncaring,sarcastic, smartass.


NOW AS FAR AS YOU NOT CARING A BIT ABOUT NYSE


alot of people like nyse end up feeling safer reaching out to people who they don't know so as not to have to deal with the social backlash.

If your close friend should turn to people he does not know would you like him to get the "I don't give a shit about you 'cause I don't know you" message that you have given out???



Truly I admire your dedication to your friend and you do need to "out" his problem if it is lifethreatening. I say chance the loss of friendship for a while instead of chancing his life. Drugs mixed with a serious illness could even lead to suicidal thoughts, drugs can do that to you.

kimrachell said:

He's notorious for going MIA on me (and probably others) for extended periods of time. It would be nice to at least know that he read it though.

JustErin said:

I just went through trying to implement one with the guy's family, but they chickened out... and he caught on and layed low.

Deadflow3r said:

Ok, I'll talk about this one more time.

I asked if he had been drinking...or at least I thought it was about drinking...maybe not...maybe it was about being high.

This isn't about me not caring about a stranger on a website. This is me not caring about a dude that has from day one made insulting posts about me, but hey, that's fine. But am I gonna feel bad for saying that one little line to him...once?

Um, no. Let's just let him continue to pray to his God that I have my ugly ass soul saved.

And thanks about your words to me about my friend.
[Edited 11/13/09 11:15am]

ufoclub said:

That sucks.

JustErin said:

Obviously the family wasn't convinced that the guy truly needed it. I still say veer on the side of safety. If, as you say Erin, he is not letting anybody else in, getting other people to help you might be difficult. I just keep thinking of all the stories that I have read of people telling others "secrets" that unfortunately were kept and then the person with the secret gets hurt or dies. You seem to have absolutely no doubt that this person is playing with his life. I would deffinately get others on board and risk being ridiculed for overreacting. You don't sound like the type that normally overreacts to drug use etc so coming from you maybe his friends will listen.

Deadflow3r said:

I'll need to figure out which friends of his I can approach somehow. I don't really know his friends at all and I'm super nervous about going to his family...I'm thinking it would have to be a last resort kind of thing to do that. I'm going to take this one step at a time.

JustErin said:

Unless the guy is close to his family I'd deffinately go with friends before family. I mean whose to say that the family even knows that the guy is sick to begin with? It is a scary possition that you are in and I am thankful I have never been in it.

PunkMistress said:

knowing this are you still glad that you did it, even though it's all for nothing so to say? I honestly would be glad that I tried.

In my friend's case, it was crystal meth, and it destroyed the business I had worked in for 10 years, and made me have to go to another job. His family came around to believing it, but they were not prepared to abandon him completely (which is the other side of intervention motivation to the addict).

Deadflow3r said:

Yes, I wondered this after we talked because I didn't think to ask him...but I really don't know if his family knows that he has serious liver issues. It just amazes me if he hasn't told them and they haven't clued in on their own. He and I don't talk nearly as much as we used to and we actually see each other even less now....but I mean, dude looks sick, is always not feeling well, and they must know that he is still drinking a lot. I think he was visiting his parents last weekend what I got a random drunk text from him....they have to know something...

ufoclub said:

That is my worry with this case.

JustErin said:

So are you saying that the friends and family have to threaten to abandon the addict all together if they don't agree to get help?

Deadflow3r said:

That's generally how an intervention works. I'm afraid that they might say they will but they won't really.

JustErin said:

your wrong. it has not been since day one...I've grown to dislike ur "Org charicter".

let's just ...u think i'm a bible thumping prude. and i think your . i'll be out ur way and visa versa....

don't know if u believe in astrology, but two Aries going back and fourth is like

but back on topic...I got over my drinking problem and I hope ur boy does 2.

Deadflow3r said:

Yes, of course.

PunkMistress said:

I don't exactly like the part where you have to promise to end all contact with the person if they don't straighten up. Now their are those like my friends 29 year old son that absolutely need this. If he doesn't get what he wants $$$$ he threatens suicide. This lovely boy lives in her home with his baby girl, the babies mama, the babies mama's other child by a different daddy and oh yeah my friends boyfriend who I am not too sure of either. Seems boyfriend and son got into it and now she and boyfriend live in an apartment while the drugged and drunk son gets the house. Now this kid is deffinately as selfcentered as alcoholics can get and he needs to know that when push comes to shove, his mother gets the inside of the house and he gets the outside.

But then there are people who are are truly more mentally ill than anything else. With them I wouldn't want to be so ruff.

So I got a response today via text. I got a "Thanks for the email" and "thank you for being you". That's it.

JustErin said:

and hopefully underneath that brevity you have provoked some thought
you said your thing that you needed to say, he knows what you think now, you hurt nobody in the process and the best thing is, it seems he even appreciates it!

ZombieKitten said:

I hope so too. He said he stayed home last night and played video games and got some good sleep and tonight he is just watching movies with his gf. That's better than going out and getting smashed...I guess.

I really would love to know what was going through his mind as he read it though.

JustErin said:

I suspect men don't have as many thoughts as us

but probably:

"hey!!!! oh, shit, she's right. She's ALWAYS right should clean up my shit, get my life together. Man, wow, she wrote a frikkin ESSAY, she probably likes me or something should get some video games"

ZombieKitten said:

Probably.

And he knows I like him.

JustErin said:

we have a family friend doing this to himself too, we kind of laid down the law, but he simply removed himself from our lives. (He used to live with us when he was going through his divorce, then he was in the band, and we now never see him any more and I'm pretty sure he hasn't changed, one look at his facebook shows his partying ways aren't over by far, and he is past 40 now)

ZombieKitten said:

I'm really not sure how this will go from here...I'll just keep on him until he actually does something or pushes me away.

JustErin said:

here's hoping you have a positive effect on him, don't let up even though it might mean not having him around as much

Did it twice.

First time was two years ago for an acquaintance addicted to WOW MMORPG, a friend & µI tried to get him away from his computer... in vain. Apart from that I realized the more I got involved into helping him, the most it was bad for my own health.

Second time was two months ago when I called a doctor & ambulance to take my mum to the hospital against her own will. She's safe now but still doesn't realize about her own mental disorder. She considers I stabbed her in the back.

Afterwards I sent a tutorship request to the court. At the moment I'm waiting for the judge's response.



It's "Months", not "years"!!!
[Edited 11/14/09 17:37pm]