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PrintableJustErin said: ZombieKitten said: 
it's good, not pushy but firm and I like this line: I don't think I would be much of a friend to you if I just let this go Thanks. I really don't know how he'll respond or if he will even respond at all. I guess I'll just sit back and wait for a while.  he may not respond...but he knows where you stand...that's what's really important... | |
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JustErin said: So I sent him the following email.
Thought I would write to your gmail account as it's certainly more private than your work addy. Just wanted to say a few things that have been on my mind since talking on Saturday. I really think that you need to get some real help. Certainly you need some help to get a better handle on your drinking - meaning stop drinking altogether - but I really think you also need to start talking to someone about what it is you’re trying to avoid by drinking. I don't think you're all that happy and I also don't think you really want to continue on like this, right? So just existing day to day like this is never going to change anything. I mean, you're smart enough to realize that you have a problem and it's not like you're even denying anything, so that's a good first step I think. You say you're not close to anyone, that you don't talk to anyone about this stuff, well that's even more reason to get some help. I'm a little shocked that your family, your friends and especially your girlfriend aren't trying to help you in some way...but maybe you're not being honest with them. I dunno... I don't think I would be much of a friend to you if I just let this go and didn't try to intervene in some way. I'm not totally sure if you understand how serious this all is. I think you do, you told me you do, but do you really if you're not doing anything about it? You agreed that you’re killing yourself – so it's almost like a slow, prolonged form of suicide. That sounds so dramatic, but think about how sick you are and what you're doing knowing full well that it will only make things worse. So, I thought, 'what can I actually do to help?' Well, I guess at this point all I can do is present some options to you and hope you take advantage of them. I think that you should give AA a try, at least as a starter. I looked into this for you and there are open meetings being held every Monday @ 5:30 at the ***** – that’s right next door! And you don’t have to go alone, you can bring any friend/or family as support if you want and you know that I’ll be there for you if you want to keep this really private but want some company. It won’t hurt to at least check it out. You don’t have to sign up for anything, and participation in dialogue (or not) is totally up to you and they don’t expect you to say a word if you don’t want to. You can just go to listen. It’s all up to you but please consider doing this. But again, I also think you need to get some sort of counseling for some of the self esteem and fear of failure issues you’re having. Most companies have help through their HR departments and I’m guessing that Gov jobs are no different. It’s very discreet and totally confidential. Please talk to your HR department or maybe you were given a package with this info when you first started. It can be easy as just calling a number to get it all started. But please just do it. Bottom line is you need to do something. I’ll be there to help you in any way if you’ll just let me. I care about you so much and the thought of you not being around in a year or two is unbearable. it's that kind of dedicated support that got me out of a similar situation Erin. i think people in such situations just need to be constantly reminded until assured that they're really not alone and that they're really cared for in order for them to start thinking of stopping with the self destruction and realize it's not that bad out there. it takes its time but it seems you already have been very patient and dedicated to supporting him. i wish you all the best. and do keep us posted. | |
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roodboi said: JustErin said: Thanks. I really don't know how he'll respond or if he will even respond at all. I guess I'll just sit back and wait for a while. he may not respond...but he knows where you stand...that's what's really important... i agree with this. and he's going to need oh more of that until his senses finally kick in.. | |
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It's nice that you show you care, at the very least, and are willing to tell the truth. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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just don't poke fun at his problems...that can hurt when u have a problem | |
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years ago a very dear friend of mine staged an intervention for me.
I WAS PISSED we didn't talk for a couple of years. i wasn't ready yet. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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roodboi said: JustErin said: Thanks. I really don't know how he'll respond or if he will even respond at all. I guess I'll just sit back and wait for a while. he may not respond...but he knows where you stand...that's what's really important... *echo* Erin, you were respectful but also let him know that you are aware of his problems and that means he can't try to put on the "it's no big deal" face to you anymore. Offering all the help you can if he decides to get help is also a key phrasing, because it DOES say you will not help him kill himself. You said this by omission but he will see this and will appreciate it one day. Extremely well done.   | |
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PricelessHo said: JustErin said: So I sent him the following email.
Thought I would write to your gmail account as it's certainly more private than your work addy. Just wanted to say a few things that have been on my mind since talking on Saturday. I really think that you need to get some real help. Certainly you need some help to get a better handle on your drinking - meaning stop drinking altogether - but I really think you also need to start talking to someone about what it is you’re trying to avoid by drinking. I don't think you're all that happy and I also don't think you really want to continue on like this, right? So just existing day to day like this is never going to change anything. I mean, you're smart enough to realize that you have a problem and it's not like you're even denying anything, so that's a good first step I think. You say you're not close to anyone, that you don't talk to anyone about this stuff, well that's even more reason to get some help. I'm a little shocked that your family, your friends and especially your girlfriend aren't trying to help you in some way...but maybe you're not being honest with them. I dunno... I don't think I would be much of a friend to you if I just let this go and didn't try to intervene in some way. I'm not totally sure if you understand how serious this all is. I think you do, you told me you do, but do you really if you're not doing anything about it? You agreed that you’re killing yourself – so it's almost like a slow, prolonged form of suicide. That sounds so dramatic, but think about how sick you are and what you're doing knowing full well that it will only make things worse. So, I thought, 'what can I actually do to help?' Well, I guess at this point all I can do is present some options to you and hope you take advantage of them. I think that you should give AA a try, at least as a starter. I looked into this for you and there are open meetings being held every Monday @ 5:30 at the ***** – that’s right next door! And you don’t have to go alone, you can bring any friend/or family as support if you want and you know that I’ll be there for you if you want to keep this really private but want some company. It won’t hurt to at least check it out. You don’t have to sign up for anything, and participation in dialogue (or not) is totally up to you and they don’t expect you to say a word if you don’t want to. You can just go to listen. It’s all up to you but please consider doing this. But again, I also think you need to get some sort of counseling for some of the self esteem and fear of failure issues you’re having. Most companies have help through their HR departments and I’m guessing that Gov jobs are no different. It’s very discreet and totally confidential. Please talk to your HR department or maybe you were given a package with this info when you first started. It can be easy as just calling a number to get it all started. But please just do it. Bottom line is you need to do something. I’ll be there to help you in any way if you’ll just let me. I care about you so much and the thought of you not being around in a year or two is unbearable. it's that kind of dedicated support that got me out of a similar situation Erin. i think people in such situations just need to be constantly reminded until assured that they're really not alone and that they're really cared for in order for them to start thinking of stopping with the self destruction and realize it's not that bad out there. it takes its time but it seems you already have been very patient and dedicated to supporting him. i wish you all the best. and do keep us posted. Thanks. | |
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nyse said: just don't poke fun at his problems...that can hurt when u have a problem
Are you fucking kidding me? | |
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ehuffnsd said: years ago a very dear friend of mine staged an intervention for me.
I WAS PISSED we didn't talk for a couple of years. i wasn't ready yet. Shitty. | |
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Teacher said: roodboi said: he may not respond...but he knows where you stand...that's what's really important... *echo* Erin, you were respectful but also let him know that you are aware of his problems and that means he can't try to put on the "it's no big deal" face to you anymore. Offering all the help you can if he decides to get help is also a key phrasing, because it DOES say you will not help him kill himself. You said this by omission but he will see this and will appreciate it one day. Extremely well done. Thank you. | |
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JustErin said: nyse said: just don't poke fun at his problems...that can hurt when u have a problem
Are you fucking kidding me? yea...i remember when u did the same to me. that was fucked up.  | |
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JustErin said: ehuffnsd said: years ago a very dear friend of mine staged an intervention for me.
I WAS PISSED we didn't talk for a couple of years. i wasn't ready yet. Shitty. be prepared. he may walk out on you no matter how much you care for him or how much you wanna help. only he can make the decision that he's ready. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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nyse said: JustErin said: Are you fucking kidding me? yea...i remember when u did the same to me. that was fucked up. Difference is I actually know and really care about him. I don't know shit or want to know shit about you. | |
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ehuffnsd said: JustErin said: Shitty. be prepared. he may walk out on you no matter how much you care for him or how much you wanna help. only he can make the decision that he's ready. Yup, I know. I guess trying to save a life is more important than keeping a friendship for selfish reasons. | |
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JustErin said: ehuffnsd said: be prepared. he may walk out on you no matter how much you care for him or how much you wanna help. only he can make the decision that he's ready. Yup, I know. I guess trying to save a life is more important than keeping a friendship for selfish reasons. and if he does, be there for him later when he's had enough. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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ehuffnsd said: JustErin said: Yup, I know. I guess trying to save a life is more important than keeping a friendship for selfish reasons. and if he does, be there for him later when he's had enough. I will. But if he does cut me out, should I let his family know what's going on? | |
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JustErin said: ehuffnsd said: and if he does, be there for him later when he's had enough. I will. But if he does cut me out, should I let his family know what's going on? they probably all ready know something is going on. and depends on how upset you want him at you. You CANNOT use the name of God, or religion, to justify acts of violence, to hurt, to hate, to discriminate- Madonna
authentic power is service- Pope Francis | |
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>
Yes, I do, a big, very big intervention! to someone really in need! but now I know that there are some persons wo don't deserve it... I really care about a friend, I helped him, I gave him all ... (time, money, solidarity... friendship,love, my house and to his family...) and after all these things he disrespected me with such a big violence that I became sick... Now, It's ok with me, I know he is not well, because we can not live in peace with such bad actions against those who only want to help you ... I saw it today... ingratitude, oportunism only bring you sadness and solitude... ... | |
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delilah1 said: >
Yes, I do, a big, very big intervention! to someone really in need! but now I know that there are some persons wo don't deserve it... I really care about a friend, I helped him, I gave him all ... (time, money, solidarity... friendship,love, my house and to his family...) and after all these things he disrespected me with such a big violence that I became sick... Now, It's ok with me, I know he is not well, because we can not live in peace with such bad actions against those who only want to help you ... I saw it today... ingratitude, oportunism only bring you sadness and solitude... ... I'm sorry.  | |
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JustErin said: delilah1 said: >
Yes, I do, a big, very big intervention! to someone really in need! but now I know that there are some persons wo don't deserve it... I really care about a friend, I helped him, I gave him all ... (time, money, solidarity... friendship,love, my house and to his family...) and after all these things he disrespected me with such a big violence that I became sick... Now, It's ok with me, I know he is not well, because we can not live in peace with such bad actions against those who only want to help you ... I saw it today... ingratitude, oportunism only bring you sadness and solitude... ... I'm sorry. Don't be sorry, I'm in peace! I like to help ... we are here to help each other, even if the others don't understand it at first, but I hope, one day, everybody accept his condition ... It's so much easier to live in peace with such way of life! | |
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JustErin said: nyse said: yea...i remember when u did the same to me. that was fucked up. Difference is I actually know and really care about him. I don't know shit or want to know shit about you. Wow what about respect for other human beings? | |
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PanthaGirl said: JustErin said: Difference is I actually know and really care about him. I don't know shit or want to know shit about you. Wow what about respect for other human beings? 
I have plenty of respect for other human beings. It's not like it's a bad thing to not want to know anything about some dude that posts insulting shit about me constantly. He's entitled to his opinion about me, just as I'm entitled to not give a shit in return. [Edited 11/12/09 18:17pm] | |
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JustErin said: nyse said: yea...i remember when u did the same to me. that was fucked up. Difference is I actually know and really care about him. I don't know shit or want to know shit about you. I exspected U 2 say something like that, but bless ur soul I know U can't help being ugly. | |
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nyse said: JustErin said: Difference is I actually know and really care about him. I don't know shit or want to know shit about you. I exspected U 2 say something like that, but bless ur soul I know U can't help being ugly. Indeed. It's a rough life...but somehow I manage to survive. | |
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hope your friend does seek out the help you are trying to steer him towards. | |
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kimrachell said: hope your friend does seek out the help you are trying to steer him towards.
Thanks. Still no response at this point. | |
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JustErin said: nyse said: I exspected U 2 say something like that, but bless ur soul I know U can't help being ugly. Indeed. It's a rough life...but somehow I manage to survive.  exspect u 2 survive thru much more...  | |
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I've done this twice, for two different people.
Both are still on drugs and doing nothing with their lives. One lost his kids. Good luck to you and your friend, seriously. It takes balls to risk your relationship for the good of the other person. | |
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PunkMistress said: JustErin said: Indeed. It's a rough life...but somehow I manage to survive. exspect u 2 survive thru much more... 
U so uglay 2. | |
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