I'm thinking about maybe arranging one for someone I care about that has an alcohol and drug problem (while also battling an illness) but I'm not even sure if it's a wise idea because no one but me really knows how bad it is for him.

But basically, he's killing himself...and he admits this. I'm just not sure what to do.

Any stories, experience with this would be greatly appreciated.

I took part in an intervention for a friend who nearly killed himself by smokin' rocks...

tried to chase a squirrel down a 3rd story tree one night !!!

So his Mom, Brother and several friends (myself included) gathered in the Hospital with a counselor and we each took turns talking about how much we cared for him and how we couldn't bear to watch him kill himself. Then we all hugged it out and we promised to look out for him collectively.

It seems to have worked, he's a family man now...

Part of me wants to do this, but another, selfish part of me doesn't because I know it will change the dynamic of our relationship.

JustErin said:

If he dies you won't have any relationship.

JustErin said:

how would it change the dynamic? In my case it brought me closer to my friend than ever.

just curious...

i have posted on this before - but i am a huge fan of the show "intervention" - never had to do one ...

i am just i guess curious as to motives and such as to why someone goes downhill so bad .... and needs ... etc ... what i have learned from the show is usually they are just "not dealing" with other issues ... you mentioned an illness - so perhaps it could be that ?

not trying to micro-psychoanalyse - but i would just add that i think you know the answer to "should you" question ... and i agree with the person who said it may draw you closer to this person ! get involved with a counselor and such and see if he/she cant advise you on how to do it ... (i would encourage that - these people are professionals and can get more to the roots of addiction, etc)

JustErin said:

Does he admit he's killing himself just to get you off his back because you keep telling him? Or is he aware how grave the situation really is? If you plan an intervention you may risk losing a friend, but you may risk losing him anyway if he keeps on doing what he's doing. Has he always been the self destructive type, or is it because of the illness? I guess I would try my best to convince someone to turn his or her life around, and with that you'll have to accept a lot of shit coming your way. I wish you all the best and am sorry to hear this

CarrieLee said:

I know.

RenHoek said:

Well, if I let others know how bad it is, he will probably be pissed and never trust me again. And would also probably avoid me like the black plague.

I guess, I would have to be willing to maybe lose a friendship in order to get him better.

JustErin said:

You've talked about this person before. I hope you are able to help him. I know it won't be easy.

ColAngus said:

He told me that he drinks to avoid dealing with his troubles/issues. His illness is that he has alcoholic hepatitis and he can get better if he just stopped drinking...but he won't.

I told him this weekend that he needs to at least talk to someone and he agreed but I do not see him doing anything on his own.

JustErin said:

That blows... so, there's no family involved? I think that's what helped the most in my friend's situation... well that and the fact that he was locked up for his own safety...

MacDaddy said:

Thanks. He's aware and I don't really nag him about it...I just happened to be in a situation this weekend where we were alone and it was rather intimate so I thought I would just bring it up.

I sent him a text a few nights ago about how I was concerned and I never heard back from him.

RodeoSchro said:

Ya, same dude. But I didn't really realize just how bad it was until this weekend.

RenHoek said:

He is "selectively honest" as he puts it, with people - especially his family. Basically, I could go to them and let them know how concerned I am...but I know this would make him furious.
[Edited 11/11/09 9:44am]

never held one but was the focus of one...

if you even think that you should do this, then you should...especially if he is fully aware of the gravity of his problem but can't bring himself to make the necessary changes...

as far as your relationship changing, it most certainly will...time could only tell how that dynamic is changed though...

Erin, again in my opinion, if the thought of doing an intervention for this person has even crossed your mind, then it's most likely the right thing to do...it won't be easy but anything worth doing usually isn't
[Edited 11/11/09 9:45am]

Ugh.

JustErin said:

well you are supposed to have everyone hold their tongues until the day is at hand... is silence not an option with them?

RenHoek said:

I'm not too sure about him mom...I don't know her really, but I can't see her not saying anything to him.

JustErin said:

if she can't "play her role" so-to-speak, then she can't be involved initially...she would only complicate the situation...

Yah a few times. It proved to be more challenging then what I initially imagined but this particular friend is doing well now. As for another friend his defences were unbreakable and he has been on a downward spiral for a long time, we no longer speak.

roodboi said:

That's why part of me wants to just let his family know and then they can decide how to try and help him and I can just stay out of it.

It's a bit more complicated because of my relationship with him and I can see my involvement creating a lot of tension and awkwardness.

But I feel I have to do something here...

roodboi said:

in a worse case type deal you may have to bring her along and tell her at the very last minute but that's outta my experience range...

you should really start up a conversation with an intervention counselor and see how they recommend getting this ball rolling properly...

I have taken part in an intervention(s) for 2 friends



Both continued to make choices that took ones life and the other relationship was ruined because I swore I would not stand by and watch them kill themselves ...

Best wishes with whatever choice you make Erin

I'm sorry u have to deal with this.
I hope everything works out

JustErin said:

If you are concerned about his life, then you should be willing to lose a friendship (if that is what would happen) to save his life. If you didn't do anything, and he ended up dead as a result, then you'd be kicking yourself for not having done anything.

kenlacam said:

Ya, I know.

My family held one for my brother 11 years ago. My brother was an alcoholic, he was slowly killing himself, and he didn't care. He was 40 years old at the time, our parents had passed away and he had been very dependent on them for everything. My sisters and I confronted him one day, and told him that he was not allowed to be included in any of our family functions, or to see our kids. We were fed up of his behavior and wanted to stop making excuses for him to our kids.
He had ruined too many family dinners, birthdays and holidays for us. At first he thought we were not serious, but then we started doing our holidays, birthdays and family dinners in places where he would not think of, we kept our kids away from him and we made sure he had no contact at all. It was the hardest thing ever, as we love our brother. We in our hearts were breaking, not for him even, but for what we were thinking that our parents were thinking about us to do this to him. At that point all we could wish for was that if he died, he did it in his sleep. It did not happen over night, but eventually he overcame his demon's on his own. He never went to AA, he never saw a counselor, somehow he found it within himself to go cold turkey and do it on his own. My brother has been sober 10 years now. My sisters and I now have our brother to be proud of and our kids have their uncle Sal.
Best wishes to you.

JustErin said:

Are you going to get a professional to over see this intervention??

kpowers said:

I dunno.