'it aint no damn secret'

Ottensen said:

I guess, if you see each other often and you have the feeling of it flowing and building, that works. Where I feel pain, is when nothing is flowing or building and then it's up to me to communicate and take steps to get it rolling again, which causes me anguish because I HATE feeling like I'm chasing someone. This guy is fairly receptive when I do that, but that's not the dynamic I want. Yet I keep getting hooked, even after I've convinced myself he's not interested.

At this stage in life, I feel like I'm not getting any younger and I'd like to get on with it rather than dilly dally in the mystery. My crush situation drags on and on and I get sick of it. It peaks at moments, then goes into a grand pause for weeks and months. I get the sense my guy is more like you...take time...no rush...maybe not looking for a relationship at all right now. But I'm probably going to sign up with a dating service soon because the situation is not fulfilling for me.

So, if granola girl makes a move on your guy, would you step aside and let her have him?

Ottensen said:

Would that it were so exciting. Honestly, that whole incident feels rather arbitrary since his subsequent actions don't match the sentiment and there's little follow through.

I've been going back and forth about whether I should go to this party tonight (pretty much decided not to), but just saw that my crush announced on facebook that's he's going to be there. FUCK

To hook, or not to hook. That is the question....

Ottensen said:

If you hook me up with the crunchy granola angelic church band percussionist, I'd be more than happy to run interference for you.

Say word.

all of my crushes know i have a crush on them...it's more awkardly fun that way...

heartbeatocean said:

Hell yeah. 'Cause he ain't mine to begin with. Whatever happens, happens, and it wouldn't be like he's the last dude on earth. Despite what the magazines tell us and the way we women are subliminally brainwashed to believe we have to trap ourselves a man or metaphorically be put out to pasture, I am of the belief that there are plenty of men out there, and enough people to date. If Granola Girl ends up dating him, then so be it. Que sera sera.


I come from a different perspective than yours in that I just got divorced this year after, and could care less about finding a man to date hardcore right now...hell, I just got rid of one, and frankly, I need room to breathe.

I will say that I have had wonderful luck with dating service/online dating, and would recommend it to anyone, as long as the person in question looking for a mate knows that they must exercise a high level of discernment, and be very specific about what attributes their looking for in the other person. I would say for you, go for it! But don't waver on that "checklist" of things you're looking for in them, even right down to what books you want them to have read, and what music they listen to...makes it easier to weed out those who could simply end up being a waste of your time.

As for me, I am still of the belief that it's better not to eat fruit which is not in season, metaphorically speaking. I've had every type of relationship there is, including the "fools rush in" type, and am totally at peace at this stage in my life of letting things come to pass at their own natural pace. Through experience (and deliverance) I've come to believe that everything in life has its' appropriate time and season. If we really like each other, then it will come to reveal itself on its' own, at its' own appropriate time, and I'm cool with that.

Anyhoo, next Sunday will offer up the opportunity for us to socialize together outside of the church crowd and outside of our church duties. He's hung out in my place alone before just for us to chill or talk, but this will be a little different. For my birthday I'm doing an impromptu get together (the coffee and cake thing), with some nice provincial dishes (brined roast chicken, stufffed pork loin, sauteed chantrelles, grilled peppers, risotto, etc) and few old friends from the music and arts community here. I need to see how he interacts with people outside of the same 50 people that somewhat dominate the church we attend. I need to observe how he interacts in a purely artistic setting. We already know all of the basic stats about each other, basic family histories, blah blah blah....I want to discover some nuances in his character that I don't ordinarily see while we're having tea at the cafe, or editing film at his apartment.

For where I am right now, my mind frame is to hell with "I like you", chile, I am on the path of "who are you?"...

..in the meantime, it's time for my early morning dance break: here's my theme song for today, y'all

ThreadBare said:

Now see, that is you and I don't need to live in the same town, nor attend the same dang church! We're supposed to be listening to the message, but here we go sitting up on the row making googley eyes at conga girl and the piana player .

Ottensen said:

Girl, you have one solid head on your shoulders. You sound so incredibly aware. I used to have that attitude, genuinely, about whatever happens happens... But I'm in a much different space now (and don't really like it). I've always had the attitude that when it comes, it comes -- and to try to manufacture it with dating services and checklists -- that seemed forced. I don't know if there's anyone out there who would fit my criteria. Relationships are frustrating.

maybe... yes
maybe... no
I fell out with my heart, a long time ago.

SirPsycho said:

When you hit 40, you will probably tire of that being as arty and soul centered as you are...all of a sudden you look at people differently and you'll be like "so who are you?" and then you'll progress onto " so what'chu thinkin?' " and then you progress onto "so how you doin'...what'cu wanna do?"...I do understand the ticking delights of that awkwardness, though...at least at that age




In my soap operatic fantasies though I could very well see you connecting with a particular orger or two here, but on a much further down the road artistic power couple level

SirPsycho said:

for you, maybe.

sammij said:

Umm humm, see the above post about my fantasy artistic power couple combinations

Ottensen said:

interesting... ...

thanks auntie

I want a new one. This old one is turning into way too much work.

JustErin said:

me too!

heartbeatocean said:

Yours showed up with a date and mine is well, already have a thread about him and all that.

Time for you to find a new interest and I'd like to occupy my mind with someone else for once.

ahhhhh when will i meet a guy i like
[Edited 11/16/09 14:41pm]

not really secret cuz she knows all about it , but i used to really like this girl i work with, but i'm kinda over it now cuz i know it's not (and probably shouldn't cuz i'm her "boss") gonna happen, since she's about to get married

JustErin said:

Ottensen said:

"You say that like it's a baaad thing, sista..."

JustErin said:

you deserve a boy who will LOVE you

purplepolitician said:

ZombieKitten said:

As long as he doesn't smother me with too much love!

JustErin said:

I'd smother you with a pillow.

JustErin said:

...and...he must remember to choke you from time to time


(okay I know you're gonna smack me for that but I couldn't help it )

JustErin said:

hasn't happened to me yet thank god