roodboi said:

that's more like it!

i do. kinda. maybe.

sammij said:

I know this is weird but on the rejection part, and that goes back to 5th grade.

Oh, god, yes. But I'm working really hard at making it not a secret. The secret's killing meeeee

heartbeatocean said:

you are only allowed to have 5 e's



so this is what you are having so much trouble communicating?

Goodness gracious, yes. I started a thread about it here: http://prince.org/msg/100/315703

We are now at the point where we sometimes have to work together on some film editing, or he helps my generally computer illiterate ass figure out things on my Mac when I need help. The has brought us 3 times to the "we are sitting close together at the computer and our knees are touching" phase...and I've got him to realize that car and building doors should be opened for me at all times whenever we are walking together (I often hitch rides home from him when we at music rehearsals, parties of mutual friends, or after church service).

This past Sunday was the very first time ever that I casually invited him up for cafe con leche without actually having computer work as a mutually established agenda. He stopped off and picked up Indian food for us to share so I wouldn't feel compelled to cook. He takes his dog everywhere with him, so as usual she was there too. But for whatever reason, this time, when they prepared to leave she refused to go. She planted herself firmly around my legs at the door, and the more I moved inside, the further she would follow me and refused to leave...just glued herself to me while looking at him and smacking me in my leg with her paw .

After several minutes of both of us trying to reason with her, him even getting outside the door and the dog completely ignoring him while looking up at me, smacking my leg, he finally had to come and drag her gently by the collar out of the house. Even once outside the door, she still paused at the stairs. But by this time I was already inside eavesdropping so it wouldn't feel weird.

I like him.

Ottensen said:

matchmaker doggie!

ZombieKitten said:

I like that doggie so much. She's really, really old and feeble (15), and could pass on at any moment. For some reason she likes to cuddle with me, she even recognizes me in public now. I was at a meeting in the church office one night (maybe a month ago) when she suddenly arrived with CrushBoy to pick up some amps and mikes. Everyone else at that meeting table has been there since that church's inception and has known the dog since she was small, but she walked right over to me in mid-sentence and started smacking me with her paw, ignoring everyone else in that room and never left my side. I looked to my rightand lo and behold, I made eye contact with Crushboy. I'm not sure, but I think I almost smiled :-. I have a very bad habit of not acknowledging him with any emotion what.so.ever. at church... but the doggie always brings out my human side,and I'm getting much better at not being so steely with him in public.

Damn, I like him.

Ottensen said:

did you happen to mention that dogs are uncanny about their judgment of character? they know good people when they smell them

No. That's odd. I almost always have a secret crush.

ZombieKitten said:

5 e's

Well, I guess that's the current issue, but it's been a lifelong problem, with a lot of people in my life and general. Not a problem...but I find communication challenging, especially when I feel emotional about something.

After reading Ottensen's thread, I'm going to be more specific and start my own.

Ottensen said:

I'm in a similar fix, Ottensen, and your original thread was amazing. (I'm going to start my own) I'm surprised to see, several months later things have not advanced into full-blown romance.

heartbeatocean said:

I tried to start my own, but then I got bored.

I just wrote a Shakespearean sonnet about my crush.

Ottensen said:

We knew that, months ago, Ottensen.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I just don't know if I can listen to that female alterna-soul 24 hours a day, Supa!

Not really.

heartbeatocean said:

Okay, I was about to come in here and complain that he brought a female to the church concert on Friday...she rides with us for special concerts and I just assumed that they're close enough to the point of having had a special relationship, or maybe they're already in one, I dunno ..then there's the female percussionist in the church band that is wonderfully crunchy granola beautiful and angelic and holistic like she just stepped out of an article from "Real Simple"...I dunno if he sees it, I can tell she has it bad for him .I've seen her attempt to save seats for him at our music workshops (where he always finds a seat for himself away from everybody but we always end up sitting opposite each other face to face).Now she sits next to me so she can face him...last seminar she was sitting next to me shaking so bad she couldn't even peel her orange ...I don't know if it was because she is head over heels with him or if she was terrified of me (I'm little, but unfortunately sometimes I have an odd effect on people in public where they're scared of me. I dunno what that's about ) It was just weird.

Anyhoo, they played together in church today and she next to him,while he usually sits alone. Granted the whole band was sitting together today, but still he really does sit a few seats over from them all by himself usually. She was right there looking so darling next to him...looking like a stock photo woman for museli or multivitamins or aloe vera or alpha hydroxy youth serum . I just gave up my crush fantasy right then and there I'm just at a stage in my life where I can't place desires or expectations on anything or anyone other than myself

After service, I went to the altar to turn in some receipts to the deacon board. when he saw me he didn't just say hi, he leaned to hug me . And for some Godforsaken reason my reaction was to kiss the man on the cheek when he did that. Ummm, we don't greet each other like that. I duuno what the hell was happening there with that I was so embarrassed , I left a lipstick mark on his cheek and rushed to take it away. He was kind of blushing and just said "it's okay"

After lunch, there were a million meetings going on. He was in a band meeting (with percussionist alpha hyroxy crunchy granola girl there) while I had a PR meeting . Then suddenly, while I was going into a catering meeting he took a seat near me to talk on the phone, then, he came to say goodbye to the folks in the catering meeting...then he suddenly gave me a look and said " would you like....?" and and before he could finish I just ignored everyone I was talking to mid-sentence and said

"YES. I'll be ready in 5-10 minutes"




He went to get the dog out of the car and came back into the foyer to wait until I was done with my meeting

We had a very nice ride home with jokes and giggling. It felt easy and nice. I think he'll pass by next weekend after church because it's my birthday weekend, & I'm having a small cake & latte gathering...we talked about it in the car and when we parted, we hugged bye before I got out...but I was so giggly I can't remember if it was a long hug or not.

I like him.

ThreadBare said:

Oh hush, Thready! This 40 going on 14 stuff is.not.cute.

Ottensen said:

Tell him.

heartbeatocean said:

No. One should not eat fruit when it is not yet ripe.

Ottensen said:

I am relating so well to your story except your story sounds FAR more promising than mine.

I am also caught in the middle of "is this happening? is this not happening?" and it's driving me crazy. EVERYTHING you say about your guy shows that he likes you A LOT.

The guy I'm into isn't so obvious and our friendship is hardly so advanced.

But he grabbed my hair with his fist at a party and told me I impress him and that I'm cool.

Ottensen said:

Are you not ready, or are you waiting for him to ripen somehow?

heartbeatocean said:

Honey, part of me wishes like you don't know what that could happen to me...I mean,maybe not at a party but... !!

I guess I never said anything about being a saint so is that wrong?

heartbeatocean said:

I believe everything comes in due time, and I don't know him well enough and vice versa. There is no rush.

Ottensen said:

Why would that be wrong? I'm confused.

Ottensen said:

Okay. I want to get to the heart of this.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time together. You have a common group of friends. You see each other relating in a community context. You share your spiritual life (THAT'S HUGE!) You must be having conversations in the car rides about your personal life, getting to know each other.

I'm not quite sure why you don't overtly date and take that as an opportunity to find out more about each other. Wouldn't it be less painful if your feelings were acknowledged, even without expectation of outcome?

That's a genuine question. Because I'm as lost as you are.

Ottensen said:

Yeah, but after he did that, I felt safe enough to ask him out for lunch and he took a MONTH to get back to me. Maybe he's waiting for the fruit to ripen? What does that mean?

heartbeatocean said:

We don't spend alot of time together, but when we do talk it's usually over cappucino in my house.

Again,there is no rush, and actually there is no pain, it's just a crush, remember;-)

For me,at this stage in my life, it's crucial for me to get to know a person before I actually date them, not the other way around...and besides, more than anything else if given the choice, I could be cool with a platonic friendship vs the rigors of speed dating. I actually like the slow build and the tension and the mystery of what I'm experiencing with him. Locking into dating creates expectations whether we like it or not, because we're human. I much rather enjoy walking around the park together at church with the dog because we're photographing something for my stock photo archive, vs. a oh we have a date, how should we act now- should we go to the park cause I want to find something to please you kinda vibe. At the moment, we feel free and open with each other like two small kids playing in a sandbox. I like that. Again, no rush.

heartbeatocean said:

I was just making a little joke about being grabbed by the hair with a man's fist (you know, during sexy time) and wondering aloud if that were wrong of me to be so into that, particularly since I'm all pious and shit these days