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Thread started 01/13/03 2:50pm

LaVisHh

I would like some serious thoughts and advice.

:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.
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Reply #1 posted 01/13/03 2:53pm

Nothinbutjoy

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Personally, I wouldn't do it LaV. Too much room to become way too complicated for so many different reasons.

You are stronger than that LaV...strike out on your own.

hug n LaV
I'm firmly planted in denial
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Reply #2 posted 01/13/03 2:55pm

rdhull

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Dont do it...unless you ready for some heartache and pain.
"Climb in my fur."
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Reply #3 posted 01/13/03 2:56pm

LaVisHh

Nothinbutjoy said:

Personally, I wouldn't do it LaV. Too much room to become way too complicated for so many different reasons.

You are stronger than that LaV...strike out on your own.

hug n LaV


hug

I am poor. sad

Seriously. I got a major screw job during my last semester when my student loan (the one that was supposed to help me get by for a few months) was reduced from 3500 to 700.

Not to mention nobody wants a newbie programmer. sigh
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Reply #4 posted 01/13/03 2:57pm

IceNine

avatar

LaVisHh said:

:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.


Terrible conflicts and a bad idea.
SUPERJOINT RITUAL - http://www.superjointritual.com
A Lethal Dose of American Hatred
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Reply #5 posted 01/13/03 2:57pm

LaVisHh

rdhull said:

Dont do it...unless you ready for some heartache and pain.


What do you think HE is thinking, any ideas rd?
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Reply #6 posted 01/13/03 2:57pm

sag10

avatar

I think we discussed this situation before...

Live free and indpendently LAV...You will feel like you have conquered the world.

Just remember that nothing is free!

Good Luck, Hun. hug
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown
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Reply #7 posted 01/13/03 2:58pm

LaVisHh

IceNine said:

LaVisHh said:

:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.


Terrible conflicts and a bad idea.



Could you give me some details? This is very important to me, and I really do need advice.
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Reply #8 posted 01/13/03 2:58pm

Therapy

Control issues perhaps? If it is his house. Dependance on another to pay for living expenses, which, may be ok for you, yet can sometimes come as part of a unspoken deal.
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Reply #9 posted 01/13/03 2:58pm

LaVisHh

sag10 said:

I think we discussed this situation before...

Live free and indpendently LAV...You will feel like you have conquered the world.

Just remember that nothing is free!

Good Luck, Hun. hug


Yes, we have. But he is putting major pressure on me and I don't know what to do.
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Reply #10 posted 01/13/03 2:59pm

LaVisHh

Therapy said:

Control issues perhaps? If it is his house. Dependance on another to pay for living expenses, which, may be ok for you, yet can sometimes come as part of a unspoken deal.


We would be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment, currently we live in a 1 bedroom.
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Reply #11 posted 01/13/03 3:00pm

IceNine

avatar

LaVisHh said:

IceNine said:

LaVisHh said:

:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.


Terrible conflicts and a bad idea.



Could you give me some details? This is very important to me, and I really do need advice.


The ex will still exhibit whatever behaviors made him your ex.

The ex might be jealous or possessive of you when you bring dates over or go out on dates.

The ex WILL cramp your style and cut into "you" time.

The ex has some ulterior motive for his offer.

There are many things that can (and will) go wrong with that arrangement unless you and your ex are good friends and have NO tension between you in any way.
SUPERJOINT RITUAL - http://www.superjointritual.com
A Lethal Dose of American Hatred
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Reply #12 posted 01/13/03 3:03pm

Lleena

It's not easy going it alone but perhaps that is the best option.
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Reply #13 posted 01/13/03 3:03pm

rdhull

avatar

LaVisHh said:

rdhull said:

Dont do it...unless you ready for some heartache and pain.


What do you think HE is thinking, any ideas rd?


He wants to help, help his child, but to be a bachelor etc as well ..and if youve had a relationship with this man it will be hard to not have feelings again or feel awkward when he goes out etc...it could be his way of wanting to get back togethe r slowly too who knows..it just does not seem like a good idea since he put certain stipulations on the deal etc.
"Climb in my fur."
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Reply #14 posted 01/13/03 3:03pm

Natsume

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It all depends on what ended the relationship in the first place, Lav. I can't give you my input until I know more, and I know how important my opinion is to you wink
I mean, like, where is the sun?
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Reply #15 posted 01/13/03 3:04pm

Therapy

LaVisHh said:

Therapy said:

Control issues perhaps? If it is his house. Dependance on another to pay for living expenses, which, may be ok for you, yet can sometimes come as part of a unspoken deal.


We would be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment, currently we live in a 1 bedroom.


The surroundings may improve something, yet, I am wondering if that would change what goes on between you?
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Reply #16 posted 01/13/03 3:04pm

LaVisHh

IceNine said:

The ex will still exhibit whatever behaviors made him your ex.

The ex might be jealous or possessive of you when you bring dates over or go out on dates.

The ex WILL cramp your style and cut into "you" time.

The ex has some ulterior motive for his offer.

There are many things that can (and will) go wrong with that arrangement unless you and your ex are good friends and have NO tension between you in any way.


That first point is a biggie. He is my ex by his choice. We still live together, btw. He feels I have too many rules (the biggest is not agreeing with him to date others).

Your last one hits it on the head. sad

We are not good friends, and the tension is constant. It's been just horrible for the past week or so.
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Reply #17 posted 01/13/03 3:04pm

bkw

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Does your ex want you to be near him or just his child?

I can understand him wanting to live with his kid and he should be contributing to his upbringing in any event. Does he still wish to have some control over you? That is the question.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Reply #18 posted 01/13/03 3:05pm

LaVisHh

rdhull said:

LaVisHh said:

rdhull said:

Dont do it...unless you ready for some heartache and pain.


What do you think HE is thinking, any ideas rd?


He wants to help, help his child, but to be a bachelor etc as well ..and if youve had a relationship with this man it will be hard to not have feelings again or feel awkward when he goes out etc...it could be his way of wanting to get back togethe r slowly too who knows..it just does not seem like a good idea since he put certain stipulations on the deal etc.


Yes, rdhull. He wants it all...
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Reply #19 posted 01/13/03 3:05pm

chickengrease

As much as I would love to be that man, I wouldn't do it LaV. The offer of "complete freedom" is something you and your child should not experience in the same household with him.
[This message was edited Mon Jan 13 15:07:16 PST 2003 by chickengrease]
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Reply #20 posted 01/13/03 3:06pm

sag10

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Lav, what does you gut feeling say?
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown
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Reply #21 posted 01/13/03 3:06pm

IceNine

avatar

LaVisHh said:

IceNine said:

The ex will still exhibit whatever behaviors made him your ex.

The ex might be jealous or possessive of you when you bring dates over or go out on dates.

The ex WILL cramp your style and cut into "you" time.

The ex has some ulterior motive for his offer.

There are many things that can (and will) go wrong with that arrangement unless you and your ex are good friends and have NO tension between you in any way.


That first point is a biggie. He is my ex by his choice. We still live together, btw. He feels I have too many rules (the biggest is not agreeing with him to date others).

Your last one hits it on the head. sad

We are not good friends, and the tension is constant. It's been just horrible for the past week or so.


It really is better to go it alone if you can... I know it is hard, but it really is better.

I hope that things work out for you, one way or the other. smile
SUPERJOINT RITUAL - http://www.superjointritual.com
A Lethal Dose of American Hatred
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Reply #22 posted 01/13/03 3:07pm

katt

....
[This message was edited Tue Jan 14 1:36:32 PST 2003 by katt]
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Reply #23 posted 01/13/03 3:07pm

LaVisHh

Natsume said:

It all depends on what ended the relationship in the first place, Lav. I can't give you my input until I know more, and I know how important my opinion is to you wink


We have been together for 9 years. What ended it is he thinks because I have "rules" for our relationship, that I am not the one for him. He said he is still young, and needs his freedom.

We have fought a lot. He doesn't forgive, so anything I have said or done - he has never forgotten, and all of it is each time I have disagreed with him.

I hope I am making sense.
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Reply #24 posted 01/13/03 3:07pm

Revolution

avatar

You may end up feeling like you're a "couple"...that
doesn't sound like that's what you want from him.
Seems inevitable in a live-in situation.

I wouldn't do it unless you see a possible future with him and your child.

Good luck to you!
Thanks for the laughs, arguments and overall enjoyment for the last umpteen years. It's time for me to retire from Prince.org and engage in the real world...lol. Above all, I appreciated the talent Prince. You were one of a kind.
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Reply #25 posted 01/13/03 3:08pm

LaVisHh

Therapy said:

The surroundings may improve something, yet, I am wondering if that would change what goes on between you?



Supposedly, the only thing that will change is we are not going to sleep in the same bed, and will no longer be considered a couple. Not that we have been one...
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Reply #26 posted 01/13/03 3:09pm

00769BAD

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LaVisHh said:

:
If a man were to offer to pay living expenses for you and your child (it's his child), in exchange to live with them (in seperate bedrooms), under the stipulation that they are given complete freedom, would you do it? Do you think it's a cop out for the female?

Do you see any possible conflicts?

I'm currently at a crossroad, and really need some advice. This is a live offer, among other offers, and I need to consider this as well.

disbelief
whut could i pssibly say here that
would be WISE yet not SCATHING???
NOTHING!!!
I AM King BAD a.k.a. BAD,
YOU EITHER WANNA BE ME, OR BE JUST LIKE ME

evilking
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Reply #27 posted 01/13/03 3:09pm

Therapy

Sounds like you both have a clash in what you need from a relationship.
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Reply #28 posted 01/13/03 3:10pm

LaVisHh

bkw said:

Does your ex want you to be near him or just his child?

I can understand him wanting to live with his kid and he should be contributing to his upbringing in any event. Does he still wish to have some control over you? That is the question.


He wants ONLY to be with his child. He doesn't want any control over me. This is his way to still live with her.
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Reply #29 posted 01/13/03 3:10pm

careydevi

LaVisHh said:

Nothinbutjoy said:

Personally, I wouldn't do it LaV. Too much room to become way too complicated for so many different reasons.

You are stronger than that LaV...strike out on your own.

hug n LaV


hug

I am poor. sad

Seriously. I got a major screw job during my last semester when my student loan (the one that was supposed to help me get by for a few months) was reduced from 3500 to 700.

Not to mention nobody wants a newbie programmer. sigh



How old is your child?
Instead of living with your ex-, why not go live with a friend or relative instead?
If you need money and want someone to take care of your child, I think you should live with your spouse. Maybe you'll work out some issues?!!!
Or use his money and board until you finished school and leave.
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