well are they? Why are women putting up with infidelity and abuse? Men don't seem to do this as much.
The media would have us think women want nothing more than to get married and have kids. Many a celebrity woman has hooked up with a dude that makes you go WTF only to split with him in the blink of an eye.

And of coure there's the whole cheating/beating thing and rising divorce rates so....what's up with the ladies? Settling?

Well, from what I've seen, people are desperate period.

I've seen many men stay with a gf or wife that's cheated on them - many.

JustErin said:

But did these men even want to marry these women in the first place? Seems like the women choose the guy that:

1) they would never be faithful too but hey...they want the ring


or


2) who would make a terrible husband and mistreat them but hey...better to be with any man than alone.



Still sounds like desperate females pulling on these reigns.

Definitely ain't settling for any bullshit. It's never happened to me and I've never done it but after 14 years of relationship I am happier without the general bullshit. I know a lot of single women who feel the same. They're independant and manage just fine Though of course there are those who do settle. I think it's for the finances. I couldn't imagine that. Like selling your soul.

DesireeNevermind said:

Ya, man. It definitely goes both ways.

I divorced two husbands who made me unhappy.

My Father has always said if they make you unhappy get rid of them - and so I did.

I have now been with my third husband for 12 years and have never been happier. I got the right one in the end

I will be teaching my children though to never settle for second best - life is too short for that - better to be alone and happy than be in a senseless unhappy marriage.

JustErin said:

people are desperate, but I don't think that's the only reason to forgive cheating. Some people understand that cheating happens for a lot of reasons, not just because the person is a jerk & doesn't care about you (though that can be a reason, too)

Lots of people are in non-exclusive relationships and seem to be able to handle the thought of someone else fucking their guy/girl. Why shouldn't married people be able to handle it (depending on circumstances)?
[Edited 10/30/09 14:38pm]

NDRU said:

agreed. there are all kinds of people who are desperate and all kinds of people who aren't. one factor like that does not make someone desperate.

And there's something to be said for truly loving and accepting someone, faults and all. Now, I'm not advocating that anyone stay in a relationship where someone is taken for granted, or it's unequal in some way or whatever - I'm just saying from an outside persepctive, we don't always know what's going on. And most of the time it's none of our business.

CarrieMpls said:

yes, and when you are with someone for a long time it's just unrealistic that it will only be love. You love and hate a person faults & all. It's a complex experience. Nothing wrong with attempting the pleasant-only option, where you break up the moment something goes wrong, but some folks want the whole range of emotions.

I am not a big believer in the institution of marriage, but they do say "for better and for worse," and I do believe that part of it. It's like life, isn't it?

But it seems to me that most guys have an easier time of sifting through the rubbish to find the jewel. Most women however just seem to take the rubbish.

As for non-exclusive relationships. I get that. What I don't get is why bother getting married then cheat since marriage is supposed to be the epitome of exclusivity in a relationship. Otherwise you're just marrying somebody for financial reasons (another form of settling). If you wanna fuck everybody...then stay single.

Men can be plenty desperate too. A friend of mine is taking back his ex-girlfriend, after breaking up with her after finding out she'd cheated with three different guys over the course of their relationship. So idiotic

I don't believe in tolerating jealousy, cheating, any of that crap. To my knowledge I've never been cheated on, but I'm sure it's possible I was lied to as well.

DesireeNevermind said:

I agree with you here.

Also with me my husband committed adultry and I got rid of him because I knew that I could never forgive his sorry ass and I would never trust him again.

If you have an open marriage - then all of that is discussed and accepted by both parties but if you are going into a marriage with a total commitment to each other I personally cannot accept anything else.

DesireeNevermind said:

It's not that people want to cheat, but after 20 years a couple might end up there, and it might be forgivable.

For instance let's say my GF cheats, but I realize I have been ignoring her for a long time. So I know I'm partly to blame, and it's not surprising that she cheated.

DesireeNevermind said:

Men & women seek different things. I have seen men just gritting their teeth with the emotional issues of their hot GF's. I am not saying the girl is at fault, but from the man's POV they are putting up with some rubbish, too.

NDRU said:

But is the guy not settling for a hot chick who is emotionally unstable? I dunno. This is confusing. Maybe it's a matter of priorities? You make a list of what you want in a mate and rank them by importance. Perhaps instead of waiting for the person who embodies all qualities we take the person who has 2 or 3? I still think women are more prone to settle though and then they bitch about it till the dawn of the next century.

JustErin said:

Exactamundo!

All I know is that I'm tired of meeting assholes that think I SHOULD be (or am) desperate. They are all and that my fat ass has a healthy sense of self esteem.

Men always underestimate the power of an expensive ergonomically correct multi-stream massaging showerhead with an extension hose.

That reminds me of a photograph one of my favorite artists, Gillian Wearing:


From her series "Signs That Say What You Want Them to Say and Not Signs That Say What Other People Want You to Say" Photograph by Gillian Wearing.


There's all sorts of desparation; just because someone lets something happen that you wouldn't doesn't mean they're desparate. Conversely, those you'd least expect may be desparately desparate.


.
[Edited 10/30/09 18:07pm]

jone70 said:

That photo is a perfect example.

DesireeNevermind said:

That's exactly the point, and why I posted it.

paintedlady said:

Isn't that shit irritating?

Then when you turn them down, they call you "ugly". Why tha fuck were you trying to holla at me for then? ;lol:

Vendetta1 said:

Exactly!

Vendetta1 said:

women do this, too. if you end a relationship with them, suddenly you're a broke-ass, no-good lying small-dick loser who comes too fast.

...um, not that i've ever heard that, um...friends have told me about it and, um...

whistle said:

Yeah, I know some chicks do that but I'm talking about before it even gets to relationship status.

Damn I guess men are desperate, too.

Vendetta1 said:

look at you being modest. you know you've got them boys thirsty for it.

whistle said:

I'm a notorious org flirt. Stop before I flirt again.

I echo the 'men are desperate' chime.

'tis true

No relationship is perfect, but some are better than others. Not many people want to be alone.

DesireeNevermind said:

That's why I gave up a long time ago. I ain't hard to look at at all, but I'll be G-damn if I'll settle just to say I have somebody. I'm too old and set in my ways to be doing somersaults for some ungrateful ass. I still say, "I can do bad by my damn self."